You, Plus Me, Equals Three
by Galacticlone
Summary: Two snarky, tall dads struggle to figure out how to raise a tiny firecracker of a smeet while balancing an entire Empire on their shoulders. But, through all the gross drooling, tiny giggles, and messes left in her wake, they still somehow manage to hold it all together. After all, how hard could parenthood be? (Collection of requested RAPR family AU shorts).
1. A Hooman in My Closet!

Hello and thank you for picking up this collection! This is a project I am doing for fun, and** I will be taking requests for little drabbles to post here** concerning a family AU one of my followers, Lucita**,** asked me to write for them! If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them in the reviews, or through PM. Thank you!

Seriously...yall are amazing and I want you to remember that.

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Tiny, cautious feet snuck through corridors and hugged to corners, darting here and there through the silence and not daring to make a peep. Little antennae twitched and shot up in panic at every muted sound, every movement in the dark while wide cherry eyes held back terrified tears. There were monsters here; mouths wide enough to chomp at trembling arms and drag away flailing young bodies to scary lairs deep in the belly of the ship. Fuming eyes observed her savagely through the encroaching shadows as she held her breath, clamping her shaky palms over her mouth to keep from screaming with every horrified step. Just a little more…just a few more feet and she would be safe.

_Safe_.

Her Dad was strong, and her Daddy was brave.

They would keep her safe.

Petite hands reached out for limp antennae and nervous legs wobbled on precarious tiptoes as she looked over the peaceful silhouette breathing gently in the night.

"Daddy?"

Purple scrunched up his face and grumbled something under his breath when he felt something tugging lightly at his antenna followed by an alarmed, hushed squeak. He brushed it off, nodding back off and drifting into the refreshing deep sleep cradling him into the mattress.

"D-Daddy?"

Another tug, this time with a bit more courage, followed by the telltale sounds of soft crying. Purple rolled over and groaned, finally letting his weary eyes flutter open with a fat yawn and a stretch, feeling his partner shift away and take the blankets with him. He blinked a few times as he came to, quickly adjusting to the dark and the wide, frantic eyes of his little daughter staring just inches from his face as she shivered. Sure enough, she had been weeping, her big eyes swollen with liquid fear and her thin lips quivering as she tried to keep as quiet as she could. It didn't work, small whimpers and whines bubbling up in the back of her throat as she tried to lift herself over the edge of the bed, resorting to throwing her arms up and grabbing frantically at Purple's robes when she slipped.

He blinked again, forcing himself to sit with a frown at the terrified smeet below him. "Zil?" He whispered softly, reaching down and grabbing her under the arms as he hoisted her up. "What time is it? You should be in bed."

Zil immediately clung to his waist like glue, burying her face in his robes and bursting into a fit of hot tears. Oh no. Purple hated this part. Not because it was gross or annoying, but because he could never get through to her when she got this worked up. She would cry, drool, and wail herself into submission before collapsing and falling asleep from sheer exhaustion. Most of the time, he would never find out what had been wrong in the first place and she would forget she was even upset by the next morning, bounding about like the happy little flea she was. Unfortunately, this time was different, her terror getting the best of her as she scrambled to curl closer.

"D-Daddy, a _hunan_!"

"A what?"

"A…a…_hooman_!"

Purple winced when Zil stumbled over her words and screeched again, freezing when Red mumbled something vehemently in his sleep and rolled over, grabbing unconsciously for a pillow and throwing it over his antennae to block out the invasive, high-pitched noise. Purple shushed her, prying her off and readjusting his grip before bringing her to his chest. It was so early…why did she have to have a meltdown _now_? Oh well. There was no use in trying to put her back to bed; she would just keep coming back until he fixed whatever fantasy beast she thought she saw in her delusional little smeet brain.

"Alright, freak," He whispered teasingly, forcing himself up, careful not to disturb the ticking time bomb sleeping next to him. "Dad's gotta be on the bridge early, so we have to be really quiet. Ok?"

He brought a finger to his lips with a sleepy smile, urging Zil to do the same and giving a silent sigh of relief when she nodded and mimicked his movements, slinging her short arms around his shoulders as he carried her from the room and into their main living quarters, shutting the door gently behind him before flipping on the light. Man, it really was too early for this.

"Daddy I saw a hooman!" Zil repeated frantically as soon as they were out of antennae-shot of Red, another heavy wave of fat tears threatening to stain her flushed cheeks. "I saw it in my closet!"

Purple thought a minute, running over the bizarre, foreign syllables in his mind as he tenderly rocked her, fighting to stay awake enough to rationalize what she was so worked up about. The kid was a few screws short of a full PAK, yeah, but her hysterical cries sounded remarkably familiar. He'd heard that word before, and he'd heard it recently, but Purple couldn't quite place his finger on what it meant. Hunan? Hooman? He mouthed the words silently to himself a few times, rooting through his PAK translator for anything similar and, surprisingly, finding an answer in an alien language spoken four billion lightyears away. Oh. He wanted to smack himself for being such an idiot when he finally made the connection; Zil meant she saw a _human_ in her closet.

"Oh come on, silly Zilly, there's no human in your closet." He reassured with a long yawn, reaching up with his free hand to try and clean her messy face before she buried back into his shoulder. "Where did you even hear that word?"

Zil sniffed against him, ignoring the question as she shivered. "They come to eat me!" She whimpered pathetically, voice muffled against the soft fabric of his clothes.

Purple shushed her again when he felt tiny tears land against his skin, his instinct to comfort his smeet overriding his need to sleep. "Hey, hey. There're no humans here. They can't hurt you."

"Yes they will! I saw!"

"Saw where?"

Zil looked up briefly and pointed with a short squeak to the screen spanning the far wall before throwing her tiny hands over her crimson eyes in horror. Purple turned, looking over the massive transmitter with a frown. It took a few moments to root through his memories, finally remembering the stupid, low budget horror movie Red had been watching with her a few nights ago. Purple had protested, but his idiot of a partner had brushed it off, saying the content was so cheesy and ridiculous that there would be no way their daughter would take it for fact. Of course, only being 19 cycles old, she thought the terrible, poorly animated humans invading Irk were real, the tacky horror festering in her little mind until it popped and turned into something that was starting to consume her overactive imagination.

Purple narrowed his eyes and made a mental note to have a long, serious talk with his dumbass husband for causing him to lose much needed sleep to fix the disaster he had caused, but right now he had to deal with their petrified smeet. Way to go, Red. He glanced to the side and blinked when he caught sight of Zil's favorite blanket slung over the back of their loveseat, grinning when he finally came up with a solution to get her back in bed and maybe grab a few more hours of shut eye before work.

He gave an overexaggerated gasp, pulling her back from his chest to look her in the eye, amused when her short legs dangled aimlessly in the air. "Oh no! Zilly, you know what?" He breathed in false disbelief. "You're right! There is a human hiding in the ship! He's in your closet _right now!"_

Purple held back a laugh when Zil's eyes widened and her jaw went slack with amazement, hanging on every word he said and taking everything at face value like the adorable, naïve little thing she was. Oh boy, this was going to be good. He walked her over to the loveseat, throwing on a false sense of urgency before plopping her down amongst the cushions.

"It's up to us to get rid of him!" He hissed through the night, watching as Zil crossed her legs and stared up at him with doey, inquisitive eyes. "Do you want me to tell you…" he glanced this way and that before leaning down with a hushed whisper. "…a _secret_?"

"Secret?" She gasped in bewilderment, ready to pop from anticipation.

Purple threw his hands on his hips with a resolute nod. "Oh, yes. This secret is so important that only you, your Dad, and I will know. I have to make sure you're a big girl and can handle it. Are you a big girl?"

Zil leaned forward, scrunching up her face and puffing out her round cheeks as she thought. "Yes!" She blurted out, confidence spiking.

Purple bit his lip as a chuckle slipped past his lips. "You have to promise never to tell anyone. If you do, the ship will _explode_!" He threatened lightly, watching as Zil struggled to hop down from the couch, clenching her tiny fists with a determined rage that always reminded him of Red. "Promise?"

Zil threw her arms in the air with a squeaky war cry, quickly forgetting about her tears and ready to take on the horrible human menace invading her closet. "I promise, Daddy!" She peeped excitedly, hopping a few times when Purple narrowed his eyes playfully as if to make sure she was to be trusted with such sensitive information.

"Hm…Alright. I think I can trust you." He determined, reaching out and snatching Zil's blanket before stooping down to her level. "Did you know you were named after one of the greatest human hunters in Irken history?" He lied naturally, watching her face light up with delight and a wide grin spread over her raw cheeks. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

"Really?!" She cried with a giggle, clutching at his knee when he slung the blanket over her petite shoulders and tied it like he did when they would pretend she was a war hero in their many childish games together.

"Mhm. Your Dad and I knew you would grow up to be tall and strong, but I think you're ready to unlock your powers as the next human hunter of Irk!" Purple poked her in the belly and stood with a grin of his own when she laughed and batted him away. "I'm going to trust you with the most amazing, most powerful human hunting weapon ever." He extended his hand down to hers, leading her across the room to a panel in the wall before punching in his personal unlock code and digging through his and Red's old Elite equipment that they were too sentimental to get rid of.

Zil stood on her toes, trying to steal a peek when Purple finally found what he was looking for, quickly flipping open the panel of his old Elite gauntlet and hastily locking everything dangerous he knew his little daughter wouldn't be able to handle, leaving only the harmless, bright green laser that they would use to guide in airstrikes. Yeah, that would work perfectly.

"What is it?" Zil cocked her head in fascination when he bent down, securing the light device around her wrist with a click and watching as she held her arm out awkwardly to the side at the new shift in weight.

He spun her around and ushered her down the corridor to her room, feeling her petite fingers tighten around his with every step as they neared the fictitious monster that was causing her so much grief. "See that button on the side? Why don't you test it out?" He instructed, gingerly opening the door to her room and lightly pushing her through.

Zil frowned but did as she was told, squinting with a surprised shout when the harmless laser shot out and pierced the dark of her bedroom like a warm knife, illuminating everything it touched with a radiant glow. Zil froze in her tracks, completely transfixed with the magnificence of the secret weapon her father had entrusted her with as she giggled, shining it towards the closet with a tough glimmer in her eye.

"It's a hooman-melty-beam!" She yelled in a matter of fact tone, bouncing eagerly where she stood before haphazardly bracing herself for combat the way she had been shown in Pre-Academy.

"Woah, Zil!" Purple gave a fake awed gasp, feeling a swell of pride in his chest for the beautiful creature itching to go to battle beneath him. "Look at you; you're _so_ scary!"

She was perfect, everything he could have hoped for in a child and so much more. Ever since he and Red had decided to have a smeet of their own naturally, he had hoped for a boy, but quickly changed his mind as soon as Zil came into their lives. It was weird raising a girl, but they managed somehow, teaching her all of the things she would need to know to one day take over as the formidable Tallest of the Empire. She was a chaotic firework, a bizarre combination of their best traits; She had Purple's sensitivity and humor, always poking fun at things and going around to curiously examine dust bunnies on the floor or tug at the hems of the Advisory Team's robes when she was up on the bridge. But, underneath those wide, inquisitive eyes, she had inherited Red's brutal need to fight for what she believed was right, often getting in charming little spats with Rarl Kove and the others when she somehow thought their facts didn't line up, as if she was the smartest Irken alive. She would watch Red scold the navigation and engineering bays, throwing her hands on her hips and repeating his harsh words with the same shrill vehemence, only making their subjects swoon and pretend to salute her out of false fear. Still, she believed she was an unstoppable death machine, and Purple definitely wasn't going to be the one to tell her otherwise. She was _his_ little death machine, and that was the way he liked it.

Purple reached out, rapping on the metal wall with his knuckles and watching as Zil shot to attention with a scream. So indomitable, yet still so gullible.

"Did you hear that?" He mused teasingly. "I think he's still in there!"

Zil's breathing quickened as she inched forward, squeezing her eyes shut and clenching her teeth. "Hooman! I-Imma kill you! Imma hurt you hooman!" She cried unthreateningly, reaching blindly for the door to the closet as she held out her gauntlet in front of her.

Purple scratched at the wall again. "Oh, Zil, I think he's scared. You gonna get him?"

Zil swallowed and gripped at the latch on the door. "Y-Yes! Imma get him…now!" She pushed the door open with a shriek, flying back and aiming her innocent laser into the blackness. "No! No! Die hooman! Die hooman!"

Purple gave a mock cry of terror and scooped her up from the floor with a boisterous shout of his own, rushing into the closet. "Oh no! He's mounting a counterattack!" He chuckled warmly, aiming Zil's wrist at the ceiling as she screamed wildly. "Commander Zil, you have to save us!"

Zil still refused to open her eyes, flailing noisily as she clutched at her father's robes. "I'll save you Daddy!" She wailed in a mixture of terror and unyielding fortitude. "Get out spooky hooman! Get out!"

Purple cleared his throat, dropping his voice a few octaves to a low, pained growl. "Agh! She's too much for me!" He grumbled, trying his best not to burst into lighthearted laughter when Zil gasped at the intrusive sound. "I'm going to leave and go back to Urth forever!"

Zil froze, little chest heaving as she panted from her frantic efforts. Purple reached around the doorframe and clicked on the light as she peeled her eyes open and tentatively glanced around, pushing away when all she saw was her slew of fluffy stuffed toys and gadgets and a few old outfits that didn't fit anymore.

"No more hoomans?" She asked slowly, still unsure as she turned back and placed her palms to the sides of Purple's face. "They all gone?"

Purple grinned back at her, nodding and wincing when she squeezed hard at his cheeks. "Yup, he's gone! I saw it myself!" He pulled her in for a tight squeeze of a hug, leaping from the closet and spinning her around as she giggled uncontrollably. "He was so scared he ran all the way out to space and left for good!"

At the magnificent news of her incredible victory, Zil threw her head back with an untamed roar of triumph, the sound coming out as a mix between a girly titter and an animalistic snarl. What a complete weirdo. Purple stopped at the edge of her plush mattress, counting from three before tossing her playfully down as she shrieked in laughter, hiding her face in her blankets and momentarily blinding him when she accidentally hit him in the eyes with her searing laser.

"What's up with you and your Dad and lasers?" He blinked the dazzling light from his vision and reached down, clicking her gauntlet off and moving her up to the head of the bed before smoothing back her antennae and nuzzling into her forehead with a quick peck of a kiss. "You were so brave." He whispered, pulling her comforter back up when she tried to kick it off. "But now it's time for bed."

"But Daddy! What if the hooman comes back?!" She wailed out suddenly, apprehensions returning in waves and forcing her to slink further under her blankets on instinct.

Purple thought a moment, crossing back to the closet and shutting it halfway, opting to leave the light on just in case she woke back up in the night. "You'll be ready if he ever does." He reassured with a soft smile. "You have a human-melty-beam now, remember?"

Zil looked back to her lap before grinning and nodding excitedly.

"Good. Now, go to sleep. Daddy's tired." Purple yawned and made his way to the door, tugging it open and eyeing his daughter suspiciously. "I don't wanna hear any more noise coming from in here, alright? No jumping on the bed, no getting up for a snack, and no playing space pirate. Clear?"

Zil nodded again, laying back against her airy pillow and shutting her eyes with a mischievous smirk. "Ok. I love you Daddy." She giggled, rolling over and sinking silently into her mattress to, hopefully, sleep the rest of the night.

"Love you too, freak." Purple jabbed back in a way only they could do together, gently shutting the door behind him as he left, slumping lightly against it with a silent sigh.

Finally. Maybe now he could get some much-needed sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a day filled with strong coffee and an awful excess of sugar if he was going to stay awake and not pass out on the bridge or power nap over lunch. Nights like these had become a weekly norm in the past 19 cycles and, honestly, Purple could say he oddly didn't mind. He and Red took turns, battling ghosts and foreign intruders, Academy anxieties and bullies, mounting insecurities and tummy aches. That was just part of it; they both knew what they were signing up for. The rest of the Empire didn't get it, opting to donate DNA to Smeeteries and leave their unknown young to the underground to be pumped full of military knowledge splayed over a cold screen. It was efficient, and Purple knew that, but there was something about it he couldn't bring himself to do. As soon as he had heard about the natural smeet movement from the Control Brains, he was completely smitten, immediately excited to shut off the breeding blockers in his PAK and have one of his own. Thank Irk Red had been enthusiastic, too.

He battled with another yawn, stopping it halfway as he trudged through their living quarters, flicking off lights as he went and throwing open the door to his room without bothering to close it. He felt his way around in the dark, finally bumping into the hard edge of his mattress box with a hot curse before gently sliding back into bed next to his silent lover. Almost immediately, Red rolled over to meet him, wrapping his arms tenderly around Purple's waist and drawing him in close with a contented sigh.

"What did she need?" He mumbled breathily to the back of his partner's neck.

Purple blinked, running his hands over Red's with a frown. "Woah, woah, woah. Were you up this whole time? And you didn't help me?" He hissed through the blackness, feeling a warm chuckle hit his skin.

"Would you be mad if I said yes?"

Purple rolled his eyes, letting them flutter shut with a short, irritated huff. "Ugh, no. But the next time you show her stupid horror movies, she's your problem." He paused, mindlessly tracing his partner's long fingers. "I gave her one of my old gauntlets. If she tells you she's a human hunter just play along."

Red nodded, slowly dozing off at the comforting presence of Purple's temperate body heat. "Geez, our kid is such a freak." He chuckled lightly.

Purple smiled. "Yeah, but she's our freak."


	2. Purple's List, Red's Plight

Requested piece from **anonymous guest** who just posted. Yay! This one made me chuckle. Thanks for the speedy request my lovely!

Thank you **RandomDragon2.0** for following and adding this collection to your favorite's list! You rock boo!

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Before Purple left for his bi-yearly evaluation with the Control Brains, he had left a list, and Red wasn't happy about it. Zil's Pre-Academy was closed for the week because of a catastrophe involving a frozen burrito and a little too much magnesium, setting the whole thing ablaze and forcing a small handful of natural-smeet parents to reluctantly watch their children for the next few days. Just Red's luck.

Usually, it was Purple who did all the dirty work when Zil tagged along, packing her snacks and her transmitter to keep her entertained and wiping her mouth when she spilled crumbs down her robes. He knew how to wrangle her into her tiny uniform when she fought and was surprisingly patient when she decided to throw tantrums, effortlessly scolding her into submission. It wasn't like Red couldn't do it. He had and he would, but he didn't like doing it at _work_. There was too much to do already, and having tiny feet and hands roaming around the bridge and messing up the flow of his desk in his office was not something he was looking forward to dealing with. He glanced back to the list, curling his lip as he ticked off each of the things Purple had passive-aggressively demanded he do in his absence;

"Red, I know how you get so I made you a list. If I get back and these aren't done, I'm going to murder you in your sleep.

1) Get Zil dressed.

2) Heat up breakfast. Leftover waffles in the fridge.

3) Pack lunch and snacks.

4) Meet with General Gor.

5) Make sure Zil eats lunch.

6) Give Zil a bath.

I'll be back around 6. Don't disappoint me. Love you; Purple."

Red grumbled to himself and folded up the list, stuffing it behind the screen protector of his personal transmitter so he wouldn't lose it. If he messed this up, Purple would lose his mind when he got back, and Red wasn't about to go through the whole 'irresponsibility' conversation again. He shot up when a powerful screech resounded down the corridor, Zil shooting down the hall in her nightgown and leaping forward to cling to Red's leg against his will, nearly throwing off his balance.

"Good morning to you too." He mumbled unenthusiastically, trying to shoo her off but giving up when she held tight.

"I got you!" She wailed excitedly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and beaming up at him with a victory smile. "I got you Dad! Look! See?"

He flashed her a cheesy smile back. Oh boy. After 19 cycles of putting up with her ridiculous front, this should be easy, but Red already knew it was going to be one hell of a day.

**1) Get Zil Dressed**

"Don't argue with me, young lady. You need to put it on." Red ordered, narrowing his eyes when his daughter crossed her arms over her chest and flattened her antennae in defiance before shaking her head.

"No! I wanna wear my pajamas!" She pouted, flopping back on her bed and screeching when he grabbed her around the waist and struggled to tug off her nightgown as she squirmed. "Dad, no!"

"Yes." Red grumbled, pinning her under his palm when she flailed and reaching for her formal armor. "It's tradition. When you're older you'll learn to appreciate it."

"No! I don't like it!" Zil yelled out again, wiggling free and rolling off the edge of the bed, shooting off like a rocket but tripping over her own clumsy feet and smacking face first into the ground with a thud, breaking out in a round of frantic crying at the painful sting in her cheek.

Red wanted to scream and rip his antennae out. It wasn't even nine in the morning and she was already bawling on the floor like the insolent menace she could be sometimes. He loved her, but occasionally her high-pitched, droning voice reminded him too much of Purple when he was younger. It grated on Red's nerves back then and it still did now, pushing him dangerously close to the edge.

He scooped up his, now blubbering, daughter from the floor and set her back up on the bed, taking the opportunity to quickly dress her and hook her tiny breastplate in place before shoving on her boots and pulling her to her feet. Finally. He would never understand what was so hard about getting dressed. Not surprisingly, as soon as her heels hit the ground, she forgot why she was crying and took off again, leaving Red behind in the dust to wonder why he and Purple decided to have a hellion of their own in the first place. Irk help him.

**2) Heat up breakfast.**

"Eat your breakfast, baby." Red mumbled under his breath, every so often glancing up from his reader to make sure she wasn't covered head to toe in syrup. "Dad's gotta work soon, so finish up."

He watched in growing amusement as Zil stabbed at her food and stuck out her tongue, attempting to shove an entire warm waffle in her tiny mouth and failing terribly. Red reached out and took a sip of his coffee before pushing the mug aside and setting his reader down on the table, moving forward as she struggled to do the same thing without learning.

"Geez, idiot," he scolded lovingly, taking her fork from her hand and helping her cut her breakfast into manageable, bite-sized pieces. "You can't just shove it all in your mouth."

"But Daddy does." Zil pointed out, snatching the fork back and munching away on her fluffy waffle with a toothy grin and a giggle, spilling gooey syrup down the front of her once immaculate breastplate.

"Well you're not Daddy, are you?" Red chuckled, wiping the sticky substance from her outfit and returning to his coffee, blinking in surprise when Zil threw her hands up on the table.

She pointed at his mug and made a frantic grabbing motion, stretching as far as her little arms would let her before she began to whine expectantly.

Red merely watched her, knowing what she wanted but refusing to acknowledge her childish noises. "Excuse me? If you want something you have to use your words." He instructed, eyeing her closely when she swallowed the food in her mouth and sat back down, thinking hard about what she wanted to say.

"Can I try, please?" She asked politely, pointing again to Red's mug with wide eyes.

Every time he or Purple was eating or drinking something, she had to have her greedy little hands in it. It was a bad habit she had picked up in the last cycle or two, almost like an instinctual need to put her mouth on everything to explore. At least this time it was edible.

"You won't like this, Zil."

"Dad, I wanna try!"

"Fine, but I warned you."

Red drug her chair forward when she bounced excitedly, pushing herself up on her knees and leaning over the top of the table when he brought his warm mug to her lips and helped her take a sip. Almost immediately she shrunk back and scrunched up her face shaking her head wildly as she forced herself to swallow. Red nearly lost himself laughing when she wiped her mouth on the back of her sleeve, trying to get rid of the bitter taste.

"Ew!" She cried vehemently, plopping back down and returning to the sugary sweetness of her breakfast. "That's yucky! You're yucky, Dad!"

Red shrugged in entertainment, taking up his reader again and leisurely waiting for her to finish with a smirk. "Hey, I warned you."

**3) Pack lunch and snacks.**

"I want that one!" Zil piped up, reaching for a box of designer chocolates Purple had been saving from their recent trip to Vort, struggling to tear it open as Red fumbled to prepare her lunch.

"Hey, you can have _one_ for later. Daddy will be sad if you take the whole box without his permission." He warned, finally snapping the lid to their takeout container shut. He thought a moment, remembering how Purple had dug through his personal stash of toaster pastries the night before and eaten the last one without him knowing. "On second thought, Daddy took all my food last night so yeah, you can have the whole box."

Zil held the box high above her head with a tiny giggle as though she had just completed a successful conquest on a foreign planet, matching Red's brutal, devious smile as he finished packing her sandwich and a few boxes of juice for later.

Karma was so sweet when you had someone to share it with.

**4) Meet with General Gor. **

Red ran his trained gaze over the massive monitors of their war room, studying each statistic and battle plan with equal scrutiny before turning back to his heavily decorated general. He looked him over impatiently, quickly noticing when his distracted attention kept flittering to the tiny smeet beaming in his lap.

"Forgive me, sir, as I was saying, the Guarven people have managed to overtake an Irken supply vessel in the Meekrobian star system and we must take immediate action to retaliate before they gain a political foothold in the area." General Gor explained hastily, relaxing a bit when Red nodded along with his words slowly. "Unfortunately, three hostages have been taken under-"

"Watssa Gar-ven?" Zil piped up inquisitively, cutting the general off and glancing up at her intent father. "Dad, watssa Gar-ven?" She repeated, breaking Red out of his intense thought process and dragging him back to the present.

Red shushed her, reaching out and passing her a cookie from the table spread before him in hopes of keeping her distracted as he continued to stare up at the blinding array of flashing monitors, running over his options of retaliation.

"I want a small fleet of five Spittle Runners sent to the area to run recon. As soon as they sweep the ship and report back with their findings, I expect Imperial Fleet One to be sent to the scene to blow these Guarven bastards out of the galaxy." He ordered, satisfied when the general immediately completed with a curt nod.

"Yes, my Tallest, I will begin preparations for-"

"Blow these Gar-ven bastards!" Zil cried out heatedly, mimicking her father's tone as she jabbed a tiny forefinger up at the image of one of their enemies flashing upon the screen, motioning for the general to do something. "Gar-ven bastards!"

"No!" Red and the general cried out simultaneously, sharing a look of panicked terror at the racy language flowing from something so petite and small.

"No, no, no!" Red chuckled anxiously, hastily spinning her around on his knee and glancing to the side. "That's not appropriate for little smeets to say. And we _definitely_ don't say that around Daddy, alright?"

If Purple knew something so dastardly and immoral had come out of their young daughter's mouth, he would physically pummel Red into oblivion and keep on his case for days about how terrible of a father he was. Red shuddered at the idea of his husband coming home and immediately hearing all of the gut-wrenching words Zil had picked up from him and watching those usually light amethyst eyes turn to something horrifically dark and sinister. He took a deep breath, recollecting himself from the terrifying scene playing on a cruel loop in his mind.

"Gar-ven bastards!" Zil laughed again, popping the rest of her cookie in her mouth when Red winced.

"Look, kid, I'll tell you what." He grumbled, leaning down in her face when she flashed him a cheesy grin. "If you stop saying that word, I'll get you a pizza at the mess hall for lunch instead of the sandwich Daddy wanted you to have. Deal?"

Zil's eyes lit up and she nearly burst from excitement, holding back a scream and nodding wildly instead when Red rolled his eyes and stood, balancing her on his arm as he turned on his heel to leave, embarrassed at having to appear so soft in a place so callous.

The general cringed back when Zil stuck out her tongue over her father's shoulder with a tiny wave. "You're brave, my Tallest." He mumbled despondently. "So…_so_ very brave."

"Yeah, yeah. Just be happy a robot is raising your DNA fifty miles under the surface."

**5) Make sure Zil eats lunch.**

Red reluctantly held to his promise, ordering Zil a greasy pizza she definitely didn't need and repeatedly asking her to promise to keep it a secret between the two of them. When she agreed on impulse, mouth watering feverishly, Red finally let himself relax and watched her dig ravenously into the fattening meal he had been half-forced to buy. While she ate, he pulled the list back out and read it over a few more times, willing the Control Brains to finish with his partner and send him back without a fuss. It wasn't like he didn't enjoy spending quality time with his daughter; he just didn't feel complete without Purple by his side, as though a piece of him had been stripped away and was lingering millions of miles away. It was strange and cold, Zil's curious, sweet face the only firm reminder of Red's boisterous, fun-loving partner and a welcome comfort in a sea of Irken trainees and advisors he despised.

Red blinked when someone pulled out a chair at the adjacent table, looking up with a sneer when he recognized who it was. It was one of the new navigators who's name he could never remember and didn't care to. She was such a brown nose, always digging into his business and trying to win his favor with disgusting bribes and overbearing compliments that screamed out her pathetic status as a ladder-climber. She too was a natural-smeet parent and her less than superior, incredibly short son had always been a thorn in Red's side when he would pick fights with Zil at her Pre-Academy. Ugh. Of course they would be here, and Red was not in the mood for her nonsense.

"Good afternoon, my Tallest!" The chipper navigator piped up with a saccharine kindness that almost made Red nauseous. "I see you have little Zilly with you!"

Red refused to even glance in her direction, watching when Zil shifted nervously in her seat at the sight of her bully staring her down. "Where else would she be?" He replied shortly, hoping she would get the point and leave. "And don't call her that. Only my partner calls her that."

Unfortunately, that must have been too simple for her civilian mind to comprehend. "Oh, boy, aren't you a cute little smeet! You'll make such a darling Tallest someday!" The navigator cooed, ignoring Red's bristling threats and neglecting to notice her chubby son hop down from his seat and dash forward.

He reached out with a conniving grin, smacking Zil hard on the arm and earning a pained squeak from her mouth. Red immediately felt his rage boil over, pushing up from his seat and looming over the now horrified navigator, narrowing his crimson eyes and opening his mouth to bark out his displeasure before feeling it die on his lips when Zil shot out of her seat and tackled the unsuspecting smeet to the ground, assaulting him with a barrage of tiny, open handed smacks. She yelled and clawed, forcing him under her domineering stare as she sat on his chest and tugged ruthlessly at his antennae, drawing a slew of wounded yelps from his mouth. Red flew down and grabbed her around the waist, prying her off her target with a bit of force, holding her out as she flailed in the air.

"Lemme hit him, Dad!" She screamed, earning a few sideways glances from a group of pilots eating on their lunch break. "He's not nice! I wanna show him how tough I am!"

The navigator scooped up her now weeping son from the ground, showing surprising audacity and shooting Red a look. "Forgive me, my Tallest, but your terror of a smeet just assaulted my son!" She cried, an bold hint of anger to her tone.

Red slung Zil under his arm and stalked forward, clenching his jaw as his blood pressure spiked. "Excuse me? You're bastard smeet hit _my_ daughter and now you have the nerve to challenge my authority? You better be happy my husband isn't here to see this because he wouldn't be as nice as I am." He growled out, watching as the navigator cowered down, gently rocking her battered son as he clung to her arm. "It's not my fault if he wants to pick a fight with someone two times his size. I should have let her keep going to teach him a valuable lesson about how hierarchy actually works!"

"Gar-ven bastard!" Zil piped up hotly, immediately hushing with a thick swallow when Red glared down at her.

The navigator went to stutter out a hasty, under planned apology, but Red wasn't having any of her pathetic games. He caught sight of Rarl Kove from afar and motioned him over with a snap, watching as he scrambled feverishly to make his way through the crowd and stumbled to his leader's side.

"Get this civilian filth off of my ship and transfer her out of the fleet." He demanded, repositioning himself politely in his seat before dusting Zil off and helping her into hers. "I want her out of my sight and away from my smeet."

The navigator gave a terrified gasp as Rarl Kove wordlessly complied, grabbing her by the wrist and dragging her on in stunned silence to the other end of the mess hall and out the door, the sounds of her wailing son slowly fading into the distance.

"I-I'm sorry." Zil whimpered as soon as they were gone, staring down at her lap and refusing to meet her father's softening gaze. "But…he's scary! He's scary at school too! He pinches me at lunch and pushes me down and I don't like it!"

Red swallowed, leaning forward slightly and fishing for more information. "Is that the one that bothers you all the time?" He asked, surprised by the gentleness of his own voice.

When Zil gave a tiny nod and sniffed, he laughed loud enough for the surrounding crowd to hear, amused when her eyes snapped up in disbelief. "Am I in trouble?" She asked slowly, confused and bewildered by the unexpected reaction.

"No, I'm honestly impressed. But this is another secret we need to keep from Daddy." Red reached out and rubbed at her shoulder with a smile. "I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. But," he added, "if I ever hear that it was you who threw the first punch, I'll have to kill you myself."

Zil giggled at the amorous warning, returning to her pizza and scrutinizing which cheesy piece she wanted to stuff herself with next. "We have lots of secrets from Daddy now."

Red sighed and ran a cool hand up over his antennae as he thought. "Yeah…let's try not to have any more, alright?"

"Ok."

**6) Give Zil a bath.**

The rest of the day droned on as usual, Red actually getting a considerable chunk of work done. Zil was passed around the bridge, making her way through the entire navigation staff to the communications deck and asking hushed questions as they poured over screens and fed her small bites of soft candy and sips of smoothies, patiently answering each and every one. Surprisingly, Red had noticed that they actually enjoyed having her around, bouncing her on knees and giving her pens to color with or letting her listen to static ridden headsets. She had always taken well to the bridge, and that made Red incredibly happy for her future prospects as Tallest. As soon as she was ready to rise through the ranks after training and command her own fleet in the Armada, she would fell right at home. Her intelligence and aptitude for technology would serve her well, but her temper would have to dial back a few notches. Red smirked to himself when he watched her reach up and tug at the main communication officer's visor, giggling when she pulled it off but it found it was far too big for her petite face. But, for now at least, she was content to poke at jumbles of wires and let the team guide her tiny fingers over screens. She still had a long while to go before he was ready to let her see the horrors of combat.

When it was time for a shift change and General Gor took temporary command of the bridge, Red nodded him on and scooped up his daughter, slinging her under his arm like luggage as he usually did. She didn't mind, succumbing to her fate with a rowdy smile the entire way back to their private quarters. As soon as they made their way inside and Red was able to look her over in more detail, he sneered at how absolutely filthy she was.

She was covered in a generous layer of dust from hiding under desks and the front of her orange robes was sticky with something she had undoubtedly slogged through somewhere. Her face was also a total mess, cookie crumbs and stray pizza sauce dotting here and there. This was the only thing Red hated about being a father; smeets were _disgusting_. Zil got better as she got older, but she was still as messy as Purple, refusing to pick up after herself like he did and following his lead when he left old food wrappers around purely to drive Red up the wall.

"Alright, your Daddy says you have to take a bath tonight and Dad's not gonna get his butt kicked because you're gross." Red began, stooping to unhook her grimy breastplate and slinging it over his shoulder as he set to work unclasping her robes.

"Can I have bubbles?" Zil asked, kicking herself free from her clothes and padding barefoot after her father to their cleansing room. "I want lots of bubbles."

Red worked open the hatch and ushered her through, throwing her messy uniform to the ground and crossing to the wide cleansing pool set deep in the floor. "No, just bromine tonight, kiddo." He said firmly, flipping on the faucet and running his fingers under the rust colored liquid, satisfied when it burned just right. Sometimes he told her no just for the sake of getting her used to rejection, but she wasn't having any of it.

Zil frowned and puffed out her cheeks, eyeing the bath and jutting out her lip in a steadily growing pout. "But I don't wanna take a bath without bubbles." She flicked her antennae forward, staring Red down as if to challenge him to scold her. "I want pink bubbles. No…I want blue bubbles…no….I want pink!"

Red blinked when she opened up a bizarre argument with herself, going around and around with her own mind before wading forward without warning and splashing into the warm crimson liquid, submerging herself completely and popping back up with a cough and a tiny laugh.

"Bubbles, Dad!"

"No. All you'll do is get them everywhere."

"Please?"

"No."

"_Please?"_

"No."

"_PLEASE?!"_

Red raked a hand down the side of his face and tried to hold himself together, unintentionally fuming at the smug face beaming up at him from below, wide eyes burning deep into his chest and digging at his patience. He was the parent. She was the smeet. For some reason, she could never seem to wrap her mind around the laws of hierarchy, going to battle with him in any way she could. She never pulled this brave attitude with Purple, knowing full well he wouldn't bend to her wills like Red would. Ugh. Why did she have to be so cute? Was he really that easy to manipulate?

"Will you shut up if I put the pink one in?" He grumbled hotly under his breath, narrowing his eyes when she nodded and kicked off the wall of the cleansing pool, drifting a bit when he reached for the bottle and measured it out, irritated with himself for being so effortlessly persuaded by someone not even half his height.

As soon as Zil was satisfied and finally settling down to clean herself, Red turned to leave but she called out again from amidst her sea of fluffy goodness. "Wait! Daddy always takes one with me!" She complained with a whine.

Red blinked with a light frown, thinking a minute before shrugging and moving to unclasp his breastplate. "Fine. I don't trust you to get clean anyway."

* * *

Purple gave a fat yawn and trudged halfheartedly through the hatch into his main living quarters, overcome by the familiar smells and wanting nothing more than to sink down on the loveseat next to Red and forget for the rest of the night. Fortunately, he had been cleared for another five cycles by the Control Brains to continue his reign, his health still in tip-top shape and his PAK status near perfect. At least he wouldn't have to go back for a while.

He pulled the hatch shut behind him and frowned at how unnervingly quiet everything seemed. "Red? I'm back!" He called, glancing down at his gauntlet for the time. It was late. He should have brought Zil home already.

Purple felt his antennae twitch when the ghost of a giggle followed by a loud splash overtook his senses, drawing him on like a scavenger hunt to the door of the cleansing room. He held his breath and slowly pushed it open, afraid of what horrors would be awaiting him blinking when he caught sight of his tiny daughter resurfacing from under her bromine bath with a shout, splashing violently in Red's direction like a vehement little beast as he shielded himself and dunked her back under the surface before she could laugh. He immediately let go, letting her pop back to the surface with a quick cough before she went after him directly, forcing a chuckle out of him as she struggled to grab his antennae and drag him down with her.

"So, I'm assuming you had fun with Dad today?" Purple spoke up, clearing his throat.

Red's gaze immediately snapped up this partner's, freezing before flashing him a toothy grin. "Hey, you're back!" He exclaimed, prying Zil off and moving to the side of the pool to sling his arms over the edge as she continued her frenzied assault. "How'd it go? Were they as bad as last time?"

Purple shrugged, overcome by how adorable his usually stoic partner looked flush from the heat with a tiny smeet hanging off of him like velcro. "Well I'm not dead, so I guess it went alright." He gestured to the chaotic mess transpiring in front of him as he held back a laugh. "So…um…what's going on here?"

"I'm teaching Dad how we fight in the bath because he didn't know how!" Zil screamed, rushing back forward and colliding hard with Red's side, trying to knock him off the edge of the pool with as much force as she could muster, huffing when he didn't budge. "I'm winning, Daddy!"

Red rolled his eyes with a sly smile. "She's winning, Pur." He agreed sarcastically, grabbing her by the shoulder and forcing her back under the liquid as she cried out in sudden surprise. He took the opportunity to blow his partner a quick kiss away from prying young eyes, happy when Purple crossed his arms and returned it.

Purple kicked off his boots, crossing to the hot pool and pulling up his robes before settling down and dangling his feet into the soothing heat. Man, he needed this after hours of running non-stop. "So, Zilly, what did you and Dad do today?" He asked, eyeing Red closely when he swallowed. "Did you follow my list?"

Zil took a mouthful of bromine and spat it in the opposite direction before piping up. "Uh, huh! Dad and I had lots of fun!" She thought a moment, remembering everything she did with pride. "I had a pizza for lunch and got in a fight!"

"Oh, did you?" Purple grumbled sweetly, turning his attention back on Red as he tried to splash in their daughter's direction and shut her up. "What happened to the sandwich I told Dad to make? And what fight?"

"Her Pre-Academy bully. I took care of it." Red mumbled, wincing when Purple shot him a silencing look.

Zil ignored Red's plight, blinking and letting her childlike innocence get the best of her as her impish need to be honest with came out. Red wanted to curse her for being a Daddy's girl. "Dad told me I could have a pizza if I stopped saying a new word I learned!" She giggled enthusiastically.

"Oh, yeah!" Red chimed in again with a nervous laugh, stepping between the two and shooting his oblivious smeet a warning glare. "You know, I though it would be good to teach her some things in the war room and prepare her for when she would have to call land strikes for herself." He waved a hand flippantly when Purple's smile twitched. "It's just basic stuff."

"Daddy wanna hear?" Zil bounded to the edge of the pool and took a deep breath.

"No, no, no!" Red cried out in panic, quickly reeling himself back in. "Daddy just got back to the ship. Let's let him rest for a while, baby."

Purple stared him down, a fire lighting behind his deep violet lenses. "No, I think I'd like to hear it." He mused slowly, enjoying the horrible torture he was putting his desperate husband through. "Why don't you tell me what your Dad taught you?"

"Gar-ven bastards!"

Zil looked ready to burst with excitement, throwing back her head and letting lose the damming words that crushed Red into submission and forced Purple's furious gaze to eat away at him like a slew of acidic chemicals peeling him back in layers and causing him to clench his teeth. He was definitely sleeping on the couch tonight.

Purple took a deep breath and reached down, patting her on the top of the head. "That's a bad word, Zilly. We don't say that, alright?" He instructed firmly but softly, watching as she shrugged and nodded, forgetting the word completely.

As she chased tiny bubbles skimming the surface of her warm bath, Purple turned his attention back his husband with a disappointed glower, working off his gauntlets and setting them to the side. "Really? I'm gone for a day and she's already talking like the mechanics downstairs?" He hissed with a hot sigh. "You're unbelievable. You have to be more careful with stuff like that!"

Red glanced to the side, feeling his nerves calm when Purple slipped out of his armor and joined them both completely in the bath, pressing his shoulder to his partner's and releasing his tension to the weight of the liquid suspending them both.

Red allowed himself a small smile and planted a soft kiss to his cheek, feeling him return the feeling with a grin. "Does this mean you forgive me?"

"No. I'm still mad, you dumbass."

"Daddy, what's dumbass mean?"

"…Great...Just great."


	3. The Smeet Who Cried Uncle

**Chapter Requested by:** Heidi0989

**Comment Request:** "Please do a chapter where Zil breaks something and Red and Purple have to find a way to get her to admit to it."

**Author Comment(s):** I feel like this fits the destructive nature of this wild little gal perfectly, but I tried to interpret it a little differently. Here you go, love!

**ALSO:** Welcome **kiyoko kotomi** and **asdfq8278** to the follow family! Also thank you to **kiyoko kotomi **for adding this collection to your favorites! Both of you lovelies rock!

* * *

The power to the Massive had been down for over two hours and it was beginning to drive Purple up the wall. All he could do was lounge around in his command chair and click his claws incessantly over the smooth metal of his gauntlets while he watched engineers and mechanics run about in absolute terror, flailing tools and donning heavy goggles as they hunted tirelessly for the problem. Red had ventured below deck to examine the power core for himself when he wasn't satisfied with the faulty reports they had been given, insisting that there had to be something seriously wrong with their plasma conversion technology for the entire ship to be taken out of commission. They were in a dangerous spot, stuck in the void of deep space with no way of contacting Irk in the event of a rebel strike, and with no way to mount a counterattack without adequate power.

"Look, Daddy!" Zil reached up from the floor from wherever she had been roaming with a grin. "Uncle gave me a new baby!"

Purple blinked at the strange word he didn't recognize, glancing down and narrowing his eyes through the dark at the peculiar doll clutched in her tiny hands. Uncle? It wasn't one he remembered buying for her and there was no way Red would have ever given her something so…_ugly_. He ran the doll over in his hands, quickly growing unnerved at it's odd face and dark button eyes staring back at him as his daughter giggled. What bothered him the most were the two curled horns poking up from the little doll's head and the sharp toothed smile Zil had smeared with candy pink lipstick.

Vortian. The doll was Vortian.

"Zilly, who gave this to you?" Purple bent down when she snatched it back, toying with the hem of the doll's bright yellow sundress.

"Uncle." She repeated warmly, pushing herself up when Red strained to pry the main hatch to the bridge open through the lack of electricity, finally working the squeaking door aside as an entourage of franticly chattering mechanics trailed behind him and bombarded him with questions he chose to ignore. "Dad, look! I named her Baby!"

Red didn't pay attention, crossing straight to his seat and throwing himself down after shooing the team away. "That's nice, honey." He mumbled, quickly pulling out his personal transmitter and running through seemingly infinite lines of code. "Someone's jamming us, Pur. They're emitting a signal from somewhere aboard the Massive to take the entire ship offline and I can't find-"

"Red, did you buy that ugly thing for her?" Purple asked, abruptly cutting him off and nodding down to the doll.

Red didn't seem in the mood, sweeping through numbers line after line with his usual logical scrutiny. "Huh? Buy what?" He piped back up, finally turning his attention to the strange Vortian girl his daughter was innocently playing with. "Wait, is that thing _Vortian_?" He bent down, reaching for the toy but Zil tugged it away and hugged it to her chest with an agitated frown.

"No. She's _my_ baby, Dad." She cried ardently, cradling the bizarre thing as if it were a smeet of her own before reaching up and stroking her plush horns with a tiny smile. "Uncle told me if I was quiet and didn't tell you I could keep her!"

Red glanced back to his partner in uneasy apprehension before returning to his confusing smeet with a false grin. "Zil, who is this Uncle you're talking about?" He pried sweetly, reaching down and hoisting her up to his lap as she clutched her doll protectively.

Zil still seemed concerned, eyeing Red suspiciously as if he was going to take away the new object of her affections, reaching out with her free hand for Purple who immediately shot a smug smirk in his partner's direction when he pulled her over. Wrenching information out of her was going to be more difficult than they thought. She reclined loosely against his chest, crossing her legs and holding the disgusting doll up for him to see clearly.

"Baby wants a kiss from Daddy!" She half-demanded when he held back a sneer at the sight of his putrid enemy so close.

"Well, Zilly, I can't give Baby a kiss until you tell me where she came from." Purple explained in a simple way she could understand, keeping his patience level and hoping he could gently prompt her to be honest. "Can you tell Dad who Uncle is?"

Zil thought long and hard for a moment before nodding wildly and pointing out at the gargantuan window spanning the length of the bridge. "Uncle comes from space!" She proclaimed proudly, stopping a few hectic engineers in their tracks. "He came in a little ship!"

"Space?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Do you remember what his ship looked like?"

"Um…gray. And really small with poky bits on the front."

Red scrunched up his face in confusion. "Where…? Where did you meet him?" He asked as casually as he could muster, worries growing and uncomfortable that some potentially dangerous stranger had almost taken advantage of his tiny, defenseless daughter.

"He gave me Baby in a box downstairs." Zil replied in her matter-of-fact, big girl voice with a sudden giggle, squeezing the doll affectionately and nearly popping it at the seams. "He was really nice and he talked funny like the people on Dad's tv show!"

So, she met him in the docking bay when he arrived in a small grey ship. Red wasn't sure what the 'poky bits' on the front could be; maybe heavy cannons or cone communication systems. He had access to old Vortian toys and products that were no longer in production and he spoke with an accent like the actors on one of Red's favorite sitcoms. Wait….an accent?

A sudden realization came back over Red and he took a deep breath, trying to mask his urgency so as to not frighten Zil where she beamed, proud of her sharp memory. "What did he look like, honey?" He pointed at her toy. "Did he look like your doll?"

Purple quickly caught on with a blink, mouthing silently for Red to pass him the transmitter, opening up and scrolling through an unknown database for a few moments before showing Zil a picture he hoped wouldn't be the mystery character she was talking about. "Is this Uncle?" He asked, clenching his teeth and hoping for a no.

Zil looked up to the image, eyes going wide with bubbly excitement when she immediately recognized the wiry grin and yellow goggles of the Vortian terrorist splayed over the bright screen. "Yeah! That's Uncle!" She laughed out, struggling to hop down from her father's lap and continue her hushed playtime with her new friend. "But he's gone now. He told me to keep Baby safe because he had to go home."

Red snatched the device back, feeling his rage spike when his thoughts were confirmed. It was Lard Nar, the leader of the most formidable resistance against the Irken Empire in their immediate star system. He turned back to Purple who shared his bristling concerns.

"You mean to tell me this guy was on _my_ ship and gave _my_ daughter that _thing_?" Red growled, quickly reeling himself back with a deep inhale when Purple brushed his hand over his. "Gor!" He barked out instead.

General Gor shouted from somewhere in the dark, popping up from a tangle of wires he had been scrutinizing under the communication's panel. "Ah! Yes, my Tallest?" He struggled to pull himself free, nearly tripping before practically throwing himself at his leader's feet.

"Do you want to tell us how Lard Nar, a Vortian terrorist, found his way into our ship without our knowledge?" Purple demanded, digging his claws into the armrest of his chair and satisfied when the color drained from their general's face.

"L-Lard Nar?" He breathed with a desperate stutter, terrified gaze vaulting between the two before drifting down and settling on Zil who was attempting to draw some semblance of shaky eyeliner on her doll with a felt tip pen. "Y-you mean…"

"My smeet is calling him Uncle." Red kept his voice level but ruthless, splitting their little servant in two at the crushing force of his underlying wrath. "Apparently they had quite the conversation and no one noticed."

"I-Is he the one jamming us?" The General piped up suddenly with a gasp, glancing back to the doll when Zil smacked it hard against the ground with a huff at the uncanny mechanical clink that resounded from within the stitching.

"Dad! There's something inside Baby!" She grumbled, narrowing her cherry eyes and scrutinizing the little Vortian closely. "I think there's something wrong with her."

Red lit up, seeing an opportunity to finally get the potentially dangerous object away from his daughter without her causing a scene and getting upset. "Oh, yeah. I think she needs to go to the doctor." He said seriously, elbowing Purple hard in the ribs with a wide grin, hoping he would jump in.

"Ow! Hey!" He snapped, quickly noticing the twitch to his partner's smile as a look of eerie understanding flashed behind his eyes. He cleared his throat and shot Gor a look, wordlessly motioning for him to take the toy away. "Dad's right, Zil. She's sick, so why don't you give her to General Gor, sweetheart?"

Zil furrowed her brow with a blink, looking back to her new friend with a despondent frown as her antennae drooped. "Sick? But…will she come back?" She asked, looking up with a glare of profound, soul-crushing sadness that tugged at everyone's morality when her lip began to quiver. "Will you fix her?"

"I dunno, kid. It-" Red began coldly, cutting himself off when Purple smacked him hard on the arm and reminding him to be sensitive with a sideways glance. "Fine, whatever. You can have her back after General Gor makes her better and patches her up" He nearly gagged at the stupid sweetness of the ploy but, to his surprise, it worked.

Zil seemed satisfied with that answer, willingly passing her doll up to the waiting palms of the General and reaching out for his free hand before he guided her to one of the raised panels to work. He hoisted her up and stalked around the device for his tools, brandishing a pair of safety scissors before Zil covered her eyes with a gasp as he made the first incision into her new friend. Almost immediately, he poked his tiny fingers through the stuffing and tugged out the damming device that had been causing the Massive so much grief for the past two hours; it was a Vortian EMP generator. Lard Nar had been clever, sneaking into the docking bay and preying on the tiniest, most inexperienced Irken on the ship, smoothing her over with promises of a cute new plaything to disrupt the entire configuration of one of the most powerful ships in the Irken Armada.

General Gor took up his hammer and smashed the intrusive device, grinning when the ship instantaneously hummed back to life. Monitors lit up and flashed with hundreds of code violations and breach warnings, alarm bells screeched and deafened everyone aboard, and removed wires sparked and shorted. Purple stood, crossing to one of the many agitated computer panels before running a hand up over the side of his face in annoyance. Lard Nar had used the disruption to dig through classified information concerning the Armada's newest technological advances, stripping schematics for new battle mechs and tanks that were to be sent to the front on Boodie Nen and help finally take the planet in the name of the Empire. There would be no way they could send that technology now without the Resisty undermining the whole war.

One tiny doll and the gullibility of their adorable daughter had almost broken down their entire mechanical battalion.

Zil reached up with expectant hands as General Gor tied a thin wire around the waist of the doll to keep it from falling apart, passing it back down with a shaky smile as she squeezed it tightly and skipped back to her father.

"Daddy, look! Mr. Gor saved Baby!" She giggled sweetly, preening the doll's vivid dress as Purple stooped down and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Zilly, I'm not mad, but I don't want you talking to strangers anymore." He scolded gently, watching her expression closely as her smile faded to something of careful contemplation. "Uncle may have seemed nice but he tried to hurt our ship by putting that transmitter in your toy. Do you understand?"

Zil scrunched up her face with a nod.

"Repeat what I just said."

"Uncle is mean."

"And…?"

"No talking to strangers!"

Purple smiled and smoothed back her antennae with a kiss before standing. "Good girl. Why don't you have General Gor get you some icecream?"

Gor saluted before taking Zil's hand once again and leading her from the bridge, giving Purple the chance to slump back down next to Red and stare out at the sea of flashing warnings and screeching sirens. Papers and pens flew wildly in the air as engineers worked tirelessly to restore the Massive's firewall, desperate to beat back the Resisty's hold on their internal hardware before they completely fried it.

Red swallowed, captivated and squinting against the strobing color. "Are we really going to let her keep that freakish thing?" He mumbled.

Purple shrugged. "Do _you_ wanna be the one to take it from her?"

Red shuddered at the thought and shook head. "Do you think she learned her lesson?" He muttered, already knowing the answer.

His partner sighed when one of the panels combusted, the navigation team scrambling wildly to unhook the connector and fan out the flames with screams of terror. "No. No I do not."

* * *

I was originally gonna write this where Zil broke like a cookie jar or something, but the entire ship just sounded like more fun. Have a good day!


	4. Parent-Teacher Night

**Chapter Requested By:** LilithRayneSol

**Comment Request**: "Omg omg I have a request! PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCES AT PREACADEMY. I would be forever grateful"

**Genre:** Family/Comedy

**Author Comment(s):** I was hoping someone would request this! I was going to just do it if no one did, but here you go! Enjoy these nervous dorks.

**RandomDragon2.0 and kiyoko kotomi**, thank you for your lovely comments babies! I really appreciate you!

**Larrimeme**; Thank you for continuing to follow my work! I appreciate you so much and no, creating headcannons for my OCs doesn't bother me at all! I think it makes them richer and more fun! _ACTUALLY YOU GUESSED IT COMPLETELY!_ Zil is based on my four year old daughter who is autistic, and I created this OC to also be on the spectrum, so I'm drawing from my experiences as a parent and it's interesting to see someone pick up on that! :) (Also I think I will do a chapter where Zil makes clothes for her doll because that would be so cute)

**Chapter rated a tentative T for strong allusions to homophobia, moms trying to be politically correct and just coming off as bitches, and light language. It has a happy end I promise.**

* * *

"Would you shut up? It's not the end of the world!" Purple snapped, reaching out and obsessively straightening Red's tie, half-choking him in the process. "We have to go whether you want to or not."

Red grumbled something hotly under his breath and batted his partner away, finally taking a breath at the failed assassination attempt. "Yeah, but why do I have to wear…_this_?" He gestured to the formal suit Purple had forced him into against his will. "What's wrong with my uniform?"

Purple turned back to the mirror and adjusted his own matching tie compulsively before turning to the side with a frown to scrutinize the way everything fit. "Because." He said simply, tugging at the hem of his blazer.

"That's not an answer, Pur."

Purple took a deep breath and closed his eyes, bringing his hands out in front of him to try and bite back the anxieties boiling up in his chest. "Fine. _Because_ I don't _want_ us to show up in our uniforms."

Red leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, dialing back his agitation when he noticed it was only making things worse. "That's _still_ not an answer."

Purple reached up and rubbed at his temples. "Why do you have to do that? The thing with the questions?" He jabbed, spinning around and stalking in the other direction, leaving his partner to wonder what he said. "Just finish getting ready."

Red rolled his eyes and pushed off the wall to follow, cocking his head in confusion when Purple began to mumble things under his breath, ticking off things here and there in a feverish attempt to make sure he didn't forget anything important before they left.

"Hey," Red began softly when Purple slumped down on the edge of the bed with a defeated sigh and rested his head in his hands. He crossed over and positioned himself next to his partner, taking him by the wrists and gently pulling his hands away to try and look him in the eye. "Talk to me."

Purple refused to look up. "I just…I don't wanna embarrass Zil." He mumbled finally. "She's getting to the age that other smeets will start caring about each other's image."

"Why would our uniforms embarrass her? Besides, she's our kid. She practically _creates_ the image." Red chuckled in disbelief, letting his smile fade when Purple glanced up.

"That's not it, Red." Purple argued back, growing exasperated that his point wasn't getting through and dropping his escalating voice so their daughter wouldn't hear them from the other room. "I don't wanna show up in uniform because of the controversy, alright?"

Red shrunk back a bit, running his thumbs over his partner's palms. "You mean that whole thing with Invader Tenn? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Not that one." Purple tightened his grip as his patience wore thin. "Don't you remember what's going around? Those purists are still talking about how our marriage is a disgrace to the uniform." He paused when Red was finally beginning to grasp the gravity of his fears. "As far as I know, Zil is the only smeet there with two fathers and how many of those other idiot parents believe what they're hearing on the news right now?"

A heavy weight settled in the pit of Red's stomach when he finally understood, wanting to smack himself for being so thick. "Oh. I…eh…I forgot." He said plainly, unable to come up with a better response.

"Lucky you." Purple breathed glumly, pulling his hands away before standing and making his way to the door. "Please, for once, just leave the damn suit on. I just want to blend tonight and I can't deal with you arguing with me right now."

Red wasn't sure Purple noticed when he nodded, watching as he trudged from the room and was immediately overcome by the roaring laughter of their smeet as he went to finish getting her ready. He always got this way when they had to go to Zil's Pre-Academy for periodic updates and conferences. It made Purple incredibly nervous to have to sit around with a throng of other natural-smeet parents, but this time felt different…worse actually. In light of the political upheaval forced upon them by propaganda being spread by narrow-minded traditionalists around Irk, Purple was terrified Zil would have to deal with others bullying her at her academy or other parents lashing out at them for not providing a loving environment at home. Red knew no one on the Massive cared about their marriage; it didn't inhibit their ability to rule with an iron fist or pillage doomed planets and their crew saw that. But out there, in the thick of the civilian world, there was no telling what was being said behind closed doors. It didn't matter that all Irkens males had the same biological capabilities as females, how natural their evolutionary patterns were, or how many studies were done on how smeets could still grow up happy, productive members of society with same-sex parents. All that mattered to the universe was that Zil had two fathers and that they were trying to undermine thousands of years of tradition.

Still, they were Tallest. Anyone with enough gall to go up against them had another thing coming, and Red would make sure that anyone who threatened his mate or his smeet would personally answer to him and the firestorm of pain he would unleash.

"Dad? Daddy says if you don't hurry he's gonna leave you behind!" Zil called enthusiastically from the other room.

Red pushed himself up and forced himself to smile. It was for their smeet; how hard could it be?

* * *

Purple didn't mind leaving the Massive but venturing this far out from their flight path was incredibly inconvenient. Zil's Pre-Academy was just off of one of Irk's fourteen moons, tucked away along the outskirts of the prestigious training camp they had decided to send her to when her hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills developed enough for her to begin combat training. She was extremely intelligent but a bit behind physically; fortunately, the instructor was kind and gave her extra attention and time when she needed to catch up with the rest of her class. Usually, they would rely on General Gor to take her in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon but this was, regrettably, mandatory for parents only to attend.

As soon as they entered the cramped little space, Purple thought he was suffocating and immediately regretted wearing something as stifling as a suit. It seemed that the natural-smeet movement had really taken off in the past several cycles and there were hundreds of new faces, each chatting lightly about the joys of parenthood and immaturely bragging about their smeets and their flippant achievements. Disgusting. Purple already knew his daughter was superior in height and aptitude, and the formality of having to politely listen to other parents shove idiotic photographs and report cards down his throat made him want to vomit in his mouth. Zil had shot off somewhere to find her friend, vaulting into the mangled ball of younglings with a screech and excitedly losing herself to the mess of flailing limbs and flying plastic toys swarming in the middle of the room. Every once in a while a tiny body would careen back only to throw themselves straight back into the thick of the…whatever it was. So much for keeping her dress nice.

Purple clung respectfully to the crook of Red's arm as they shared the same forced smile, taking off in a slow, pained gait to find somewhere to sit and wait out the torture.

"Red," Purple hissed through his teeth, shrinking back from a cackling group of fussing mothers, "do you remember where we are on the list to speak with the instructor?"

Red dug into his jacket pocket and unfolded their schedule. "Looks like we're last."

"What?! Are you kidding me?!" Purple shouted louder than he had been anticipating, freezing when the room hushed and turned in their direction. He swallowed and flashed them a cheesy grin with a tiny wave before turning back to his partner in a hushed whisper. "I thought we were further up on the list!"

Red shrugged, nodding to an open spot among a few other odd couples trying to keep out of the way. "Her name begins with the last letter of the alphabet, idiot." He grumbled, pulling out a chair for his partner before taking his.

Purple threw his elbows up on the table. "Irk, Red, we should have named her something that started with a number. There's, like, a thousand other parents here and we're never gonna get to leave." He began to whine, running over completely illogical phobias as he eyed other parents warily from afar. "What if we never leave and Gor takes over as Tallest? I know that freak has been vying for our position for cycles. I don't wanna be stuck here until I die! All they have to eat here is health food, Red! _Health_ food!"

Red went to say something but flattened his antennae when he noticed his daughter skipping across the room hand in hand with another tiny girl in an oversized pink dress he didn't recognize, followed by a staunch-faced medical drone slathered in far too much gaudy makeup.

"Daddy! Dad! This is my best friend, Flar!" Zil screamed out from across the room, racing forward with a laugh and careening to a halt when she bumped into the table. "We have the same favorite color and the same favorite food and the same pencil case and her mama is a doctor and that's really cool and I wanted you to meet her because I wanna have a sleepover but she said she has to talk to you first and make sure you know Flar can't eat chocolate!" Zil finally took a gulp of a breath, stopping with a wide expectant grin as she panted.

The little smeet was nearly half Zil's height, staring down nervously at her feet and kicking at the ground with the toes of her rubber boots. She squeaked something out and Purple held back an amused chuckle at her unbearable shyness, feeling it die when the medical drone sauntered over and puffed out her chest like she owned the room.

"Flar, honey, I told you not to take off like that!" The drone scolded snootily. "Now, it's nice that your little friend wants to have a sleepover, but I have to talk to her mommy and daddy first."

And it begins.

Red cleared his throat and extended a hand, towering over the petite drone where he sat and looking her from head to toe. "Hello." He responded coolly, earning a surprised blink from the skinny drone. "I'm Zil's father."

She quickly grew nervous when she realized whose presence she was standing in, shuffling in the same way her daughter had done as her bright pink eyes widened in shock. She reached out with a shaky hand and returned the gesture, wincing a bit at Red's strong grip.

"Ah! My Tallest, it is an absolute honor to meet you in person! I had no idea this little lady was yours!" She practically burst from delight, completely ignoring Purple and refusing to break eye contact with Red as she grew utterly enamored. "Wow, I've followed all of your military campaigns since I was still in the Academy and I've listened to all of your speeches and…and you are just _phenomenal, _sir! A-And your voice is really nice. Sorry, is that weird?"

Red reluctantly returned her smile with a false one of his own in an attempt to mask his revulsion at her inflamed fan chatter, growing uneasy when she held tight to his hand longer than he would have liked. "Thank you. And please, this is an informal event, so feel free to call me Red." He swallowed, attempting to pull away but only dragging her closer as she followed. "And this is my hus-"

"Red?" She practically swooned as his name spilled off her lips, lighting a resentful, jealous fire in Purple's spooch as he watched the whole irritating event unfold. "I'm Nalk…Flar is my daughter and…oh goodness, wow. Can I just say, sir, that you are _so_ much taller in person?" She tacked on the end with a flirtatious giggle, finally letting go but still obviously infatuated. "And forgive me if this is too personal but…um…I've never seen any photos of you out of your armor and you look fantastic in a suit. Did your advisory team pick it for you?"

Purple stood and grabbed the back of his chair, scraping it across the floor and drawing out the antennae-piercing noise before he stopped and threw himself back down next to Red, leaning forward with a sarcastic grin.

"Actually, _I_ picked it for him." He extended a hand in the same way Red had done, only with a bit more force as he stared down the irritating nuisance blatantly toying with his partner. "Almighty Tallest Purple. I'm Red's _husband_. You know, because we're a _couple?_" He drew out the word cynically, drilling it into Nalk's little civilian brain as her face changed from one of affectionate warmth to cold anxiety.

She hesitated, her smile becoming deliberately forced as she reached out and sheepishly shook Purple's hand as he practically broke her fingers in his domineering grip. "Oh, yes! It is wonderful to meet you, my Tallest!" She took a few steps back and unconsciously pulled Flar away from Zil, squeezing her hard at the shoulders. "I forgot you two had a little…" She waved her hand about as she hunted for the right word. "…companionship between you."

"We've been legally married for twenty-three cycles and we have a daughter." Purple responded clearly for everyone to hear, refusing to break harsh eye contact and enjoying making Nalk squirm. Serves her right for moving in on a taken man.

"Oh! That's wonderful! So, you're her…eh…you're the…well...lady of the relationship then?"

"If you're asking if I carried her, then yes, but no, I'm not a _woman_."

"Pardon me, that came off a little rude, d-didn't it?"

"What do you think?"

"Ah! I didn't mean to sound so forthcoming! I was just…I wasn't sure what she called you, sir."

Purple clicked his teeth ominously, officially going on the defensive as he toyed habitually with his claws. "I'm her father. What else would she call me?"

Red hastily moved back in, sensing his partner's growing antagonism and the electric tension hanging over them all. He clapped his hands together to break the stalemate, trying not to let his own irritation get the better of him. "Hey, honey," he growled out, earning a dark side glance from his partner. "Zil wants to have a sleepover. Isn't that nice?"

Purple finally leaned back with an audible snort when Zil nodded excitedly. "Yeah, yeah, whatever." He mumbled, still refusing to take his eyes off of Flar's ignorant mother. He felt bad for the little smeet having to deal with someone so overbearingly frustrating.

"Did you hear that, Flar?" Nalk said sweetly through her animosity, peeling her gaze away and attempting to redeem herself. "Our Almighty Tallest are going to let you stay with them sometime."

Flar lit up with a grin, taking a few steps forward to grab at Zil's hand before tugging and dragging her away with a laugh to compare dolls, stripping their tiny outfits and warmly exchanging them. Nalk watched them go before pulling up a seat with a sigh, slumping down and turning back and shaking her head lightly.

"Girls, am I right?" She mumbled with a half-hearted chuckle, still trying to save face. "It's hard being a single parent. There's just so much I have to do all on my own."

Purple frowned at her pitiful sympathy grab, still irritated from her probing questions as he squinted to the main door when the next set of parents was called. Could the instructor move any slower?

"Fascinating." He replied out of sheer apathy, urging time to move faster so he could get out of this terrible crowd and away from the ramblings of the medical drone invading his partner's personal space.

"My poor husband died in a tragic Shuuver accident." Nalk gave an overexaggerated sigh of discontent, opening up an awkward conversation no one asked about or cared to hear. "Too bad his PAK couldn't heal him. It's been hard without my love around, but I've somehow managed these depressing few cycles. It would be so nice to have a strong man in the house again." She glanced back to Red with a teasing smile, blinking when he didn't return it.

After all that, she was _still_ flirting with Red? Geez, if her diminutive stature wasn't enough of a turn-off, her desperate comments and cheap perfume were enough to drive anyone mad.

Red merely nodded, placing a hand over Purple's when he reached out and gripped his knee possessively, bringing Nalk to an abrupt stop once more as she froze with a troubled blink. Clearly, their affection made her uncomfortable, forcing her into a cold sweat when she knew she couldn't say anything to her all-powerful leaders about their relationship. Maybe if they held on long enough, she would get up and leave them be and go off to mingle with other dimwitted parents of her stature and status until this whole irritating night came to a relieving end. Or maybe they could just call in the guards from the Massive to drag her away for a few days of hard labor.

Nalk watched them a minute before she straightened up, a sudden idea flashing over her wiry, sharp face with a tacky smile. Oh no.

"Forgive me, my Tallest but I was wondering…"

Oh, Irk, no.

"….because I've never had the chance to talk to a couple like you…"

Please. _No_.

"…what you think of the Purist debate back on Irk concerning smeets with same-sex parents?"

Purple was nearly at his wit's end with the whole conversation, silently daring her to say anything he could use as ammunition to blow her straight into the cosmos. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid and the first parent they talk to decides to drag them both into the scandalous question the paparazzi had been slamming them with since Zil's hatching?

Before Purple could beat her fifty miles into the ground with the boiling slew of heated curses threatening to combust over his tongue, Red chimed back in and destroyed Nalk with a professional, well-articulated speech that completely shattered her arguments before she could even make them, awing surrounding couples and rendering Purple speechless.

"Actually, I think they're dimwitted and archaic and anyone willing to listen to an argument unfounded by science shouldn't be allowed to have smeets of their own. I know where you're going with this, and I'm not going to sit here and listen to you attack my relationship because it's different than yours and attack my husband because you think you're a better parent." He responded nonchalantly, immediately cutting the little drone off before she could interject. "And, their argument that a smeet needs a mother and a father to function is ridiculous. Our smeets raised in the Smeeteries have neither and are perfectly fine, I grew up there and I'm Tallest, so I don't understand why the public loses their minds about my partner and I raising our child. Oh, wait, and you don't even have a husband anymore, so does that make you an unfit parent to raise your daughter as well? Won't she grow up to be, what is it they always say, unable to adequately function in society?"

Nalk sputtered something as her case deflated to nothing, slowly standing from her seat when Red leaned forward with a conceited victory smirk and landed the final blow.

"My husband is a fantastic father and my smeet is the tallest in her class, so I would politely advise you to get up and go talk to someone of your caliber who might actually think your makeup is attractive, because you won't find that here."

Bullseye.

Nalk didn't argue, spinning immediately on her heel and making her way into the jovial crowd flooding around them before she burst into tears or had a stroke from embarrassment. Satisfied, Red finally entwined his fingers in Purple's and allowed himself to relax, digging into the pocket of his blazer and pulling out a handful of lint-covered candy with a smug grin, passing a few to his partner who stared at him in disbelief.

"Where on Irk did that come from?" Purple breathed, thoroughly impressed at how cleanly Red was able to sever the gnashing hydra of a conversation before it could rear its ugly head. "You're never that good with words!"

Red picked clean a few pieces of chocolate before shoving them in his mouth with a passive shrug. "Eh. I have my moments." He chuckled with his mouth full. "No one calls you a woman and gets away with it. That's my job."

Purple smiled and took a bite of his own, frowning and pulling a bit of jacket fluff from his tongue. "You're terrible, you know."

"Yeah, but you love it."

"Nah. I only love you for your looks."

Red held back a noisy laugh, nearly spitting as he forced himself to swallow. "So, I've been reduced to arm candy now?" He teased fondly when Purple rolled his eyes.

"Apparently everyone else thinks so too." He jabbed lightly, a hint of sincerity to his tone. "Why is it everywhere we go, you always get hit on by straight women?" He shuddered in repulsion. "Irk, I can practically hear the panties dropping."

"Number one, never say that again." Red chuckled, his already massive ego swelling. "Number two, you should take it as a compliment that everyone thinks I'm hot. It shows you have great taste."

"Shut up. You're mine, Red. Remember that."

"Who said I wasn't?"

"Every mom in a fifty-mile radius."

"Drop the act already, Pur. I married _you,_ and you're stuck with me whether you like it or not."

* * *

It felt like hours before Zil's instructor finally called them back as the crowd thinned and everyone filed out with sleepy smeets cradled in their arms and half full mugs of now cold coffee and energy drinks. Not many others had the gumption to approach their Tallest for a conversation after word spread through the crowd like wildfire that Red didn't care for Nalk. Unfortunately, they had later found out that she was the head of the Parent-Teacher Association and ran all of the extracurricular functions for the Pre-Academy, but neither of them cared that much. Purple didn't want his smeet associating with someone so narrow-minded anyway.

They talked at length about Zil's performance in preliminary combat training and how her coordination was still a bit off but was steadily improving with enough patience and practice. She was still having a trouble with tapping her tiny claws across her desk and distracting the other smeets and getting overwhelmed with group PAK training, not wanting others to touch her and arguing with the instructor when she asked Zil to sit on the sidelines to cool off. Red had insisted they would work harder to break her of her nasty repetitive habits, but the instructor had casually suggested they allow her to bring her doll to class as a way of giving her a familiar anchor when she became agitated and to create a routine schedule she could hang in class to give her some sense of control over her environment. Besides that, her speech and language comprehension had gotten infinitely better and she was excelling in information technologies and basic mathematics, once again coming in at the top of her class with her impressive grade point average.

When their talks were finished and rushed handshakes were given, Purple was eager to scoop up his yawning daughter and finally make his much-needed escape, internally groaning when the instructor stopped them a final time.

"I forgot to mention, my Tallest," she began with the same chipper tone as she dug through her desk for something she couldn't seem to find. "Little Zil drew something for our class art board that I promised I would keep safe until we met tonight. Isn't that right, sweetheart?"

Zil looked up from where she had been reclining blearily on the floor, leisurely stroking the horns of her little Vortian doll with a smile as she tried to keep herself awake. "Uh-huh."

The instructor ginned when her hand landed on the small paper she had been searching for, passing it over her wide writing desk to Purple as Red stooped to try and hoist Zil up when she went limp on purpose and began rolling on the floor. Purple frowned, feeling his pulse skip a beat when he realized what their daughter had created for them. It was a poorly done crayon drawing, hectic scribbles and lines crossing this way and that to form the shaky image of their three-Irken family, each one of them plastered with oversized smiles as they held hands on what looked like the bridge of the Massive if it had been crippled in a horrible explosion. She…she drew this? This is how she saw them? She saw Red as tough and safe, a formidable force that would always protect her from her fears, and she saw Purple as brave and loving, the kind touch she could always count on to light up her life. The instructor walked them to the door as Purple grappled with the beautiful, heartwarming realization that his greatest fears were completely unfounded. Zil wasn't embarrassed by them in the slightest; she was proud of their unconventional family enough to display them over the classroom art board for all of her friends to see.

Purple held back a warm grin the entire way back to their ship, scanning the gorgeous magenta hues of their immediate galaxy dancing through the night as he helped Red strap in their now comatose daughter. She was out like a light, drooling messily down the front of her dress as she hung flaccidly in the backseat of their four-seater Spittle Runner as they took off, setting their jump codes for the ping radiating off of the Massive millions of miles away. The silence was comforting, a welcome change to the screaming smeets and crying newborns bouncing in the arms of frantic mothers and tuned-out fathers. Purple couldn't take his eyes off of the drawing, something so simple but infinitely profound.

"I don't look like that." Red mumbled under his breath, keeping a firm hold on the clutch with one hand and loosening his restrictive tie with the other. "And she made you taller. What's up with that?"

"Yeah. She did." Purple sniffed, feeling a sudden rush of emotion overcome him that he couldn't contain. "She got your smile right, too."

"I look that dumb when I smile?"

No answer.

Red glanced over and sneered playfully when he noticed Purple threatening to break down. "Are you crying?" He chuckled, amused when Purple immediately bristled and turned away.

"No!" He snapped vehemently, diverting his attention to the swirl of color dancing outside as the ship jolted and they hit warp.

"Yes, you are. You're totally crying."

"Shut up, I'm _not_!"

"You're also a bad liar, Pur."

Purple sneakily reached up and wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve when Red looked away, intentionally giving him a chance to collect himself. He thought a moment, turning back to the drawing and forcing himself to hold it together so he wouldn't have to put up with his partner's constant, immature teasing. "Hey, Red?"

Red yawned, reclining in the pilot's seat when the ship took over. "What?"

"We did good." Purple concluded with a wide smile. "I mean, by having her."

Red blinked and returned the grin, the gorgeous array of churning oranges and pinks outside bouncing off of his glossy eyes as he soaked in the glory of their biggest accomplishment. "Yeah, I guess we did."

Through all the planets conquered and the peoples they had enslaved, through all the dockets they had stamped and ranks they had surmounted, they had come together in their fury and chaos to breathe life into something that millions of others were too scared to.

It didn't matter what Irk said about their relationship.

It didn't matter what other parents whispered.

What mattered was the tiny concoction of their explosive DNA sleeping peacefully in the back seat. Without her, the bizarre drawing of their equally peculiar family wouldn't be complete. That's what mattered, and they wouldn't have it any other way.


	5. A New Dress

**Chapter requested by:** Larrimeme

**Comment request:** "HGHGHGH I'm imagining Zil trying to make little doll clothes for Baby...maybe even a miniature Tallest uniform. It would be great to see her dads react to that."

**Genre:** Family/Comedy

**Rating:** K+. Light, brief mentions of adult themes.

**Author comment(s)**: Yes. Yes, it would be super cute to see her dads react to that. Here we go, love! Prepare for more tiny shenanigans.

Also, thank you to **BlueAlien909** for joining the follow family and adding this to your favorites list! I appreciate you continuing to follow my work, and I'm really happy you enjoy what I write for these dorks!

* * *

Red shoved a handful of popcorn in his partner's open mouth, shrinking back with a disgusted laugh when Purple intentionally licked the salt from his fingers just to gross him out. He pulled away and casually wiped away his spit on the front of his shirt before returning his attention to the gaudy film they had been halfheartedly watching for the fortieth time. Purple loved these tacky romantic comedies and it didn't take much for him to get lost to the cheesy passion of it all, snuggling closer into Red's shoulder across their loveseat every time something mildly adorable or affectionate appeared on the screen until they were practically melting into one another. Red didn't mind, slinging a protective arm around his waist and pulling him in with a yawn, growing overwhelmingly bored with the cheap lighting and disgusting costuming the cast had dawned.

"Why do you never do that?" Purple suddenly spoke up, pointing reflexively at the screen as he chewed. "Red, are you listening?"

Red blinked and furrowed his brow, quickly realizing he hadn't been paying attention. "Do what?" He asked slowly, hoping Purple hadn't noticed his wavering thoughts.

Fortunately, he ignored the obvious and pointed again to a sweet Irken couple holding hands on a slow, amorous trek through the Capitol on their way to a candlelit dinner. "That! You never do _that_!"

"What are you talking about?" Red responded with a light chuckle, glancing down when Zil looked up from her spot on the floor where she had been coloring. "I hold your hand all the time."

Purple groaned loudly, rolling over and flopping down across Red's lap as he whined pathetically, drawing a tiny giggle out of their daughter as she stood and struggled to climb up on the couch with them, pulling at Purple's back pocket for leverage. "No, I mean you never take me anywhere. We're always here on the Massive when there's a whole universe for us to go explore."

"Do you actually _want_ to go somewhere? Every time I try to surprise you with dinner reservations you argue and just want to stay here and eat the same expired junk food we've had in the cabinet for cycles." Red reminded with an apathetic glare, digging into their bag and extending a hand to Zil when she patiently waited for another bite of popcorn, amused when she took it with tiny fingers and immediately began munching away with her mouth open.

Purple thought a moment then sneered with a shrug, reaching up and popping another handful in his mouth. "Yeah, you're right." He finally agreed, deciding to forget his troubles and return to the movie as the over-extravagant, opulent wedding scene flashed over the screen.

Zil finally settled herself in against Purple's side, dropping popcorn to the floor when her eyes lit up in awe and she clutched at her tiny Vortian doll, grinning widely at the gorgeous magenta wedding dress the main female character had dawned. "Daddy, she's so pretty!" She breathed in delight, eyes glued firmly to the screen. "Can I have a dress like that?"

"We can look for something similar the next time we dock, kiddo." Red chimed in with a pat to the top of her head, repulsed by the tasteless dress but not wanting to shatter his daughter's sweet dreams. "You'll just have to be patient."

"What about Baby?" Zil let her enthusiasm get the best of her, thrusting the bizarre doll up in Red's face against his will as she clambered onto his lap over Purple's back, knocking the air out of him with her sharp knees. "You promised I could have new clothes for Baby, too."

"When did I promise that?" Red asked, genuinely confused when Zil began to pout at his forgetfulness.

"Dad! You said so two months ago when I woke you up. You said if I let you sleep five more minutes you would get me anything I wanted and I said I wanted new clothes for Baby and you said we could get some." Zil rattled off seamlessly without so much as a breath, her memory of time disturbingly impeccable.

Ugh. Why did their smeet have to be so smart? Red shot Purple a look for help and he whispered something under his breath, pushing himself up and scooping Zil from his partner's lap to wrap her in a tight hug as she struggled and laughed at the sudden attack. He fell back the other way, dragging her down with him onto the couch and setting her up on his chest as she beamed, clamping a hand over Purple's mouth as he went to say something and only throwing herself further into a fit of adorable giggles. Purple grinned beneath her and mimicked what he had done to Red, licking the palm of Zil's hand deviously as she screeched and stumbled backwards, nearly losing her balance and tumbling from her perch.

"Ew! Bad, Daddy! That's icky!" She cried fervently before collapsing onto her stomach and curling up to listen to the comforting thump of Purple's familiar pulse against her antennae for several long minutes, becoming distracted and lost to the warming, repetitive sound.

After a while, she found her voice again, not letting her parents get away from their promise so easily. "So…_can_ I have new clothes for Baby?" She asked again, hoping for a swift answer this time.

Purple reached up and rubbed circles into her back as she toyed with the collar of his thermal undershirt, hoping they had successfully caused her to forget and holding back a sigh when she didn't. "You need to listen to Dad and be patient, Zilly." He stated firmly, feeling her tiny fists ball up against his skin in dissatisfaction. "We dock at Devastis in a week, and I promise I'll take you shopping then, alright?"

Zil didn't seem satisfied with that answer, pushing herself up with a huff and rolling off the edge of the couch with a thump, grabbing for her doll with a frown before shooting off in the other direction to sulk. Purple blinked and let her go, knowing she would tire herself out and come back in a few minutes when the whole thing blew over and she couldn't fight back her urge for buttery popcorn goodness. He repositioned himself against Red, allowing himself a tiny smile when he noticed his husband slowly dozing off, catching himself with a jolt when Purple jabbed him hard in the side.

"You're cute, Red." He teased slyly, satisfied when the deep scowl he had come to love stamped itself back over his partner's face.

"And you're annoying."

"Love you too."

* * *

Zil wasn't happy. How dare her Dad and her Daddy tell her to be patient when they had said she could have new clothes two months ago. Wasn't that already enough time to be patient? Baby's yellow dress was lovely, but it was getting to be old and worn out. She was a beautiful princess from deep, uncharted space, for crying out loud! She needed more than one outfit or her subjects far away on her planet would make fun of her for always wearing the same thing! Why couldn't her parents see the gravity of her grueling plight?

She slumped further into the fluffy pillow atop her messy, strung out bed, burying herself deeper into her warm comforter as she wracked her brain over how to end Baby's fashion catastrophe and find her some new, stylish outfits fast.

"Ok, Baby." Zil said, voice laced with serious contemplation as she set her doll up against her headboard. "I'm gonna find you something pretty. My Dad and my Daddy said I have to wait but I know how much you want a new dress so…"

She glanced around her bedroom, wide crimson eyes bouncing from the massive collection of bright stuffed toys Red always surprised her with when he went to Conventia for military conferences, to the messy finger painting of Irk she and Purple had done across her wall several cycles ago. Hm. There was nothing Baby could wear here. She frowned, taking her doll by the hand and scooting off the edge of the bed, slowly pushing her door open with a creak and making her way back out into the main living area where her parents had obliviously fallen asleep to the soft music of the end credits of their movie. Zil strode past them without a second glance, padding barefoot across the cool metal of the ship's polished floor to their bedroom, pushing open their cracked door and waltzing in to scour their things for secret stashes of tiny princess dresses. After all, they must be hiding _somewhere_.

After a few minutes of peeking through drawers and underneath shelves and only coming up with dust and a wadded mess of Purple's black leggings, Zil turned to their massive closet, staring up with wide, inquisitive eyes at the lock panel to the side of the hatch.

There. They had to be hidden there. Why else would there be a lock on the door?

She smiled to herself and dropped her doll to the floor, bounding over to the wall and stretching up on her tiptoes to try and reach the keypad, squeaking in frustration when it hovered inches from her short fingertips. She blinked and tried again before giving up completely, plopping down on the floor and crossing her legs to analyze her situation. Her Dad and her Daddy were tall, so they could reach the pad, but this had become a secret mission only she and Baby could know about. The fate of Baby's home planet and her status as a princess hung in the balance, so she had to keep it under wraps. Zil scrunched up her face and stuck out her tongue as she thought, remembering something her kind teacher had told her during her preliminary PAK training.

_When we're in trouble in a cinch, use your PAK legs in a pinch._

She repeated the rhyme to herself with a giggle, concentrating with all her might to slowly open the external compartment of her lifeline and extend her short, shaky PAK legs. She had used them a few times now, and her instructor had told her she had "raw talent," whatever that meant, so it shouldn't be too hard to extend up and reach the lock pad.

Zil braced herself against the wall as she swayed, carefully perched on her wobbly mechanical extensions as she ever so slowly pushed herself up, never once tearing her determined gaze from her target. Finally, after falling down a few times, she managed to hook her fingers into the casing of the keypad and pry it open, staring in wonder at the extensive set of buttons and the retinal scanner glaring back at her. How strange. She had never seen anything like it, curiously reaching out and pressing a few buttons with childlike impulse before running her inexperienced touch up over the glossy dome of the scanner with a light smack. As she did, it hummed to life and blinded her with a piercing ray of light, forcing her to cry out in surprise as she stumbled back down to the ground and landed on top of her imaginary friend. She panicked and rolled to the side, hastily scooping up Baby and scrutinizing her for any cuts or bruises before sighing in relief when she appeared to be in pristine condition. To Zil's fascination, the dome began to sputter, reading over her crimson eye color and dinging out it's excited approval.

"Almighty Tallest Red confirmed." A feminine, robotic voice responded. "Welcome, sir."

Zil couldn't contain her glorious wonderment when the reinforced doors finally fazed open, revealing the most exquisite, opulent, and expensive array of fabrics she had ever laid eyes on at one time. These were not her parent's civilian clothes, oh no, these were their _uniforms_. Everything her Dad and her Daddy had ever worn to address the public, to attend grand openings and formal events, and to usher in new eras of battle were housed here. Zil strode forward tentatively, the tops of her short antennae barely brushing the bottoms of one of Purple's long dress suits as she brushed things aside and followed the lengthy chamber back. Bright lights clicked on and hummed to life and the long walkway illuminated, guiding her on through this proverbial paradise to the very back of the closet where she froze in mystified amazement. There, set into two perfect wall compartments, were her parent's sleek, formidable Tallest robes and armor, gleaming beautifully in the light and polished to perfection by the skilled hands of their personal maid. Only her parents were allowed to wear these, and her Dad had explained to her on more than one occasion that they would have to be burned if anyone else dared slip them on or let them touch the floor. Something about it breaking tradition and being unclean, but Zil usually fell asleep or allowed her attention to wander for that part.

"Look, Baby." She breathed, holding up her little friend to see the impressive bolts of infinitely expensive fabric. "My Dad and Daddy are Tallest. That means they help everyone else have a nice planet." She said in a matter of fact tone, blinking when her attention refocused on Baby's worn out dress. "But…you do that too…right?"

If Baby was a princess, didn't that mean she was Tallest on her planet, too? Zil blinked as a wave of incredible shock tore through her mind, reeling from the new information and glancing back up at her fathers' uniforms with newfound knowledge, giving herself a resolute nod. Baby was _also_ Tallest? That meant she didn't need a new dress, she needed a new uniform, and Zil was going to give her one.

* * *

Purple shot up when he felt Red slouch forward and accidentally smack him in the face, glancing around wildly when he realized they were sitting together in the dark listening to the droning static playing over their transmitter. What time was it?

"Hey, Honey?" He yawned, reaching up and pushing Red back before he toppled over completely, biting back a laugh at the thick, disgusting snore his comatose lover responded with. "Honey?" He repeated with more force, reaching up with a smile and smacking him lightly in the face, watching in amusement as Red shot up and shouted, immediately going on the defensive when his sharp battle reflexes kicked in.

Red reached out and bopped Purple's hand away, earning a sharp glare at the mistake and immediately shrinking back and throwing up his defense with a cheesy smile. "Eh…that wasn't my fault?" He stuttered when Purple reached up to hit him back, stopping when Zil popped up from behind the couch with a screech of a question.

"Daddy I need scissors!" She cried animatedly, not noticing when she practically blew out both of their flattened antennae with her strident voice. She hopped and skipped around the edge of the loveseat and threw her hands in the air. "I need them, I need them, I need them _now_!"

Purple blinked, losing his rage to the curious excitement beaming back up at him but hovering on her slightly dangerous question. "And why do you need those?" He mused, only drawing more bustling energy out of Zil's buzzing body.

"I'm doing something important!" She explained urgently, almost losing her breath as she flapped her arms expectantly. "I have to do it before Baby's planet gets mad at her!"

"I'll get them." Red offered, pushing himself up and wincing at the pain his bad shoulder before reaching down and taking Zil by the hand, leading her over to his personal writing desk in the other room.

Purple waited, digging through the couch cushions for his personal communicator and rooting through the nightly menu at the mess hall, trying to find something remotely nutritious that Zil's picky taste buds would enjoy. After a few minutes of muffled banging she tore past with a wild, mischievous laugh as Red vehemently scolded her, reminding her not to run with something so sharp before repositioning himself next to his lazy partner on the couch and clicking their transmitter back on.

"What's she doing with those, anyway?" Purple asked indifferently, finally deciding on something and sending their order off before leaning back against his partner out of habit.

Red shrugged, toying thoughtlessly with Purple's antennae as he scanned through channels, settling on the fervent nightly news and frowning when the tiresome image of Plookesian riots glared back at him. "I dunno. Ugh, look. They're going at it again." He sneered in disgust. "I don't get it. We sent food to their camps, so why are they still going on about starvation?"

"Probably because they're greedy." Purple snorted with a rude chuckle. "Who doesn't like scraps? Shouldn't they be grateful?"

They watched in repulsed silence for nearly half an hour, sharing occasional chit-chat over who would be the unfortunate one to send off the needed battle request to rake through the growing Plookesian rebellion and bring the hammer of the Irken Elite down upon their unsuspecting shoulders. Purple finally whined Red into submission with the promise that he would make his favorite cookies in only the way he knew how, and Red reluctantly agreed but only after Purple promised to add maple syrup as the secret ingredient. They laughed together when the story changed to a re-run of the Armada performing their famous Viral Sweep over Boodie Nen, taking out the rest of the unfortunate life forms to make way for the massive storage sector Irk was so desperately in need of. It had been Red's idea, and Purple reached up to plant a soft kiss to his lips in praise when the beautiful Irken insignia was carved deep into the planet's countryside by heavy cannon fire. Ah, sweet expansion.

Zil had passed by a few more times, grabbing little supplies here and there before disappearing to continue on with her mysterious project. She had taken an upholstery needle and thread Red had used in the past to fix the arm of their loveseat when Purple accidentally sliced it open with his claws, and had stolen one of Purple's rulers he used at the rare times he actually got the spark of inspiration to paint and wanted to be precise. When their meal finally arrived, Red set everything up at their three-seater table and called out for Zil to wash her hands in the cleansing room.

"I'm busy!" She called back, obviously focused on something.

"No, it's time to eat!" Purple called back patiently, popping a few take out containers and shooting Red a look when he went to take the first bite, reminding him that no one was to eat until everyone was there. "Zilly, if you don't hurry, Dad's going to eat your dinner!"

Usually the false threat worked, but this time Zil remained hidden, wholly absorbed in whatever she was doing and refusing to come bounding to the table as usual. Purple pushed himself back up and motioned for Red to follow, checking behind doors and under furniture for any place their ridiculous little smeet could have squeezed herself. It wasn't above Zil to hide sometimes; one time she had forced herself behind the piping under the kitchen cabinet for hours while Purple and Red frantically searched every place they could think of in a panic, finally throwing open the doors only to be met with tiny victory giggles. She was an odd one, but infinitely clever, and Purple really hoped they wouldn't have a repeat of that terrifying night.

After searching a few more places to no avail, Red slowly slung open the door to their bedroom, freezing in his tracks with an inquisitive frown when he noticed their personal closet had been slung open and invaded, several of their luxurious suits and affluent uniforms tugged down and tossed in a careless heap in the middle of the room. Purple followed close behind, jaw going slack when he noticed the appalling mess that had overtaken their pristine quarters.

"Wait." He choked out when Red stumbled through the doorframe, terrified to peek at the excitable rustling sounding from deep within their closet. "She got past the internal security system? I'm actually impressed."

"Yeah, well I'm terrified." Red responded, only half joking when he finally allowed himself to chuckle. "If our kid keeps outsmarting us like this, we're in for some serious trouble when she gets older."

Purple laughed and followed close behind. "Can you imagine what she'll be like when she's old enough to start training in the Academy?" He flashed Red an eager grin at the thought of having to wrangle their little firecracker when she became interested in boys and heavy plasma weaponry. "If she's anything like you were back then, we're gonna have to fireproof every-"

"Dad! Daddy! You're not allowed to see yet!" Zil cried out from her perch atop a mountain of fabric, quickly throwing her project behind her back with a squeal of dissatisfaction and shrouding herself in the lining of one of Red's double-breasted jackets. "Don't look!"

Red struggled to grapple with the intensity of the chaos Zil had wrought over their unfortunate clothing while Purple held back a loud chuckle at the adorable mess of tangled fabric Zil had caught herself up in. He blinked, glancing up before doing a frantic double take when he noticed their armor was missing from its usual place on the wall as his nerves spiked. Uh oh. That couldn't be good. If those uniforms had fallen or even skirted the floor, they would have to be incinerated and it would be weeks before a new set could be carefully constructed. Not to mention expensive. Looks like taxes had the potential of going back up for a while.

"Zil, how did you get in here?" Purple asked slowly, pushing past his sputtering husband to try and steal a quick look at what she was hiding so fervently within her jacket fortress. "And what did you do with our uniforms?"

Zil thought a moment, glancing up to the blank wall before letting her anticipation boil over with a giddy smile, throwing off her fabric shield and nearly hitting Purple in the face with her flailing arms. "So Baby is a space princess that I saved from evil Uncle, remember?" She asked when Red finally came to through the madness. "I found out she's Tallest on her planet too so I had to make her a uniform before her people made fun of her."

Purple cocked his head at the adorable innocence of her imaginative story and stooped down as she finally revealed what she had been working so hard on for the past hour or so. The weird Vortian doll she had taken from Lard Nar weeks earlier was shrouded in a mix of high-priced, poorly cut red and lavender fabric. Zil had tried her best to stitch the peculiar patchwork together with horrid seam work that hung in sloppy tails from the ends of the doll's uneven skirt, a sash tied around her petite waist to try and halfway simulate the tight corset of her fathers' domineering waist rings. Zil had taken a marker and haphazardly drawn the powerful Irken crest over what looked like the toy's shoulder pad, an uncomfortable but strangely beautiful mix of Vortian and Irken culture colliding in the hands of their oblivious, naive daughter. It was gaudy and overdone but infinitely creative, the perfect balance of both his and Red's personal colors clashing with the light grey skin of the Vortian menace Zil had come to love so dearly.

Purple had to bite his lip to hold back an affectionate whine as Zil gingerly passed her soft doll into his hands, leaning back and bringing her fingers together as she waited enthusiastically for his approval to her beautiful, adorable inventiveness.

Purple wanted to cry, turning back to Red who had halfheartedly attempted to scoop up some of his now crumpled uniforms with a hot grumble. "Red, look!" He exclaimed breathlessly, holding up the doll for him to clearly see. "She made…s-she made a tiny set of armor for her doll!"

"I wanted her to look like you and Dad. That's why there's two colors." Zil sang sweetly, throwing her arms around Purple's shoulders when he broke down in a deafening fit of ridiculous tears at the charm and adorability of her tiny voice.

"S-She wanted it to look like you! Look at how cute it is!" He sobbed when Red curled his lip at the fat tears spilling down his partner's cheeks. "It..It's just like you!"

Zil giggled when Purple's praise died on his lips and he squeezed her tight, hoisting her up into a warm hug as he turned and strode from the closet, grabbing Red's wrist with his free hand and pulling him along against his will.

"Wait!" Red stumbled, dropping everything from his arms. "Where did she get the fabric?!"

Purple didn't listen, overcome by his parental instincts as he practically pushed Red down into his seat at the table to eat. Once his tears were dry and everyone had finished off their meals, Zil had passed out on the floor amid her crayons and the fraying thread of Baby's new outfit, breathing softly in the dark after the monumental effort it took to perform her heist on her parent's closet. Red had insisted they return to the horrendous mountain of unbearable chaos in their bedroom and Purple had complied with a smile for once, still reeling from the residual excitement that their daughter had over her future prospect as leader of the Irken Empire.

"I still haven't found our uniforms." Red mumbled, laying out pieces of sharp battle armor and searching around for the other gauntlet as he tossed things to the side.

"Yeah, but you have to admit that was pretty cute." Purple smiled, holding up the missing piece Red was looking for and chucking it in his direction, somewhat unsatisfied when he dodged and it collided with his lamp on his end table instead.

Red reached around the table and scooped up the hunk of metal, shrugging as a tiny smile took over his frown. "Fine, yeah, it was pretty neat. At least her creativity is getting better."

Purple nodded, scooping up a pile of mismatched robes and bringing them to the bed to rehang them properly. "Huh. You know, I never thought of that. Maybe those special classes at her Pre-Academy are working."

Red frowned again, this time deep in thought over something he had been contemplating for years but had only brought up a few times. "Hey, Pur?" He began when his partner looked up to meet his gaze. "Do you think we should have her tested?"

Purple swallowed at the weight of the words he never wanted to hear again, hoping his smeet would have grown out of her telltale behavior but secretly knowing in the back of his mind that she never would. He held Red's stare for a moment before letting go of the fabric in his hands as he looked away, refusing to respond when Red hesitantly continued.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I remember when the PAK technician diagnosed you back when we were still at the Academy and," Red reached up and rubbed nervously at the back of his neck as he tried to figure out how to best approach the subject without getting a face full of heated comments. "And we were told that it probably runs in your DNA stream."

Purple sat, clicking his teeth in the way he always did when he grew uneasy and staring down to his claws as he toyed with them. "So, you see it too?" He asked suddenly, catching Red off guard through the clicking of his jaw and the flutter of his hands he always tried his best to conceal in public.

"Sometimes."

"It's not a bad thing, you know."

"I never said it was. If anything, it makes you both special. Truly."

"I don't want our smeet on pills. She's too young for that."

"She doesn't have to be. Her instructor said there's other methods, remember?"

Purple reached up and ran a palm over his cheek with a low exhale of frustration, moving to say something before a wad of lavender and crimson fabric caught his eye from under his nightstand. He swallowed his dread when he jumped up, stooping down and tugging it free before holding up.

Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. She wasn't lying when she said she was making a Tallest uniform for her doll.

"Red?"

"Don't change the subject, Pur. We need to talk about this and-" Red froze with a roaring cry of terror, forgetting about their conversation when he finally locked eyes with his once powerful uniform that had been torn to shreds by the tiny safety scissors he had so stupidly let his daughter borrow. Purple threw it down on the bed and scooped up his own, running his blank, unemotional stare over the myriad of holes dotting the side of his now ruined robes. He wasn't sure if he it was hilarious, depressing, or disappointing, settling on a muddy mix of all three.

"Well…at least we found out where she got the fabric."

* * *

I had fun with this one! So, each chapter has a particular theme based off of requests, but it's starting to flow in a timeline. It was accidental at first but let me know if you want me to keep going the way I have been with Zil's development. Thanks, and you all are fantastic. Always remember that, ok? Love you!

(Also I really like the headcannon one of our reviewers mentioned about the Tallest being autistic, and I thought it would be interesting to see how that would play out in their relationship if Purple somewhere on the spectrum was and Red wasn't.)


	6. Pets and Paparazzi

**Chapter Requested by:** RandomDragon2.0

**Comment Request:** "Still haven't any ideas about future chapters...maybe something about her wanting a pet?"

**Genre:** Family/Comedy

**Rating:** K+ for one single, incredibly light profanity. No other content warnings apply.

**Author Comment(s):** Okie dokie! Sorry this took me so long to sit down and write! I moved to America recently, so I have been doing a lot of unpacking and such and I've been trying to keep up with other one shot requests and my other massive fic I'm writing! Without further ado, please enjoy our dorky family and their little firecracker!

**Larrimeme:** I'm sorry your link keeps breaking! That always happens on this site! If you'd like you can send me a message at my email charlocat mail . c o m (you'll just have to remove the spaces from the email address and add the at symbol because the site won't let me)! If you're too uncomfortable with that though, that's totally fine love. I'd just really love to see your work! _ALLLLLLLSOOOOOO_; Yes. I will be doing your request to insert Teem and Kez into this world! While this AU technically differs from the war ravaged plains of Judgementia and Vort in "My Kind," I'd like to think that the Tallest still have some kind of affiliation with our mismatched lesbian friends! After this chapter is posted, I will get to work on that one because it's going to be hilarious! It also makes me really happy that you enjoy the characters I've created. I wanted them to be like polar opposites, but somehow still work, so thank you so much, angel!

Let's welcome **hardstone55** and **Skystream99** to the follow family! Thank you darlings! Also thank you to **Skystream99** for adding this to your favorites as well as several other RAPR fics I've done! Love you honey!

* * *

Devastis.

Home of the most prestigious Irken military training camps in the known universe. Only the cream of the crop was allowed to venture here for Elite testing or flight training before their promotion to the Armada or updates to their security clearance. It was also one of the most prolific docking ports in the star system, featuring an exquisite, exotic bazaar for foreign merchants of all races and creeds to come and peddle colorful goods and services never heard of on Irk. Red and Purple absolutely adored it, losing themselves to the intense smells of rare spices and sugars, the bustling sounds of shuffling feet and constant chatter in thousands of overlapping languages, and the otherworldly sideshow attractions featuring perilous fire spitting and peculiar gelatinous blobs removing limbs only to grow them back within seconds. It was a proverbial madhouse filled to the brim with wafting scents and perfumes, dazzling textures and intricate textiles laden with furs, and brushing limbs as alien traders bustled around and cried out deals in broken Irken, trying to scream over one another in the mayhem. It was so packed, in fact, that not even the paparazzi could follow through the crowd, Purple grinning in satisfaction when the shutter of invasive cameras fell behind a group of cackling Inquisitorians attempting to pawn off massive swathes of gooey toffee to the unfortunate reporters as they yelled after their Tallest in frustration.

"You still doing ok? With the crowd?" Red asked casually, stepping around a group of Guarven women chattering amongst each other. "You're not getting claustrophobic or anything?"

Purple stayed close, taking a deep breath and pushing himself on against the discomfort. "A bit. But it's not as bad as last time." He reassured lightly, glancing back to where the press struggled to break free from their captivity.

"Good. If it gets bad, tell me and we can go."

"Thank Irk we got rid of those freaks." Purple changed the subject under the roar of the crowd, adjusting his chic mauve sunglasses against the hot glare of the sun as he struggled with staying composed through the noise, manipulating his grip on Zil who had her hands clamped firmly over her sensitive antennae to block out the stimulation. "They can never get enough of me. It's exhausting."

Red stifled a sarcastic laugh and looked his partner head to toe, running his judgmental, hypercritical gaze from his loose tank top and rolled sleeves of his thin silk jacket to the designer ankle boots he only threw on when he wanted to show off their wealth. "I wonder why." He smirked, grabbing for Zil when she reached out with a sharp whine. "You always dress like you're half your age when we come out here."

Purple watched him dangerously over the thin rim of his glasses, narrowing his eyes in mounting impatience at the snide comment. "What's that supposed to mean? It's hot. Plus, I've never understood that." He grumbled, taking his partner by the crook of the arm when Red hoisted Zil up to sit atop his shoulders and gaze out over the bustling crowd, flinching when she grabbed at his antennae for leverage before squeaking out her exhilaration at suddenly being so incredibly tall. "Why do clothes have to have an age? They're not alive or anything."

Red leisurely poured over a table of thick texts from around the universe reprinted in the Irken language, casually rooting through the selection as the vendor beamed up at him with wide eyes when he pieced together who he was despite being out of uniform.

"It's not the clothes, Pur." Red explained, trying to stay as level as he could to his husband's appalling ignorance. "It's what the clothes _do_ to you. If you dress down for your age everyone is gonna think you're going through a midlife crisis or something." He finally made a selection and swiftly paid with their joint card, shoving his novel in Purple's tote before he could make fun of him for his secret reading habits.

"I think you're just jealous that all of your day clothes make you look like every other dad on the block, while I still end up on the front page of Veloria Vogue." Purple mocked with a teasing glance that made Red want to walk away and leave him to the mercy of the slowly encroaching paparazzi. "Don't worry, you're still cute. I've always been a fan of the nerdy type."

"Now I'm old _and_ nerdy?! And I'm not cute!"

"Shut up, yes you are. In an old man sort of way."

"When are you gonna let that go?"

"When you stop tucking in your button downs and wearing white crew socks…_old man_."

Zil patted Red lovingly on the top of his head as she scanned the crowd before pressing her antennae flat and covering them again to the cacophony of sound. "Don't worry, Dad. Dads are supposed to look old." She reassured in a matter of fact tone like it was the secret to unlocking the universe, not knowing how incredibly insulting her tiny voice was and grinning when Purple burst out in a fit of infuriating snorts and obnoxious laughter.

"Yeah, Dad! You're _supposed_ to look old!" Purple repeated in the immature tone he always threw on when he knew he had finally gotten over on his stammering husband. He blew Red a condescending kiss with a wink and spun before he could think of a sufficient comeback, wandering off into the thick of the crowd to try and find something new to capture his fleeting interest.

"Where are you going? Pur!" Red called after him in annoyance, not wanting to let him steal his precious last word before he disappeared into a cloud of ghostly azure smoke pouring from within a black tent further down the path. "You're gonna get cornered somewhere and I'm not gonna be able to save you this time!"

Red stiffened with a vehement curse under his breath at his crushing defeat, yelping when Zil reached down without warning and smacked him hard in the side of the face with a sharp, scolding jab. "That's a bad word!" She reprimanded fiercely when they finally took off in a slow trudge in the other direction. "That's not allowed! Daddy says so!"

Red leaned forward slightly when he felt her slipping down against his PAK as she attempted to childishly steer him on by his antennae, still boiling with annoyance at Purple's frustrating victory. Red frequently lost to Purple in their myriad of famous arguments, stumbling over his words as his partner eloquently buried him into the ground with vivid insults and colorful language Red had usually never heard. He secretly knew Purple was right but didn't want to admit how fantastic he still looked at his age, opting to fight for the sake of preserving his own dignity and his growing awareness that it was incredibly obvious by the smeet hanging off of his shoulders that he was no longer the tough killing machine of a bachelor he had been back in his days with the Elite. They weren't necessarily young, having passed 340 several months back, but had entered the prime of their long adult lives. Red still looked fantastic, but he was beginning to feel the pangs that came with age. Instead he felt it in his back and his neck, old battle wounds revealing themselves with each passing month as he reluctantly yielded to Purple's affectionate massages when he noticed his pained plight. But Purple…Purple was a completely different story. He was fierce and gorgeous with long lean legs and the narrow shoulders of an aristocrat that hadn't lifted a finger in cycles, opting to pay incredible amounts of money for opulent skincare routines and nightly eye creams that invaded Red's senses when they laid together in bed. His metabolism was to die for, and no one could even tell he had been pregnant at one point, trading in his petite belly and immediately trimming back down to keep his beautiful, svelte definition after Zil's hatching. Red was wholly convinced Purple would look 150 for the rest of his life, and it got under his skin. Ugh. Even if Purple was just playing, Red decided he was going to have to retrofit his wardrobe to keep up with the youthful, incredibly trendy Irken dragging him about through the cosmos.

"Cute! Dad! Look! Lo-ok!" Zil screamed out suddenly when she spotted something in the distance, pushing off Red's back with her tiny boots and nearly causing him to loose his balance with a shout as she halfway tumbled, halfway bounded from his grip when he tried to contain her squirming body in his quickly disintegrating hold.

She managed to wiggle free, jumping to the ground and tearing off in a sprint, weaving around thumping legs and leaping over chunky boots as she tried to get to whatever had caught her peculiar, loudmouthed fancy. Red called sternly after her and struggled to keep up with her rowdy, boisterous energy, shoving awkward patrons into tables and tents as he hunted for his now phantom of a daughter, panicking when he lost sight of her wide crimson eyes shooting him little snickers and giggles over her shoulder.

Uh oh.

Not this again.

This was the worst place for her to disappear. They were surrounded by foreign citizens and races that the Irken Empire had stomped on more than once with the callous heel of expansionism, leading many of these vendors to thoroughly hate the Tallest and everything they stood for. They bit their tongues and took their money because they knew they would pay top dollar to get exactly what they wanted, but also because they were terrified of the power behind their resounding status. Zil was a combination of the two most hated, but influential, beings in the whole of the universe, a prime target for kidnapping or ransom and still oblivious enough to take candy from the malicious palms of strangers without reading between the lines. Maybe Red was just being paranoid, but he wouldn't let anyone take advantage of his tiny sunshine. Not today, not ever.

"Zil?" He called with mounting urgency, scanning the crowd as his paternal instincts kicked in and his pulse went on the rise, bottoming out with a low sigh of relief when he finally caught sight of her tiny hands pressed playfully against a massive glass chamber full of disgusting Vortian foliage and a bizarre, opaque mist. Thank Irk no one had made off with her. An ancient Vortian man with a decrepit, kind-hearted face and worn calloused hands bent down over his titanium walking stick to flash her a genial, sharp toothed smile. She ignored him and forced her face up against the glass, staring down at something wiggling and writing lazily in the bottom of the tank.

Zil was completely captivated by the time Red finally made his way over to her, attempting to stoop and pull her gently away from the thick glass against her amazement, only earning a whine when she tugged back and stayed glued in position as she watched a strange carpet of multicolored insect like creatures crawling over one another in a dazzling array of dancing hues and thin, skittering legs. They were huge; a few feet long a piece with dull, vibrating mandibles and flickering feelers moving this way and that as they hunted for remnants of food thrown down to them from above. What looked like a single curled horn protruded from the front of their exoskeleton where their eyes should have been, shuddering and flicking back when they would bump into one another in their hungry chase.

The Vortian gave a raspy laugh at her awed expression and looked up with sagging jowls, immediately going rigid with a deep frown when he realized who he was looking at. "Ah…_This_ one. No, no, no. No good." He mumbled gruffly to himself as if answering someone else's question.

Red ignored what he thought was an endeavor to jab at his position, attempting to pry Zil from the tank once more but she held firm, batting at his hands as she pointed to a particularly luminescent creature curling it's long, glowing tendrils into a tight ball over its white florescent body in the far corner of its enclosure. "That one!" She jabbed at the glass with a light tap before grinning back up at Red with an expectant beam and the sugary sparkle in her eye she used when she wanted to smooth him over. "I want that one!"

The Vortian looked incredibly reluctant to provide them any help, running his half dead stare over Zil's bright orange sun dress before glancing leisurely back up at Red where he mulled over the disgusted look on his face. "You want her touch?" He asked in broken Irken, irritated when Red sneered back in his direction with a resolute shake of his head. "They 700 money each."

"No. She doesn't need…whatever these things are." He replied with mounting antipathy at the disturbing creatures shuddering and sluggishly tapping about at each other's smooth exoskeletons, finally getting a firm enough hold on Zil to tug her ferocious, iron grip away before standing.

"But Dad, they're cute! _So_ cute! Look at their hairy little leggies!" Zil whined in the way she had picked up from Purple, leaning back in his arms and nearly slipping free again as he scrambled to keep from dropping her hard onto her back when she practically liquified and went limp. "Can I have one? Please?! I can take good care of it and feed it and love it and give it a pretty name and we'll be best friends forever and-"

Red shook his head again and turned away, slinging her up over his shoulder when she began to tic in distress. "I said no, Zil. These things are creepy." He shuddered at the sound of millions of rapping, quivering legs clustering together in tight knit balls of what looked like monsters out of a horror movie. "You know how freaked out your Daddy gets around things like that. He'd kill me."

Zil immediately stiffened against his skin, growing twitchy and agitated at his firm front before letting out a long repetitive slur of soft clicking syllables that hastily alerted Red to the terror of an unexpected meltdown looming on their horizons. She began to work herself up, clicking her claws over one another as the deafening noise began to overstimulate her on top of the gentle scolding, squirming wordlessly to get away from the lucid fight or flight reflex bogging down her rapidly unraveling mind.

Red swallowed when her hectic, strained voice went up an octave, searching for any place he could take her to get her away from the commotion, shooting the archaic retailer a quick snap of a look. "I'll be right back. Don't…eh…don't go anywhere."

Before the Vortian could unenthusiastically respond, he caught sight of an abandoned tent at the end of the row, fighting against Zil's incessant tantrum building to dangerous levels at his cheek and threatening to burst. He pushed his way inside and quickly repositioned her so he could cradle her stiff body in his arms, gingerly rocking with her and turning away when a few audacious passersby had the nerve to snicker and make tiny comments at the sight of someone so powerful and soul-crushing yielding to the needs of someone so tiny. He did his best to ignore them, returning to his duties as he tried to remember what helped Purple when he needed to get away from the crushing weight of the world bearing down on him and pushing him over the edge. Red couldn't count the sheer number of times the two had to abandon restaurants and walks through the capitol when his claustrophobia overtook him, remembering his need for firm rationality to drag him back down out of the clouds he would rocket off through. Red needed to keep his words simple and as soft as he could muster, clearing his throat when Zil began to claw at the soft fabric of his shirt.

Geez…the things he did for his daughter.

"I know you're upset, baby." He stated quietly and plainly when her quivering antennae grazed his chin. "And I know you got overwhelmed by the crowd and what I said. No one can see you here. You're safe with me, alright?" He paused, letting the information soak in, relaxing a bit when his daughter gave a huff of a sigh against him and relaxed her tense hold on his arm. He strode to the mouth of the tent as the repetitive movement of his gentle rocking and the soothing warmth of his body heat finally broke Zil from the worst of her fears, bringing her slowly back to the present as Red thought long and hard about what he was going to say. Was he really about to suggest what he thought he was? Nothing good could come of this, and he'd be stuck out of sheer boredom as Zil relentlessly stared at those disgusting Vortian beings she somehow found attractive. Still, if it made her happy, maybe they could go back just for a bit.

"Would you feel better if we went back to look at those…eh…weird things you like?"

Zil's antennae instantly sprung to attention and a ferocious, unruly grin forced away what was left of her anxieties as she stared up at her father with an adorable anticipation that always got the better of him. The kid was getting scary good at picking him apart. The worst of it was…he always let her.

The Vortian merchant hummed softly in smug contempt when they returned, Red trying not to focus on the nauseating sound of the foreign creatures his odd smeet somehow described as being pleasant. In what universe these horrid, centipede like creatures were cute, he would never know. Zil reached up and rubbed at her wide, awed eyes with a yawn before immediately pointing back down to the same specific creature from before, closely admiring the swirl and glow of the soft tendrils curling from its slick back as it plucked tiny morsels and crumbs from the dirt of its gargantuan enclosure with bulky, trembling mandibles. As if sensing the growing stink of curiosity lacing the exotically spiced air, the trader leisurely pulled up a worn stepstool, taking his time to shakily ascend the short steps to the top before carefully peeling back the crude, improvised mesh keeping his prized farm contained. He reached up with unsteady arms and poked the worn end of his cane down into the enclosure, tapping lightly on the side of the glass before doing something completely unexpected, drawing Red into the trancelike atmosphere that had consumed his inquisitive daughter with his own mounting curiosity. An airy, ethereal whistle flew from his cracked lips and the monster immediately responded, rearing up blindly into the sound before groping for the end of its captor's cane, feeling about and traversing the entire length of the titanium, up the sleeve of his tattered day shirt, and perching dutifully on his bony shoulder to wait for further instruction. He pulled away, using his free hand to gradually tug the tank closed before returning his halfhearted attention to the Irkens he clearly despised.

"This is Kalopiac female." He explained with a rasp of a cough. "She…er…" he hunted for the correct word, licking his lips with a smack before the language settled back in his antique brain. "She trained to…be good."

Red couldn't deny his mounting interest, letting Zil down to the ground and watching in cautious curiosity as the Vortian gently tugged the Kolopiac's fuzzy legs from where they had hooked into the fabric of his shirt before extending her down into the waiting arms of his ridiculous little smeet. Zil burst out in a fit of excited giggles when the thrilling sensation of hundreds of tiny feet made contact with her soft skin, trailing up to her shoulders as she laughed and emitting a soothing trill of a purr before curling around the back of her neck like a scarf. Zil reached up and lightly stroked at the oddly squishy horn atop the Kalopiac's head, earning another jovial hum from within it's exoskeleton as it massaged its way under her chin.

Red hesitated, trying to fight away the warmhearted swell of seeing his child so incredibly happy and relaxed. There was something about the strange beast that soothed her; maybe it was the uncanny mixture of textures dotting its body or the rumbling, gentle sound of air hissing from between the panels of its body as it squirmed. He took a deep breath and glanced behind him into the crowd, scanning it quickly for any sign of his fashionable partner and scowling to himself when he remained hidden. Purple was going to kill him. Absolutely kill him.

"So, tell me more about what this thing is." He returned his attention to the clinking of wrinkled fingers against the cane as deep navy eyes searched his face.

"I hatch them when I was child. They come from Vort and live 5,000 cycle. This one 1,337 cycle old." The merchant jabbed a finger at the Kalopiac as Red nodded, trying to mask his blatant fascination under his weak logical scrutiny. "Very easy to care for. No waste, no mess, no bite, already trained, can eat anything. You whistle she will come."

Red blinked with a frown, leaning forward slightly on the balls of his feet. "Wait, you said they can eat _anything_?" He asked gradually when Zil flopped down on the ground and wrapped her arms around her new friend, snuggling completely into the gooey tendrils licking up at her face as she laughed. At least it would be easy to care for. Wait, was he actually considering purchasing one of these things?! No. Purple would tear him in half!

The Vortian grinned a thin smile, readjusting his loose grip on his cane when he knew he had hooked his claws into his potential customer. "And Kalopiac have no eyes. She is blind but…she see _feeling_." He tapped between his eyes for good measure before continuing. "They see when you angry, when you sad, when you glad and many other things. She provide much comfort for tiny Irken child when she scared."

That sealed Red's wavering attention, the positive implications of what that could mean for Zil outweighing the cons of his husband pummeling him into extinction. Zil struggled with emotional outbursts and the presence of the Kolopiac wiggling in her welcoming arms was already helping her to remain blissfully oblivious to the overstimulation of the bustling crowd of the bazaar around them, a once insurmountable feat that Red was sure wouldn't ever be possible.

Huh.

"How much for this one?" He asked firmly but abruptly, opening up a staunch haggling session with the eager Vortian as he ran his wrinkled fingers together and dug into the pocket of his shirt for a checkbook.

"4,000."

"What? No! That's ridiculous! You said 700 earlier."

"Yes, but you rich. You pay 4,000 or no pet. You want make your daughter happy? Then 4,000."

"I said no. I'm not letting a Vortian con me into something I can still walk away from. I want the flat rate or no deal."

"4,000 or no Kalopiac."

Zil hopped up from where she had been rolling and bounded to her father's side, holding up her wriggling friend for him to see clearly as its legs groped blindly in the air for purchase and its heavy mandibles clicked aimlessly in her grip. "Please, Dad? She's so cute and...a-and I named her Mama Kitty! Can we please, please, please keep her?" She pleaded sweetly, replacing Mama Kitty around her shoulders before wrapping his leg in a tight hug and nuzzling warmly against him. "_Please_?"

Red chewed his tongue for a moment as he watched her incredible enthusiasm, giving in to the incredibly annoying way she melted him down like butter.

"Fine. I'll take it. Do you accept point cards?"

"Cash only."

"Ugh, whatever."

* * *

"Mm, I don't know if these look quite right. I feel like…I dunno…the heel is too high or something." Purple mumbled to himself in the full length mirror a portly Plookesian stylist was holding up as she watched him closely. He trailed his dissecting gaze over the new glossy pair of black leather calf boots she had suggested, trying to run back through the already extensive collection of shoes he kept neatly organized in his closet. Didn't he already have these? "What do you guys think?"

The horde of jittery reporters and cameramen crowding the sales table behind him immediately jumped to attention, spilling coffee and dropping torn packages of junk food before bombarding him with a slew of overemphasized syrupy comments and excessively passionate praise. There were so many boisterous voices at once; a muddled joint attempt to get him to look directly into the shuttering lenses of their cameras as they grinned enthusiastically back and fought one another to get the perfect angle. Purple played coy and turned back to the mirror, secretly eating up the attention now that Red was galivanting around with Zil and probably buying her things she didn't need. He liked a little time to himself to show off as the celebrity he was; it pumped up his needy ego when he felt himself slowly slipping, dragging him back out into the limelight to remind the whole of the Empire that he was still in the game as the prime example of high class Irken fashion. Then came the slew of hectic questions as hands and feet batted at each other for even the slightest chance to talk to their esteemed, almighty leader and get a taste of what was fluttering around in his mind as he returned to admiring his new boots.

"My Tallest! Who are you wearing? Are those the new rose gold sunglasses from Golce & Dabanna!?"

"Please, sir, the public just _has_ to know; what are your tips for the perfect summer body?"

"Tallest Purple, any response on the rumors that your eye color is fake and the result of colored ocular implants?"

"Just one smile! Come on, just give me one smile!"

"Would you parasites get back? Can't we come out here for one day without you following us around like smeets!?" A familiar voice shouted from behind and Purple rolled his eyes to his own reflection, sitting down when the Plookesian vendor scrambled to shove aside the mirror and expertly scoot a bench beneath him.

Red shoved his way through the ravenous crowd, walking Zil forward on the tops of his feet as she waved up at the bright flashes radiating outwards from expensive equipment stooping to try and get a prime photo of her tiny face and gorgeous eye color. As soon as the three were back within range of one another, the throng bombarded them with another round of queries and practically begged them to pose together as a family, which Red quickly refused with a vehement glare that had them taking a few steps back to gawk nervously from afar.

"Pur? Can I talk to you? Don't get mad but I…well Zil and I bought…um…"

Purple didn't look up and continued to play it cool for their admirers as he worked off his tall boots and tossed them into the waiting arms of the sales representative sweating to give him exactly what he wanted. "I'll take them." He said with a cocky smile, looking up leisurely and squinting demurely over his rosy glasses across the table to another high-priced, incredibly luxurious pair of grey sock boots. "Oh! Those are cool! How much for those in a size 8?"

The Plookesian nearly exploded and her tiny eyes bulged in her skull as she choked on the opulent request. "T-Those?! Those are made of Bechittia Suede from the rare Bechittis Mastarta! They're only hunted in one desert on Plookesia and are incredibly rare to even see-"

"I don't care. I just wanna know how expensive they are." Purple cut her off, eager to show off his bottomless bank account to the wide, sparkling, eager eyes of the paparazzi waiting quietly behind them with bated breath.

"Pur? Honey?" Red repeated as casually as he could muster, growing a bit uneasy at the prospect of having to explain why they would be returning to the Massive with something that looked like it had escaped from the ninth circle of Vortian hell. "Your _really_ should see what we found."

"Hang on, Red. I'm a little busy." He hummed effortlessly, standing when the saleswoman brought the boots over for him to feel and swelling when the crowd erupted in a furious chatter when she finally told him the price.

"U-Um…these are two million, sir."

Red nearly had an aneurysm when Purple's eyes lit up with thrilled insatiability and he nodded through his fickle desire over the excited hoots and wails resounding out through the gossip hungry press, flashing lights and deafening screams of blathering delight swamping them once more when Purple went to pay.

"T-Two million?" Red hissed out in horror under the watchful gaze of their fans cackling and banging outrageously on the table as they ate up the drama. "They're _shoes_, you idiot! Why would you pay two million for shoes?!" Suddenly he was feeling better about spending a meager 4,000 on their daughter's new horrid love centipede.

Purple scoffed at the audacity that Red had to even ask such an idiotic question. "Because I can! I mean, why wouldn't I spend top dollar for the finest boots in the galaxy? This just proves your sense of fashion is so old, Red." He turned and flashed a wide, well-practiced grin to the cameras before flicking his antennae back and brandishing their platinum point card from within his tote, puffing out his chest at the amazed, completely bewildered silence that hushed through the bazaar.

Red clenched his jaw and glanced down to where Zil sat unwearyingly at his feet, still lightly cradling her purring Kalopiac as she ran her blind feelers up over her arms. Suddenly, a hilariously devious idea overcame him to knock his egotistical partner down a few pegs. Purple could barely stand the sight of anything with more than five legs, claiming the idea of something so bizarre made him nauseous to even think about. Red leaned down and whispered something against Zil's short antennae, stifling a laugh when she looked up and gasped, matching his cruel, devilish grin. She stood with a fake yawn, working their plan for the cameras as she hid her new pet behind her back and skipped over to where Purple swiped his card.

"Daddy? You wanna see what Dad and I bought?" She giggled, glancing back to Red who bit his lip and tried to look as inconspicuous as he could.

Purple beamed down at her and stooped, running a smooth palm back over her antennae before Zil revealed the disgusting, dastardly menace of a pet she had grown so infinitely attached to. Purple immediately flew back to his feet with a girly shriek of terror, Zil hopping where she stood before throwing Mama Kitty up over her head to show off her hundreds of wiry legs covered in stout prickly hairs. Purple instantly panicked, stumbling backwards gracelessly and nearly tripping as the press snickered and laughed, taking full advantage of the hilarious sight as Red burst out into a fit of untamed laughter when his conceited husband threw a hand over his mouth to stifle a repulsed gag.

"Oh Irk, it's so disgusting! A-And why does it smell like that?!" He stuttered in repulsed loathing as his designer glasses slipped awkwardly from his face, throwing his free hand down to try and keep Zil back when she waved her new wiggling friend as close to his horrified form as she could manage before drawing another terrified squeal from his mouth. "Red, tell me you did _not_ buy that freaky thing for her! Ew! Get it away! Get it away!"

Zil squeaked excitedly. "I named her Mama Kitty!" She exclaimed brightly. "She's gonna be my best friend forever!"

Red could barely speak, doubling over as he cackled. "Literally forever. The seller said they live for up to 5,000 cycles. Neat, huh?" He chuckled wildly when Purple glanced up, freezing when he immediately noticed the whole of his repulsive display had been caught by every invasive camera being thrust back up into his face. By morning his disgusted, uncomposed face would be plastered all over the cosmos for everyone to laugh at. That was going to be a blow to the ethereal reputation he had maintained for cycles.

Ouch.

"Looks like you're gonna be on the cover of every magazine in the cosmos…again!"

"I can't believe you would do something like that to me! You…You are the absolute _worst_, Red!"

"Do it to _you_? You're the one who kept calling me old! You deserve everything you get."

"Just shut up and take me home! I'm hungry and its hot and want outta this place and off of this stupid planet now!"

"Fine...come on drama queen.

* * *

This took me way longer to write than I was expecting. Sorry! Hope you had fun. I like to think Purple is sort of experimental with fashion. Anyway, have a good day, loves!


	7. TeeTee and Auntie K

**Chapter Requested By:** Larrimeme

**Comment Request:** "I'd like to suggest Zil hanging out with her aunties Teem and Kez. If Zil is staying with Teem and Kez, imagine Teem scrambling to clean up her bar in time for her neice's arrival. You absolutely don't have to do this if it won't work with your canon. Thank you."

**Genre:** Friendship/Comedy

**Rating:** T for light language, light suggestive/adult themes, and light mentions of drinking.

**TO SHY ANON: **I will be filling your request after this one my dear! I think it'll be super cute to see their adorable wedding! 😊

**GORGEOUS FANART ALERT:** OUR LOVELY REVIWER LARRIMEME CREATED AN ABSOLUTELY DARLING POST OF THEIR IMPECABLE RENDITION OF BABY IN HER SWEET LITTLE TALLEST UNIFORM AND I WANTED TO LINK IT HERE BECAUSE I AM ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE! THANK YOU ANGEL YOU ARE THE BEST! SERIOUSLY I. AM. SO. IN. LOVE!

(Post found on Tumblr) post/188756949261/larrimeme-fanart-of-the-excellent-iz-rapr

**Author Comment(s): (PLEASE READ THIS SECTION BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER)**  
_**Number one, sorry I took so long**__**!**_ I had to really think about this one! I'm so excited for this one! This is a suggestion I never thought I would get! For those readers not familiar with my other RAPR fic, "My Kind," Teem and Kez are an OC lesbian couple that appear sporadically from chapter 8 on up. Teem is a taller than average, former women's fleet commander who used to casually date and work with Red at an airbase in the Naphrus region of Irk. The two parted ways for a long while when he left to work on the Massive after a promotion and eventually became Tallest. When she retired, she bought an old bar they used to frequent with her pension and hired a food service drone named Kez to work the kitchen, who was too short to get her dream job as a communication's specialist in the Armada. They end up falling for one another and getting married, and build a small home onto the back of their bar. Teem and Kez are the couple that finally give Red the push he needed to act on his confusing feelings towards Purple in "My Kind," breaking open their relationship for the first time and became close friends with the two. Teem herself is raunchy, wears too much bad makeup, and is generally rebellious towards the Irken government, letting Irkens of all ages drink, have sex, and do recreational drugs at her bar. Kez is overly excitable, infinitely sweet, likes to cook good food, and acts as Teem's rational conscious when she does irresponsible things. Just thought I would give some background here so those who don't know about them will be able to also enjoy this chapter! NO SPECIFIC REFERENCES WILL BE MADE TO MY OTHER FIC. THIS CHAPTER WILL STAND ALONE.

* * *

"I'm. Freaking. Out!. Everyone get out of my way or I'm gonna murder you in your sleep!"

"Um…Teem?" Kez held up a finger from where she had been cowering in her boots behind a weighty frying pan, terrified her wife had finally gone off the deep end this time as she watched her mumble furiously to herself in a horrific cleaning frenzy. "W-What's wrong?"

"What's wrong, Kez? _What's wrong_?!" Teem screeched back and spun on the heel of her boot, running a sweaty palm up over her eyes to smear her gaudy grey eyeshadow before scrambling about scooping up jagged, broken glass from last night's appalling bar fight. "Our idiot friends just called and they're coming by the bar! In fifteen minutes! That's, like, no time to prepare at all!"

Kez lowered her improvised shield with a puzzled blink, cocking her head and thinking a moment before she lit up with a sudden endearing delight. "Wait! Do you mean the nice boys from down the street? I haven't seen them in so long and-"

"No! I mean Purple and Red! They called in a last minute favor we owed them from when they paid to fix our Spittle Runner last summer." She groaned vehemently, floundering past their stocky bartender who was halfheartedly attempting to scrub obscene graffiti and profanities from the baseboards. She froze in her tracks and stared at the floor with a horrified loathing for what was to come. "They…they're bringing…their _smeet_! She's staying the night with us so they can go spend their anniversary at some tropical LGBT-only resort on Hypatia 3. Ugh, how unfair is that? Those two are really gonna owe us for this one."

Kez's jaw dropped and she let the pan slip to the filthy ground with a boisterous clatter, hopping where she stood with a cry of pure glee. "Zil?! They're bringing Zil?!" She screamed again, working herself up in a frenzy at the prospect of being able to pinch tiny cheeks again. "Oh! That's so exciting! I love that cute little fluffy thing so much and she's probably so much bigger now since we saw her last! This is gonna be so fun!"

"Shut the hell up and help me smeet-proof this place!" Teem bellowed frantically as she began to hyperventilate and dove for a broom and dustpan perched precariously against the counter. "I told Purple that we would close the bar for the night, but this place is still a total disaster! There's glitter all over the club in the back, dollar bills crammed in the vents, someone spray painted a dick on the front door _again_, and there's a used condom in the toilet and it's just floating there and I don't wanna reach in and get it but we can't flush it because it'll clog like last time!"

Kez swallowed her concentrated enthusiasm, feeling it quickly turn stagnant at the disgusting image with a shudder. "I guess we could get a glove or something and pick it out." She suggested with a shrug, holding back a chuckle when Teem shot her a look of revulsion and tried not to gag.

Kez let her expression fall flat when a group of puzzled exotic dancers poked their heads through the door to the back room, smacking on minty gum and practically dripping globs of obnoxiously sticky glitter to Teem's freshly swept floor as they moved about in short halter tops and tacky sequined gloves to flit through the sudden commotion. Teem turned around with wide eyes, swinging her broom wildly in their direction with an angry shout.

"Girls, I thought I told you to get out of here! Shoo!" She cried out, earning a few irate glances as her employees finally rolled their eyes in distain and adjusted fringed purses and duffle bags over their shoulders, making for the front door and throwing it open without bothering to close it. She did the same for their bouncer, grabbing him hard by the shoulder before he could protest and shoving him along with the others until he was out of sight. Teem groaned hotly and went to clean up the extensive trail of shame and self-loathing left behind their high clicking heels and swaying hips, muttering to herself as Kez scooped up the pan from her feet and went to stow it away.

"Sweetheart, I really think it'll be fine. Zil should be old enough now to know what's for adults and what's for smeets." Kez reassured lovingly, taking a few steps forward to rub soothing circles into her wife's knee. "Don't worry so much."

"_Don't worry_?" Teem snapped back, stooping to brush the massive pile of glittering nonsense into her dustpan. "It's not Zil I'm worried about. It's her insane parents! I love them to death, but if those idiots walk in here and their kid gets one speck of dust on her hands they'll skin me alive!"

"Idiots? Huh. Who knew you had such strong opinions, Teem?"

Teem straightened up with a horrified shriek when a resounding, passive-aggressive knock rang out against the open steel door followed by the sound of cheap flip flops padding slowly through the main foyer. She flashed Red a nervous, cheesy smile as his fake frown melted into a wide grin before he stooped and set Zil gently down on the ground. She immediately took off in a bouncing skip with a short scream, throwing her arms out for Kez who jumped in delight and met her halfway, wrapping her in a warm, spine-bending embrace and spinning her around playfully as she giggled.

"Auntie K I missed you!" Zil screeched against Kez's curled antennae, dropping her plush doll to the ground and wrapping her legs around her adopted Aunt's waist to hold her firmly in place as she possessively pressed their cheeks together.

Kez nearly lost her balance, slumping hard against the cabinet as she was practically suffocated by tiny arms squeezing around her shoulders. She gave a thick cough and went pink in the face, patting Zil lightly on the back and flashing Red a cheeky thumbs up when he looked her over in worried confusion as she was halfway destroyed by his daughter's iron grip. Teem let herself relax a bit at the lightening mood, setting her dustpan and broom down against the cabinet before striding forward and throwing her old friend into a warm hug, almost immediately pulling back when her hands collided with something moist and gummy dotting his skin and urging her to stick her tongue out in revulsion.

"Ew, Red, why the hell are you sticky?" She teased jovially, amused when he shrunk into himself out of growing embarrassment, wiping her hands on her slim khaki pants. "You feel disgusting. And what's up with the shirt? You look like you just stepped out of one of those weird Malibu beer commercials."

"I haven't seen you in two months and that's the first thing you say to me? Thanks. Purple picked the shirt because he wanted us to match. Something about being able to find me easier in a crowd." He grumbled, rolling his eyes in humiliation with a huff and averted his gaze to the ground, toying nervously with the hem of his overly flamboyant tropical polo. "He also wouldn't let me leave the Massive without dousing me in sunscreen."

Teem clamped a hand over her mouth as an insufferable laugh flooded past her peachy pink lipstick, looking him head to toe as her wide eyes lit up with an obnoxious enjoyment. "Ok, but why is there so much of it?" She managed to squeak out before doubling over in another fit of deafening laughter when Red's antennae craned back in annoyance.

"Because, his skin is super sensitive and he always burns!" Purple called enthusiastically from the doorway, struggling to tug along Zil's decadently pink overnight bag and finally giving up, dropping it to whine pathetically for Red's help. "Ugh! Red, come pick this up! It's too heavy."

Red flashed Teem a secret look of affectionate irritation before turning and crossing back to where his weak-willed partner slumped against the doorframe to fan himself with an exhausted hand, bending to snatch the light, fluffy bag of healthy snacks and neatly folded clothes before hoisting it up with unsurprising ease. Purple eyed him dangerously when he held it up with one arm, a silent jab to show off his still impressive strength before he was shoved to the side so his husband could dig out a half crumpled stack of papers from his pocket and pass it off to Teem while Zil was thoroughly distracted with pinning Kez further into the floor with her bodyweight.

"We can't stay long because the resort won't hold our reservations forever, so here's a list I made of Zil's scheduled snack times and her bedtime." He explained rapidly, reaching up and adjusting his wide sunhat before slinging an arm around Teem's shoulders and ticking off his mile long, over exaggerated list in hasty succession. "She's allergic to artificial colors so no candy unless it's organic, and she'll try to tell you she can have orange juice but it always makes her sick so don't let her trick you. She's started this weird thing about sleeping in Red's old shirts so there's a few of those in her bag and she won't go to sleep unless she has her doll, so be sure you give it to her when you put her down otherwise she'll be up all night. I also packed her night light because she's still scared of the dark and she likes to fall asleep while watching the glitter float around." He glanced over to Red as he thought, trying to remember if there was anything else pertinent his friends needed to know before they made their grand escape. "Oh! We haven't had her formally tested yet, but we're pretty sure she's autistic and she's sensory sensitive to sound so don't play music too loud and don't get mad at her when she flaps her hands because that's her way of calming herself down. Got it?"

Teem blinked away her delirium with an unsure nod, mind swimming with the incredible swathes of information as she reached out and tentatively took the thick book of a list from Purple's hand before he pulled her in for a warm-hearted thank you hug.

"Thanks! We were going to have her stay with General Gor again but Zil keeps saying he's boring and we thought it would be good to spend time with some other girls for once." He pulled back and waved down to Zil with a smile, who perked up and immediately pushed off of Kez, knocking her to the ground as she sprinted to her father's side and hopped, throwing her arms in the air and grabbing up for him with a little whine.

"Daddy, when will you come back?" She rubbed at her eyes and jutted out her bottom lip in an immature pout, satisfied when he hoisted her up and planted a soothing kiss to her forehead. "I don't want you to leave."

"I told you, Zilly, smeets aren't allowed where Dad and I are going." He explained fondly, bouncing her in his arms with a grin when she patted him forlornly on the side of the face as if it was the final time she would ever see him.

Red leaned in and grabbed her, throwing her up in front of him before dipping her back sharply with a smile when she burst into a fit of untamable giggles at the unexpected playfulness. He pulled her back in and peppered kisses affectionately to her cheek as she laughed, trying to push him off with tiny hands. "Be good, kiddo. We'll be back in the morning around nine, alright?" He peeled her away from his chest and passed her off to Teem who immediately panicked and struggled to maintain a decent hold on Zil's squirming body. "You have our personal extension so if you need something just call."

Purple snatched his husband by the hand, eager to leave and get on with their twenty-fourth anniversary celebration with a vibrant throng of other giddy couples like them from around the universe. "Love you, Zilly!" With that he turned with a laugh and dragged Red on against his will, chuckling the whole way. "Let's go get covered in glitter!"

"Do you think that cute bartender from last cycle will be there?"

"Oh, I hope so! He made the best martinis!"

"Um, happy anniversary, you two!" Teem called out, flinching when the door slammed shut and the boisterous noise hushed as the thrusters to their personal runner fired up outside, leaving her with a little child she had no idea how to care for.

She glanced down nervously, making eye contact with Zil as she balanced her in the crook of her arm, unsettled by the stillness of her deadpan expression staring back up at her as she scrutinizied her heavy makeup with daunting interest, reaching up with curious hands to poke at her glittery eyeshadow and rubbing it between her fingers with a sudden tiny giggle. Teem wasn't good with children and never had to deal with them in her risqué line of work, avoiding them at all costs because of the horrendous amounts of snot and tears that tended to pour out of their faces and coat every flat surface they rolled about on. Nasty.

She glanced up at the clock suspended over the bar when Kez fell excitedly in at her side and waved up at Zil with a bright, loving beam. It was only 4:00. Great…This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**4:30 pm:**

It didn't take too long to get Zil settled into their private quarters off the back of the bar. Kez had to wrangle with Purple's impressive tetris-level packing skills shoved in her fuzzy pink bag, laying out the overbearing number of organic fruit chews and homemade snack cakes on their once spotless counter, swamping their kitchen with his overprotective parenting. How much did smeets eat anyway?

"TeeTee!" Zil cried out from where she had been rolling on the linoleum at Teem's feet, tugging firmly at her pant leg. "I want orange juice!"

Orange juice? Wasn't that one of the things Purple said _not_ to give her? "Eh…no. Sorry I don't have any." She lied quickly through her teeth, irritated when Kez strode leisurely to the refrigerator and carelessly threw it open to bust her fib wide open.

Zil pointed, catching sight of the half-full jug of liquid gold and narrowed her eyes hotly when she realized her adopted aunt had tried to pull a fast one on her. Oh, ho….no. No one fooled her that easily. "Yes, you do! I see it right there!" She grumbled, crossing her arms fiercely over her chest when she puffed out her cheeks. "I'm thirsty and I want orange juice."

Teem hastily scanned the frozen shelves and reached out to grab for a can of cherry cola instead, reading over the ingredients for any strange dyes before popping the tin tab and passing it down to where Zil stared up at her in dumbfounded awe. "Here. If you're thirsty drink this." She suggested instead, feeling herself relax a bit at the incredible enthusiasm pouring off of Zil's buzzing body.

"Dad says I can't have soda until I'm bigger!" She cried eagerly, jumping up and stomping fervently on the ground as she danced and twirled innocently, snatching the chilly can and immediately bringing it to her lips to relish in the incredible sweetness of the unusual, forbidden treat. "Oh, it has bubbles! They feel funny."

Teem blinked before feeling a spark of pride simmer up in her chest at the thought of defying her old colleague so openly. "Yeah, well, I've known your Dad for a long time and he's always been a stiff." She joked, ushering Zil out of the kitchen with a rebellious grin. "Your Aunt TeeTee is cool. You can eat and drink whatever you want when you're here, ok? Just no orange juice. I don't want you puking on my floor. I get enough of that when drunk freaks from the bar wander back here on accident."

Zil nodded, sucking down more of the fizzy carbonation as she skipped off to throw herself in front of the massive transmitter to watch a violent action movie Teem had put on to entertain herself while she helped Kez make them all dinner.

Kez retrieved Zil's doll from the floor and watched nervously as she pounded back the sugary, tooth-rotting drink in impressive time, crushing the now empty can in her little fingers and enjoying the bizarre, crinkling sound it made. "Why do you think Red doesn't let her drink that stuff?" She asked suddenly, glancing up with mounting apprehension to where her wife had begun to prep their food with a happy hum. "Maybe you shouldn't have given that to her."

Teem shrugged flippantly, brandishing a sharpened knife to slice through a plump head of wriggling live plooka, cubing it before tossing it into a waiting skillet on the stove as it squealed and went limp. "Geez, Kez, let the kid have some fun. It's just a little caffeine. What's the worst that could happen?"

* * *

**5:30 pm;**

"Ah, holy shit! No, you have to at least put _something_ on!" Teem shrieked in a panicked frenzy, chasing down the now completely naked, sugar-high riding monster she had so unsuspectingly created. "Zil, get back here now and put on your Dad's shirt!"

"No! That's only for sleeping, TeeTee!" Zil screamed back with flailing arms, extending her rickety PAK legs and jumping, latching firmly onto the top of the couch before vaulting behind it and tearing off down the far corridor with her doll waving behind her. "I wanna be naked!"

Kez emerged from behind the island in the kitchen with a steaming plate of stir-fried plooka and rice, crying out and barely dodging the nude flash of green and crimson streaking like lightning past her, almost dropping her heaping platter and shooting Teem a look where she panted in a pool of her own sweat from tearing after the hyped up demon.

"Is she…naked?" Kez began in blank confusion, balancing the plate on one petite hand and jabbing down the hallway with the other.

Teem groaned exhaustively and nodded through her slowly deescalating breath. "Yeah. She told me she wanted to return to the wild, whatever the hell that means." She held up one of Red's old training tees from the Academy before letting her arms hang weakly back at her sides. "I've been trying to get her to put this on for like thirty minutes now."

There was a resounding crash flittering ominously from their bedroom, Kez struggling to slide the plate up onto their high table before taking off in a cloud of jittery concern. Teem followed, the two throwing open the hatch to their bedroom with a joint gasp when they noticed Zil had somehow climbed halfway up their pale pink curtains, latching her tiny claws into the sturdy fabric before glancing back with a unruly grin at the incredible progress she seemed to think she had made.

"Look Auntie K! Now I'm _really_ tall!" She laughed, hoisting herself up another inch and throwing her head back to wail out her caffeine fog, whining when Teem sprinted hectically across the room and peeled her from her improvised perch, slinging her away from the fluttering curtain and plopping her down on the bed where she proceeded to screech wildly and roll herself into a ball of soft fleece blankets as she laughed and tossed herself about.

Kez stared on in bewilderment, slipping off her maroon oven mitts and shoving them under her armpit. "Maybe _that's_ why she wasn't allowed to have soda." She pointed out when Zil kicked her flailing feet against their steel headboard and threw her doll high into the air.

Teem struggled to untangle the boisterous little smeet from their furry blankets, fighting against her wild kicks and untamed chuckles flying back in her face as she squirmed under her hands and threatened to slip off the edge of the bed. Finally, she managed to tug her up to a sit, shoving her in Red's shirt and helping her pull her arms through the oversized sleeves. It dwarfed her tiny frame like a sack, but she didn't seem to mind, throwing herself down to the floor and taking off again, leaving her two terrified Aunts behind in her overpowering dust.

* * *

**6:00;**

Kez finally managed to sit Zil down to eat after great coaxing and effort, tying her tiny apron around her shoulders to keep her clean and throwing a few cushions in her seat so she could reach the table, but they soon ran into a different, unexpected problem when she clamped her hands firmly over her mouth and refused to take even one bite of Kez's famous cooking. Teem tried a few times to get her to see how delicious it was, taking massive bites and flashing her eager grins and thumbs up before moving on to fake feeding her doll, but she simply stared back from behind her fingers before reaching out and pushing away her plate with a huff.

"Honey, do you want to be a big girl and try a bite?" Kez asked sweetly, trying to urge her gently to give it a shot. "I promise you'll like it if you try it."

Zil shook her head with a low droning moan against her palms when Teem tried to work her hands away, giving up when she held like glue and sunk down into her cushions, knocking a few to the ground when she tried to wriggle away.

"Do we need to call your parents?" Teem warned lightly, scooting her still full plate back across the tabletop to try to scare her into eating. "You'll be hungry if you don't eat, kid. Auntie K makes the best stir fry in the galaxy."

Zil still refused to budge, squeezing her wide eyes shut and shaking her head wildly in protest as she rolled against the back of her chair and attempted to spin, grumbling when Teem took her by the shoulders and gently repositioned her forward, growing irritated but trying not to let it show.

Kez thought a moment, stretching up to try and look over the table when an exciting idea struck her out of the blue. Her eyes lit up with a sudden delight, slamming her fork down and throwing her palms up on the table, standing up in her seat as she grinned.

"Zil, have you ever worn makeup before?" She suggested with an enthusiastic sparkle behind her ocular lenses. "This is a girl's night, so we get to do cute girly things without awful boys around! If you eat your dinner, I'll let you play with Teem's makeup kit!"

Zil immediately pulled her hands away and snatched quickly for her plastic safety fork Purple had sent with her, smiling back and bouncing where she sat as though she might pop at the blissful proposition. "Do I get to look like a princess?!" She yelled, riling herself back up when Kez plopped back down with a thrilled nod. "Will I look pretty like TeeTee?!"

Teem wanted to object, but Kez gave her a hard, ruthless kick under the table, effectively silencing her when she went to argue and instead flashing Zil a cozy, motherly smile. "Sure sweetheart. But you have to eat your dinner first." She mused with a blink, satisfied when Zil finally broke her silence and nodded vigorously without any further objection.

Teem watched her with mounting curiosity, feeling herself finally warm completely and thaw to the wide crimson eyes gleaming with thrilled delight as their false niece tentatively took a bite and mumbled happily into her fork, losing herself to the captivatingly exotic taste of her wife's world class cooking. Zil thought she was pretty? Smeets were usually overly honest, so that was one of the most sincere, heartwarming compliments Teem had gotten in cycles, eating away at her strong, overly protected exterior. The little darling was sweet-tempered, inquisitive, and extremely clever, nothing like the snotty, drooly beasts Teem usually associated smeets to be. She was the perfect combination of her two oldest friends; the boisterous energy and extraordinary humor of Purple and the steely determination and wise innovation of Red. Strange and chaotic…but oddly beautiful. Maybe this night wouldn't be that bad after all.

* * *

**7:00;**

Zil had firmly insisted she help Kez wash the dishes, standing on her toes atop the petite stool Teem had bought her adorably short wife for their anniversary so she wouldn't have issues reaching light switches anymore, scrubbing away in the sink as she hummed and threw soapy suds in the air while Kez giggled along with her. Teem had gone into the other room to dig through her massive mirrored vanity, dragging out hundreds of cheap makeup supplies thrown haphazardly in tubs before throwing on her striped, rosy pajamas and rushing back out.

"Zil, look what I have!" She sang loudly in her iconic valley girl accent, holding the tub above her head with a beam, laughing when Zil rudely wiped her wet hands on the front of Kez's shirt before skipping over and plopping down on the couch to rock out her impatience for the incredible prospect of finally being able to look like the princess she knew she always was inside.

Teem knelt down and propped the clear tub up on her round coffee table, itching to get started with someone so extraordinarily eager to partake in her terrible makeup skills. She took a deep inhale, breathing in the amazing stench of stale face powder and acrid nail polish before running her claws over her prized possessions. "Ok, princess, I don't think you need any foundation because your skin is already flawless, so let's pick blush first. See a color you think is cute?"

Zil brought a finger to her lips as she thought long and hard, eyeing the impressive collection of peachy blushes and shimmering body glitter staring back at her. She leaned forward and jabbed a little finger at a vibrant, gaudy magenta. "I like that one." She said simply with a decisive nod, leaning back and waiting for the world changing makeover to sweep her off her feet and carry her on to another, more shimmery, universe that was all her own.

Teem returned her nod with a serious one of her own, brandishing a fluffy green brush with an overdone flourish and snatching at the pallet, generously dipping into the creamy color before going to town on Zil's round apple cheeks. "Man, that's adorable!" She said, squinting slightly as she worked, smearing her youthful features with a thick layer of tacky, clown-like pigment. "I swear, when you're my age you're gonna be _so_ beautiful. Boys are gonna love you to death."

Zil broke away and reached out with a squeak, grabbing a tiny, rhinestone encrusted hand mirror from the tub so she could watch every move Teem made as the plush bristles danced over her skin and turned her into the vision of unbridled, refined perfection. "Beautiful?" She repeated under her breath when Teem finally pulled back, admiring her handiwork before throwing about dozens of old eyeshadow compacts she had collected from around the universe. "You think I'm beautiful?" She blinked and hesitated, growing anxious at the likelihood of having to impress boys in the future. "But TeeTee! I don't _want_ boys to like me! They're so icky and stupid and always push me around!"

Kez laughed loudly from where she had retreated into the bedroom, quickly emerging in her bright violet footed pajamas to join in on the fun. "You said it, sister!" She chuckled, positioning herself next to her nervous adopted niece. "Boys are the worst. All they do is yell and stink up the place. And you poor little thing you have to deal with two of them all the time!"

Zil cocked her head in misunderstanding. "No, my Daddy and my Dad are the best boys ever! They never bother me." She paused, her hands growing fidgety as she banged lightly on the cushions of the couch. "Sometimes my Dad is gross though. He eats really loud and says bad words that aren't allowed. And sometimes Daddy gets mad when I eat too much of his food without asking."

Teem stuck out her tongue in embellished disgust to show Zil just how much she agreed and finally selected a complimentary color to help her cherry red eyes pop, hunting around for a small eyeshadow brush amidst the cluttered chaos. "Seriously though, what's up with the hype around finding your Prince Charming or whatever? Honey, I've been there, done that, and let me tell you there is _nothing_ there that's even remotely charming about them. They think they rule the whole universe while us ladies have to stay in the kitchen or take all the undesirable jobs in the Armada all because we're pretty." She leaned in close and Zil met her halfway, biting her lip in anticipation for whatever incredible secret was coming. "Let me tell you a life lesson, kid; being beautiful is dangerous in the best ways. Guys will do anything for a pretty face, and I've got so much free stuff with just a wink and a smile, so use that to your advantage when you're older. And as big as you are now, you'll probably be Tallest someday. When you smash through that glass ceiling, be sure to give your Aunties a shout out and don't forget us little gals down here on Irk."

Zil didn't know what a glass ceiling was but grinned regardless, letting her eyes flitter shut and holding herself as still as she could when Teem took her tenderly by the chin and had her look up, patting a substantial layer of cotton candy pink on her lids as she flinched. "Sometimes my Daddy wears makeup." She pointed out with a childlike innocence, cracking an eye when Teem pulled back in amusement and glanced to Kez.

"Does he now?"

"Yeah! He likes to wear lip gloss because my Dad thinks it makes him look really pretty. I think Daddy is pretty, too."

Kez choked back a laugh at the secret information they undoubtedly weren't supposed to hear, reaching for the transmission remote and clicking on the screen as Teem continued to pamper their tiny guest with ungodly amounts of tinted powder. "Aww! How sweet! That's probably where you got your stunning looks, honey." She squeaked out between tiny snickers, trying to look inconspicuous as she scrolled through music channels, landing on a ridiculously upbeat station blaring out chipper tones and disgustingly feminine love songs.

She dialed back the volume when she noticed Zil shift uncomfortably back into the reaches of the couch and clamp her hands over her antennae, furrowing her brow at the sudden intrusion. When she finally recovered, Teem pulled out a blinding, over the top red lipstick and smeared it immaturely over her smooth, thin lips before dipping her fingers in a pot of gold glitter with a missing cap, dabbing it lightly around her eyes and down onto her flushed cheeks.

"There!" She wiped the remaining traces of dust and shimmer on her striped fleece pants with a proud giggle, pressing in against Zil when she returned her attention to the mirror. "Well, hello there, when did the princess of Irk arrive?" She teased affectionately, purring into her cheek.

Teem's handiwork looked utterly appalling, as usual, but all Zil could do was stare back at her own expression with a wide, open mouthed grin and wave her free hand up in pure, undomesticated elation above her as she bounced vibrantly against the cushions, kicking off the couch and hopping to her feet to give a tiny curtsy and cockily show off her new look. She was sophisticated, refined, and the picture of perfect grace. Watch out Irken aristocrats; a new kitten is in town!

Kez clapped at her sudden show, warmed to the core by the sheer enjoyment and childlike exhilaration they could help bring to their tiny niece. "You look so gorgeous, honey! We'll have to take a picture for your parents so they can see what a big girl you're becoming!"

Zil bounded back forward and threw herself at Teem's lap, wrapping her arms strongly around her waist and smearing her lipstick across her face as she nuzzled into her pocket. "Thank you, TeeTee! I love you!" She looked up with wide, expectant eyes full of adoration. "I wanna be just like you when I grow up!"

Teem stared back in shock, feeling her face flush with an uncharacteristic color at the adorable, bustling life clinging around her and admiring her as if she was the most expensive object in the universe. She felt her heart flutter with picturesque joy when Kez reached out and placed a petite hand over hers, feeling the atmosphere shift to something soothing and delightfully relaxing.

"Thanks, kid. I guess I love you too."

* * *

**8:00;**

Zil had somehow convinced Teem to dance with her, singing into her shiny hand mirror as she stood atop her Aunt's feet and laughed when they twirled and spun together to the girly pop music rebounding through their warmhearted home, screeching and cackling out of tune notes together as Kez brought out dozens of velvety blankets and furry pillows to the main living room. They decided they would let Zil sleep wherever she wanted and had been more than enthusiastic to help her pitch a blanket fort across the couch, draping long swathes of warm, pink fabric over cushions and the backs of metal chairs to piece together a fluffy colossus of impressive proportions. It took up the entirety of the room in it's cozy wake, running over the transmitter stand and encasing the whole of the foyer in thin sheets and airy cotton throw pillows.

"Ok, you two, it's time for bed!" Kez rang out jovially with a yawn, smiling softly when Zil returned it and leapt from the top of her wife's feet to slide down onto the welcoming fabric coated floor and roll into her enormous, extraordinary tent to grab for her globe of a nightlight, shaking it and watching as the fine glitter bounced and swirled through the liquid and ebbing magenta light.

Suddenly, she slammed her hand down in a startling distress that appeared from nowhere, glancing about before shrinking into herself and licking away the rest of her cherry lipstick. "W-Wait! Auntie K, my Daddy _always_ gives me a kiss before I go to bed!" She cried in uncharacteristic unease, crawling back forward on her bare knees and staring up at Kez as if she could magically manifest Purple from thin air. "I…I-I can't go to sleep without a kiss!"

Kez leaned down and planted a quick smooch to the top of her head, hoping she would accept the alternative and frowning nervously when she didn't, sinking down to the ground as fat, homesick tears welled up in her misty eyes and threatened to erupt at the unforeseen routine change she hadn't been prepared for. It was world-shattering, a major setback that drew her down into a steadily growing fugue of sniffles and heartache that couldn't be pacified by anyone other than Purple. Unfortunately, he was billions of miles away in the Guarven star system relaxing on a confetti littered beach.

"Woah, calm down, Zil." Teem came over and stooped to her level, glancing up at her confused wife for help but only getting an uncertain, precarious shrug in response at the fast plummeting happiness of the atmosphere and the dangerous quiver wavering over Zil's bottom lip. "Um…eh…your Daddy will be back in the morning! It's ok! Everything is fine, sweetheart! Just…um…d-don't cry! Oh hell, _please_ don't cry!"

Zil couldn't contain the sudden torrent of emotion overpowering her youthful senses, bursting into hot tears with a shrill wail as she pushed Teem back and buried down into Red's shirt, dark mascara and peachy eyeshadow running in streaks down her face to stain the material as she choked on her own unfounded fears. "I-I….I...I want my Daddy!" She bawled, frantically grabbing her doll from the couch and squeezing her tight to her heaving chest to try and calm herself down to no avail.

Teem flew to her feet and froze when her escalating dread hid her square in the chest, sweating when Zil showed no signs of letting up her harsh torrent anytime soon. But…she was just fine five minutes ago! What the hell changed?! Did she do something? Did she say something? Was she hungry? Did she need a snack? What?! Teem didn't understand what was so important about Purple's presence, shorting out and rushing about in a panicked frenzy to try and find anything to get the tiny smeet to stop screaming.

"Here! Look, Zil! You love these! R-Right?" She called out with as much enthusiasm as she could put forward, holding up a cheery package of uneaten fruit snacks, earning her niece's fleeting, distraught attention for a few seconds before she resumed her meltdown and turned away.

"Sweetie, why don't we just-" Kez tried to reach out for Teem, frowning in irritation when she flitted obliviously by and ran to the fridge before scrambling around for another can of soda.

She sprinted back and held up the squat can, hooking her manicured claws under the tab with a false, horrified smile. "L-Look! If you stop crying, you can have another soda!" She bargained desperately, teeth chattering in defeated terror when Zil ran her hands up over her face and continued to sob violently for her father's familiar warmth.

Kez smacked Teem hard in the leg and threw her hand up in exasperation. "Good grief! Give me that!" She half-demanded, stealing the can away and setting it gingerly on the coffee table before rolling her eyes and striding calmly to the couch, rooting through Teem's hot pink, quilted purse for their communicator before crossing back to where Zil was beginning to hiccup over her stress. "Come here, you lovely little thing." She labored to scoop her up in her short arms, grunting under her weight before managing to roll her up onto the loveseat and wipe away the remaining traces of kitschy makeup from her reddened face as she tenderly shushed her. "Why don't we call your Daddy, huh? Would that make you feel better?"

Teem watched in stunned silence when Kez struggled to pull herself up, wrapping a tender arm around Zil's shivering shoulders as she flapped before taking a deep breath and reeling herself back in with a tiny, anguished nod. Woah…where did her wife learn to be so…_maternal_? Teem took her place and sandwiched Zil between their bodies as she trembled, taking a shuddering breath when Kez dialed the extension they both knew so well and passed the distraught, tear-streaked smeet the handheld screen as they waited for her parents to pick up. Surprisingly, Purple picked up almost immediately and Teem frowned in suspicion, scanning the myriad of white, sterile equipment and loitering medical drones wandering leisurely about behind him as he gave a weary blink.

"Huh, I was just getting ready to call you." He began with a sigh, frowning when he noticed his daughter's tear-stained face, "What's wrong, Zilly? Why are you crying?" He looked at Teem and Kez shadily as if it was their fault and they both shrugged nervously in tandem, trying to save their skins from the potential storm that could be brewing on their unknown horizons.

"Daddy!" Zil cried out in alarm and ignored his question, pushing her raw face up against the screen as she cried. "Daddy I miss you! I-I can't go to sleep without a kiss!"

There was a loud rustling as Purple sat in a hard-backed waiting chair and gave her a soft, loving smile. "Well, I have good news then, because you won't have to." He half joked, looking up and watching something in the distance with obvious disinterest. "We'll be heading back in about twenty minutes when we're done here."

Teem gently peeled Zil back and wiped her tears from the LCD so she could see her exhausted friend clearly. "You're coming back? _Now_?" She asked skeptically, narrowing her eyes when Purple nodded with reluctant irritation. "I thought you and Red would be on the beach drinking sangria or something. Where are you?"

He visibly bristled at the question, clearing his throat in sudden annoyance. "We're back on Irk at the hospital in Veloria." He said with false sweetness through his teeth. "We had to leave the resort two hours ago and wait in the urgent care because…well, do you want to tell them what happened, honey? Why don't you say hi to Zil?" He flipped his communicator to where Red sat on the edge of a medical table swimming in his own soul-crushing mortification, a stocky medical drone running final scans over a thick cast wrapped expertly around his wrist as he covered his face and unbearable shame with his free hand.

"Hi, Dad!" Zil piped up innocently, feeling her fears slowly dissipate at the relieving sight of her parents so close.

"No." Red grumbled through his fingers in embarrassment. "No, I do _not_ want to tell them. And you better not-"

"Fine, _I'll_ tell them, then." Purple turned the camera back, holding back a mixture of laughter and impatience at the ridiculous circumstance they had somehow gotten themselves in. "We made it to the resort alright and had a few hours before the sun went down, so we went to a party at the beach." He began leisurely, eyeing Red from over the screen with cruel amusement when he yelped at the drone's forceful touch. "My idiot husband thought it would be a good idea to try and play volleyball with a group of horrible teenagers half his age even though I warned him it would be a bad idea. And then what, Red?"

There was a suffocating silence followed by a hot grumbling over the call of loudspeakers and wheeling stretchers outside the door to their room. "I…um…served too hard and broke my wrist." Red's thoroughly humiliated voice was almost too quiet to hear over Purple's heartless chuckling against the mouthpiece.

Teem nearly doubled over as Kez fell to the side in a wild fit of laughter. "Wait! You broke your wrist playing _volleyball_?!" She cried through her boisterous, loathsome giggling. "How is that even possible?!"

Purple's eyes widened when he leaned over the transmission screen. "That's what I wanna know!" He exclaimed, holding up a finger when Red went to protest and effectively cutting him off. "We had to leave because it apparently takes up to three days for a PAK to heal a stress fracture, so he had to have it set. He gets to walk around in a cast that I'm definitely gonna decorate for him."

"I swear to Irk, Pur, we talked about this! I don't care how hard you beg, you're not drawing anything, _anywhere_!"

"Oh? And are you gonna try and fight me?"

"You think I won't?"

"No, I just think you'll break your other wrist if you try."

Teem hooted wildly against her panting wife as she lost herself to the hysterically comical degradation she already knew none of them would ever let Red live down for the rest of his days. "Oh my Irk, that's totally hilarious!" She wheezed and clutched at her splitting sides when Zil joined in on the fun, not knowing why they were laughing but finding a spark of merriment in the joyful tears pricking at her Aunts' red faces.

"Shut up, Teem! No one asked you!" Red shouted heatedly from across the room, only making his situation worse when Purple shot a derisive look in his direction.

"You have no room to talk, Red." He pointed out with a lighthearted smirk. "You should have listened to me. Anyway, we're almost done, so we'll be by for Zil pretty soon."

Teem took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand and coming down from where she had been sipping deviously at Red's amusing misery. "Alright, we'll get her packed up then."

"Thank you. See you soon."

* * *

**9:15;**

What had turned into an estimated twenty minutes became over forty five minutes of scrambling about trying to clean up the living quarters and somehow fenagle everything back into Zil's bag the way Purple had miraculously stuffed it, Kez working to solve the mind-numbing puzzle as Teem went through her old makeup and sealed up a little starter kit for Zil who bounced drowsily on her knee.

"Ok, so you've got blush, eyeshadow, and a lipstick here." She pointed out, grinning when Zil yawned sleepily and reclined back in her arms with a bleary blink. "I'm gonna send this home with you and if your parents take it away just tell them to talk to Aunt TeeTee and I'll send you another one." She gave Zil a mischievous wink, pulling back slightly when she began to adorably doze, jolting sharply when a light knock resounded at their door.

"It's open!"

Zil immediately came to, hopping up from Teem's bony lap and nearly falling flat on her front as she sprinted urgently to the hatch, throwing her needy hands in the air for Purple when he stooped to meet her with a relieved grin after he realized she was still in once piece. He helped her wrap her arms around his neck, instantly feeling her liquify and sight cozily in his hold, falling peacefully asleep when he kissed her softly on the cheek. Red lingered in annoyance at the doorframe, not wanting to stick around any later than they had to and refusing to make eye contact when Teem stood and cheekily pointed out his hard cast, biting her lip to hold back a snort of a laugh when he attempted to hide it behind his back with a torrid mutter.

"Wow, Purple, you have such a _strong_ man there." She snickered obnoxiously, dialing back her torture and reaching out to plant a hand on Red's shoulder. "Come on, Red, it's ok. We all embarrass ourselves in public at some point...just not usually on our anniversaries."

He brushed her off and shook his head in bitter distain, grabbing for Zil's overnight bag with his good hand before turning and leaving for their warming ship outside without a single word. Purple rolled his eyes affectionately and turned back to their old friends.

"Don't worry about him. He'll get over it after he sleeps it off and has his gross coffee in the morning." He reassured, glancing down to where his tiny daughter snored serenely against his chest, out like a light to the non-stop excitement that had depleted her reserves for the night. "Was she good?"

Kez nodded groggily, rubbing at her fatigued eyes with a broad grin. "As always. She's such an angel."

"Must have been the wrong smeet, then." He joked, readjusting his grip when she threatened to slip.

Kez reached out and poked him teasingly in the shin. "Oh, stop it. And quit being such a stranger! I know you're busy but you should come by sometime so I can make you pancakes like old times, lovely boy."

Teem chimed in when she noticed Zil shifting in her sleep, almost sad that she had to give her back after the heartwarming comments and sweet tiny hands she had grown to love roaming around her home the past few hours. Purple and Red were lucky to have someone like her around to spice their once dull lives up for the better.

"Thanks for watching her. When Red's healed from his stupid accident, we're gonna try and go back out to celebrate for real." Purple explained in a hushed, arid tone, trying not to wake Zil where she slumbered. "Would you guys mind watching her again?"

Teem thought a moment, feeling a sudden warmth cascade over the whole of her body when Kez pushed herself up on her toes and took her hand with an eager, willing smile. She grinned down at her before returning her determined gaze back to her friend with an equal vigor.

"Sure."

Maybe smeets weren't as gross as she thought they were.

* * *

Once again, so sorry this took so long to post! I think I was distracted from the move and then my daughter got the flu so that's been…hectic. I'm implementing a posting schedule for this collection! Yay! We will now be updating this every**_ Friday at 10:00 pm CDT (UTC -5)._**

_**Next Update Request in Queue: **_Shy Anon. "I kinda have a request. so Red and Purple are married in this, right? maybe there could be a fic that shows how their wedding went? or maybe the proposal?_**  
Next Update Date:**_ Friday, November 15, 2019 at 10:00 pm CDT (UTC -5).

_**I KNOW I keep changing the update schedule and I'm so sorry! It will for sure be tomorrow and will be updated every FRIDAY at 10:00 PM CDT (UTC -5). I've been trying to solidify my work, school, daughter's school because she started this year, a move to a different country and my regular updates for "My Kind!" Thank you SOOOOOOO MUCH FOR BEING PATIENT WITH ME. I PROMISE EVERYTHING WILL BE SOLIDIFIED AND GET BACK TO ROUTINE SOON, SO THANK YOU SO, SO, SO MUCH to;**_

_**Larrimeme, RandomDragon2.0, Shy Anon, Kiyoko Kotomi, Lucita, BlueAlien909, Skystream99, Reading wanderer, asdfq8278, hardstone 55, and all of our anonymous reviewers and returning viewers! I literally love you all so much, so thank you!**_


	8. Dance in the Green

**Chapter Requested By:** Shy Anon

**Comment Request:** "I kinda have a request. so Red and Purple are married in this, right? maybe there could be a fic that shows how their wedding went? or maybe the proposal?"

**Genre:** Romance/Family

**Rating:** T for brief, light language and general adult/suggestive themes.

**Author Comment(s):** This one was a bit difficult for me to think through, but I really enjoyed the challenge and had so much fun with this! Thank you lovely for your request and I hope that you like this mess! (I decided to do the proposal because I had an idea and thought it would be interesting!) Also; I didn't expect this strange little project to have as great a reception as it ended up having, so thank you so much!

**UPDATE SCHEDULE ANNOUNCEMENT:** Ok, so I have finally solidified this whole update schedule thing with this fic!_** I will be updating chapters for this once a week every Friday at 10:00pm CDT (UTC -5)!**_ When my other major fic, "My Kind," is finished (I will post an announcement in my notes here when it is), I will switch to updating bi-weekly on Wednesdays and Fridays!

_**TO SHY ANON!: I WILL BE POSTING YOUR REQUEST FOR A WEDDING CHAPTER AS A PART TWO TO THIS CHAPTER ON FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 22 2019 AT 10:00 PM CDT (UTC -5)! I HOPE TO SEE YOU THEN ANGEL!**_

* * *

"Dad? Dad? _Dad_?!"

"Ugh, _what, _Zil?"

"I have a thing! Can you help?"

Zil beamed and held up a crumpled, half-mangled homework sheet as General Gor snuck silently through the cluttered war room and set her tiny backpack gently on the ground to drop her off from her Pre-Academy, backing away with an anxious swallow when Red glanced up over a slew of detailed maps and passed off another shady declaration of war for Purple to stamp with their seal of approval. For some reason, every cycle around Irken Independence Day, every former empire assimilated into the greater whole rebelled with increasing vigor. A small patrol fleet on their way to Conventia had been attacked outside of Callnowia's second moon by a rogue group of Screwhead extremists spouting weak, under planned threats of a hostile coup unless the Tallest provided them with basic rights, reasonable work hours, and food that wasn't rancid scraps leftover from the Massive's mess hall and garbage dumps on Irk. Of course, Purple had suggested they flex their insurmountable muscle and break open an official conflict with the Screwhead faction, wanting to mercilessly cripple their already partially destroyed economic system with trade sanctions and then ruthless plasma fire on the home planet the Irken Empire had been so gracious to let them keep in exchange for slaves, if they didn't dial back their offensive. Red hadn't protested, knowing once Purple had set his sights on a target he wouldn't stop until it was completely obliterated to dust in his domineering claws. Something along the caliber of a full cannon sweep took time to plan; recon had to be run in orbit over the surface to search for any ground to atmosphere anti-fleet rocket systems, the Armada would have to perform extensive drills to ensure all ships were in top condition, and official declarations of war had to be stamped and scrutinized carefully for their personal records and the benefit of General Gor and his men. Paperwork meant Red was probably irritable and had a throbbing headache, and Purple was probably bored out of his mind and daydreaming of pointless nonsense.

"Gor, get over here." Purple snapped hastily, dipping his stamp in bright cherry ink before slamming it down on Red's next declaration before brushing it sloppily to the side and not caring when it fluttered to the floor. "Pick these up and read through them. I want you to scramble the fleet for drills in preparation for the sweep."

The General saluted respectfully before brushing back his long coattails, stooping and quickly scooping up the mammoth sea of now horrendously out of order papers his irresponsible leader had shoved impishly to the ground as his head floated miles above the clouds. "Yes, my Tallest!" He wiped still wet ink on the front of his uniform before turning and briskly taking off in the other direction to fulfil his duty.

"Dad?" Zil repeated impatiently, pattering around the edge of the table when Red ran a frustrated palm up over his antennae and tried not to let his stress get the better of him. "I have to write a project for school and I need help."

Red went to say something but Purple blissfully interjected, happy for an opportunity to get out from the dark, gloomy war room and out into some semblance of light again. "I'll help her!" He jumped up and ushered her quickly out of the room as she scrambled to excitedly grab her backpack, leaving Red behind in the dust to finish the dastardly paperwork numbing Purple's fast-paced mind almost to a dull stop. Finally. Maybe now he could have a much needed change of scenery.

Zil bounded down the hallway, unzipping her backpack and dropping chewed up pencils and picked apart erasers to the floor as she unleashed Mama Kitty from where she had been tucked away in one of the internal pockets, giggling when she unfurled her segmented body and letting her hundreds of prickly legs trail up her arm to cling to the front of her dress as she skipped and hummed vibrantly. "I have to write a story about a photo I saw. My teacher said we had to pick something special, so I did." She said unwaveringly, glancing back to make sure her father kept up with her jittery gait.

"Photo? Which photo?" Purple asked in genuine confusion, shrinking back when Zil's centipede like friend craned its long, sticky feelers up to scent him, groping blindly through the air for leverage. Disgusting. He would never get used to that level of horrendous nastiness.

Zil tried to roll her eyes but still didn't have the movement down quite right, her expression ending as an over exaggerated blink with a tiny, exasperated huff. "The one in Dad's book!" She exclaimed, spilling the rest of her ripped up school supplies to the floor as hasty service drones fell in behind them and scrambled to pick them up and present them respectfully back to her. She scrunched up her face and tried to remember what it was called, stumbling along as little hands carefully helped her rezip her bag under the watchful, fiery gaze of Purple staring them down ominously. "His…_cogbook_."

Purple thought a moment, pushing ruthlessly past the cowering drones with a sneer as they made the short trek to one of their many lavish break rooms. Cogbook? "Wait, do you mean his logbook?" He asked slowly, blinking when Zil bounded excitedly through the hatch and immediately threw herself at the vending machine in the back, pressing her cheek to the glass and admiring the impressive array of brightly colored junk food tempting her in all its sugary goodness.

Red always had that tiny book stowed away in his PAK, and all he kept in there was a highly detailed schedule of their week and a few menus he snatched from their favorite fast food places. Purple had never seen any photographs there, unless he kept them carefully hidden in the back sleeve. Huh.

"Uh-huh!" Zil stuck out her tongue and smeared it over the grimy glass, wanting nothing more than to dig into the massive candy bar taunting her deviously from behind its horrible, glassy prison. "It's in the pocket in the back and I picked to write a story for my teacher about how you and Dad got married!"

Married? Did that mean Red secretly carried around their wedding photo wherever he went? That was almost romantic in a strange way, knowing the callous, disconcerting half of the Irken Empire melted every time he relived the memory of their special, world-defining moment. Purple smiled to himself as Zil moved Mama Kitty delicately to her shoulder and unzipped her bag again to root through the contents for some spare change rattling around in the bottom, never once peeling her wide, determined gaze away from the current object of her fleeting affections.

"We got married because we wanted to."

"Yeah, but _how_, Daddy? I havta know how Dad asked you."

"Oh, he didn't."

Zil struggled to extend her PAK legs with growing skill to reach the coin slot several feet above her head, laughing under her breath when she whistled to Mama Kitty and immediately noticed her blind attention snap up to her friend. She stuck a coin to the end of one of her gooey flagella, happy when she got the idea and groped around above them for the slot, helping Zil reach the last few inches she needed to buy her delicious treat.

"But…" She trailed off, glancing over her shoulder as her companion finally found the hole and dropped the light coin through before feeling about aimlessly for the next one. "You're married…right?"

Purple grinned and shook his head, amused with the interesting level of affectionate innocence still glimmering behind his petite daughter's prying eyes. "Of course we're married, but everyone always thinks your Dad asked me first." He paused when Zil curled her lip in misunderstanding. "I'll tell you a secret; _I_ asked _him_."

Zil finally retrieved her candy and plopped down in the middle of the floor, letting Mama Kitty skitter on to nibble on the myriad of disgusting crumbs littered under the filthy vending machine when Purple reached out for a plush chair, positioning himself gently and clearing his throat before getting lost to the incredible recount of the story marking the affectionate beginning of his forever with the snide, brutish, incredibly wonderful Irken who had captured his heart.

* * *

**Twenty-five cycles in the recent past;**

"Where is he?! Irk, I'm really gonna kill him this time!" Red chucked another reader hotly across the communication's desk as he seethed and paced, only growing more irritated when a translator yelped in fright and ducked to the incoming barrage. "He was supposed to meet me here an hour and a half ago!"

Purple frequently skipped out on work through his disgusting, but predictable, laziness, pushing god awful amounts of paperwork down on Red's consistently weary shoulders or throwing him to the ravenous advisory team when they panicked about superficial threats of war looming in the distance. He didn't mind all that much; everyone in the Empire knew he was better with the technical, iron-fisted side of ruling whereas Purple managed to keep their social programs afloat with his incredible emotional intelligence. He could handle the work and gladly accepted it.

But this…this crossed the line.

It was their six-cycle anniversary as a couple and they always went off ship to celebrate back on Irk, and Red had spent months to make sure this time was incredible. He took the planning seriously, renting out his partner's favorite, open roof restaurant and ordering a dozen chocolate cupcakes with vanilla buttercream frosting like he always seemed to crave. He had obsessively ironed his best suit because he hadn't trusted the unstable hands of his maid to do it correctly and spent twenty grueling minutes trying to figure out how to tie his own tie in the mirror after watching several frustrating tutorials over the online collective. Purple had mentioned over breakfast that morning that he would be attending an engineering conference to evaluate new scientific advancements in cleaner, safer PAK technology a team of medical specialists had supposedly discovered. Red had reminded him several times of their lavish date and Purple had all but blown him off, flippantly waving off the weighty importance of the biggest day of the year for his partner and simply brewing him a piping hot cup of coffee, planting a quick kiss to his forehead, and taking off in a cloud of suspiciously giddy excitement.

Purple was never late to their dates. Either something terrible happened (unlikely) or he forgot to leave the conference early. Yeah. That was probably it.

"S-Sir?" General Gor piped up at his side, raising a shaky finger and cowering behind a stack of papers when Red shot him a blistering look from above. "T-Tallest Purple…um…h-he said for me to wait to tell you but…" He felt himself choke on is words when Red shrunk back.

"What do you mean wait to tell me? Wait to tell me _what_?" He growled infuriatingly, holding his General's terrified gawk as he struggled to sort through his papers for a messy note he had been passed earlier that morning.

Gor finally found what he was searching for, dropping a few schematics to the floor in his horrified confusion and passing the note up to his leader, flinching when he snatched it from his trembling fingers. "I-I…I was ordered to remain quiet by Tallest Purple, sir." He reiterated with as much courage as he could muster. "H-He said he needed time to finish a project and to only give you that when…um…when we entered the Talophi Nebula, my Tallest."

Entered the Talophi Nebula? Red blinked and turned his nervous attention to the large viewing port spanning the length of the bridge, staring out at the incredible blues and greens of swirling gasses and millions of shimmering, shuddering jellyfish-like monsters bobbing beautifully in the remoteness of the weightless, infinite cloud. This was one of his favorite places in their known universe, a proverbial, gorgeous paradise of primordially ethereal peace and otherworldly serenity. He would often come here in his mind when the stress of his high status dug under his skin, finding a lovely warmth in the simplicity and quietness shrouding them every time they drifted through this part of the cosmos. Red couldn't remember setting the Massive's coordinates for this part of the quadrant. Strange…and disconcerting.

He quickly scanned the pathetic excuse for handwriting scrawled rapidly over the back of an old, crumpled dinner receipt, feeling his sudden rage simmer down to a low boil when he didn't understand the bizarrely cryptic message his frustrating other half had dug into the paper.

_Mozart saw us first. Beethoven laughed at the fall. Dance in the green and observe the distance. Come get me._

"What the hell does that mean?" Red grumbled, wanting to shred the disturbing note and sulk back to their private quarters to wait for his idiot partner to saunter in with an overinflated excuse, rereading the unusually uncharacteristic note a few times before bright, vivid images began to bubble up in his PAK memories and replay in his mind.

Red immediately spun on his heel, nearly knocking General Gor off his feet with the crisp hem of his jacket before striding briskly through the main hatch leading off of the bridge. He felt his pulse skip when a sudden wave of lucid realization flooded over him and made him sweat under his collar, making his way down the long corridor to the elevator. Red hastily jammed the button and half pried open the door when his nerves spiked, reaching out with a shaky hand to press the well used button to rocket him up to the pinnacle of the Massive; the observation deck. He slumped back against the cool metal when the computer rang out in compliance, closing him off from the world as he smirked unevenly to himself through the growing uneasiness of butterflies ripping through his spooch. Purple was clever…oh, so clever. He had almost fooled Red into thinking he had forgotten the one day of the cycle that meant more to them than anything, but nothing could be further from the truth. He quickly let his original plans dissipate to get lost in the intriguing game his bubbly mate had decided to play, swimming in the anticipation of what he was hoping would be true.

_Mozart saw us first._

Red had been a fervid fan of something called "classical" music ever since he had stumbled over the stunning phenomenon on an irritating monthly cultural report Zim had shot off from his exile on Earth, listing to a wraithlike, ghostly sound haunting its way through his transmitter as the chilly fingers of an Earthenoid named Chopin gripped at his hardened soul. From there, the slight obsession had exploded, Red listening to the incredibly foreign instruments and flourishes of a man who held the title of Mozart. It was so profound, so emotive; Red had never experienced a physical sensation so weightless and bottomless as he did when his antennae quivered into the bouncing flourish of thousands of well-timed stanzas and delicious swells. The night he had asked Purple to be his boyfriend so long ago, they had danced on the observation deck under the comforting void of darkness, Red's clumsy steps mismatched against his partner's liquid grace.

_Beethoven laughed at the fall._

As the night had droned on, Purple tried his best to teach Red to dance properly, the two giggling childishly away at his terribly atrocious footwork as they ran through the steps one by one. They had scanned quickly through a hacked Earthen database, hastily clicking on the first classical song that seemed vaguely interesting and ending up with a slightly depressing, but equally heartwarming, Beethoven sonata. Purple had led, his hand glued to his partner's waist in the first amorous contact they had ever shared, and Red had become so nervous at the sudden shift in the scrumptious atmosphere that he fumbled and tripped from the edge of the main viewing platform and landed hard on his back. He'd been incredibly embarrassed, but Purple had only warmly laughed and helped him back to his feet, reassuring him with their first, soft, unexpectedly gorgeous kiss and melting away every trace of worry and inhibition left in his mind. If only they had known then how far they would come.

_Dance in the green and observe the distance._

Red felt his already anxious breath hitch in the back of his throat when the elevator landed at the peak of their gargantuan flagship, languidly fazing open as overwhelming hues of pale forest green and opaque chartreuse from the gorgeously vast nebula outside bounced and painted everything it touched through the enormous dome of a window spanning above him over the incredible observation deck. Red took a tentative, awed step forward when a yawning, eerie creature bobbed and weaved aimlessly through the mist, its glazed bell and long, gently twisting tentacles grazing the glass as it chirped faintly in the night. He swallowed in amazement when someone dimmed the internal lights of the compartment, allowing the phenomenal cosmic radiance to passionately light their way as a delicate, familiar echo ebbed and flowed like a tide over Red's serene form. He closed his eyes to the thought provoking bloom of primordial reverberation, feeling a tiny grin peak on his face when the overture took off. It was the first classical song he had ever had the privilege of hearing; Chopin's Nocturne in E flat major, op 9, no 2. He would know it anywhere; beautiful…simply beautiful.

_Come get me._

"Hey."

Red jolted when two unexpected hands landed suddenly on his shoulders through the jovial swells and dips, spinning him around and immediately sweeping him away from the elevator and out onto the glowing reflection oozing back against the viewing platform. Purple grinned back eagerly when Red practically froze, eating up the rare sight of his partner dressed to the nines in something as stuffy as a full suit, taken aback by the sheer amount of effort he had put into pulling everything off.

"Come on, dork." He whispered through the luminescence, guiding Red's hands gingerly to his waist and slinging his arms delicately back up over his shoulders as they swayed softly in tandem to the music.

Red opened his mouth but couldn't pull anything coherent from his mind, his words coming out as a balled up jumble of garbled sound he was sure definitely wasn't attractive, snapping his jaw shut when Purple leaned in with a short, obnoxious laugh and rested his chin on his lover's shoulder.

"You're so weird." He teased warmly, tugging Red in closer when he went stiff in his dominating, languid touch. "And don't worry about the dinner reservations. I cancelled them immediately after you made them."

Red stared on in bewildered perplexity when Purple sighed amorously against him, easing into the moment and letting himself breathe as he tried to match the tempo. "You…how did you know?" He wasn't sure if he should be hurt or impressed, immediately deciding on the latter when his partner flicked his antennae back and grazed his cheek.

"I overheard the call." He chuckled against his skin. "I started thinking, 'man, Red always tries to surprise me for our anniversary.' But I realized I hadn't ever done anything to surprise _you_."

"So…coming to my favorite place…"

"Yeah."

"Playing my favorite song…"

"Uh-huh."

"And wearing my favorite suit?"

Purple blinked and pulled back, thinking a moment before giving a fake gag. "Ugh, this stiff thing is your favorite?" He rolled his eyes sarcastically and shook his head. "I only wore it because it was the most formal outfit I had besides my uniform. I should have known you'd love it."

"Geez, you know I have a thing with suits." Red bit back lovingly, melting completely into the magnificent feeling of being so connected to his conceited partner, venturing a bit of creativity and dragging Purple into a less-than-expert twirl. "Plus, you look good no matter what you wear."

"Nice save." Purple teased, laughing dizzily as he held Red's eye contact, letting his smile fade completely to be replaced by a swift, unforeseen uneasiness flashing briefly behind his ocular lenses as he leaned back in.

"What's wrong?" Red asked, trying to move away to examine his reddening face but Purple held firm, glued to his chest as he grappled precariously with something momentous and intimidating that Red couldn't fathom through the searing passion of the moment.

"Do you remember when…um…you asked me to be your boyfriend?" Purple began cautiously in a small voice that set Red's spooch in knots.

Red glanced to the side, unsure of where he was heading with this. "Eh…yeah?" He swallowed when Purple went rigid and nodded against his shoulder, trying to focus on the extraordinary splendor of the melody to pacify his overpowering tension.

"Ok, well, this is where you asked me. Y-You asked me in this nebula on this day to this song and…a-and…I-I wanted to ask you something, too." He trailed off when the music ended, guiding Red through the last few steps before they slowly came to a tentative stop, the sound of expensive heels echoing ominously against the smooth metal beneath them as pulses mounted against one another.

Red stared off into the distance, desperate for an anchor to the unknown eating away at his better judgement like a blistering electric current. He noticed his partner shifting on his feet when he pushed away, toying habitually with his fingers in the safety of the silence when he refused to make eye contact. He took a deep breath and went to shout out his Irk-shattering question, letting it die nervously on his lips before trying again.

"U-Um…" He stuttered through his abrupt panic, picking up the pace in his hands and finding that the calming stimulation wasn't enough. "U-uh…I-I…you and I…I want…Oh, Irk, no. This is too much, this was a bad idea. I-I shouldn't have thought I could do this. U-Um…I-I'm sorry!"

Red moved forward when Purple threatened to have a frantic, mind-numbing meltdown over whatever was hanging dangerously on the tip of his tongue, humming restlessly through his teeth and shoving his horrendously twitchy hands in his pockets before turning away in dripping humiliation. Red had dealt with this enough in the past to know what to do when his partner neared the dangerous edge, pushing aside his own bewildering confusion to the mystery question he wanted so desperately to ask and reaching out to tenderly rub at his arms through his jacket.

"Why don't you take this off?" He suggested simply, striding patiently around to face his overly stressed lover as he hummed and moving forward to unbutton the stifling fabric slung over his shoulders. "You'll be more comfortable, Pur."

Purple didn't respond, willing himself to calm as he ripped his hands away and let Red smooth the harsh, suffocating fabric up over his shoulders with surprisingly compassionate hands, letting his expensive blazer fall to the floor before setting to work unfastening his mauve bowtie.

"You idiot, don't let yourself get this freaked out over stuff. It's just a question and I'm pretty sure it's not _that_ bad." He breathed with an affectionate jab, tugging the silk from around his lover's neck and tossing it carelessly to the side. "Just breathe, baby. There's no one else here, so do what you have to do. You should know by now that I'm not gonna judge."

Purple nodded hastily and squeezed his eyes shut, lowering himself down to the ground and curling into his knees as he took a deep inhale and hid himself away from the physical realm they were forced to live in. This was the side of him that he masked in public for the sake of the Empire and its shaky stability, keeping his clear neurodivergence a secret from the prying eyes of the ruthless media. It was already bad enough that they had actively chased after him and Red for their scandalous relationship, not that they could necessarily do anything. Besides the Control Brains, he and Red were the highest form of imperial law in the star system and no one dared question them further beyond the occasional scoff out of fear of their lives, remaining all annoying bark and no bite. When Purple had ascended to the weighty rank of Tallest, he had commissioned all of his telltale psychiatric records from the Academy to be burned to keep the prying eyes of conspiracy theorists out of his personal business, leaving Red and the occasional, now deceased, service drone as the only beings who knew this crucial part of who he was.

The public could never know.

At least not yet.

He let himself move freely when Red undid his own tie, realizing the obvious beauty of the formality had dissipated as he knelt and sat next to his shamelessly stimming partner, watching him carefully as he rocked and patiently waiting for him to return from his own colorful, glowing world locked away in his labyrinth of a mind. It was beautiful really…_he_ was beautiful; strange and somewhat unusual, but utterly, brazenly exceptional in all the right ways. What others would see as a lack of perception and misunderstanding, Red saw as insatiable creativity and bottomless intelligence. What others would see as childish immaturity and disturbing lack of control, Red recognized as self-regulation and sensory overload. He had been there when Purple received his diagnosis in the Academy back when they were best friends and bunk mates, grappling immediately with how to help him overcome his challenges but never once viewing him as anything different or erroneous to his world.

Purple _was_ his world.

They stayed together for a long while, Red leisurely watching the formless, wavering void of elements and ancient intergalactic beasts drift lazily past through the crystal clear dome as he reclined back against the floor and kicked off his shoes, providing his partner with a comforting presence and taking his hand when he reached out and groped blindly for a warm, loving touch.

"Do you wanna try and ask me?" Red piped up after half an hour, grazing his fingers reassuringly over Purple's knuckles when he finally looked up. "Whatever it is, just say it."

Purple stared down at him from where he sat, jaw still locked and bottomless amethyst eyes swimming with a stunning array of cosmic hues and glittering light, casting an eerie innocence to his face. To Red's surprise, he nodded slowly and swallowed, opting to try again instead of forgo the venture altogether like he usually did.

"Can you get my jacket?" He mumbled under his breath, pointing to Red's left and wincing when he agreed and reached out, scooping up the fabric and suddenly noticing it had a peculiar weight to it.

Red passed it on with a chuckle when the color returned to his lover's pale face, looking him over with mounting curiosity when he dug back into his pocket and froze. "Come on, Pur, I'm not gonna kill you or anything." He rolled his eyes, trying to keep himself composed when Purple shakily withdrew something and threw his unsteady hands behind his back. Did he buy him a gift or something? Weird…Purple liked receiving gifts but he was never really the type to give them in abundance unless it was something truly special. Huh…was…w-was _this_ special? Wait, what was this? Was this just a date or was this something more than that? Red sat up, locking eyes with his still apprehensive partner when he frowned through his obvious nerves, scooting forward in disbelief when a sudden thought graced his mind.

Would he?

W-Would he?!

No, there was no way Purple would ask him. They had been over this jokingly in the past and it always came back on Red should the question ever arise in their futures. N-No…there just wasn't any conceivable way. Red had bought a beautiful, pure gold ring several months ago in preparation to when he could finally work up enough courage to ask his flighty companion to be his forever, feeling it eat away at his sputtering consciousness every time Purple glanced amorously over their desk or laughed youthfully with his mouth full at his pathetic, raunchy jokes. He was never sure what he would say; would he want to get married and solidify their relationship with the Empire clawing silently at their feet? Would he be comfortable with the daunting weight of commitment? What if after everything, every battle they had fought in the Elite and every planet they had assimilated as Tallest…what if he said no? Still, here they were, locked in a strange stalemate and bogging one another down in their mutual bewilderment to the rapidly escalating mystery of the moment.

Maybe Red was wrong…maybe he wouldn't say no.

"Um…I wanted to have a date here because this is where you asked me to be your boyfriend." Purple reiterated quietly, clutching firmly at whatever he was concealing behind his back. "You told me once that you would be too nervous to ask something like this, but…I'm ready to be _more_ than…eh…more than just your boyfriend, Red."

Red froze when Purple took a deep, broken inhale and squeezed his eyes back shut with a jumpy, palpably petrified smile, revealing a tiny box and flipping it open to show off the beautifully polished titanium of the simple, perfectly plain ring he had chosen to, hopefully, be permanently on his partner's finger as his eventual wedding ring.

"Wait…what?!" Red gasped with more shock than he had been expecting, scrambling forward to snatch at the box and hold it up to the light in stunned silence as Purple let his jaw go slack at the unanticipated, brazen reaction. Red turned back and searched his lover's surprised face, blinking a few times to make sure he wasn't dreaming. "What are you saying, Purple?!"

"I…no…will you marry me?" He managed to squeak out the final, life-changing question through the mind-bending fog of unmistakable, profound emotion twisting up between them, hoping with all his might that Red didn't laugh in his face or blatantly reject him and leave.

Please…please don't leave.

Red dropped the box and flew forward on a vivid instinct with an elated shout at the words he never thought he would be able to hear, squeezing his partner into a tight, spine-crushing embrace before pulling away and smashing their mouths together. Purple mumbled something against his lips and struggled to push him off through his world-changing shock, finally prying his ecstatic, giggling fiancé from his chest as he blubbered sweet nothings and reached back for the box. He grabbed him hard by the shoulders in his iron grip and moved back in, planting another intense barrage of sweet kisses against his skin as he moved his hands away and slipped the incredibly gorgeous symbol from its protective pedestal, sliding it hastily on his finger and tugging Purple to his feet through his daze.

Red held up his hand with a wild, untamed grin as he threatened to break out in a round of warm, happy tears. "I was gonna ask _you_!" He admitted, admiring the weight of the extraordinary, remarkable commitment solidified like a dream come true between them. "I-I have the ring and everything!"

Purple blinked and felt himself coming to, sniffing when he let his gaze trail over Red's glowing beam and inching his antennae into the gorgeous sound of his adrenaline-fueled merriment slicing through the still silence, overwhelmed by the glory of the wonderfully validating acceptance burning away every dark shadow still creeping through his mind and every doubtful inhibition weighting him down against his loving ideals. Red…wanted this. Red wanted this! They weren't just together anymore…they were _really_ together!

"I-Is that…"

Red nodded enthusiastically, finishing his sentence. "You bet your ass it's a yes!" He cried out in blissful excitement, slinging his arms around Purple's waist and twirling him back through the radiant luminescence of the sea green nebula beating down upon them like their own soothing spotlight, a wonderful cadence to the magnificent song of a life they were constructing together piece by stunning piece.

Purple met his boisterous laughter, running his hand up to rest on Red's shoulders when he brought him back in for another infinity adoring kiss as they danced. Red wanted him through his snarky disposition, wanted him through his distressing laziness and every picky whine he had thrown back at him. He wanted him despite his autism, cherished him against the wishes of a domineering public, and craved him like the finest red wine in the vast universe.

Red was going to be his yes.

Red was going to be his husband.

Red was going to be his forever.

* * *

**The present; one of hundreds of break rooms on the Massive;**

Purple laughed warmly to himself and uncrossed his legs when he finished his romantic tale, glancing down through his giddy excitement and immediately feeling his smile fade when Zil hopped up from where she had been halfheartedly listening.

"Humm…" She huffed uninterestedly, sliding over to dig around for Mama Kitty under the vending machine but only coming up with a handful of disgusting lint. "I guess that's a nice story but it's too boring to write my homework about."

Purple blinked in silent disbelief when his perky daughter finally retrieved her many-legged friend and wrapped her wriggling body around her neck like a prickly scarf, beaming jovially up at her father and neglecting to notice the gooey misunderstanding staining his features before snatching for her backpack and skipping off in the other direction.

"I'm gonna take a picture of Baby and write about her adventures fighting monsters instead!"

Purple let her go, slumping back in his seat with a deep frown. Ugh…he'd gone through that whole story just for her to say no and innocently bound off to her next adventure? Weird kid. He smirked and tried to remind himself not to take it personally, digging through his PAK memories and bringing his hands together in the silence to relive the magnificence and splendor of his lovely, somewhat awkward, proposal over and over in his mind as he grinned to himself.

Geez, he really was an awkward, uncomfortable mess back then. It's a wonder Red didn't push him away. Still, through everything and all the pain, all the meltdowns and shutdowns, all the bizarre jokes and ingenious wars, he and Red were still going strong after twenty-four cycles of happy, productive marriage.

He and Red really were meant to be.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed! Once again, thank you all for your continued requests because they're so fun, and I had a lot of fun with this one Shy Anon, you lovely angel! If you'd like, I can also do a separate wedding chapter, I just had the idea to do this because it sounded cute!

Autistic Purple is also an official headcanon for this fic and I'm excited about it.

**Next update time**: Friday, November 27, 2019 at 10:00 pm CDT (UTC -5)

**Next request in queue:** Dance in the Green part 2 requested by Shy Anon; "I really like the idea of a wedding chapter!"

**Next request in queue after that**: Halopath; "Zil meets Zim over transmission and LOVES him."


	9. Dance in the Green pt 2

**Chapter Requested By:** Shy Anon

**Comment Request:** "I loved this so much! and I really like the idea of a wedding chapter!"

**Genre:** Romance/Angst (it has a happy, sweet ending I PROMISE)

**Rating:** T for brief light language, suggestive themes, obvious allusions to homophobia, and general adult themes.

**Author Comment(s):** This is part two of the previous chapter, Dance in the Green! This is also the only chapter of this drabble collection that I am planning on having without Zil in it. I hope you enjoy lovely anon and thank you for your sweet, adorable request! Love you darling!

**IMPORTANT:** BECAUSE ZIL IS NOT IN THIS CHAPTER, I WILL BE POSTING THE NEXT CHAPTER REQUEST SOONER THAN NEXT FRIDAY WITH HER IN IT. THIS WILL MOST LIKELY BE TOMORROW, 11/23/2019 AT 10:00 PM CDT (UTC -5) OR SOONER IN THE DAY DEPENDING ON WHEN I GET IT DONE. THANK YOU EVERYONE I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

Also thank you and welcome **StonyRiddle** to our follow family! Thank you for adding this to your favorites, lovely! I appreciate you so much!

* * *

**Twenty-four cycles in the recent past;**

Jitters.

Sweat.

Glitter.

Discomfort.

Confusion.

Elation.

Too much all at once. Too many feelings and sights and sounds swirling about inside Purple's frazzled mind as he stared fixedly at himself in the mirror and tried to talk himself down from the incredible, dizzying high glaring back at him as his bustling advisory team fussed over his appearance and doused him with expensive silks and traditional mauve sashes. He had been ritually bathed three times that morning in preparation for the Empire's most publicized, gossiped over wedding in over five hundred cycles, slathered with expensive amber perfumes and deep, rich oils from faraway, bizarre lands mere commoners could only dream of. He felt wholly coveted but incredibly uncomfortable with the drastic change of appearance, moving between stations as whole lively squads of upbeat professionals worked tirelessly to physically prepare him for the magnificent lavishness of the formal PAK encoding ceremony he would be required to undergo with his husband-to-be millions of miles away on the prestigious surface of Judgementia. His long claws were preened and polished, his ocular lenses were finetuned by a specialist to enrich the already vivid hue of his sweltering eye color, his front teeth were re-sharpened to stunning perfection by an expert file and well-trained flick of the wrist. He had been all but forced to stand for two horrid hours as intricate layers of beautifully patterned, lavender textiles were manually fitted by hand to his petite frame, ensuring every sweeping fold and bouncing cascade was perfect before topping it off with a rib-cracking, overly extravagant corset and a bowing outmoded sash typically worn of Irken females.

Disgusting.

He had been assured on a constant loop that everything had to be flawless and in its proper place, and nothing could go by the wayside when he presented himself to his old-fashioned, powerful fiancé before their omnipotent mechanical leaders to evaluate the whole of their long relationship and permanently designate them as one Irken until the end of their days. This wasn't what he had been expecting when he had asked Red to marry him over five months ago; Purple had wanted to step out into the bright light of the spotlight dressed however he wanted, hold back happy tears as his partner kissed him and their PAKs were finally connected for their beautiful duel information exchange, and take each other's hands and thrust them in the air as a sign of potent victory for overcoming the collective customs and rules about who a Tallest could marry and why. It was supposed to be serene, loving, and tremendously electrifying, not this overinflated vision of hideously outdated rituals and tacky societal norms he had no interest in performing. That's all it had become; a dramatic stage play for him and his partner to awkwardly walk through in regimented boots and rigid shoulders to act out a fake part all to please the media and the Control Brains.

Where was the magic?

Where was the emotion?

He had learned from his favorite films that weddings were supposed to be completely interpersonal and dreamy but this felt like a total nightmare.

Purple coughed and squeezed his eyes shut when a tiny drone chucked another handful of glittering cosmic radiance mined from the shimmering moons of Blorch into his face, dusting away the excess with a powder brush before he pushed her back with a hot grumble.

"Aren't you done yet? That's the third time you've blinded me with your stupid glitter!" He complained unenthusiastically, only growing more irritated when the drone reached back up on her toes to continue her work in silence, eyeing Rarl Kove in the mirror from where he oversaw the whole of the ordeal from behind. "Why do I have to do this?"

His advisor cleared his throat and strode forward, stopping to admire and scrutinize the handiwork of the petite drones giggling and bounding about in an excited ardor and having been given the opportunity to work so closely on someone so influential. "Sir, it is a mandate from the Control Brains that the proper protocol be followed before you are transported to Judgementia." He explained, growing timid when he noticed his leader's antennae twitch in dissatisfaction and his fingers come together in a wary flutter. "Tallest Red is also required to undergo-"

"Hold up, all Red has to do is bathe in bromine and throw on his ceremonial robes! He doesn't have to go through all of…all of…whatever this is!" Purple threw an exasperated hand out to jab at the mirror as he childishly pouted, angrily batting away the invasive touch of another pallet of brilliant green, fine shimmer shoved in his face from below and a chipper stylist attempting to reach up and help curl his long antennae. She shrunk back when his eye contact wavered and diverted to the floor, teeth clicking irritatingly through the growing silence. "Why do _I_ have to do all of this and he doesn't?!"

Rarl Kove shifted uneasily in his boots, toying with the seam of his long uniform as he scanned over a glowing reader clutched tightly in his fingers. "W-Well…" He hunted for an answer and seemingly found it, swallowing and not wanting to explain the embarrassing, telltale reason that he was sure would undoubtedly light a flame under his already infuriated ruler holding back against a torrent of bubbling emotions. "As I said, sir, it is mandated by the Control Brains that you must follow Irken tradition and don the ceremonial dress of…um…of a Tallest's consort."

Purple nearly came unglued, shooting up out of his plush seat and practically tripping over the lengthy strips of affluent, violet silk draped skillfully over his body. "_Consort_?! That's what everyone thinks I am?!" He shouted wrathfully, refusing to believe that the whole of his own Empire only saw him as the unintelligent arm candy clinging immaturely to Red's hand wherever they went. "I'm Red's fiancé and half of this entire Empire and you all think I'm just meant to be some wide-eyed housewife?! I'm Tallest too, you idiot!"

The short advisor panicked when his gaze shot down to Purple's jittering hands, holding his own up in defense as his voice turned to a horrified stutter. "I-I…I-I…Please! P-Please, my Tallest, this is merely how the tradition is said to play out! Tallest Red is to play the part of the-"

"Play the part of the what, exactly?!" Purple cut him off, stomping ferociously on the ground as he shoved stylists and makeup artists away and watched them skitter about like horrified insects. "Of the _man_?!" He threw his head back and gave a curt, fake, darkened laugh. "So, I'm supposed to play the part of the _woman_ because there's no tradition out there that dictates how two males are supposed to get married? I'm expected to wear all of these stupid women's clothes, let you put disgusting makeup on my face, and prance me around on the stage in front of the Control Brains acting like a well-behaved female?!"

"S-Sir, please, we don't know what else to do and we've never dealt with a relationship like yours in the position you are both in so-"

"Get. Out."

Rarl Kove's green eyes shot wide with shock at the sudden command, hesitating where he stood glued to the floor before Purple repeated himself with mounting wrath, pointing furiously at the door and narrowing his eyes dominatingly as the whole of the team flittering around him like hummingbirds gingerly set down their brushes and gaudy eyeshadow pallets, backing away with petrified gawks of unwavering compliance in fear of their lives before the little advisor finally peeled himself away from his spot and followed suit. As soon as the door clicked shut, Purple spun on his heel and began obliterating the nauseating work he had been forcibly gussied up with over the past grueling few hours, stripping himself free of his bright ivory corset as he tugged free each and every tight weave of the glossy ribbon keeping him in his stiff prison in a mad dash to be able to breathe again. He had openly complained about the attire from the start, going along with it because he thought it would make his husband and his Empire happy, but now he didn't care about either in the moment, resorting to his fight or flight instinct alone and wiping furiously at the obnoxious eyeshadow smeared over his face and only streaking it further into an appalling mess. Ever since he and Red had gone public with their once secret relationship a few cycles ago, the whole of Irk and every other still free planets in their immediate star system had pinned them as something of verbal pariahs, secretly gossiping through the shadows and releasing tabloids about their supposed "affair" like it was something taboo that wasn't supposed to occur in the office of Tallest. Their crew on the Massive had grown to accept their status as a couple and had all but forgotten it was even there, looking upon their joint quarters and casual hand holding over their breakfast and lunch tables as something completely normal that was strange if it didn't occur at this point. But everywhere else…here on their home planet, out there on Judgementia, through the cosmos and every foreign nebula, he and Red were different.

Different.

The damming word that made Purple want to vomit in his mouth.

Always with the word _different_.

Purple tried again to wipe away the horrendous amounts of intergalactic dust and perfume from his skin, only growing more agitated and desperately frustrated when it left traces of beautiful, sickening shimmer over his cheeks and the lingering scent of expensive vanilla and spice across his collarbone.

No. No, no, no, _no_! It was too much, too disgusting, too appalling, and too absolutely skin-crawling.

Just...no.

Purple let his hands trail down to the priceless bolts of fabric suffocating him and clinging through static to his body, shredding it vehemently with his razor-sharp claws and ripping it away from his middle with a yell of distain, growling and fighting against the awful feeling of being labeled as something he wasn't as he chucked the featherlight garment over the back of his seat, leaving himself in only his leggings, thermals, and loosely fitted ankle boots. He moved on, flying up and gripping his long antennae at the base to tug forcefully across the stalk in a desperate attempt to try and smooth away the unpleasant curl worked into the tip, whining under his breath when the heat induced kink muffled his ringing hearing and immediately went back to the dastardly cosmetic atrocity when he let go. He gave up with a frustrated, guttural shout to the mirror, flying forward and punching it hard in the center to shatter the delicate glass at the vision of imperfection he had allowed himself to become, slamming his hands down on the top of the vanity of girly cosmetics moved in to cake him in frou-frou opulence and brushing them all violently to the floor, destroying a few glass vials of liquid foundation and overpowering oils before throwing himself down and resting his head in his hands as he rocked lightly in his seat. This was supposed to be his moment, not the moment of millions of judgmental eyes craning down the back of his neck. It was supposed to be for him and Red only to share and cherish, not for the chatter and fervent gossip of the media to scrutinize and pick apart under the weighty magnifying glass of the blood-sucking press.

He was Tallest, _not_ a consort. He was Red's partner, _not_ his property. He knew that, Red knew that, so why did everyone else around them refuse to see it?

And so, here he was, once dressed in conventional woman's ceremonial attire with his antennae curled and his face made up like a porcelain doll all because his culture and Empire didn't have protocol to follow for same-sex marriage of his caliber. Why? Why did there have to be protocol in the first place? He felt terrible, looked terrible, and this whole thing was going to be just that…terrible. Everything was ruined, and his confused partner was undoubtedly waiting for him to join him on their transport ship to Judgementia.

How could he face Red like this?

A soft knock sounded at the door followed by a droning pause as Purple silently willed whoever had the nerve to interrupt his growing crisis to scram, digging his manicured claws into his face to try and hold back his anger and bristling agitation when the hatch swung open with a creak and gently shut. A single set of resounding footsteps droned leisurely across the floor before stopping halfway to admire the devastation of Purple's whirlwind antagonism shattered messily across the tile, a personified painting of his distraught displeasure splayed in shimmer, destroyed blush, and oozing mascara painted throughout the room amongst jagged shattered glass.

"Pur? What the hell happened in here?"

Purple's gaze immediately snapped up to the cracked mirror, catching sight of his future husband standing in bewildered awe behind him in the ruined reflective surface, blinking when he gave a breathless, nervous chuckle at the mayhem.

"Woah. They told me you were bad, but this is a whole new level even for you." Red pointed out apprehensively with a timid smile, letting it fade when Purple groaned and replaced his palms over his color caked eyes to sulk. "It looks like you just fought a war."

"You're not supposed to be here." He mumbled through his fingers, shaking his head despondently when he heard Red's firm heels draw closer and carefully step around broken bottles and dusty powders. "Doesn't that go against some rule or cause bad luck or something?"

Red shrugged, leaning against the back of his distraught partner's seat as he ran his scrutinizing, disgusted gaze over the mess his once clean appearance had become. "Oh, Irk, what did they do to your face?" He moved around for a better look, the long train of his overdone crimson cloak dragging and staining through the mess behind him. "Is that…_eyeshadow_? What were they trying to do, make you look like a cheap whore?"

"Didn't Rarl Kove tell you?" Purple bit back against his hands, gripping at his cheeks and still refusing to look up and reveal the totality of the horrendous visage of a monster his team had made him as he shamelessly rocked through the humiliation. "Apparently I'm supposed to look like your consort and follow tradition to look my best in my esteemed husband's presence." The sarcastic slur to his voice was palpable, hanging in the air like a blistering electric current and stinging at Red's better judgement as he hovered.

Red blinked, unclasping the annoyingly heavy fabric from around his shoulders and kicking it carelessly to the side, only adding to the destructive warzone they were forced into together. "My _what_? You're my fiancé, not my consort! I've never looked at you that way and everyone knows it!"

"The Control Brains don't."

"What do you mean?"

"There's no protocol for how two male leaders are supposed to dress in their presence for an encoding ceremony, so they told our entire advisory team to dress me up like this. I sat here for hours looking like a stupid princess and letting them treat me like some dumb bride but I can't take it anymore!" He ripped his hands away from his face and shot a hot, wholly infuriated glare up at his partner to show off the whole of the disaster their ignorant team had thought was ok. "Do you see this, Red? Why the hell am I considered the less manly one all the time?!"

"Shut up, you're plenty manly."

"Then why am I covered in this bullshit?!"

"I-I don't know."

"Well I do! It's because they see you as the guy of our relationship and me as the woman! It's like they don't see the point of our relationship! What is it?! Is my voice not deep enough?! I-Is my eye color too pretty?!"

Red didn't know what to say, dumbfounded at the vivid hues of candy purple and deep emerald green smeared disgustingly over his partner's face as he vehemently held his eye contact. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, he burst into an obnoxious fit of horrendous laughter, doubling over as he snickered and chuckled and clamping a hand over his mouth when Purple flew to his feet and clenched his fists.

"Excuse me, what's so funny?!" He yelled, stalking forward and backing Red up against the wall as he continued his insufferable, loathsome mirth against his better judgement.

"I-I'm sorry, Pur, it's just…it honestly wouldn't have looked bad if you didn't wipe it everywhere. And your voice is kinda high and your eyes are gorgeous, but I don't think that makes you any less of a man. I don't know why the Empire doesn't see you the way I do right now, but we'll just have to prove them wrong by letting you flex your muscle and kill a few idiots when we get back. I'll let you pick who goes this time." He offered through his hilarity, dialing back his front when Purple threatened to rear back and punch him hard across the face. Red willed himself to calm, taking Purple by the wrist with one hand and moving up to smudge away the bizarre, overdone ring of dark eyeliner streaked pitifully over his eyelids. "Geez, they really did a number on you though. You look like a cute mistake."

"Red, this isn't a joke." Purple mumbled glumly as he let his eyes flutter shut, folding reluctantly into the affectionate touch as his lover licked his thumb and set back to work attempting to clean away his worries with his hands. "This is our future and everyone else keeps ruining it because they don't understand why we're together. They just see two guys trying to undermine their precious tradition...nothing else. Everyone else is treated like they're normal but we never are."

"Did you ever expect them to?" Red responded sincerely under his breath, frowning and wiping his blackened hands on the expensive dress slacks he was beginning to hate. "We've talked about his and we both knew this wasn't gonna be easy. They're not like us, Pur, but you know what?"

Purple grudgingly opened his eyes and stared down between them at nothing with a deep set frown, wishing the whole ordeal could just be over and they could go home. It wasn't worth it to go out anymore and he was completely done with the horrendous mess things had unfortunately become. "What?" He grumbled, glancing back up when Red flashed him an excited, determined grin.

"We're Tallest and we can do whatever we want." He bit his lip and leaned in, planting a quick kiss to his partner's peachy, gloss stained lips before tugging him along towards the window against his will, setting a deep hook of bewildered confusion in his spooch when Red let go and struggled to tug it open, releasing the sweet scent of warm summer air through the room to bite back the disgusting stench of feminine perfume. "Let's get out of here."

Purple felt his breath catch when Red hastily tugged off his obsolete paisley jacket and chucked it brazenly to the side in a single swoop, working on his pathetic excuse for an ascot as he fumbled to undo his ruby tie tack and sling a leg over the sill and out into the darkness. "W-What the hell are you doing?" Purple stuttered, watching as his partner struggled to maintain his purchase against the two-story drop of the preparation outpost they had been ushered to outside of the capitol city of Veloria. "Red, get back in here. You look like an idiot and you're gonna hurt yourself. We need to get ready to leave for Judgementia and get this over with."

Red shook his head, finally tugging the piece of velvety silk from around his neck and dropping down to the ground outside with a wild grin. "No. You're clearly miserable and I don't want this to be how our marriage is gonna start. I wanna _marry_ you, Purple, not _torture_ you. I wanna be with you the way we want to be, not how this gross prep team thinks we should." He stated firmly, scrambling against the wide drainpipe outside when he nearly slipped with a yelp. "Screw Judgementia and screw tradition. We're gonna get married ourselves."

Purple cried out when his partner disappeared into the night, flying forward and leaning frantically out of the open pane, sighing in thick relief when he finally caught sight of Red on the ground below staring back up at him in all his audacious, shameless illegality from the foliage below. "Red, seriously, you're gonna get us in trouble with the Control Brains!" He hissed through the shadows when his fiancé pushed himself up from the bright magenta bush he had managed to land in. "I don't wanna have to explain in front of the whole Empire why you're missing from our own wedding!"

"Then don't! Come down here and let's go before someone sees us! Unless you're too scared!" Red called back up with a challenging tease, ducking down when a troop of guards patrolling outside strolled leisurely by, chatting lightly amongst themselves and waving up to Purple who returned it anxiously, waiting for them to finally round the corner of the building before glaring irately back down to the total idiot he had decided to marry for some reason.

But what if Red was right? What if they could go off and get married themselves?

Could…could they actually do that? All they had to do was connect the data transport cables of their PAKs and wait for their hardware to do the rest. Maybe...

He glanced back over his shoulder at the gooey, reeking mess of sticky makeup and overpriced cosmetics littering the soiled floor behind him and thought long and hard about what his future husband was truly proposing. Red would actually sacrifice hundreds of thousands of years of carefully planned Irken tradition to get rowdy and disappear into the bright, opaque moonlight with him? But he looked awful. His once gorgeous attire was now floating in a proverbial sea of spilled fragrances, his antennae were lopsided and overstated, and his face felt heavy with clownish makeup he hadn't consented to. Not to mention he was literally running around in his thin undershirt and leggings. Purple bit his lip, turning back and squinting through the shadows to where Red waited below with an eager, wholly enthusiastic grin in his now disheveled, torn dress shirt, bending to roll the cuffs of his muddy slacks against the sweltering, balmy heat of the Irken summer and kick off his formal dress shoes. He was just as much of a disaster as Purple felt, a hot mess of a crimson knight waiting to cart him away to their gorgeous, ethereal forever without millions of eyes watching them from across a cold, callous stage.

This…this was love.

Red was love.

Ok.

Purple felt an untamed smile peak on his mentally exhausted face when Red shifted on his bare feet in the sticky mud below and watched with bated breath and a sudden, vibrant laugh when his partner finally slung himself out over the cool metal of the windowsill and drank in the intoxicating sweetness of the fresh breeze blowing over his half naked form. They hadn't snuck out together since they were roommates in the Academy, trading regimented curfews for drastic escape missions across their deserted nighttime campus to steal liquor and junk food from the mess hall before romping around and playing dastardly pranks on other sleeping recruits. It was exciting, a buzz forming in the pit of Purple's chest as Red nodded him on from his high perch, watching him from the air with half lidded, salacious eyes when his fiancé blew him a longing, teasing kiss from below. What the hell? Why not? It wasn't like he had anything to lose at this point, sacrificing his last shred of dignity and giving it over to the handsome Irken waiting in his razed outfit in the bushes as he ducked about like a comedic spy in the shadows.

Purple reached out and managed to hook his exaggeratedly polished claws into the rough metal of the condensation sweating drainpipe, shimmying down the rusted side of the building the way he had been trained in the Elite so long ago and giggling amorously when Red met him in the filthy brush with open arms slinging around his waist and peppering loving, gorgeous butterfly kisses up over his rouge soiled cheeks. Purple met the affection with a vibrant, blinding kiss of his own, moving hungrily against his partner's soft lips as he twirled them out of the rough brush clawing at half bare legs and feet, slinging his arms around his strong shoulders and gripping at every bit of exposed skin he could find. It was freeing, gorgeous, primitive and utterly wrong all in the same airy breath, Red pulling back just long enough to lower his enthusiastic, smitten fiancé to the ground and grab him by the hand, pressing their palms together as they took off into the undergrowth of the near woods and away from the stale, strict Empire trying to ruthlessly cage the very uniqueness they had strived so hard to let shine through their wildly successful rule.

Neither one of them spoke as they ran, dodging tenderly swinging vines and following the beautiful, otherworldly glow of Irk's five moons shining like a beacon of hope as the artificial light from the outpost faded into the background to be replaced by the peaceful, dazzling twinkle of tiny, bioluminescent ferns and scuttling insects buzzing lazily around them as they laughed gently together towards their well-deserved, serene future. It was as if the entire planet had awoken to their rebellious escape, soft plants curling up around bare ankles as Purple kicked off his shoes and gained more traction in the loose, spongy dirt to keep up with Red's sprint, grinning wildly through the low, ghostly light of intergalactic radiance beating down over their sweat slicked skin from the incredible Irken Nebula streaking through the stars above. He watched in awe as his partner guided them effortlessly on to the giddy unknown, smirking deviously as the call of guards and alarm bells blared out in panic in the now far distance between them and their jobs, knowing in the back of his mind that everyone would be on the lookout for who had supposedly kidnapped their Tallest but not caring in the slightest. It didn't matter in the heat of the moment as deafening pulses raced and chests heaved against the strain and delicious burn of underused muscle, reminding them both of the powerful, unstoppable machines they used to be as confident, unstoppable officers in the Elite in the glorious prime of their young lives.

This feeling was untamable.

This feeling was freedom.

This feeling was love.

After what felt like hours of slogging through gradually thinning underbrush and shrubs, the two finally stumbled haphazardly into a small clearing, doubling over for breath and halfway collapsing against one another as Purple reached out and drug them down into the gently swaying violet grass fluttering aimlessly in the breeze. Red's surprised yelp turned to a breathless laugh as he panted and made hard contact with the ground next to his eager partner, rolling onto his side when Purple pulled him in for a slow, lingering kiss and allowed his warm fingers to trail up over his partner's sweat-sticky cheeks as he reached around and fumbled for the main compartment in his faintly glowing PAK, enthusiasm getting the better of him and wanting to finally make clear the relationship he was going to show off to the rest of the universe. Purple sighed readily into the tender, delicate touch of experienced claws latching gently under his framework and popping it open with a muted click, mumbling impassioned sweet-nothings against Red's grin as he fumbled for the connection cable hidden away deep in his internal wiring. Purple ran his hands down his lover's jawline, over his smooth shoulders and under his arms to do the same, caressing his mechanical lifeline with soothingly generous palms and a blithe chuckle when Red finally tugged his extension free between his fingers. Purple did the same, prying open his deep compartment and gently setting the grey casing aside in the lushness of the forest before letting his hands inch with an unmatched, doting tenderness into the most profoundly intimate piece of his partner's soul, moving past thin cabling and brushing computer boards lightly with his fingertips as he felt blindly for the loose connector that would give him up to his prodigious, picturesque eternity as the literal half of Red's life. He wasn't his brainless consort, wasn't beneath him like the rest of the close-minded Empire seemed to pin him as like a dead insect to a cruel corkboard; no…he and Red were the same. Two strange, boisterous, disruptive souls colliding like an atomic bomb detonating through every social law and tearing down the very concept of what it meant to love. Love wasn't limited, it was boundless. It wasn't restricted to the physical, it burned through chests and fanned out through bloodstreams.

Red leaned in and captured his partner's mouth once more when he felt his own information transfer systems pulled relaxingly free and sighing when his wiring was met with the honied air of Irk's natural landscape, melting when Purple returned his touchingly exquisite warmth and moved unhurriedly against him to savor his sweet breath and use it to shock himself alive.

"Are you sure you wanna marry me?" Red mumbled under his breath against his partner's warm lips, feeling him smile faintly in return and snake the cable up between them to meet his hands. "You can still back out, you know."

Purple nodded with a dainty, lighthearted exhale leaning in to rest his cheek against Red's shoulder when he took the cable nervously from his hands and shakily brought the ends together, hesitating a few moments. "Red, if I didn't wanna marry you, you'd know. I would have kicked you to the curb a long time ago." He giggled, staring up at the vibrant dusting of stunning, breathtaking blush of cosmic dust splayed across their yawning sky as guards cried out in the distance around them. "I'm ready if you are."

Red swallowed, taking a deep breath and letting his antennae flick forward to brush lovingly against his fiancé's before finally snapping the life-changing connection together, wrapping his arms around his partner's waist when he immediately felt a warm, incredible steam of code flood up through his PAK and cause a vivacious shiver to shoot up his spine. Purple held him close with a flawless grin stained with ridiculous globs of lingering lip gloss, pressing their foreheads tenderly together as everything they were echoed together through brilliantly mystified minds and fantastically trembling fingers clinging lightly to shoulder blades. Voices echoed tranquilly and rebounded in soothing waves over psyches, transmitting wraithlike, resplendent data and jovial memories of wide beams and wild laughs over jokes long since past, fluttering on to play long clips of every single beautiful moment shared between them like an incredible, never ending movie. Their first amorous glance, their first slow dance, their first affectionate kiss and the first incredible submission of love shared in the peaceful darkness of their quarters at midnight. All of it…every piece of Red's bizarre, logical self mixed in like swirling drops of oozing paint with the untamed rebellion of Purple's delightful childlike wonder to create a bloom of equally strange, uncanny and stunningly brilliant light cascading over every shadow of rapidly fading doubt left in each of them and burning it away like a raging, passionate inferno. There was a sudden jolt as their PAKs beeped in tandem, drawing a nervous laugh from Purple's smile and a star-studded sigh from Red's as they reached the crux of their transfer, a beautiful, gleaming peace crashing down over their bodies where they reclined thought the twinkling moonlight and finally felt everything click. There was a sudden shift in consciousness as they pulled back to look each other in the eye in stunned disbelief at the incredible lucidity of the feeling, noting the subtle, dazzling change in emotion as if they could almost read each other's minds in a peculiar way; they were two halves of a whole, two vibrant, bright burning supernovas caught in the starry gravitational pull of one another and colliding to form something new and unexpected. They could sense it in their fingers, feel it beating through their veins, hear it echoing up over sensitive antennae as they lost each other to the formless, archaic moment they had been wishing for secretly for cycles.

They were married.

Now, later, millions of cycles along the line after their deactivation; no one could pry them apart any longer or tell them they weren't allowed to do this. They had done it, taken the leap of faith and become something profound and philosophical together forever.

Purple tugged them apart first, gently unhooking their cables from one another and eating up the delicious feeling of Red indefinitely lingering deeply in his PAK consciousness, giving a long, slow blink when his husband leaned in tugged him up to a sit, unable to keep his roaming hands from his body as they replaced each other's delicate casings and swayed to the heartfelt, unadulterated sound of rustling foliage singing them awake as hectic, frantic steps ran and raked through the woods with blinding flashlights to search in a terrified panic for the non-existent terrorist that had stolen away the two most powerful leaders in the galaxy for some fictitious ransom.

"Woah...we actually did it. We're married...I love you, Red." Purple breathed into his partner's neck as their royal guard neared closer through the brush, batting back vines and obliterating shrubbery with sharp PAK legs as they hunted in a desperate search against the mind-numbing darkness. "What now? They're gonna find us and we have to tell them something. It's not like we can keep it a secret at this point."

"I love you too...and, we'll just tell them the truth. We got married, Pur, that's all there is to it."

"Yeah, but the Control Brains aren't gonna be happy. And this is gonna be all over the news in the morning."

Red took a deep, tranquil inhale, drinking in the natural, honied scent of his new spouse emerging from under the oodles of perfume doused over his soft skin. "Does it matter?" He chuckled passionately, riding the residual ripples of untainted bliss sparking in his internal wiring from the gorgeously innocent thoughts buried deep in his partner's magnificent consciousness. "Whatever they say, we'll face it together. We'll always face it together."

* * *

Hope you enjoyed Shy Anon, you lovely human! I had fun writing this one and for some reason I just don't feel like any wedding of theirs would be traditional in any sense of the word so I put my own twist on it! Thank you for your request and your continued support and I love you so much, gorgeous!

**Next request in queue:** Halopath; "Zil meets Zim over transmission and LOVES him." (Update coming Saturday 11/23/2019 at 10:00 pm CDT (UTC -5)).

**Next request after that in queue:** Halopath; "Zil is tested for autism and her parents put together a stim kit for her by taking her to a toy store to see what she likes." (Update coming Friday 11/29/2019 at 10:00 pm CDT (UTC -5)).

Please leave a review if you have the time! I really do enjoy seeing what you think my darlings!


	10. King Zim

**Chapter Requested By:** Halopath

**Comment Request:** "Zil meets Zim over transmission and LOVES him."

**Genre:** Comedy/Family

**Rating:** T for light suggestiveness and general adult themes.

**Author Comment(s):** Oh boy this is gonna be a fun one. I have a few ideas for this so we'll see where this takes us and what comes of this potential train wreck I'm getting ready to write for you! Love you Halopath and thank you for your slew of hilarious requests, angel!

_**IMPORTANT PLEASE READ FOR UPDATES:** _So, because we have been getting an insane amount of requests in my PM box, reviews, and Instagram for this fic, we will be getting rid of the update times completely and I will be filling them as they come in any time of the week. (wow our impressive, organized schedule lasted a while, huh?) I will try to keep my filling times between one to five days, depending on what other fics I am also working on at the time, and I am SOOOOO APPRECIATIVE that you guys are so invested in this drabble collection! I am seriously so excited and didn't expect us to have any kind of major reaction to this, so thank you a million times over! Once again, _**I will NO LONGER BE HAVING SET POSTING TIMES BECAUSE OF THE SHEER VOLUME OF REQUESTS COMING IN AND WILL BE FILLING REQUESTS WITHIN, USUALLY, ONE TO FIVE DAYS OF RECEIVING THEM! YAY! :)**_

Also; thank you **Springeta fazbear** for joining the follow family! Also thank you, lovely, for adding this to your favorites list! That means the world to me and I'm so happy you enjoy what I write! Thanks angel!

**RANDOMDRAGON2.0:** THANK YOU! I really appreciate your lovely comments, and I'm glad that you thought their wedding was unique. I felt like since Irk seems to be pretty technologically based, I wanted to do something involving their PAKs. I really love seeing all of your comments and they make me happy every time I read them so thank you, angel, for returning!

**LARRIMEME:** YES! I am still taking requests! I'm actually working on yours right now! I wanna post your really interesting idea soon, because I really like writing for psychological stuff, and I have never written anything with Dib in it at all, EVER. So this would be fascinating! Thanks for your continued support, lovely, and I really, really appreciate you always coming back! Seriously..._thank you_.

* * *

"Ok, soldier, it's transmission day! Are you ready to learn how to use one of these the _right_ way?"

Red held up his personal transmitter as he paced through their main living quarters before his daughter where she lolled lazily on the couch, chewing on the curled plush horns of her soft Vortian doll as her attention wavered and bounced in and out of the moment. He clicked it on, running his long fingers over the extensive glass of the smooth screen as it lit up and hummed awake, showing off his impressive technology and trying to impress his incredibly bored daughter into submission with little success. Purple had gotten into a passive-aggressive spat with Zil's Pre-Academy instructor a few days ago over the incredible lack of modern technological training their daughter was unfortunately not receiving, annoyed that the teacher was focusing more on the advancement of social skills, the Irken and Vortian alphabets, and hand-eye coordination through teaching her students to color within the lines of their worksheets more than anything. The kindhearted instructor had merely sat down and calmly explained that Zil and the others still needed time to learn the basics of the unbelievable, vast world around them before moving on to the finer, supposedly optional things in the mechanically driven Irken everyday life, struggling to keep her leader's flighty mood under control and giving up altogether when he insisted they would just teach her on her own in their free time. Zil was incredibly intelligent and a quick learner when she finally decided to pay attention to the things that struck her fancy, picking up strange skills here and there from things she had silently observed from the navigations deck or watched her parents do intently over the bridge from where she colored on the floor and walls with waxy crayons. Nothing evaded her scrutinizing crimson gaze, her new ocular lenses storing inconceivable, immeasurable amounts of bizarre information she would pluck out of her little brain and spurt like a never-ending factbook over their nightly family dinners or sing strange, exotic songs in unnerving foreign languages while she floated and played innocently in the cleansing room. It had mesmerized Purple and unsettled Red, learning their innocent, childish daughter with an uncanny knack for hiding in small places and rolling around through shaggy rugs scattered about the ship like the immature monster she could be, somehow knew both Plookesian and Low Vortian with astounding precision. She had dug through Red's personal, extensive book collection and sniffed around like a mole, staring at yellowed pages for hours until Purple had finally realized she had been shakily, but accurately, reading to herself as she struggled to sound out large, impressively broad words from a weighty novel written by an alien author she didn't understand completely. It was at that moment the two had finally decided she was ready to learn transmission work and let her fidgety fingers dance over a screen, Purple putting his technologically driven partner up to the task as he rummaged around in their personal kitchenette for something sugar-coated and calorie laden to eat.

"Here, kid," Red stooped and passed her the heavy device, watching carefully as she took it with a wide, eager smile and dropped her doll to the side, smacking the screen with an open palm and mounting interest. "Idiot, you're gonna break it." He positioned himself next to his curious smeet and wrapped an arm around her to get a better look at the horrendous number of unneeded programs she had accidentally opened, closing them all with a huff of frustration. "You have to click it _gently_ like this."

Zil blinked when her father took her by the tiny wrist and positioned her fingers over the video calling function, pressing the pad of her digit to the cool glass to pull it open and grinning when she saw them vividly reflected in the front facing camera. This was something she was well acquainted with, sticking out her tongue and taking the device firmly by the sides to jiggle it and giggle when the image distorted comedically.

"You wanna try calling your Daddy in the other room?" Red suggested, speaking loudly enough to try and give Purple some semblance of a warning before guiding his mutely hypnotized smeet to the keypad, typing in the detailed, thirty number extension he had burned dutifully into his mind over twenty-four cycles ago. "Sometimes it takes a minute for a connection to be made depending on how far out of range someone is, but Daddy is just in the other room so he should be-"

"Daddy! I can see you! Look I called you all by myself!" Zil screeched in awe when the connection dinged and pulled up a shaky image from Purple's wrist gauntlet as he shoveled handfuls of huge pastel pink marshmallows in his mouth, freezing like a deer in headlights when he realized Red was also splayed over the call and swallowing thickly around the hidden treats he had been hoping to keep a carefully guarded secret.

Strawberry marshmallow poppers filled with sickly sweet jam from the Meekrob star system. Expensive, coveted, sticky goodness puffed to perfection and oozing with the most delectable, opulent flavor known to Irken kind.

How long had Purple been hiding those?

Red leaned forward and squinted at the screen when he realized his husband had gone out of his way and ordered an entire bag of gooey strawberry scrumptiousness under his scrutinizing antennae, glaring down at the image when he scooped up the bag and clutched it carefully to his chest with a challenging stare of his own. "Pur, where did you get those?" Red hissed dangerously, snatching the device from his daughter's hands against her will and ignoring her when she whined loudly in protest and punched him pathetically in the side in retaliation. "You said the supply team didn't get any in this time around."

Purple stayed glued where he stood, unblinking and completely frozen as their perilous, electrifying stalemate grew tense and forced. "No I didn't." He lied forcefully through his teeth, backing up against the kitchen counter and digging teasingly into the crinkling plastic to slowly place another fat, squishy morsel on the tip of his tongue and bite mockingly through the delightfully filled center. "You just didn't read the import sheet right, as _usual_."

Red grumbled hotly under his breath with a sudden growl, tossing the transmitter over the back of the couch and flying to his feet as Purple cried out and furiously ended the transmission, tearing past through their living quarters as Zil watched in dumbfounded silence, Red hot on his heels and trying with all his might to somehow pin his infuriating partner to steal away the object of his now fanatical obsession. The two wrestled their way towards the cleansing room where Purple fervently locked himself inside, much to Red's immediate, loud displeasure, their smeet rolling her eyes to the best of her ability as she hopped up leisurely from her comfy perch and trudged around the back of the loveseat to scoop up the expensive device her father had so carelessly thrown to the wayside. She knew her lesson was over, antennae perked as she listened to the infantile squabbling and griping bickering between her two beloved parents ricocheting through he corridor and over her sensitive stalks.

She giggled and shoved the transmitter into her armpit, quickly retrieving her doll and skipping off to her room for some much needed alone time with her new high-tech toy, slamming the door shut and throwing herself into the mess of soft stuffed animals and hard plastic figures she had concocted into a makeshift nest in the far corner of her room. She buried herself in, brushing aside pricey Irken dresses and cheap plastic tiaras before pressing her back far into the hard metal of the corner, cradling her little friend in her lap as she carefully observed the screen from where it remained open in the same application.

"Ok, Baby!" She hummed jovially, playing around with a few strange filters and swiping them back and forth to distort the color on her apple-like cheeks and vibrant eyes. "My Dad and my Daddy are playing so I havta call a very important king on the other side of the universe without them knowing!" She pretended naively through her charming game, painting stunning images of a powerful Irken monarch in the back of her mind as she nodded simply to herself. "He is waiting for my very serious call as the new Tallest and I can't keep him waiting! The fate of the planet depends on me!"

She giggled softly to herself, pulling in plush monsters and scratchy, neon tulle tutus to shroud herself in some kind of protective veil as she reached out and grabbed for one of her hundreds of glittering tiaras to place haphazardly between her curled antennae, squinting against the powerful burn of the light pouring off of the impressive piece of Irken engineering. She cocked her head and frowned, noticing a long string of past calls still held in the register, tapping cautiously at the list when she noticed the call to her father's wrist gauntlet had appeared there as well. Maybe she could get him to come out of his improvised bathroom prison if she called him again and asked nicely; after all, he had promised earlier that morning to make her cookies and she wasn't about to miss out on that rare opportunity.

Zil grinned to herself, reaching forward to tap expertly on her Daddy's extension, squealing suddenly when her overly large crown slipped down over her big eyes at the sudden shift and halfway blinded her. She panicked and held her breath when the device began to ring out a foreign number she didn't recognize, clamping her hands over her thin mouth as she peeped and curled into herself out of sudden fright. Oh no. There was no way she wouldn't get in trouble for accidentally calling a strange number! After the fiasco with Uncle Lard Nar several weeks in the past, her Dad and Daddy had many feverish talks with her about the dangers of talking to beings she didn't personally recognize, even within their own crew, making sure she didn't cause any more unneeded trouble or accidentally shut down the Massive's communication systems again. Now, she had accidentally clicked on an infinitely long personal number of Irk knows who, Irk knows where! What if they were mean? What if they yelled at her and told her parents she was doing things she wasn't allowed to do? What if they were a dastardly space pirate bent on taking her last cookie she had hidden behind the pipes under the bathroom sink?!

"Ah! My Tallest I was wondering when I would be expecting another call from-"

An overly confident voice sounded suddenly and Zil flew forward to snatch wildly at the camera, shouting out of impulse as horrifying images of disgusting, appalling snack thieves plagued her overactive imagination. "Don't take my cookie!" She screamed, squeezing her eyes shut and slamming the device hard against the unforgiving floor. "It's mine and I had to work really hard to steal it from Dad's snack jar and don't tell him because I'll get grounded if he knows I know where it is!"

Silence.

Zil cracked a startled eye, immediately letting her gaze fly wide and her jaw drop slack when she was met with an equally confused magenta stare glaring back at her from trillions of miles away. Who…who was this interesting Irken? She had called someone short, determined, and utterly fanatical sitting in a well-manicured underground hideout surrounded by glowing lights and fascinating equipment she itched to dig her curious fingers into. He searched her petite, fresh face, watching with a sneer of disgust when she flicked her stout antennae forward with a blank inquisitiveness bubbling up in her chest and a strange need to dissect what this weird guy was all about.

The other Irken blinked in bewilderment before frowning obliviously through the radiance of his base. "Cookie? Zim knows of no cookie!" He shouted back spontaneously, feverishly pushing down a tiny SIR unit when it popped up in the frame for a few swift seconds. "Who are you? I demand to speak to my Tallest!"

Zil sat dumbfounded for a few long seconds, mouth agape as her ocular lenses attempted to scan the mystery figure and input any information, they could find of his haughty personality into the collective database of Irk for more information. Her undeveloped PAK sputtered and whizzed through streams of data and code, attempting feverishly to try and pinpoint something, anything, about this mystifying person splayed generously over her screen but coming up short. He had no file in the collective, everything once known of him had been forcibly deleted and stripped away, only causing Zil's peaked wonder to rapidly grow as she grinned. Maybe…maybe this Irken _was_ the king from her fantasies! Maybe she had finally punched through to the world of make-believe and found the very center of her deepest desires in cheerful, energetic fiction characters! This must be the greatest, most wonderful day of her entire life!

"My name is Zil! Do you live in a big castle made of green candy?" She asked tentatively with a bit of skepticism, running over the fanciful world of the pretend king living in her mind. "A-And do you like to make mashed potatoes like other kings in the galaxy, because if you do that means you're really special! I know you're a king but I have to be sure you're the right king I've been talking to in my dreams because if you are you should come and eat dinner with me and my Daddy and my Dad! Daddy's making dinner tonight and chocolate cookies-"

"Mashed potatoes!?" The tiny SIR unit popped back up with a blinding, electronic grin and a rowdy wave, drawing a sweet giggle from Zil's lips as she watched enthusiastically from her stuffed animal hut. "I like mashed potatoes!"

Zim kicked aside the annoying, wholly infuriating intrusion with a furious glare, returning with mounting interest to the bubbly smeet inviting him for an unsuspecting audience with his almighty leaders against their knowledge. "Zil? Hm…why yes I do live in a green house!" He declared proudly as if making some kind of incredible achievement.

Zil gasped, a beautiful twinkle sparking in her wide eyes as she bounded free from her hiding place and revealed herself in full, beaming when Zim carefully examined her tiny, orange, Tallest's uniform with an unusual inquiry. "Then you _are_ a king! You're a _real_ king!" She exclaimed, spinning the transmitter around as she twirled blissfully. "I knew you were real and out there somewhere waiting to meet me!"

"The Tallest are calling me a king?" Zim all but gasped, resorting to a knowing chuckle and puffing out his chest as Zil continued to dangerously pump up his swelling ego. "I knew they would see the worth of the mighty Zim sooner or later, tiny smeet thing!"

"You should come and eat with us tonight so you can try my Daddy's cookies because they're really good." Zil suggested, tossing her flaccid body on top of her bed as she continued her conversation with her new friend. "He learned how to make them just to impress Dad!"

"Daddy? Dad?" Zim repeated the archaic words slowly, rolling them around in his mouth before making the sudden connection. "Mm, I see! You're the Tallest's smeet! I was beginning to think they didn't want us to meet, but I can see now that that it was all a misunderstanding. Your parents love me! I'm their favorite, most trusted invader!"

Zil nearly burst from excitement at having met someone so influential and interesting. "Invader? How come they call you so much and I've never met you before?"

"Oh, they don't. I call them."

"You call them? You call a lot, King Zim. I've never seen you here before."

"That's because I'm on a secret mission to destroy the humans!"

"Hoomans?! I had one of those living in my closet once!"

"Disgusting! I hate them! Hopefully you used some kind of torture device to liquify it's overabundant organs!"

"Organs? No, I scared him away with my Daddy's hooman melty beam he gave me!"

Zim was nearly floored at the concept, leaning over his dash to cram himself as close to the transmission feed as possible at the notion of such advanced, Earth destroying technology he had never heard of. "A human melty _what_ now?" He breathed in bewilderment, staying still when Zil held up a finger and dug through her nightstand nearby, brandishing the outdated Elite gauntlet Purple had gifted her with to calm her unnecessary night terrors.

"See?" Zil squeaked, proud of potentially impressing such a powerful monarch as Zim stared back with mouthwatering fascination. "It has a hooman melty laser that scares away every hooman it sees! If it touches them their brain explodes!" She made an overexaggerated noise with her mouth, falling back into her cushions before quickly returning to her intriguing conversation with a cute laugh.

"I need it!" Zim cried crudely, grabbing at nothing with anxious hands when Zil frowned and clutched the precious false weapon to her chest at the sudden mood shift. "I didn't know the Tallest were so invested in disgusting anti-human technology! This would be perfect to annihilate the filthy Dib-stink keeping me from my most important mission!"

"Well…" Zil trailed off and glanced down at her father's nostalgic piece of equipment with a tiny frown, not wanting to give it up out of fear of the scary monsters creeping about aboard the Massive resurfacing in her closet. "This one is mine. Daddy said so. I have to use it to keep away the hooman scaries that try to eat me."

Zim was growing impatient, tapping his claws over the smooth metal of his computer systems and gritting his teeth at the audacity of something so tiny telling him no. "That can't be the only one!" He pointed out feverishly, his booming voice captivating Zil in a way she couldn't comprehend. "Hey…maybe I could lock on to your transmission signal and come to the Massive to ask your…_Daddy_," he almost gagged on the repulsive word for his esteemed leader, "for one of my own!"

Zil seemed completely ecstatic about the idea, bouncing lightly on her springy bed with a wild, untamed nod as Zim began the sequencing needed to pinpoint the carefully shrouded, delicately concealed flagship from his sensors on Earth. She was going to get to meet a king! An actual king!

"Are you gonna wear your fancy king hat?!"

"King hat?"

"Yeah! The big poofy thing that shows of how great of a super cool king you are!"

"Yes, yes, I think I can find something that will please you!"

* * *

**One hour later;**

Red had finally managed to pick the lock to the cleansing room and wrestle Purple to the ground in a good-humored game of cat and mouse when he wiggled free, chasing and snarling mischievously as his ancient, animalistic instincts took over and his partner vaulted and ducked over furniture to evade his domineering grasp when he popped marshmallows coyly in his mouth. They did this every so often, letting themselves go to archaic impulse alone and mock fighting to show off their duel dominance, scuffling and pinning before letting up and dancing with the other in return, a wordless display of Irken affection and playfulness needed to keep the beautiful spark alive in any healthy relationship. Finally, Purple let out a snort of a laugh when his husband grabbed for the bag and ripped it away, overwhelmed by the coquettish flirtatiousness their movements had evolved into before tackling him viciously onto the loveseat and stealing it back with a victory grin, staring down at his disheveled lover and holding the delicious puffed goodness high over his head when he plopped down on his chest and crossed his legs delicately.

"I win." Purple giggled, watching as Red panted from the overwhelming strenuousness of their fight. "Looks like you don't get to have any this time."

"Aw, come on! That's not fair!" Red snapped breathlessly, trying to push his partner off but finding himself completely out of energy at this point as Purple tapped him infuriatingly on the lips, only shying back when Red attempted to land a soft love bite to his fingers. "I just want one, Pur! Giving up one isn't gonna kill you!"

Purple gave him a knowing blink and thought a moment before shaking his head with a wiry smile and a snobbish sigh. "Nah. One will turn into two, which will turn into the rest of the bag and I ordered these for myself." He licked the jam from his fingers when Red gritted his teeth, knowing he had him exactly where he wanted him. "Too bad you lost. They're _really_ good." He chewed disgustingly with his mouth open, smacking on the sugary mess audibly for Red to wallow in his devastating defeat. Suddenly, Purple's antennae shot straight when a devious idea struck him, rolling up the top of the crinkling plastic to carefully conceal the rest of his meager award before shifting slightly to gain more purchase over his half-crushed husband. "Maybe I'll let you have another chance to beat me. We haven't taken time for ourselves in a while so how about we pick this fight up…tonight?"

Red swallowed at the steadily darkening look flashing over his partner's eager face and realized their ferocious chase had all but evolved into an elaborate, improvised courtship ritual, melting back into the stifling, seductively luscious air the atmosphere had somehow taken. "T-Tonight?" He repeated, blinking the slowly fading perception from his eyes when he suddenly got the point and swallowed thickly under the steely gaze of his husband beating down on him from above like a hot poker. "Are your breeding blockers on again?"

Purple bit his lip and nodded enthusiastically, dropping his voice so curious antennae wouldn't hear their escalating talk from the other room. "Yeah. I had them replaced last week because…I dunno…I thought it would be fun to play around again."

Red froze at the seductive gravity of his partner's casual voice, opening his mouth to respond before almost coming out of his skin when their daughter bounded and leapt past them through the room with an overstated, silver tiara balanced on her head, completely unaware of her parent's growing interest in one another before shooting off towards the main hatch to their quarters and fumbling to unhook the safety lock.

"Daddy, you have to make cookies because I invited a king to eat dinner with us and look at my hooman melty beam you gave me! He came all the way from a planet called Uw-erth and is gonna show you how good he is at catching a Dib-stink! He promised to wear a fancy king hat and everything, and he just got here so I havta let him in before he gets caught by the guards outside like he said!"

Purple's bewitching, once enticing look soured, quickly remembering he had a duty as a parent first and couldn't play the life of a bachelor. Their fever-inducing spat would just have to wait until Zil was safely in bed for the night. Red shrugged out a silent apology with a tiny smile when he slung himself up, throwing the marshmallows behind his back to shield them from any unwelcome advance as he turned to flash a slowly cooling smile at his imaginative smeet groaning to pull the heavy door of the sealed hatch free.

He decided to play along with her adorably entertaining game and tossed his snack onto the couch, striding forward and readjusting the gaudy, fake jewel-studded crown over her forehead. "Oh really, a king, huh?" He fought back a chuckle and helped her pull the hatch free, expecting to see nothing more than an invisible figment of his daughter's saccharine, colorful imagination. "I guess we can let him stay for dinner and-"

"My Tallest! It is I, Zim!" Zim piped up from under his ridiculously gargantuan felt crown he had dug out of his near bottomless box of gaudy disguises he kept in his broom cupboard, smiling warmly when Zil gave him a tiny wave and bounded forward to sling her eager arms over his shoulders as if she had known him for cycles.

Zim…?

Zim?

_Z-Zim?!_

Purple came down from the mind-bending shock and yelled out his blistering terror, flying down to snatch his daughter around the waist, knocking the air from her chest and slinging her around to half chuck her back into the foyer before slamming the door and fumbling to lock it as his arch nemesis tried to shove a foot through the threshold to keep it pried open. He thrust his back up against the hatch as he continued to scream, earning the terrified attention of his startled husband as he stumbled up off of their plush, velvet loveseat.

"What?! What's happening?!" Red yelled back in utter confusion when Zil tried to push her completely panicked father away from the door with an angry squeak.

"Daddy, no! That's the king and it's not nice to close the door without inviting him in first!" She scolded hotly, stomping immaturely on the ground and crossing her arms over her chest plate. "He has to see my hooman melty beam so he can get rid of the scary Dib-thing that keeps ruining his amazing plans to take over Uw-erth!"

"This can't be happening!" Purple wailed as he dangerously hyperventilated, cringing back when Zim began to eagerly pound on the door and shout back through the paneling. "Red, do something! Make him go away! C-Call the royal guard! Tell him we're not home! I-I dunno shoot him out the airlock or between the eyes or _something_!"

Red scooped up his daughter and thrust her up under his arm like she weighed nothing, holding her there as he rapidly thought through the terrifying horror movie their day had suddenly become. "What do you want me to do about it?! Why is he even here?! I-I thought that defective battle mech we sent him blew up his house!" He cried vehemently, clutching at his face when Purple began to completely lose all sense of rational judgement and resort to utter panic. He let his wild gaze trail down to where Zil kicked against his armor to try and free herself from his powerful clutches, wriggling free like butter and sprinting back to the door to grab for the handle.

"No!" Purple yelled, grabbing her by the wrist as she peeped. "Zil, did you call him?!" He tried to keep his voice level but couldn't through the disastrous turn of events, feeling the color drain from his face when she nodded with an unbearable grin.

"Yup! He's a king, Daddy! He wants to look at my hooman melty beam before he goes home to Uw-erth!" She repeated pompously for a third time, throwing her free hand on her hip and letting her eyes flutter shut in a gratified display of egotistical fervor she had undoubtedly picked up from the both of them.

Hooman melty beam? Did she mean that old Elite gauntlet Purple had so carelessly given to her when she thought her closet was being invaded by monsters? He spun her around on her heel and ushered her back to Red who took her in his arms and tried to hold his tongue so as not to lay into her with the famous viciousness he was known for as his partner thought a few long seconds, trying to focus through the annoying pounding of tiny fists against their private sanctuary. He crossed swiftly to the storage unit where he dumped all of their useless junk, popping it open and sliding it free from the wall before digging hastily through crumpled wires and soft baby clothes that no longer fit Zil's rapidly growing form, lighting up when his fingers brushed the smooth casing of one of Red's standard issue gauntlets and tugging it free from the dusty mess. He held it up to carefully inspect it, formulating some semblance of a plan as he went. These were used in the heat of battle back when Miyuki was raking through planets; each one was fitted with a thermal heating unit, a plasma canon, an infrared laser for guiding in airstrikes, an internal communicator, and a self-detonation sequence used in the event of capture.

Wait...self-destruct?

Oh, Irk, yes.

"Honey, I have an idea." He said slowly with a sudden, sharp-toothed grin, excited when Red's growing antagonism faded to match the devilish, deliciously bleak motive festering between them as Zil bounced innocently in his arms. He flipped the protective casing and powered on the dangerous device, punching in his husbands old unlock code and activating the failsafe for ten minutes. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Red laughed almost maniacally when his clever partner crossed back to the panel, immediately picking up on the appallingly glorious idea and whistling out his agreeance. "Self-destruct? Oh, Pur, that's just wrong." He teased sarcastically, giving him the nod he needed to throw open the door and finally take care of their one Irken infestation…hopefully for good.

Zim beamed up unsuspectingly at his leader and was rocketed back when Purple chucked the gauntlet halfheartedly into his hands and refused to meet his gross, filthy eye contact. "There you go Zim! A…uh…human melty thing!" He stuttered, glancing over his shoulder and rolling his eyes when Red flashed him a halfhearted thumbs up at the exciting prospect of blowing their lethal rival to dust. "This is very sensitive technology and I'm going to let you keep it only if you can get off of my ship and as far away as possible in," he squinted down at the timer counting down on the tiny screen, "nine minutes and twenty-eight seconds! Got it?"

Zim flew to his feet and thrust the incredibly top secret, infinitely powerful piece of new human devastating technology above his ludicrous crown, flying into a fiercely audacious salute to the being he looked up to more than anything. "Yes, my Tallest! I promise I will destroy every last filthy excuse for a life tainting our universe with their sticky hands!" He proclaimed loudly, startling a few guards sauntering nearby and causing Purple to bring his fingers to his temples in clear annoyance.

"Good, yeah, whatever. Now get off my ship!" Purple pushed him on, eyeing him closely when he took off in a fit of brazen, unruly laughter and pattering boots to chuck himself in his pathetic excuse for a Voot Runner below deck and hopefully die in a sadistically delectable, fiery explosion somewhere in warp.

Please…_please_ let him die this time. Someone needed to have a serious talk with security downstairs if Lard Nar and now Zim himself were both able to slip into the docking bay without detection. Idiots. All of them just...idiots.

Purple shut the door with a mounting headache, trudging back to where Zil watched him apprehensively and stared back with wide, watery eyes when she anticipated she was about to get a good talking to, wringing her hands against the smooth metal of Red's armor and curling innocently into his chest as she trembled. He stopped himself short, folding and caving immediately under her soul-crushing, profound, lip-quivering stare piercing at his spooch and unraveling him in the worst of ways, instead leaning down to kiss her gently between the eyes before Red let her escape back to the floor. She shot forward and grabbed Purple by the leg, fighting away the last traces of thick annoyance peaking in the back of his mind when he glanced to the wide picture window cut into the opulent side of their quarters, a tiny smile cracking against his features when he watched Zim's dented ship zip past and hit warp through the glittering starlight. Ah. Everything was right in the world again. Unfortunately, he was going to have to have yet another highly delicate conversation with his curious, intelligent daughter to try and warn her away from inviting yet another terrorist aboard the sanctity of their flagship.

Ugh.

"Is the king staying to eat with us?"

"No, baby, the king has to go back to his home planet."

"Oh. Ok. Will he come again?"

"Hopefully not, Zilly…hopefully not."

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Hope you enjoyed! This one was more simple, but I still had fun writing it! Thank you Halopath for your request and I hope you all have a fantastic night or morning depending on where you are in the world! Love you, sweet angels!

_**IMPORTANT PLEASE READ FOR UPDATES:** _So, because we have been getting an insane amount of requests in my PM box, reviews, and Instagram for this fic, we will be getting rid of the update times completely and I will be filling them as they come in any time of the week. I will try to keep my filling times between one to five days, depending on what other fics I am also working on at the time, and I am SOOOOO APPRECIATIVE that you guys are so invested in this drabble collection! I am seriously so excited and didn't expect us to have any kind of major reaction to this, so thank you a million times over! Once again, I will NO LONGER BE HAVING SET POSTING TIMES BECAUSE OF THE SHEER VOLUME OF REQUESTS COMING IN! :)


	11. Through the Storm

**Chapter Requested By:** ladyanaconda

**Comment Request:** "How about when zil was a smeet and they couldn't get her to sleep because she's afraid of a sort of storm? Then they have to sing a lullaby together"

**Genre:** Family

**Rating:** T for light language and general adult themes.

**Author Comment(s):** This was so cute of a request! I took the idea of Zil being a young smeet pretty far down the line in the past and it was seriously so fun. I hope you like this, lovely, and I am so appreciative that you guys keep sending in requests and investing yourself in this delightfully growing mess of ours! Love you, angel, so, so much!

**Larrimeme:** Your request involving Dib is coming along nicely! I really have to read through the comic and watch the show/movie again to get a decent feel for Dib's personality and dialogue, because I've never written for him, so this is gonna be a super fun challenge for me to do! I am allowing for a bit more character development through a few more short requests before this one goes up, but I'm actively working on it and I am pulling the idea directly from one of the earlier comics after skimming back through it! Thanks for the cool idea and I'm gonna try and push my limits of character perception outside of my comfort zone for this one! (there should be one more chapter after this that goes up before yours, and thank you lovely so much for your support! It honestly, _honestly_ means the world to me!)

* * *

**19 cycles in the recent past**

Electricity crackled and sparked, sending booming waves of rippling sound throughout the cold, metallic frame of the Massive to rain down on the horrendously space-sick crew where they swayed. Gravity swelled and buckled in waves, forcing the ship to rock dangerously to the side as guards and pilots alike trudged along the walls of the long corridors through the darkness for their shift change, slowly following the movement back down to the walkway when they leveled out and attempted to maintain their wavering balance. They'd hit a bit of a rough patch at the edge of the immense Guarven star system when an unexpectedly nasty cloud of overactive, positively charged particles and blistering cosmic dust from a formidable quasar collided with their flagship and shocked their thrusters offline, leaving the unfortunate navigation team to guide them all on through the awful storm at a slow crawl of a pace. That was manageable, until everything went completely still and black around four in the morning to everyone's collective dread. Radar shorted out and fried from overexertion, communications systems were reduced to annoying static and the occasional high pitched whine, and the ship's power core sputtered to a maddeningly hazardous halt, forcing backup generators to sputter to some semblance of life and give the crew just enough power to work with. Still, all of the commotion and stomp of hectic footsteps outside wouldn't have been much of an issue…if Purple hadn't just hatched a smeet.

Six months of solid weight gain and overeating. Six months of horrendously swollen ankles and soothing back massages. Six months of Red feverishly smeet proofing sharp corners around the ship with ridiculous amounts of crude duct tape and trying to read through ludicrous dietary books he didn't understand in preparation for the immense amount of liquid sugar they were about to go through. Through all the desperate cravings of expensive, exotic foods, emotional turmoil and sudden irritation, and long naps into the afternoon, Red had been there, even if he put up a bit of a gently stubborn fight when Purple got savagely uppity from hormone fluctuations. He had held Purple's hand through the entire ordeal; panicking when his mate had rolled over in the middle of the night through contractions and ushered him to call for a medical drone, fought off the rapidly encroaching press like rabid Hogulus' outside of the med bay with swinging PAK legs when Purple demanded irately that they get out of his sight as he went into excruciating labor, and had cried like a blubbering idiot when the tiny, venerable life they had created together was gingerly peeled away from its protective, ivory eggshell and manually fitted with an uncoded PAK by a gentle medical drone before being calmly shocked to exquisite, softly crying consciousness. They had placed fervent bets months in advance over the blurry ultrasound as to whether it was a boy or a girl, Red adamant and hopeful that they were having a son he could teach to fly someday but succumbing to what Purple had claimed he somehow intuitively knew was true all along; they had a daughter.

A tiny, six-pound, three-ounce daughter.

They had decided upon the strong, powerful name Zil, opting for tradition over the newer, hipper names that were emerging on the natural-smeet market and paying homage to the first female Tallest to walk the surface of Irk before the invention of hover belts and pull all of their inhabitants out of a horrendous dark age of violent civil unrest over twenty-five thousand years ago. It was a time before the Control Brains and advanced technology; she was PAK-less and nameless, simply going by the ancient Irken word for defender; "zil." Red had been the first to hold her close in his strong arms and the first to say her profound name out loud, to solidify it as the beginning of a new era and the start of the long, carefully planned history of their next Tallest. But she was more than that; she wasn't just the continuation of their infinite line of rulership and esteemed culture but the very culmination of their explosive DNA come together to fulfill a once secret dream of beginning a true, natural family despite the gossip and hushed talks that they could never make it. Purple had almost believed them once, immediately feeling the viscous doubt shatter when he caught sight of his tear-streaked husband's elated, heavenly face through his depleted exhaustion as their daughter took her first breaths and cried faintly in his arms. Red never cried, keeping his carefully hidden emotions shrouded from the world until something influentially monumental happened to persuade him to finally let go. He had wanted to shout from the tops of the highest mountaintops and venture to the bottom of Irk's deepest oceans to tell everyone he could possibly find that he was a father, shouting on a stuttering, excited loop for the whole of their excited medical team to know exactly how dammingly proud he was to have helped create something so uniquely special.

They would make it.

They would make it together…all _three_ of them.

And then the dastardly, motion sickness inducing storm hit, forcing advisors and tacticians into their room to pester and flit about nervously through every creak and groan as Red was forced to halfway instruct them, reluctantly passing their infant daughter on to his partner when papers and horrendous reports of power failure were shoved up into his face. He had grown defensive when they attempted to get Purple's weary opinions on the unexpected atrocity as warm heating pads were draped carefully over his abdomen to reduce the swelling as he fought to stay awake, pushing back soldiers and threatening lives in a desperate attempt to return to the family he had only just been introduced to and not wanting his mate to have to deal with nauseating politics so soon after such a profound change to his body. As soon as the main power was cut and the backup generators whizzed to life, Red had run his tender palms up over Purple's clammy, sweat-slick antennae where he lay and shot off to the bridge to deal with the calamitous pandemonium and blubbering anarchy like he was so good at. Purple didn't blame him for leaving so abruptly or unwillingly ditching him in the dark to try and soothe their distressed newborn; he vehemently blamed their faulty advisory team for not being able to handle something as simple as a freak space anomaly and for ripping the much-needed, strong voice of his husband away when he wanted him most. He was fatigued, irritable, and his entire body ached from the sheer stress of birth, his anesthesia swimming mind laden with hot, untamable curses when Rarl Kove and General Gor dipped in every once in a while for unsolicited progress updates he could really care less about at the time, flicking pain pills in their direction when they tried to read damage reports over the wailing of Zil's quickly escalating voice or reaching out and angrily smacking clipboards from their timid hands when they tried to have him sign off on pointless agreements as he struggled to bottle feed their squirming daughter her first taste of warm, liquid sugar. Eventually, Purple had to resort to threatening their expendable lives with bloody annihilation, which he was all too sincere about, before slumping back and carefully cradling his overstimulated smeet in the crook of his arm when kind medical drones kept him warm with soft fleeces and expensive furs imported from Hypatia 3.

And so he waited for Red to return…and waited…and waited…and waited.

Zil hadn't been conscious for more than two hours and she was already thrown into the thick of what it was like to be Tallest, getting an ill-fated taste of the bitter idiocy of shorters scrambling around them and the cruelty of their vast, beautiful universe reminding them who was boss through a deafening natural display of raw power. Her blind eyes would remain screwed shut for another two weeks as her retinas finished developing properly, but her inexperienced, down covered antennae were hard at work trying to make sense of the thunderous sound of rogue electric currents bouncing treacherously against the hot metal of the Massive's broad hull, picking up her fervent screaming with every flicker of sizzling static and ripple of warped titanium in a disorderly attempt to alert her father that she was overstimulated and miserable with the dissonance of booms. Purple was completely new to this sort of thing; he had watched a few videos and skimmed lightly over a few parenting articles, but now that he was expected to care for a vulnerable, absolutely helpless life with his own protective touch, he didn't really have the faintest of where to even begin to bring her relief. Mechanically born smeets were considerably larger upon hatching, having been allowed much more time to develop from copied DNA, and automatically injected with the whole of Irken knowledge as soon as they were fitted with a standard issue PAK. They essentially became tiny versions of adults in a blinding, unnatural instant, but Zil…she would have to wait until her biological body was big and stable enough to handle the whole of Irken intelligence without rejecting the code completely. She was just so tiny, so delicate, so venerable and unaware of the dastardly horrors of the world swirling and raging around her as claps of raging, booming thunder deafened her fragile, untainted antennae.

The longer he had listened, the more he realized he already knew what to do somewhere deep down. Purple let his deep, primal instinct take over, closing his eyes and pressing his beautiful daughter against his bare chest as a thick glucose IV was introduced into his bruised system to try and help him gain back some of his now incredibly sluggish strength as his PAK hummed delicately with sedatives, shushing the confused little life with his soft, familiar voice as his hands all but engulfed her petite body as she writhed and grabbed weakly at his fingers with uncoordinated fists. It was otherworldly, bizarre even, to see her here amongst the real, tangible world and feel the suppleness of her velvety skin, the weighty realization that he and Red were no longer living a luxurious, party-filled high life for themselves settling like fine sediment in a gradually stilling lake and reassuring Purple tenderly of their greatest, most profound success together as a couple. It was still surreal to think of his partner as a father, someone once so known for his wild, untamed nature slowing down to hold tiny hands and read bedtime stories. He had given up everything to become a parent, trading chilly liquor bottles and strobing lights to clean up the indescribable messes that were to come and provide a gleaming example of responsibility for Zil's highly impressionable mind. What was even more surreal was that Red had reassured Purple on a constant loop for cycles that he wanted this and he wanted this with only him.

They had done this.

They were real parents.

They had made her _without_ machines.

"My Tallest, I have news from the bridge!"

General Gor threw open the door without thinking, struggling and thrashing against the tidal wave of chittering reporters and engineers trying to sneak a peek with ecstatic shouts and flashing cameras at the first natural born smeet to a set of Tallest in the history of Irk. The light was nearly unbearable, halfway blinding Purple as his advisor stumbled graceless through the pandemonium and managed to click the door shut against the torrent of mayhem threatening to follow him. Gor immediately straightened up at Zil's relentless, cyclic wail, antennae going stiff to the sound he was wholly unacquainted with and equally unnerved by as he tried to maintain focus.

"Sir! Tallest Red has asked me to inform you that we will be exiting the storm in two and a half hours as soon as our floor mechanics are able to reboot our thrusters. He also wanted me to let you know he is having the catering staff downstairs make you some hot chocolate." He explained hastily, wincing when another powerful boom of thunder shuddered through the med bay and forced Zil to fidget in distress at the resounding vibration. Gor immediately shrunk back, unsettled by something so tiny and feeble he wasn't prepared to deal with and unsure of how to react to the idea of having a child running the corridors of the Massive.

"Why couldn't Red come down here and tell me that himself?" Purple asked firmly, smoothing a palm comfortingly over his daughter's twitching stalks to try and muffle the roaring noise, resorting to covering them completely.

"I'm sorry, my Tallest, but we need his assistance on-"

Purple held up his free hand, holding his General's eye contact and watching carefully as he grew shakier with every blink. "Here's what I want you to do." He began decisively through his exhaustion, not wanting to play games and getting straight to the point. "You go up there and get him and bring him back down here to me." He half demanded, brushing aside the gentle hands of a medical drone attempting to readjust the warm, weighted pads resting delicately over his still pained abdomen.

"But, sir, we need his-"

"Gor, I'm ordering you to bring me my husband, _now_!" Purple snapped suddenly with a hot grumble, growing desperate and thoroughly done with the entire mess. He needed Red and he needed him fast before he lost it and forced himself out to the elevator to rescue him for himself. "I just had a smeet, I feel disgusting, my entire body hurts and Red just became a father so let him come down here and be with his family! We have a crew on this ship for a reason so figure it out yourselves for once!"

General Gor stood in stunned silence for a few long moments, trying to find an appropriate response over the antennae-piercing scream and the sizzling lavender glare hammering him back into submission. He resorted to a hurried, under planned salute and resolute click of his rubber heels before throwing the hatch back open and speedily wading through the rowdy mob desperate to get him to describe the strange, venerable creature everyone was eager to poke at. Purple would be dammed if he let the bloodsucking hands of the press blind his daughter with ridiculous camera flashes and horrendous banter; at least not yet. He had barely heard the sound of a portly food service drone squeezing in until a warm mug of hot chocolate was gingerly passed up through the shadows with an enthusiastic beam at the opportunity to be so close to a child of such high status. The silky, delectable taste offset some of the pain and weakness in his spooch, warming Purple to his toes as he sunk down into his makeshift nest of creamy, opulent furs and carefully watched Zil's outline against the dark, pale light as she gummed in distress on the glossy sheen of his long claws.

It didn't take long to sprint back up to the dark gloom of the dimly lit bridge and fight back down through the sea of onlookers and thrilled fiends in the med bay. Purple could hear them outside, swarming like rabid beasts around his weary husband and scrambling up at his polished breastplate with microphones and news cameras for something, _anything_, they could possibly display over the millions of transmission screens scattered across the galaxy. Red had battled valiantly against the turmoil and grubby gloved hands, forcing his way through a crack in the door and immediately locking it behind him with an angry, protective shout for everyone to stay back and keep them out of the limelight before slumping against the cool metal with a sigh of defeat when anchors continued to yell fervent questions.

_Tallest Red, how does it feel to be a father?_

_Can we have a name, sir? Please? The public wants to know!_

_My Tallest! My Tallest! Is it a boy or a girl?_

_Are you and Tallest Purple truly ready to be parents?_

Red ignored them, reaching up to unclasp the thick protection of his heavy armor and pull it away in halves, rolling his stiff shoulders and flattening his antennae to the horrendous sound forcing everyone who waltzed through the door into submission. He looked up through the gloom and met Purple's eyes, hurrying forward and hastily pulling up a stool to lean over his spent partner with a faint smile and brush a loving touch over his bare shoulder before moving on to lightly stroke at Zil's warm, bewildered cheek with his fingertips.

"Irk, I thought they would never let you go." Purple grinned into the sensation, sighing in sudden relief when Red kept his protective gaze stamped firmly against their crying daughter, reaching out to scoop her up in his hands and give Purple a much-needed, welcome break as he shivered.

Red stood, strangely captivated by the feeling of bare, toothless gums against his knuckles and the bizarre wailing that he felt an odd need to protect. He leaned Zil back in his hold with a smile, feeling his voice stolen almost completely as the realization that she was his finally sank in for the first time.

"Pur, she's ours." His words were nearly inaudible under the sound, immediately pulling her back in as he paced. "Why is she so _small_? We're Tallest. Isn't she, I dunno, supposed to be bigger than this?"

Purple finished off his drink and struggled through his weary cognition to set the empty mug aside on the end table, moving to motion for the lamp to faze on but remembering the lack in power. "She came out of an egg, idiot. She's gonna be small." He teased halfheartedly, laboring to pull the plush Plookesian fleece further over his form and growing thankful when Red bounded forward on impulse and sat on the edge of the medical pod to faithfully help.

He swallowed when a thick wave of impenetrable emotion threatened dangerously to betray him, wanting to remain stoic and collected in the presence of the medical drones filtering around them and still feeling a bit embarrassed since his initial reaction. "What color do you think her eyes are going to be?" Red breathed, meeting his partner's gaze again.

Purple blinked, noticing Zil's long, thin antennae hastily flick forward into his husband's excited voice as if searching for a way to get closer to the source before she tried to scrunch up her face as another crackling wave of static bombarded the ship. "I dunno…hopefully purple." He frowned, watching carefully as Red spoke up again with a wide grin over their daughter's fervent, incessant crying.

"Isn't red a dominant trait or something? Oh man, Pur, do you think she'll look like me when she's older?" He stopped to admire her with a sudden swell of pride before gingerly drawing her in to his chest and feeling her soft claws instinctively hook into his undershirt for leverage. "Holy shit…I can't believe I'm a dad! This is so weird. I'm actually a _dad_!"

There it was again.

Despite the roaring calamity pummeling the firm metal of the hull outside, Zil's faint, undeveloped senses could still pick up the familiar, affectionate, sometimes brash and excessively insufferable, voice that she had heard for nearly six months barking orders across the bridge or chuckling with Purple over cheesy comedy shows they both loved to lose themselves to at night. Every time Red spoke up and continued his enthusiastic, jittery rant or laughed through his growing nerves, Zil would all but freeze and listen intently to the otherworldly, extraordinarily recognizable echo and crane herself into the feeling of Red's pulse under her petite fingers. She was so focused, forgetting her abhorrent anguish at the storm and instead reaching about through the boisterous vibration in his chest, drinking in the deep, well-rounded scent that always seemed to cling to his clothing.

"I think she knows that too." Purple pointed out, fascinated by the special recognition their tiny smeet already possessed and the bizarre level of comfort she derived from his partner's body heat.

"Huh?"

"Your voice. She remembers what you sound like."

"My…how is that possible?"

Purple reached out to grip at Red's knee, blown away by the ethereal, weightless sight of the two most important beings in the world to him so close. "Come on, Red, you're always with me so of course she's gonna know who her father is. She probably remembers when you would sing to her." He giggled exhaustedly when Red's usually harsh, logical visage lit up with an embarrassed color flooding through his cheeks.

Red diverted his gaze to the floor when Zil began her bleak, domineering cries once more as medical drones working nearby bit back snickers and adorable chuckles behind their white masks at the idea of their all-authoritative leader actually having a soft spot behind closed doors. He reached across the pod, gently tugging Zil's clawed fingers from his chest and replacing her tenderly back into the crook of his waiting partner's arm.

"Do you have to say that out loud?" He hissed, moving to reposition himself against Purple's side and toying lightly with the tips of his antennae when he leaned in to press his cheek against his shoulder. "Man, she's loud. Reminds me of you."

Purple glanced to the side and shot Red a hot look. "It's all the noise. I think it's freaking her out. How long until we're out of this pulse storm?" He tried to smooth back over her antennae, flattening them down carefully under his palm to shroud her away from the violent chaos swirling outside and terrifying her into excruciating submission.

Red thought a moment, sinking down into the makeshift nest his partner was buried in. "Um…last time I check I think it was about two hours. It's pretty extensive." He flinched when Purple groaned in mounting irritation.

"Can't we go _any_ faster?" He whispered, closing his eyes when a soft palm trailed down the side of his face to try and pacify the growing exasperation and irritated impatience singing the atmosphere. "I'm tired, I don't feel good, and Zil can't take two more hours of this mess. I wanna go to sleep, Red, so either make them go faster or tell the medical drones to bring me another sugar packet so I can rub it on her gums or something and try to get her to calm down."

Red thought a long while, openly defying his husband's wish as medical drones waited for further orders before abruptly pointing in their direction and jabbing a finger ruthlessly at the door. "Out. I need some privacy with my family." He demanded shortly, happy when no one missed a beat and removed their gloves, filing dutifully on and pushing through the now gargantuan throng waiting outside.

"Red, what are you-" Purple gave him a slow bleary blink of confusion when Red made sure they were completely alone before leaning down to rest against his spent partner's shoulder, drawing him in with an protective, all-encompassing arm and relaxing completely into the soft sweat-slicked scent of Purple's skin.

"You said she knows my voice?" He began tentatively, a hint of reluctant humiliation lacing his tone. "Because I…eh…used to _sing_ to her?"

Purple thought back to all of the soothing, cozy times they had laid together in bed away from the prying eyes of the public and their crew as Red ran his defending touch over his taut stomach or when he would fervently press his long antennae to Purple's abdomen to listen for movement. It didn't happen often, but sometimes he felt compelled in his strange, unpredictable ways to lull their unborn daughter with soft voice and kind words in preparation for her arrival into the world. Purple thought it was dorky and unnecessary at first, but now he was beginning to realize that Red had been an excellent father from the start, taking care of them both in ways that he hadn't expected to come from someone so bitter and tattered by the horrors of war, learning a whole new, gorgeous softness to his partner that he had never known existed.

"Yeah? Why?"

Red swallowed and cleared his throat before taking a deep, uncertain breath. "Just…she's my daughter. So…when I was at war on Vort all those cycles ago, I went to a bar."

Purple rolled his eyes, not grasping the point. "Honey, you're not taking our smeet to a bar." He accused prematurely, clamping his jaw shut when Red eyed him dangerously before continuing.

"Why the hell would I take her to a bar? What I was _going_ to say is that I went there dozens of times when our front was stationed in Hatalca, and there was this weird guy there that always sang to himself." He paused, letting the eerie, hauntingly beautiful memory of the ghostly Vortian melody waft back through his thoughts. "I was there so often with my commanding officer that I memorized the words, but I only remember half of what they mean."

Purple let his eyes flutter shut with a soft smile when Red took another deep inhale and began a long, ancient string of fluid Vortian words from a man who had never paid him any mind, letting his unpracticed, shaky accent fall to the warm aether when he noticed their still blind daughter's antennae immediately try to perk from beneath Purple's palm. He shakily moved away his long fingers, listening to the strange, cosmic radiance of his husband's hushed voice and feeling the last fringes of bottomless stress flood away from his aching form to be replaced with an undeniable peace. He wasn't sure why or when it had even happened, but he began to hum tenderly along to Red's exotic words, picking apart what little he could recognize before giving up completely in his faint, anesthesia fog and resorting to brushing the tips of his firm claws along the sensitive, still raw seam of Zil's new PAK to calm her to her first real sleep in his arms.

Red sang.

Purple hummed.

Zil slept to their beautiful, improvised lullaby.

Together they had found a feathery, philosophical sense of primordial wholeness unknown to anyone who hadn't given themselves the exquisite, magnificent privilege of creating the strange spark of life now resting quietly through the crackling static and shuddering creaks of metal paneling. This is who they were; arrogant narcissists bent on taking the universe in their image and showing off every strenuous filament of profound power clutched in their grasp. They were dominant, pervasive warlords with a taste for good food and vibrant music, crushing their enemies beneath their steel-toed boots, but now…now things were different. It wasn't a bad different, Purple had decided as he watched the very object of his greatest affections brushing feather-light touches over the bare, supple skin of their calming child and singing her to the serene embrace of tranquil rest. It wasn't a bad different that they now had to keep small objects away from sensitive gums or prepare to take shifts over who would feed her through the night. It wasn't bad that they would now make cookies as Zil got older or watch idiotic children's films with her as she giggled.

No.

It was a good different. They had a greater purpose now; they were a family. And, as they lulled their tender smeet together through the gentle eye of the blistering plasma shocking their ship unconscious, they both realized that no storm, no matter how violent, could ever break them apart.

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Done! I hope you enjoyed lovely! I had a lot of fun with this and I hope you enjoy it! I will be posting again this week, so stay tuned lovelies! Thank you for your continued support and have a wonderful day! 😊

(Chapter not read over by Beta reader Tom. Some of Charlie's English mistakes may remain, but will be removed 12/1/2019. Thank you for your support!)


	12. White Chocolate Maple

**Chapter Request:** Holopath

**Comment Request:** "You mentioned Purple knows how to make cookies. Maybe they could make cookies together for Red because he's stressed out."

**Genre:** Family/Angst

**Rating:** T for extremely mild violence, brief light language, and allusions to racism/xenophobia. This chapter has a slightly darker connotation to it than the others, but it isn't bad. I promise.

**Author Comment(s):** I thought this would be fun, so we're doing it next! I headcanon the idea of Red having serious, unresolved anger issues deep down (which is sorta canon I guess but not necessarily) behind that snack-loving exterior so I wanted to mildly play around with that in this chapter. Thank you for your request lovely, and I really appreciate you coming back around to read these little chapters!

**Larrimeme:** I am also really glad that YM3 and My Kind don't exist in the same vein! That would be super awful for Red and Purple both to try and raise a smeet, or navigate being pregnant, during a literal firestorm. Thank the world that isn't what's happening. I must have a shred of mercy in me after all XD Also, lovely! After this chapter, we will have one more where Zil visit a strange, colorful, bizarre intergalactic zoo (and maybe meets her fear) before the explosive chapter I've written where she comes in contact with our favorite big headed paranormal investigator! You rock, angel, and thank you for all of your support and patience! It really, really matters to me and makes me happy!

**RandomDragon2.0:** Thank you for always leaving reviews, lovely angel! I really enjoy seeing them here and they make me happy and give me motivation to sit down and write at a (hopefully) decent pace for this fic! I always get excited to see that people enjoy my work and really, thank you, thank you, thank you for coming back every time!

* * *

"What do you mean you didn't get there?!"

General Gor squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath, jumping at the unbearable sensation of another frigid, sticky soda thrown heatedly in his face and oozing disgustingly down the front of his once crisp uniform. He flattened his antennae in shame before reaching up with shaky palms and delicately wiping the chilly liquid from his eyelids before reluctantly speaking up through his growing humiliation.

"Please, my Tallest, there was unfortunately nothing we could do." He explained gently as Red seethed violently across the bridge, halting everyone in their tracks as they collectively flinched at the sound of their leader popping another tin tab from the cooler he had requested and stalking back to his target. "The Guarven star system is flooded with improvised mines we weren't expecting! I lost three Viral Tanks and our rescue crews were ambushed before we could reach the Guarven home world to-"

He clamped his mouth shut when Red sadistically poured another sugary, carbonated can over his pathetically shivering form and chucked the empty container relentlessly at his face, satisfied when it bounced off of is thick skull and clanged to the ground. He waited, watching in furious distain as Gor spat to the side and cowered into himself in mortification as the rest of the bridge began to snicker at the sad sight such a formidable officer was becoming. He had messed up this time, really messed up, and he was almost sure his long life was nearing its ill-fated, unexpected end.

"I don't care how many ships you lost, I picked you for this job because I truly thought you would be capable enough to handle it. Turns out, I was wrong. I don't like being wrong, General." Red growled dangerously as if alluding to the terror he wanted to unleash, leaning down and taking him by the thick collar to draw him up onto his toes. "Do you know why we were going to the Guarven home world in the first place?"

"Y-Yes, sir." Gor squeaked out in humiliated terror when Red pushed him hard to the ground and snickered when he landed in the gooey, slowly solidifying pool of his own liquid indignity and stayed down to show his disgraceful subservience.

Red threw his head back with an enraged fake laugh, turning in irritation to where Purple sat behind the navigation's desk with their uncomfortable daughter clutched firmly in his lap as she sucked the honied glaze from a donut his husband had given her to calm her against the fervent wrath ensuing across the ship. "Are you listening to this, Pur?!"

Purple shrugged apathetically, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop his partner's deafening rampage. "Yes, honey." He replied blankly, toying with his claws in his disinterest as he yawned and glanced out of the main viewing port of the bridge to let his husband have his sadistic fun.

Red rolled his eyes and turned back. "If you know, Gor, then you should have never pulled out of the front against my direct orders! I told you to go in there and take the capitol so we could sweep north and I know we had the resources to blaze through the countryside, but no! You're not even capable of doing that!" He barked, shooting daggers down as Gor covered his face in horror with his trembling hands.

"P-Please, sir! I-I didn't want to lose any more men to the-"

"Shut up and pay attention! We were going to the Guarven star system to take their home world for three things, Gor, _three_! I wanna hear you say them!"

"U-Um… ilmenite, rutile, and titanite, s-sir."

"And why do we need those three things?!"

"B-Because…w-well because….titanium comes from them."

Red threw his hands sarcastically in the air and turned to hover back across the main viewing platform of the bridge. "Titanium comes from them! Of _course_!" He repeated sarcastically, knocking aside papers and overturning full, steaming coffee cups as he went. "Huh…and why is that important? Hm, I wonder?"

"Dad! Dad! I know! I know! It's important because we need to fix our infa…in…fa…." Zil tried to mouth out the word she had heard her father fervently discussing with his advisory team over the past few weeks as she bounced lightly in Purple's lap, peeking up with a proud smile when Red glanced in her direction to help her along.

"Our _infrastructure_, baby." He said, leisurely nodding out his praise and flashing her a pleased beam before letting it immediately fade when his sizzling gaze trailed back to the pitiful excuse for a general groveling sickeningly at his feet in a tide pool of fizzy sweetness. "You. Get up. You're embarrassing yourself."

Gor fought back a flood of humiliated tears, nodding quickly as he struggled to pull himself up against the crack in his overused joints. "My Tallest, I-I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, sir." He begged under his breath, wincing when the cold sting of freezing soda finally soaked through the thick layers shrouded over his bony shoulders. "I will prepare an immediate counter attack against the Guarven Empire and-"

"Get out of my sight, General, and clean up this mess. You're lucky my daughter likes you or I would have shot you into space where you belong."

Red reached up with an overexaggerated groan, rubbing firmly at his temples and shaking his head in ardent, appalled dissatisfaction when Gor clamped his jaw shut and quickly obeyed. He pushed past with a low grumble, making his way to the main hatch leading from the bridge as Purple watched over the console with mounting unease, gingerly propping Zil up on her feet with her doll and carefully instructing her to remain behind with the navigation crew and toy with their headsets before taking off after his bristling partner. Red was quick, rounding corners and heatedly grumbling to himself as he went, skillfully evading capture for a few minutes until Purple was finally able to catch up to him and grab him by the shoulder, immediately earning a smack to the hand as Red spun and shot him a look.

"Take the hint, Pur. Leave me alone." He snapped, resuming his flagrant, utterly irritated escape mission before immediately stopping when Purple mounted an assault of his own.

He reached back out, again snatching his husband by the shoulder guard, spinning him around to look him in the eye and growing annoyed when Red stared past him at the far wall with a look of utter, disgusted distain plastered over his features. "Red, I love ruining Gor as much as you do, but do you have to do things like that in front of our daughter?" He scolded fiercely, grabbing Red by the jaw and turning him back when he tried to look away. "Look at me! We talked about this and you agreed to it too! No cannon sweeps, no murder, and no terrorizing in front of her until she's at least 30 cycles old no matter how funny it is!"

"Why? You can't shield her away from war, Pur, and right now things aren't going well for us! Don't you think she deserves to know what's happening in the Empire?" Red retorted in exasperation, again brushing away his husband's harsh, angry touch. "Our infrastructure is outdated and falling apart. We need that titanium to renew the foundations of Irk and I look like a total idiot because Gor didn't have the gall to go out there and take it!"

Purple took a deep breath, swallowing his own frustrations and squeezing his eyes shut. "Look, _honey_," he drew the word out sadistically, getting under his partner's skin as they quarreled, "I know you're mad, but you need to breathe through this and let it go for right now. There will be hundreds more wars for you to win and we're _going_ to get to that ugly planet and we're _going_ to tear it in half. But," he paused, leaning forward ominously, "you know not to do this in front of her."

Red threw his hands in the air with an inflamed hiss. "Is that all you're seeing here?! Fine! I won't do it in front of Zil anymore, big deal, Purple!" He held his husband's slowly softening, but still passionately irritated stare as he raised his cracking voice once more. "I wanted to go down there and I planned everything out from the start! I sent Gor out there and now I look like a total joke on the news!"

"What do you mean a joke?"

"The war! It's all over every station out there and the Guarven people are laughing at us! Laughing at _me_, Pur! I used to be Irk's best Fleet Commander in the Elite and they're smearing my name through the mud like it means nothing!"

"Red, you're still-"

"Honey, stop. You can't fix this! The damage is already done!"

Purple swallowed when he finally understood the horrendous feeling of Red's ruined, shattered pride, opening his mouth to try and gingerly smooth away the headache-inducing stress and deep set anger pouring off of him in sickening waves before catching sight of two wide, uncomfortable cherry red eyes staring up at him from below from where they had just unexpectedly rounded the corner to follow the antennae-piercing argument. Zil blinked and squeezed her doll to her chest, letting her baffled, alarmed gaze bounce between her two bickering parents as she tried to rationalize the severity of the political loss her father had just faced without comprehending the gravity of why it was even an issue in the first place.

"Why are you yelling?" She asked simply in misunderstanding, letting her soft Vortian toy slip to the floor before reaching up and pawing aimlessly at the air for Red's flighty attention. "Dad are you sad?"

Red hesitated, glancing back to his partner before stooping and hoisting her up when she snatched back for her doll for comfort, internally kicking himself when she placed her hands on his cheeks and repeated her innocent, unpleasant question.

"Are you sad?" She glanced over her shoulder, wiggling in Red's silent hold as he grappled with how to respond, looking over Purple with equal, naive suspicion. "Daddy? Are you sad too? Is Mr. Gor in trouble? About the infa…in…fa…"

"The _infrastructure_, baby." Red reminded again with a low sigh, trying to pull back but finding himself completely at the mercy of Zil's tiny hands when she tried to push her fingers into his mouth to make him smile. "Daddy and I are just having a talk about the Guarven home world."

"Why?"

"Because they're being difficult."

"Why?"

"I don't know. They won't give us what we need and General Gor tried to take it. Unfortunately for us, he failed."

"So you _aren't_ mad at Daddy?"

"Mad at Daddy? Why would I be mad at him?"

Purple clapped his hands together awkwardly, feeling some of the unbearable tension flood away and forcing a cheesy grin when Zil turned back to confirm as if she didn't trust Red's shaky word. "No, Zilly! Eh…Dad and I are trying to figure out," he mulled around how to discuss enough to satisfy their curious smeet's invasive interest without worrying her still developing mind with the millions of beings they were soon to annihilate.

Zil's eyes lit up when Purple fell short, wriggling free of Red's grasp and throwing her hands on her hips to brazenly repeat a phrase they had both hoped she had long since forgotten. "Gar-ven bastards, Daddy! Gar-ven bastards are being difficult!" She thrust a domineering finger into the air as if proud she had remembered something so dastardly as Purple flailed to halfway clamp a hand over her courageous mouth and fervently scold her for the hundredth time, not noticing in the heat of the commotion when Red quietly slipped away down the desolate corridor and out of sight.

By the time Purple had wrangled a hasty squeak of an apology out of Zil and straightened back up, Red was gone. He swallowed, craning down when his daughter took him by the fingers and adamantly pulled him on as she giggled, unaware of the political upheaval lurking beneath their feet and leading him away from the sticky mess Gor had become as he openly wept on the bridge as Purple lost himself to his uncharacteristically somber thoughts. The infrastructure of the planet was one thing that needed to be dealt with and fast; all remaining titanium repositories on Irk were unbelievably scarce, having been picked and scraped to the bone by careless overmining jobs commenced by Tallest Spork before he was swallowed whole by one of Zim's failed science experiments. Purple and Red were still picking up the appalling pieces from his horrifically impotent, ineffective rule and stringing together some semblance of a workable Empire at a slow, irritating crawl. Sure, the Empire was stronger than it had ever been at the moment, but Purple knew all too well that was a precarious slope to be trudging across. Stability meant peace and peace was just a cover up of someone lurking in the shadows ready to pounce on him and his family and take them for everything they had. If they continued to let their slowly deteriorating public services crumble, they would be at an even greater risk for planetary attack…and it would be easy at that point.

And then there was Red.

Zil continued to blubber sweetly and spout out strange fantasies as she tugged her father on against his will through his mind-numbing realizations, not noticing the glassy look of stoic concern flashing across his usually childish, jovial expression when he ran his palm up over his antennae. Red acted tough on the outside and maintained a powerful, unbreakable façade for their subjects as he traipsed across the bridge and attended glorious speeches surrounded by millions of enthused onlookers. Most of it was true; he was incredibly ingenious, fiercely authoritarian, and had a clever knack for warfare unlike anyone else Purple had ever known, but he was also incredibly sensitive at his core. War was a tasty game to his husband; a massive, real life board of chess splayed lusciously under his curious antennae as he ate up every fiery plasma explosion, every tick to the enemy body count to his influential troops like scrumptious candy. Red hadn't been able to physically join his men on the battlefield for over 90 cycles now, having to retire from corporal combat because of a lingering injury in his shoulder from a plasma shot that irreparably weakened his grip in his dominant hand and prevented him from being able to adequately pull a trigger. He didn't let that stop him despite his frustrated itch to maim, sinking his fingers into the icy waters of his hundreds of Commanders and living through their eyes as they raked across whole planets and planted crimson and violet flags in their names. Purple adored watching him get antsy in the war room, smiling a bit at the hundreds of lucid memories of his partner staring up at blinding screens for hours as he fluidly mapped out whole landscapes in his mind and rolled eloquent mathematics into the playing field to ensure his ferocious, untamable victory.

Red rarely lost to anyone other than Purple…and he didn't take losing well.

Usually, Purple could calm the tremendous wrath snarling and bubbling its sadistic way up the back of his partner's throat before Zil returned from her Pre-Academy, smoothing up over Red's weary shoulders with well-timed massages as he followed through with his secret breathing exercises only they knew about and tenderly brought himself back down to a manageable simmer. Unfortunately, this intolerable loss had been so devastating that it made the headlines mere hours after General Gor's retreat, painting Red as incapable and flawed as reporters snickered lightly behind his back and craned to snap a photo through the bridge of the Massive's viewing port at his appalling anger. Everything would work out in the end, Purple knew that, but it would take another major crisis before anyone would forget this one…or maybe a new celebrity baby.

Ugh. Purple couldn't believe he was wishing for another rushed, under planned pregnancy for once.

"-and Dad will be happy again!"

Purple blinked in sudden confusion and rocketed back into the moment, shaking away his vexing thoughts of diplomatic turmoil when Zil's high-pitched voice broke back through his foggy fugue when they landed back at their private quarters. He quickly realized he hadn't been paying attention to the long, drawn out explanation of…_something_, his smeet had been excitedly chatting away about for the past five minutes before she grabbed for his hand once more, reaching up for the hatch on her toes and throwing it open.

Purple quickly scanned their quarters through the darkness as Zil fumbled for the light, flicking it on and bounding with an affectionate skip for their petite kitchenette. Blankets were still folded neatly on the loveseat, stale morning coffee was strung about the counter in cold mugs, and there were no polished black dress shoes by the doorway.

"Honey?" Purple called, antennae perking and expecting to hear a response and scowling in exasperation when he didn't receive one back.

Red wasn't here.

Purple crossed his arms fiercely over his chest and rolled his eyes with a sneer. If his idiot of a partner wasn't here, he was probably lying forlornly on his back up on the observation deck staring out at the millions of stars they were drifting lazily through as he wallowed in his own irritated self-pity. Figures Purple would have to maintain the bridge by himself for the rest of the day.

"Woah! H-Heavy!"

Purple shot straight with a yelp when a hefty white cloud poofed thickly from the kitchen followed by a weighty thump and a few hearty, laughing coughs. He quickly rounded the corner and held back a horrified groan at the sight of Zil digging her grimy fingers into a massive bag of white flour, spreading it evenly over their once pristine floor and drawing shaky images in the powder as she giggled before smacking hard into the horrendous mess she had created and sending gritty dust in every direction. She scooped up a handful and leaned back with an innocent snort, pulling away the collar of her uniform to dump the dry mixture down her front before Purple shouted.

"Zil, what are you doing?!" He halfway demanded, stopping her mid-scoop at his abrupt volume change. "Don't you _dare_ put that down your uniform!"

Zil wavered, casually watching her overly stressed father from below before inching her fingers back towards the collar of her orange uniform. "But I wanna. It feels funny." She reasoned with faulty logic.

"I said no." Purple remained firm, taking a step forward and narrowing his eyes when she threatened to spill her precarious contents down her front. "Zil don't make me count. I don't need you and your Dad screwing with me today."

"But I-"

"One."

She stared him down for a moment, thinking carefully over the mountain of white powdery nonsense clutched carefully in her palm before flashing her father a wide, rebellious grin in response to his scolding look and thrusting her hand down her breastplate before wildly laughing at the odd sensation of fine flour hitting her soft skin.

Purple threw his hands in the air with an infuriated yell when Zil flopped down completely and began to roll and wiggle through the disgusting, sooty mess she had created as she cackled and kicked up dreadful clouds of filth. "Come on, that's not fair! You never let me get to two!" He huffed, pulling his antennae back and stooping to grab for the rogue bag of flour his now dusty smeet was continuing to smack violently at with a string of thrilled peeps and giggles, sticking out his tongue in an immature display of faulty dominance when Zil decided to do the same.

She squeaked and clawed for the bag as it was hoisted high above her head, scrambling with fingers blown wide to try and snatch it back with a whine. "Daddy no! I asked you if I could! I told you!" She pouted, stomping on the ground and bouncing in frustration when he replaced the object of her rapidly fleeting attention on the counter.

"Told me what?" Purple mumbled slowly, aggravated that he was going to have to call a maid and wash his daughter for the second time today before they returned to the bridge.

Zil cocked her head as if she didn't understand. "I told you in the hall that I wanna make Dad happy again." She explained as if he was supposed to know all along. "I said I wanna make him something nice so he doesn't feel bad about Gar-vens."

Purple eased up a bit, feeling the sickening weight of the world fall away from his shoulders when Zil pushed herself up and trudged a clear cut path through the flour to hug at the front of his robes and stain them white with premature deliciousness. "You wanna make something for Dad?" He repeated, realizing he had missed much more in his fugue outside than he had been expecting.

Zil nodded, burying her face in the plush fabric of his uniform with a wide beam. "Uh huh. I wanna make cookies because Dad likes cookies and he really likes your cookies." She glanced back up with an undeniable shimmer in her crimson eyes that always got under Purple's skin in the best of ways and warped him to her sweetly manipulative will. "That way Mr. Gor won't be in trouble anymore and everyone will feel better and be happy!"

Purple felt a tiny smile peak on his face through the stress, turning slightly and eyeing the clock from across the room as Zil snuggled further into his leg and waited for the response she knew she would get if she was affectionate enough. It was nearly noon and he still needed to stamp several dockets before he and Red took lunch at two. But, Zil actually did have a point. Purple knew his husband wouldn't be much help if he was moping and groaning into his hands; if anything he would unfairly pile all of his mounting work on his personal desk, pop a few sugary antacids like candy, and slam his head down on his own workstation to incessantly assault Purple's buzzing antennae with rubbish about how miserable he felt and flick scraps of paper in his direction for attention. If anything, it would be like talking to a craggily rock for the rest of the workday unless he could somehow perk him up after his devastating perceived failure.

An angry, conceited, overly needy rock.

Gross.

"Fine, you win." Purple bargained with a shudder at the torturous thought, letting his smile break free when Zil attempted to hook her claws into his robes and hoist herself up with an untamed laugh. "But you're nasty. Go change."

"But I wanna be nasty and-"

"Do you wanna make cookies or not?"

"Yes!"

"Then I don't care how bad you wanna be nasty, I said go change."

* * *

Once Zil was finally dusted off and comfortably in her usual yellow sundress, and her atrocious mess was cleaned by the dutiful hands of a service drone, Purple hoisted her up onto the cool metal of the counter and ran through the long string of ingredients they would need to pacify the demon plaguing their lives at the moment in his sharp, overactive mind. Red was incredibly picky, expecting Purple to use heavy cream and imported maple syrup in all of the few dessert recipes he had bothered to learn and make everything delectably gooey and overbearingly sticky. He wanted it to get stuck disgustingly in his teeth, to cause tooth-rotting cavities and hurtle him through the roof with a shameless sugar high that would bounce through his system for hours. At the first sign of maple syrup, the first inkling of a wiff, Red's mouth always watered on impulse and he would enter a trancelike fervor to pound it back like cheap liquor. He put it in his coffee, slathered it over his breakfast, licked it tastily off of his fingers when they grew gummy from handling the tacky, drip-laden bottle. As Zil set to work meticulously measuring out the dry ingredients with careful instruction and occasional help when she would accidentally dump it over the side of the bowl clutched in her lap, Purple rooted around through their cabinets for other hidden delicacies. He tugged them out one by one, caressing each package like a child before passing them off to the little hands of his daughter to tug open; scrumptious brown sugar imported from Hypatia 3, Irken ground white chocolate flakes that melted beautifully on your tongue, and a massive half gallon bottle of Earthen maple syrup Red always insisted on ordering. Then there was heavy Plookesian cream as smooth as silk milked from the luxurious furry Danau, unsalted butter that sheared away like creamy air under the sharp edge of Purple's knife, and goopy Hatalcan seeds from Vort crushed to flawless excellence and used as a binding agent. He hummed unconsciously as he worked, passing Zil a metal whisk to gently mill her mountain of ingredients together as he flicked on and warmed the plasma stove to perfection. Usually, if they wanted something confectionary, Red would order them all delicacies from the daily menu and have the service staff cart them up to their personal quarters. Not many others knew of Purple's cooking skills and he didn't voice it publicly, afraid he would be viewed as less formidable if his crew found out he was halfway singing while he was whipping up a batch of sickly sweet, white chocolate maple cookies for his distressed husband while his smeet sang along to their made up song out of tune.

Zil passed her bowl up, coughing a bit when the remnants of bitter corn starch landed on her sensitive taste buds as it hung languidly in the air and watching in utter fascination as Purple expertly measured ingredients by eye, splashing dashes of deliciousness and swathes of sweetness onto their unsuspecting concoction as the kitchen heated with the smell of warming plasma coils.

"Can I add the syrup?" Zil asked curiously, inching forward and reclining on her stomach against the counter to wrap her arms around the bowl and flick her antennae forward to sniff at the velvety scent.

Purple thought a moment, teasing her into submission. "I dunno…do you think you can handle it?" He toyed, enjoying when Zil scrunched up her face in displeasure and shot him a look of puzzled bafflement.

"Yeah, Daddy." She let her legs hang over the edge of their work surface, kicking at the cabinet below with a huff as she eyed the heavy bottle clutched in his hands just out of her reach. "I know how to do it! I watched you a billion times."

Purple wavered a few seconds more with a wide grin, helping her grab the sticky handle of the bottle and pop the plastic cap as she lit up at the incredibly saccharine, golden honey brown cascading in folding sweeps to add the final, glorious touch to her father's famous cooking. Zil reached out with her free hand, poking a finger into the viscous waterfall and relinquishing control back to Purple as she sucked the mind blowing sweetness from her now sticky claws and let herself fall on her back, the smooth metal of her PAK clinking against the counter as she relished in the heavenly, rapturous taste.

Purple finished mixing the batter, folding the absolutely divine chocolate into the thick blend before greasing a cookie sheet at lightning speed and throwing Zil up around his shoulders to watch as he carefully spooned dollops of luscious homemade charm into the softening butter. Zil had fallen quiet as he worked, toying lightly with the ends of his fuzzy antennae and rolling the tips between her fingers as she became suddenly lost in thought, only speaking up to instruct Purple to try and make certain childish shapes with his handiwork.

"Daddy?" She finally mumbled, resting her chin on the top of his head with a frown as he scraped at the bottom of the bowl. "Why is Mr. Gor in trouble?"

Purple returned her expression, reaching up to let her have a tiny nibble of raw, sugary batter from the tip of his spoon. He was hoping she would forget about the whole debacle so he wouldn't have to explain the seriousness of what was unfolding for them all, but it seemed he wouldn't be allowed that luxury. Zil always remembered what she heard and didn't let anyone slip by her careful radar. "The General is in trouble because he didn't listen to Dad." He explained simply, bending to carefully pull the oven open and slip their full baking sheet inside as Zil held on tight against the heat.

"For the tit-an-i-um?" She sounded out the strange word in response, clutching at the base of his antennae as he straightened back up and fumbled with their broken timer.

"Yeah, for the titanium. We need it to fix our buildings and our ships." Purple repeated, keeping his words short and sweet and hoping she would remain satisfied.

Unfortunately, she didn't.

Zil leaned down to tug at his cheeks, her frown only deepening as she realized something she had never noticed before. "Daddy, why do we go to war with the Gar-vens for titanium?" She piped up uncomfortably, something about the connotation not sitting right in her young mind. "Why don't we just ask nicely?"

Purple gave up on the busted hand timer, resorting to keying in the time manually on one of his wrist gauntlets as the delicious, fresh smell of impeccably made baked goods filled their quarters, a drastically fragrant contrast to the dark road his daughter was treading the fringes of. He knew deep down that they would have this talk one day, he just hadn't expected it to happen so soon. Zil's childlike innocence was something he had worked tirelessly to preserve, jumping through figurative hoops to shield her wide eyes from booming canon sweeps over doomed societies as he and Red cackled maniacally at the powerful Irken crest carved into the landscape to mark their ownership. He had successfully thwarted her attempts to scan through battle plans on their personal readers or to learn intensely about the thousands of other races in their star system alone, knowing every time they docked to shop at foreign bazaars her mind swam with questions about Plookesian women or ancient Vortian men. It was how she was; doey-eyed and brighter than a neutron star but infinitely naïve to the horrors looming beyond the Empire. Purple wasn't ready to give her up to his and Red's political troubles at only 19 cycles old. She deserved to have the childhood he was never given, to run about and roll through mountains of flour or make up extensive stories about her doll with her creepy Vortian pet as they romped joyfully through her hundreds of fantasy lands. She was still so venerable and small…and he wasn't ready to reveal the whole of his opulent, sometimes dark, job description just yet.

No.

She deserved to be a child.

"Zilly, there are thousands of races in our star system but ours is the best." He began, rapidly grabbing for her when she went limp on purpose to slide off of his shoulders and down into his arms to eye him skeptically. "Everyone knows we're the best and sometimes that means we get to take what we need."

Zil still wasn't understanding, leaning back in Purple's hold. "That's not fair." She pointed out, forcing a surprised blink out of her father at the audacity she had to question his moral judgement. "If we ask the Gar-vens for titanium we can be friends and not have war anymore. And if we're friends, we can have all the titanium we want."

Purple sighed at the incredible interest Zil had taken into their political business and pulled her back in to his chest as she brought her fingers to her mouth to try and lap up any lingering syrup she found there. "It doesn't always work that way, Zil." He replied, waltzing her out of the kitchen and listening to her giggle when he spun her around. "We have to be strong so no one else tries to hurt us. You don't want anyone to hurt us, right?"

Zil looked up and stuck out her tongue, immediately shaking her head as a fleeting flash of concern stamped itself over her youthful features. "No…but if we don't have anymore war, Dad won't be sad anymore, Daddy. And, and we won't have to worry about getting hurt."

Purple felt his spooch sink at the realization, cutting off the conversation before it got ugly and unnecessarily deep for someone her age. He flashed her a smile and bounced her lightly in his arms as he tried to distract her from her strange epiphanies and awful misunderstanding of the importance of Irken conquest. "Irk, sweetheart, you're getting too smart. Soon you're gonna be better at arguing than I am." He teased, planting a kiss to her cheek and feeling her smile against him. "And I'm gonna have to start sending you to conferences in my place because I'll just be too stupid at that point to hold my own anymore." He joked lightly, satisfied when Zil blinked in horror at the thought.

"No! I don't wanna do boring stuff like that!"

"No? Why don't we wait for the cookies to finish then?"

"Yeah! As long as I don't havta do weird adult stuff."

"Believe me, Zilly, you have a lot of time before you have to do that kind of thing. Don't worry."

* * *

Red stared blankly up at the vast emptiness of the gloomy cosmos spanning above him through the massive dome of the observation deck, picking out glittering stars in millions of distinct hues he had passed hundreds of times and trying to recall the name of each and every one. He had a throbbing headache, slinging his arms up behind his head as he watched the monotony outside and overthought his disgusting failure, swallowing down the hollow pit of malfunction threatening to peak in his chest. His blinding fury had long since subsided to something cold and dormant, leaving him to his thoughts that he wanted to forget as he tried to focus on rational logic and ways to retake the much-needed Irken foothold in the Guarven star system. No matter how hard he tried to formulate a counter-strike, he couldn't bring his swimming mind back into the game, lazily tracing fictitious constellations with his eyes as he grappled with his own feelings of self-loathing and idiocy. He knew they would be gone by morning, as they always were, but in the moment it hurt when he knew he and Purple had enough to worry about.

He felt like he failed his Empire. He failed his people, he failed his mate, and he set a bad example for his daughter.

Purple was right; he shouldn't have let his rage spike in front of Zil. What would she think of him now? Would she be afraid of him? Would she hate him? What if their relationship steadily grew apart and he was never invited to her wedding or to her inauguration as Tallest? Was he just overthinking again? But...what if he wasn't?

The faint mechanical whine of the elevator behind him drew a groan from Red's lips as he moved to cover his sore eyes with his palms, knowing in the pit of his spooch that it was probably Gor, again, come to apologize for the third time in the past twenty minutes and bring him overinflated gifts of sincere reverence and news from the bridge Purple had recklessly abandoned in his absence. Red didn't feel like talking, enjoying the stifling white noise of silence as whoever was coming to shatter it drew nearer, taking a deep breath and exhaling in sudden surprise when the doors fazed open and a tiny, chipper voice immediately cried out over the viewing platform.

"Dad! Dad! We made you something!"

Red forced himself up, wincing at the tug of stiff tendons groaning in his bad shoulder as Zil bounded wildly to close the distance and tackle him back to the ground with a hard thud before he could say anything. He struggled against her onslaught when she slammed him down with more strength then he had been expecting, wrapping her short arms over the cold metal of his breastplate as she giggled and scraped her tiny claws along the seam. Red glanced back in his abrupt uncertainty when a gorgeous, mind-blowing scent wafted down over his antennae and drew them subconsciously forward into the utterly delectable smell of cozy maple and gooey, melted chocolate invading his now alert senses.

Purple strode forward on light toes, staring down at his partner from above with a perfectly balanced tray of something Red couldn't see but didn't need to in order to immediately recognize. "The observation deck?" Purple mumbled affectionately, glancing out of the massive viewing port to the aimless nothingness they were currently drifting through. "You're still predictable, idiot." Red couldn't help himself, feeling the beginning fringes of a smile peak on his exhausted face when Purple lowered himself down and popped another still warm, whole honied cookie in his wide mouth to try and tempt his battered husband out of his fog. "Zil thought it would be a good idea to make you cookies because you were sad. Right?" Purple urged her on, satisfied when she complied.

Zil nodded against her father's chest, grazing his cheek with her curled antennae as she folded into his familiar body heat. Purple returned Red's grin when he pushed up and went for the tray, pulling it back out of reach with a coy look before teasingly taking a melty slice of heaven and offering it up, placing it carefully on Red's tongue as he sighed into the gorgeous taste of his husband's luscious baking. Zil looked up and observed thoroughly, hanging on every chew and relaxing a bit when Red finally swallowed and spoke out his ringing praise.

"Damn, Pur, these are amazing." He purred, sneaking forward and grabbing another before cramming it in his mouth and mumbling around the round, incredibly rich taste of maple syrup flooding his taste buds.

"I know, I'm a genius." Purple sang back, setting the tray aside and moving up with a giddy beam to brush away the tiny trail of crumbs dotting his partner's chin. "Gross, Red, what are you? 25?" He mocked playfully, chuckling when he drew a characteristic, stoic glare from his other half and knowing that he was slowly returning to his usual self.

Zil toyed with his shoulder guards, running the pads of her fingers along the firm, smooth edge. "I did the maple syrup!" She exclaimed proudly, leaning into Red's touch when he scooped her up around the waist to lay back again and stare up at the stars. "Did it work? Are you happy again?"

Red let his smirk evolve into a full blown smile when Purple scooted over and set to work unclasping the shoulder guard over his old war scar, gingerly tugging it away with a clink before massaging the ball of his palm into the dull, sensitive ache eating at his perpetually ruined muscle. "Oh, yeah, I'm happy." He drew the words out languidly, melting and dissolving into the floor at the comforting, body warming touch. He cracked an eye and watched Zil stare unblinkingly up at the stars. "Thanks for forcing Daddy to not be lazy and make good food for once, kiddo."

Purple rolled his eyes at the halfhearted insult but didn't protest, continuing his soothing, deep kneading and gradually feeling hard knots thaw completely under his experienced fingertips.

"You're welcome." Zil responded simply, inquisitive gaze flittering over a cluster of galaxies billions of lightyears away from their flightpath. "Hey, Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Even if you didn't beat the Gar-vens, you're still my hero."

Red brushed Purple away and sat up once more, startling his little smeet as he admired her a moment with face full of unanticipated emotion that she didn't understand, squeaking in disbelief when he flew down and grabbed her to draw her in for a tight embrace and press their warm cheeks together. Red squeezed his eyes shut when he felt Zil relax into the unexpected affection and wrap her arms up around his neck in return to snuggle up into his neck where she felt safe. They stayed that way for a long while, Zil drinking in Red's familiar scent and Red feeling the last wisps of self-doubt pour away from his PAK in waves to be reabsorbed and claimed by their gentle, complicated reality. He held back a sniff at the gorgeous, ethereal words he never thought he would hear from his daughter, knowing in this moment he hadn't failed her. He had shown her that not everyone is perfect, and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with that in the slightest. It was beautifully vibrant, stunningly radiant, and tenderly exquisite to hear someone so innocent, someone who had come directly from his own superior bloodline think of him as something to admire and place on a high pedestal as a hero.

Hero…he was his own daughter's _hero_.

She didn't hate him. She didn't fear him. She didn't want him out of her life.

He wasn't a failure, wasn't a political afterthought, wasn't Tallest. In the moment he was just her dad; the brightest star in her personal galaxy, the strongest set of arms she had ever been shielded with, and the most formidable force in their known universe ready to rake through each and every obstacle to keep her safe. He was the benevolent warlord of her dreams, the authoritarian leader of her reality, and the formidable force that drove away each and every one of her spooky nightmares. Red felt his own bubbling emotions betray him and held them back to the best of his fading ability, running his hands the length of Zil's PAK as he tried to keep an apathetic, rational face in the luminous glow of having learned something so intensely brilliant and heartwarming.

"Dad?"

"Yes?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, kid. Nothing at all."

* * *

Yay! I hope you liked this one! It was a bit darker and more emotive than this collection is used to, but I thought it would be interesting to delve into a potential path like this! Hope you guys are having a good morning, afternoon, or evening depending on where you are in the world and I love you all very much! Thank you for your support and stay amazing, angels!


	13. A Flower Making Hug

**Chapter Requested By**: Polly

**Comment Request:** "Can we do something involving Pur and Red talking to Zil about how smeets are made?"

**Genre:** Family/Comedy

**Rating:** Rated T for light language and soft suggestive themes.

**Author Comment(s):** This was a request I got a while ago in my private messages! I am SO sorry I took so long to make this! I've been having some financial troubles lately, so I've been shirking this piece in favor of keeping up updates on a few other things but I am back and better than ever! I hope you like this chapter, it was so fun and cute to write, and please leave a comment if you'd like!

**Larrimeme**, I'm so excited to announce that your major, incredibly Irk-shattering chapter will be popping up next! AHHH! I'm really excited about that one and it's going to really shift Zil's perspective for the…good? Bad? I don't know so we'll have to wait and see, angel. :)

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"Dad, what is this one? What is it? It looks like a scary hairy! A big scary hairy! Dad? Does it like to eat smeets? Does it like to live in the dark or the sunshine? Where are its eyes? Why is it so fuzzy? Why does it smell weird? Dad? Are you looking? Look! _Look_! Is it on my list? A scary hairy on my list?"

Zil tried to shove her glistening electronic scavenger hunt up into Red's free hand as he and Purple shielded their eyes against the sun in the blistering heat, annoyed that they were forced to spend half of their coveted weekend running their daughter about through the Irken International Exposition of Exotic Species for her school project. Of course Zil, being the tiny menace that she was, had picked to perform a highly detailed, mind-numbing scavenger hunt her instructor had set up for anyone not wanting to write a lengthy report over what they had learned about alien biology. No, she wanted to _look_ at it, dragging her unenthusiastic parents through the gargantuan collection of peculiar odds and ends to stare in awe at foreign scaly animals, fur covered monsters, and wrinkly behemoths with mouths dotting their bodies. There were jelly filled blobs of cosmic nonsense, nervously chittering fiends with gnashing claws snarling beyond bars, and docile flittering insects carefully caged behind fire-retardant materials as they spontaneously combusted through their long antennae and scorched their enclosures. Zil adored it all, reading over every single information card for tiny morsels of knowledge she needed to fill in on her worksheet while poking her curious fingers through grates and cages as Purple hastily tugged her away before they could be grabbed by toxic, eight legged curiosities. They had been walking for hours in the summer sun and Purple was beginning to complain, lazing obnoxiously over Red's shoulder and tugging constantly at his sleeve to whine out his antennae-piercing boredom when Zil turned her back to lock eyes with something tiny and vibrant green peeking back at her through a florescent crimson bush.

"Ugh, can't we just look this stuff up for her and fill it out at home?" Purple flicked his antennae forward, jabbing Red in the eye and smirking when he grumbled to brush them back. "It's not hard! I don't get whey we have to come all the way back out here!"

"Would you shut up? You're giving me a headache." Red snapped back, scrolling through the remaining few creatures on their list as their smeet bobbed and weaved through other uninterested parents tagging along with bright eyed younglings. "She wanted to come out here and it's not my fault if you wanted to wear those." He pointed down at Purple's one inch boots and quickly earned a hot tongue jabbed back in his direction.

"Grow up, Red. What _else_ would I wear?" Purple snorted, pulling away from the crook of his partner's arm to cross his heatedly over his chest to show his defiance. "In my defense I thought we were gonna be wearing our hover belts out here but _someone_ forgot to pack them."

Red leisurely re-read some poorly typed tidbits on their screen, going back through and correcting his daughter's appalling grammar and spelling mistakes. "Honey, I _told_ you I wasn't bringing them. You need the exercise."

"Excuse me? What are you insinuating? That I'm getting soft?"

"What? No! You're reading into everything and taking it way too personally. You just need to get out of the command chair every once in a while and walk like a normal person...Plus, I kinda like hugging your squish."

"Red, if you don't stop talking, I'm going to push you into the enclosure of…whatever those things are." Purple hissed, eyeing the strange tropical environment their tiny daughter had stopped at, ducking beneath the safety guardrail for a better look. "Oh, gross. They're so ugly."

They meandered over together, forgetting about their loving spat to marvel at the inexplicable family of four in utter enchantment. They were gargantuan pink blobs of formless flesh jiggling and sloshing their way around one another, towering just over four stories as they quivered and ached for more space in their cramped enclosure. Four tiny legs protruded from the bottom of their trembling, veiny flesh, rippling with excitement and opening wide mouths of forty rows of gnashing serrated teeth as Zil neared the second safety rail, Red immediately darting forward and again scooping up his overly curious smeet to whisk her away before she could get too close to the beckoning jaws enticing her beyond submission. They were behind four tons of reinforced steel, but he didn't want to take any chances, taking her firmly by the hand and glaring down at her when she shot him a hot look of utter defiance.

Zil turned her attention back to the smaller beasts galloping with booming roars around the ankles of their jiggly parents, observing them with keen interest as Purple strode forward to finish off the last of her scavenger hunt at the information board slung against the side of the cage, filling in each and every line and eager to get back to the Massive and off of his thoroughly aching feet. He halfway tossed the reader back into Red's free hand and shielded his eyes against the sun with a tired grumble, leading the way back along the cobbly path as he attempted not to trip in his heels and eyed his husband every time he snickered when he managed to halfway get himself stuck in a crack. Zil craned over her shoulder to keep her eyes on the strange monstrosities, watching vigilantly as their wrinkly babies bounded about with gelatinous fervor through shrubbery and kicked up loose foliage before looking back up at her father and searching his face against the vivid light. She stared him down for a few moments, meeting his gaze and unnerving him a bit as she pierced his soul with her almost dead stare and lost herself to a profound, Irk-shattering thought she had never graced before in her young life. She had been so preoccupied with brightly colored toys and giggling fantasy games that she hadn't really thought about the wonders of what it meant to truly be alive, or to give life to another, feeling the strange connotations and unknown queries blossom into something undiscovered in her young, agile mind and grow into a colossal tree of unidentified amazement. Eventually, she lit back up, crimson eyes shooting wide and jaw dropping to the philosophical weight of the incredible, bizarre question hanging on her tongue before immediately stopping in the path and attempting to drag Red down to her level so she could whisper against his antennae.

"Come on, baby, we finished your thing and we're going home." He reminded and ignored her silent pleas to ask her sensitive topic, gently tugging her along as she squeaked in protest and wildly pointed back at the cage they had just been standing at. "What, Zil? Use your words like a big girl."

Zil took a deep breath, realizing she wouldn't get ahold of her father's attention that easily and nearly screamed the one question he and Purple hadn't been ready for, stopping them both in their tracks as their antennae flattened in overwhelming dread to the conversation that could no longer be avoided, no matter how hard they had both tried to keep her innocent and blissfully ignorant to the processes of the natural world. It was appalling, terrifying, and utterly erroneous in all the wrong ways, cutting them off and frying them both worse than the beating sunlight as their curious daughter stared up at them with profound fascination and a giddy smile stamped over her rosy cheeks.

"Dad, Daddy, where do babies come from?"

Purple nearly tripped and gagged on his own tongue, spinning on his heel and immediately locking eyes with Red who had all but gone catatonic, panicking when Zil's childlike gaze bounced between them with a sweet giggle at the hilarious faces creeping up over her paling parents as they desperately tried to figure out how to steer her away from the topic. She pointed back at the enclosure in the distance, listening eagerly to the rumbling roars and prattling warbles pouring from the jowls of the monsters that had piqued her interest.

"Like those big guys! How did they get the little ones they keep as babies?" Zil wondered, letting go of Red's hand and skipping her way to where Purple had frozen, dumbfounded as other natural smeet parents gave him looks of sympathetic knowing and carted their own younglings off home. "I've never seen a baby making machine before, but we learned that lots of smeets come from a DNA robot!" She exclaimed proudly, throwing her hands on her hips and puffing out her chest at how infinitely smart she felt. "But my teacher also told us that natural smeets like me don't come from there. Where do _I_ come from, Daddy?"

Purple didn't know what to say, bringing his nervous claws together to wring his fingers as he glanced back up to Red for help, rolling his eyes when he noticed his sly husband had somehow crept off to a nearby concessions stand to buy a bag of popcorn, flashing him a condescending thumbs up from afar as he hung back and left Purple to deal with the world-changing talk he was about to have. He narrowed his eyes and felt a growl bubble up in the back of his throat, immediately swallowing it back down when Zil tugged at his pant leg with a frown.

"Why don't I get a robot, Daddy? Am I not special enough?" Zil whimpered, pacifying Purple into soul-crushing submission as her shimmering eyes glazed over and she threatened to cry at the awful, horrific thought that she was somehow an abomination to Irken kind.

"No, no, silly Zilly! You're more special than any smeet on Irk and in the stars! You're a _Tallest's_ smeet, and that's the greatest honor you could ever have." He quickly reassured her, motioning for her to follow close at his heels as a wave of foreign tourists swamped the path and drove them to the sidelines. "You…well…eh…You don't come from a robot _because_ you're special. Let's just…ugh how do I say this? Let's just say that you're made from a lot of love." He sunk into himself as the corny, overdone statement accidentally slipped past his lips, groaning under his breath when his daughter struggled to hoist herself up on a small garden terrace she had found, plopping down in the moist soil and ruining the pristine hem of her pink chiffon dress.

"A lot of love?" Zil repeated, cocking her head and digging her fingers into the gooey mud beneath her. "Who made me from a lot of love? Did you buy me somewhere?"

"N-No. You don't buy smeets."

"Oh. Then…was I baked like a cake? With lots of layers and chocolate and good gooey stuff? Is that why I like candy and cookies so much because I'm a giant cookie too?"

"Not exactly…You…oh geez, you and all the other natural smeets were made by two Irkens who love each other very much. Dad and I decided a long time ago that we wanted to make you together, so we did."

"You and Dad made me? But if you didn't bake me like a yummy cake, how _did_ you make me, Daddy?"

Purple lowered himself down, bringing a hand to the back of his sunburnt neck and sighing when he felt some of the tender pressure leave his toes for a much-needed break. He didn't want to necessarily lie to Zil, but he also wasn't ready to open up the wave for her to ask too many personal, hopefully not graphic, questions and bombard him with wide eyed observations about other pregnant Irkens she may witness in the future. She remained completely still, leaning forward from where she listened intently and sinking her tiny fingers deeper into the soil to halfway uproot exotic flowers and other bulbs her hands grazed beneath the surface.

He took a deep breath and clenched his teeth so hard his jaw ached, relaxing a bit when Red saw the humiliating shade of deep blue splayed over his partner's excruciatingly pained face and reluctantly returned, trudging across the path and weaving his way in between small tourists half his height as he shoveled salty popcorn into his mouth and gave in to the agonizing torture their unsuspecting smeet was bearing down on their shoulders like a potent sledgehammer.

"Dad, Daddy said you made me!" Zil piped up when he slung himself down next to her and frowned as she instantly dug her filth covered hands into his popcorn, sneering playfully and relinquishing the rest of the bag over to her when he lost his appetite.

Red sighed and gave a quick sideways glance to his mortified partner before collecting himself and nodding. "Yup. We made you." He repeated simply, keeping his answers short and sweet as Zil munched away on a mixture of buttery deliciousness and flower roots he reached down and picked from between her sharp teeth. "Sometimes, a mom and a dad want to have a smeet, so they do something very special to make that happen."

Zil swallowed thickly, hacking on a pebble she had accidentally swallowed before gracelessly spitting it to the side. "I don't have a mom." She stated the obvious in a matter of fact tone, pointing up at Purple with a wide, overly proud beam. "I have a tall pretty Daddy! Do you need a mom to make smeets?"

Red shook his head, holding back a chuckle at the oblivious little thing beneath him as cogs turned in her unsuspecting mind and snickering teasingly when Purple's embarrassment only grew at her fanatical praise, watching as he sunk deeper into his shirt and tried not to rock through the uncomfortably sweet atmosphere their once innocent outing had taken. "No, you can have a Daddy to make smeets, too." He mulled over how much to tell her, staring up at the sky and admiring the overcast clouds handing in the magenta stratosphere. "You're a mature, big girl, now so I think you can handle knowing some of this and I'd rather you hear it from me or Daddy then your friends at the Academy. It's all about science, right Pur?"

Purple shot up at the mention of his pet name, immediately agreeing with a cheesy, harrowing smile and wanting to smack himself when he realized he hadn't been listening. "Yeah! Yeah! Um…what now?"

"Science, honey, making a smeet is all about _science_." Red said slowly through his teeth, drawing out the word and trying to prompt his jittery husband to help him along and trying not to let his blistering annoyance get the better of him.

"Oh, yeah, science and biology! Remember learning about those in your class?" Purple chimed in after a gulp of much-needed air. "Because Dad loves me and I love him, like I said, we came together to make an…a-an egg for you to hatch from."

Zil still wasn't understanding, counting something on her fingers that didn't make any sense before furrowing her brow and scrunching up her smooth features in a twisted look of dirt smeared confusion. "An egg?! I came out of an egg? That doesn't sound right, though! If you and Dad made me, how did you put me inside an egg without breaking it? Did you have to glue it together or…" She tried to map out the image of her parents taking her tiny unborn self and carefully slicing open a shell to slip her inside, only growing more bewildered when it too didn't seem to hold any rational logic.

Red sighed, trying a different, more direct tactic instead. "Hang on, let's look at this rationally here. Do you remember when General Gor picks you up from school and you see other moms with big round bellies picking up your friends?" He asked tentatively, reeling Zil back in and waiting for her to nod. "Do you know why they have round bellies?"

Zil shook her head with a shrug. "I think it's because they ate too much candy." She laughed, finishing off her popcorn and flopping back into the filthy dirt of the flowerbed.

Purple smiled at her beautiful naiveté and simplicity, finally relaxing enough to follow along with his partner's gentle lead and gaining enough confidence to pick up where she left off when he realized she wasn't throughout appalled like he had expected her to be. "Not quite. It's because they have an egg inside them where a smeet is growing." He dropped his voice to a whisper when a group of younglings came bounding past, throwing tufts of cotton candy and attempting to outrun their exasperated parents. He pointed to his own abdomen as Zil shrunk back in disgusted horror. "You grew right here inside me."

"Ew! You swallowed me so I would grow?!" She slammed her hands repeatedly down in the soil, scattering it over the edge of the once manicured terrace and sticking out her tongue with a fake gag. "Gross, Daddy! I know you like to eat, but why did you eat me?!"

"I didn't, freak. Dad put you there."

"Didn't? Dad made you swallow me?!"

Red chuckled under his breath, biting back a slew of terribly uncouth jokes he wanted to make but refrained for the sake of his own daughter's slowly distressing mind. "Baby, your Daddy is beautiful and I love him more than anyone in the Universe. When you love someone enough, you can give them a," he paused, irritated he had to appear so soft in public and held back a smile when Purple flashed a soft, loving one in his direction, "special kind of hug that makes all of that crazy powerful feeling build up inside and make a smeet form inside Daddy. I gave him that hug and transferred all of my own love to him so you could grow up to be strong and influential one day. Get it?"

"Mm…you loved Daddy enough to make me grow? Like a flower?"

"Yup."

"…and all the other moms and dads love each other enough to make a smeet grow with a flower making hug?"

"Uh huh."

Zil brought a muddy finger to her lips, smearing the dark blue substance over her mouth as she pondered. "Neat. So can I have a smeet with a flower making hug? Like if I hug my best friend Flar really, really hard will we have one too?" She grinned in oblivious amusement when Purple shook his head and chuckled between his fingers.

"You won't have smeets for a while. You can only have that kind of hug when you're older." He meticulously clarified. "For now you can focus on taking care of that nasty pet of yours."

"What about the smeets who don't have an egg or a super pretty Daddy? The ones that have a robot. If they need all the big boy and big girl love to grow like a plant how does the robot make them?"

Ugh, she would ask that. Purple locked eyes with his partner who gave a secret shrug back in his direction, ushering him on with his mellow body language and acting as the ever faithful, trustworthy anchor in the chaos that had become the last grueling fifteen minutes. "I guess you don't really need love to make a smeet grow," he replied carefully, watching every inquisitive twitch of Zil's lightly curled antennae, "but the best smeets are the ones who grow up with that. You're really lucky to have parents who love you and want to take care of you, Zilly, because there's lots of smeets out there who don't have that."

"Why?"

"The Control Brains say so."

"Why?"

"Because we need soldiers. That's the fastest way to get more."

Zil let her wry smile fade with a tiny nod of enlightenment, somewhat satisfied with that answer as her swirling questions finally began to settle in her underdeveloped psyche. "Huh. When I'm Tallest I'll give them all moms and dads then so everyone can be happy." She decided flippantly, brushing off the unnaturally mechanical hatching processes and DNA cloning happening twenty miles under their feet as smeets of all sizes were ushered into categories to immediately begin training over warfare and Irken military history. "Does that mean I have to go be a soldier like the robot smeets?"

Red stood with a yawn when he noticed the sun reach its incredibly sweltering zenith and almost scorch Purple to death, taking him by the hand as he fanned himself pathetically to no avail and silently willed the summer to go away and leave him be with the cozy caress of frigid winter. "Nah. You're too small." He teased, watching Zil bristle under the perceived insult.

"Hey! You said I'm the tallest in my class! I-I'm tall and I'm brave and I have strong hands and I'm learning my PAK legs to fight off all the mean bad guys like hoomans who come to invade our home and eat smeets!" Every fine, feathery hair on her fuzzy antennae stood on end at the mention of humans coming to overtake Irk as she tried to shake away the horrific image plaguing her mind with a poorly masked whimper. "When I'm old enough to have my own flower making hug I'll have fourteen smeets and keep them all safe from bad hoomans and their scary claws!"

Purple blinked as Red fell in next to him, instinctively offering up his hand as Zil took off further down the path with a twirl to chase after fictious monsters swirling in her overactive imagination and grabbing for a rotting twig to brandish it like a plasma pistol, firing away at the gnashing faces of rabies infected humans threatening the dire safety of her quaint family.

"Damn…thank Irk she changed the subject; I was starting to sweat." Red breathed our his relief, feeling Purple's grip tighten around his fingers. "I'm not sure I want fourteen grandkids. With as much as Zil eats, they'd probably starve us both to death."

His partner shuddered in revulsion at the thought of their adult daughter and her eventual partner dumping two heaping handfuls of screaming mouths and flailing toys on them as they went off to fight wars and dogfights through the glittering cosmos. "Ugh, I'd shoot myself before that happened. Might as well put myself out of my misery before it kills me, right?" He reached up with his free hand and mimicked a fake, playful gunshot at his temple, teasingly letting his eyes roll back as he pretended to die and halfway swoon into his chuckling partner's arms and almost making him drop the electronic reader clutched beneath his arm.

Red fumbled to inelegantly catch him, nearly falling forward in the process with a wild, untamed laugh and shaking his head when his mate struggled to set himself upright against the uneven ground. "So…we ever gonna tell her how it really happens? The whole shebang?"

Purple jabbed him hard in the shoulder when Zil's antennae perked up momentarily before her wavering attention was caught by something small hopping aimlessly in a nearby enclosure on long, spindly legs. "Let her keep her innocence, Red. I'm not ready to see her grow up this early." He mumbled, happy their overly curious, sensitive daughter hadn't heard their profound secret.

"I take it that means she'll never know she was conceived in the cleansing room, huh?"

"No. She can _never_ know."

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Horray! Once again, I hope you liked this chapter and it was fun to write! Thank you for Polly asking for this one, it was super cute and I think our tall dads handled it well. Sorry again for taking so long! I don't usually do that, as you guys know, but there's been a lot of changes in my life I finally got over and am all back to normal now!

Larrimeme, the much-anticipated Dib/human chapter is coming next. And I. Am. EXCITED. It's gonna be a major one, a bit of a thriller, and a profound shift in Zil's world. EEE! I can't wait, honestly! I'm going to try and have it up before Christmas as a gift! Love you darling!


	14. Descent to Urth

**Chapter Requested By:** Larrimeme

**Comment Request:** "Also, if you're still taking requests, how about this: Zil meets Dib and finally has to face her fear of humans, specifically one who is older than her and could pose a real threat to her. Alternatively, she realizes humans are completely ridiculous and she has nothing to be afraid of. You can push this chapter (should you choose to accept it) as far back as you like to give time for character development. Thank you."

**Genre:** Adventure/Family

**Rating:** Rated T for canon typical violence, brief light language, and perceived perilous situations that may be slightly unnerving to some readers.

**Author Comment(s):** This. This has been a long awaited chapter I have been wanting to publish for a while now! DIB'S IN THIS ONE DIB'S IN THIS ONE! This chapter is based off of volume 4 of the Invader Zim comic series! For those of you who haven't read the comic (it's free online yay!) our two idiot tall stringbeans are shown a dimensional wormhole that one of their scientists has developed to send important equipment directly to the bases of invaders scattered around the cosmos. Unfortunately, the Tallest can only send things out, not receive anything back out of fear of half of the universe exploding because the technology is unstable. So, things can go in but cannot come back out. Keep this in mind for this chapter lovelies! Thanks Larrimeme for this really kickin request because this is right up my semi-dark alley!

* * *

"My esteemed Tallest, I am proud to present to you our new and improved model for the Subquantum Wormtunnel Enactulator, or the SWE for short. My team and I think we have finally cracked the enigma of two-way object retrieval, in which you may send foreign objects through at five lightyears per second and receive them back at a similar rate without any foreseeable dangers."

The little scientist perked up expectantly when Purple pushed off his chair at the head of the room and stood, slinging his arms behind his back as he narrowed his eyes skeptically at the gargantuan, swirling technology raised behind him. It was disturbing, a formless void ebbing and flowing from within a ring of carefully manufactured technology used to keep it somewhat stable as it pulsed and writhed like a tidal wave, bowing out and shrinking back as it tried to destroy its bonds. He strode past, reaching out with a curious palm to poke at the grotesque plasma shuddering before his curious sight, the tiny scientist immediately reaching out and flailing him back with a terrified gawk that was quickly drowned out by shame when Purple sneered in disinterest and crossed his arms indifferently over his chest.

"Ah! Please, sir, the moment you pass the threshold you'll be transported near an unknown Irken base at an unknown location!" The scientist exclaimed breathlessly, bringing his hands together to anxiously wring his fingers as Red shook his head in displeasure from where he leaned over their long conference table.

"Huh. I'm not impressed." He said frankly, resting his chin in his palm as he scrutinized the mess of receding, amorphous color and glittering hues casting strange spectrums over the room.

"I'm not either." Purple snorted, hastily blowing off the conference with the flippant flick of his wrist as he picked at his claws out of habit. "The last time your team brought this to us it was a total disaster. I don't want anyone sending something back and it exploding again." He grumbled, drawing his antennae back to scent at his partner's tedium oozing from behind him and only finding his own apathy growing. "Gor, you've been writing for the past hour. What do you think of this thing?"

General Gor shot up from where he sat amongst an extensive team of engineers and chattering advisors scrawling notes over electronic readers, squinting and eyeing the bizarre, unstable apparatus from behind his newly enhanced ocular lenses. He mumbled a few things to himself, glancing down at his own notes before clearing his throat and asking a few carefully placed questions, glancing to where his indifferent Tallest sat with his overly bored daughter dozing lightly on his lap.

"Science Drone…Skrang, was it?" He began firmly but tentatively, standing and weaving through the group for a better look as Skrang swallowed thickly and visibly began to sweat as he gave a tiny nod. "I will be performing a second wave of attack against the Guarven home world in a week's time to overtake the capitol. My question is," he paused and leaned forward on the toes of his polished pointed boots, blinking against the blinding radiance of the wormhole staring back at him, "would this technology be conducive to transporting ammunition and rations to my troops on the surface? If the time estimate you're giving us is true, this would greatly reduce the shipping costs of provisions and improve our chances of success against the enemy."

Red's antennae perked when Purple glanced over his shoulder to shoot him a look of genuine interest as Skrang thought carefully, scratching at his chin as he flipped through his own reader and poured over lines of equations and what little safety information he had collected since the last catastrophe.

"W-Well at the time…um…no." He mumbled, pursing his lips when he lost the last shred of fleeting interest flashing over Purple's face, watching in mounting unease as he crossed back and delicately positioned himself next to his partner. "The technology is far too unstable to lock onto just any specific coordinates at the moment. The only place we can safely transport munitions are to planets with registered Invader technology attached to the surface, but we are unable to conclusively say where those munitions will end up, meaning they could still appear miles off course. Other than that, it would be too great a risk until we're able to properly-"

"Uh huh." Red chimed in leisurely, looking down when Zil began to toy innocently with the latch of his breastplate. "So you thought it was a good idea to pull me and my husband from the bridge for an engineering conference just to listen to you talk about what _could_ be?"

Skrang blinked, taken aback by the abrupt waver in his leader's tone. He opened his mouth so speak, thinking better of himself and instead pouring back over his talking points clutched in his now trembling hands. "Sir, with all do respect, I have come before you today to ask for further funding in order to properly debug our project. In a cycle's time, we should be able to transport not just inanimate objects, but _troops_, my Tallest, to the surface of whatever planet you wish. Unfortunately, my lab on Irk has run out of governmental support and we were wondering…um…if you would be willing to renew our five-cycle contract?"

Purple reached out and scrawled a few things on the back of a fast food receipt he had been casually using as a notepad. "Do you have evidence that this will be able to transport biological material without tearing it apart?" He delicately placed his hands atop the table and watched the apprehensively shifting drone from where he stood, growing edgy with the silence flooding around him. "I've looked into this a bit myself and it seems like a faulty investment if you ask me. Too much friction, too much gravitational force, too much speed. I need to have confidence that your project won't destroy half of my men before they even make it to the battlefield."

Skrang's short antennae twitched as he rehooked his leader's attention, fumbling for any feasible answer he could find in order to maintain the lilting curiosity he so desperately craved. Gor continued to poke at the frame behind him as he grinned up at his Tallest, nodding wildly in agreeance as he continued on his now jittery rant.

"Yes, sir! We have utilized dark matter technology to successfully rip open the space time continuum and create this wormhole for ourselves. It's all about physics; at its peak performance, we will have the ability to regulate the speed, direction, and even the molecular stability of objects traversing the path we have chosen! Fascinating, right?" Skrang giggled, clearing his throat to keep himself on track. "I can say with complete confidence that this will work when it is properly functioning. We will run many more tests to be sure, but we cannot do that without the support of the Empire."

Red gave a long exhale and leaned back in his plush seat, snapping for a reader and immediately taking one from Rarl Kove when he bounded forward with a quick bow of compliance before moving back and dissolving into the crowd. He flicked on his ocular implants and scrolled through lines of code, gradually reading every tedious equation and theory over in his mind before tugging the screen gently away from the grabbing hands of his daughter rolling in his lap. Purple reached out for her, plopping her down atop his robes and snatching a cracker from the table to distract her as he leaned over and followed along with his husband, whispering fervent questions against his antennae in hushed secrecy and pointing out something that turned his usually jovial features to something more serious and intent as they carefully weighed the pros and cons of the whopping forty-five million dollar investment they would need to drop in order to see the hypothetically revolutionizing technology through to completion.

After a few minutes of exchanging thought-provoking glances through tiny mumbles and hands smoothing up over weary antennae, Red looked back with a frown. "I'm not sure we want to invest in something this volatile, science drone." He began tersely, passing Zil another snack when she whined and tried to climb her way onto the polished surface of the table. He shook his head as he battled with a combination of racing questions and rational logic, finally giving up and flipping the reader to point out a discrepancy in Skrang's code. "Do you see this?"

Skrang panicked, turning on his heel and throwing his hands out to gesture wildly at the fantastical spatial anomaly he had birthed before flying back around and ducking his head in defeated, forlorn shame, taking a step forward when Red beckoned him on. "My Tallest, I'm not sure I understand." He took the reader, scrolling the four thousandth line of code that Red had tediously examined before a look of puzzled confusion flooded over him. "Sir, I-"

"Here," Red reached out and tapped the screen with a domineering claw, grazing it down the glass to intimidate the little scientist into submission as Purple struggled to rip open a vanilla snack cake for himself. "You're looking at the stabilizers all wrong, and these are the formulations for _matter_, not _dark_ matter. If we tried to use this following your calculations we'd have a repeat of what happened last time. I'm not going to lie, this has potential, but I'm not funding anything until you and your team get their act together and present us with something that won't blow half the Massive in the process."

"H-How did you…how did you see that, sir?! I-I apologize! I can't believe I didn't catch onto something so crutial!" Skrang stuttered, appalled at his own carelessness as he frantically flipped through notes and glanced back to the trembling cosmic tunnel sputtering at the forefront of the room when the rest of their entourage erupted in a fit of ferocious chatter and officially dismissed his idea.

Red shrugged and nodded to where Purple sat bouncing their now fully awake smeet on his knee, feeding her tiny bites of moist cake and wiping icing from her chin when she coughed. "I didn't see it, _he_ did. He just explained it to me."

Skrang didn't know what to say, blown away by his ridiculous, utterly humiliating idiocy and the unexpected intelligence of his leader thrown back in his face as he turned and tried to stammer out a hasty, under planned apology to Purple instead, watching as Zil squirmed and hopped down to the floor, crawling her way under the table to poke at dust bunnies and grab for the toes of senior officers. Purple merely laughed in genuine amusement, entertained by the horrendous terror dripping from every pore on Skrang's pitiful face.

"I took my fair share of aerospace engineering and theoretical physics back in the Academy." Purple bragged, finishing of what was left of the sickly-sweet cake in his fingers before rudely licking them clean. "Come back to us when you have something good to show."

"Daddy! Look how pretty it is!"

Purple blinked in confusion as his antennae stiffened over the booming commotion and instinctually locked onto the squeaky voice of his daughter, turning and immediately freezing in absolute, mind-numbing terror when Zil waved from the front of the room and reached out with innocent, inquisitive hands for the massive, dangerously body-razing wormhole mesmerizing her underdeveloped mind beyond belief.

"Zil, no!" He cried out in alarm when his parental instincts kicked in, thrusting Skrang to the side as he rushed forward and Red glanced about in misunderstanding, finally catching sight of their tiny smeet inching forward to stroke the gelatinous, quaking time-stasis machine holding the incredibly infinite power of space travel somewhat stable.

He too barreled his way through confounded advisors, halfway tripping as he called out to his mesmerized child letting her jaw go slack and her bright cherry eyes fly wide to the gorgeous, tempting hues enchanting her complicated senses and drawing her further towards its gnashing embrace as if it were beckoning her like a delectably evil, snarling demon. "Don't touch that, Zil, it's not safe!" He yelled over the collective chaos ensuing around him when he found himself trapped against the edge of the table by shorters, watching in terrified panic as his partner struggled to make his way across the gargantuan room through the mayhem. "Gor, don't just stand there! Grab her, you idiot!"

Zil yelped in sudden shock when General Gor gasped at the pandemonium, spinning on his heel and immediately launching himself forward with arms outstretched before crying out in unabridged fear when Zil squeaked and flew up to cover her face with her hands, stumbling back and clipping the edge of the violently swimming color. Gor landed hard on his front with a pained groan, crying out when Purple bounded over his chest and flew down to flail violently for his smeet, grabbing Zil by the hand only to immediately go blind and squeeze his burning eyes shut against the horrendously disorienting flash of light engulfing them both. The gate wavered and flickered, booming with the roar of a million voices screaming in tandem as the overpowering weight of colossal gravity tugged aggressively through the room, pulling advisors from their feet and slamming Red forward against the table as he fought to maintain his foothold, flickering through his ocular lenses in rapid succession and going completely still when he was finally able to cut through the retina searing light and caught sight of his husband scrambling in a dazed panic to grab for something, anything, when he refused to let go of the tiny hand of their terrified daughter.

"Purple!" Red screamed over the crackling sound and heard his voice dissolve to nothing, straining with all his might to peel himself away from the edge of the metal only to fly back forward and feel the air knocked harshly from his lungs, catching one last pained glance in his partner's direction before the gargantuan stargate flickered and buzzed, sparking wildly at the edges and immediately shutting down without warning.

Bodies dropped, readers and pens fell from where they had been suspended in the air, rogue spurs vaulted from the now obliterated ring.

Then...silence.

Utter, heartbreaking silence.

Red moaned and reached back to pop his spine as he shook the strange effects of unexpected, crushing gravity from his now weakened limbs, blinking in the darkness as the light fazed out and left everyone in a groggy haze. He coughed lightly in the dim glow, pushing himself away amidst a sea of notes and torn free caplets, smacking at his hover belt around his waist and finding that it had been completely shorted of all function. He felt bewildered, stepping in a fugue over the groaning body of Skrang as he pushed himself back up amidst the flashing lights of PAKs alerting their stunned owners that they had sensed an anomaly. He felt his breath hitch when he finally trudged to the forefront of the conference room, reaching out with shaky, unstable hands as a hammer of pure, overwhelming terror ripped through his chest like a lightning bolt when he realized his family had been ripped away and tossed to the cosmos Irk knows where without him.

No...no...n-no. Purple...Purple was gone. Zil was gone. Not a single claw, not a single peachfuzz from either of their antennae remained on the floor as Red stood rigid and stared blankly through the now empty hoop that had swallowed the love of his life and the tiny smeet he had promised himself he would always protect no matter the circumstance.

Gone.

They were gone. Thrown to the mercy of unstable intergalactic travel to be throughout battered and razed beyond their wildest imaginations without Red there to shield them with his already scarred skin and formidable will to preserve the gorgeous light he had fallen so madly in love with all those cycles ago.

"S-Sir…I tried to grab her." Gor swallowed from the floor, wincing at the sharp sting of a popped joint in his elbow. "Tallest Purple, he-"

"Be quiet." Red breathed, unable to process what he had seen as his shot mind went a mile a minute and he felt the beginning fringes of dismayed, hysterical tears prick in the corners of his eyes. "Where….S-Skrang?" He called out, gripping at the edge of the obliterated ring as he clamped a hand over his mouth and took a deep shuddering breath, quickly collecting his slowly spiraling emotions when the little scientist stumbled over to the best of his aghast ability. "Where…w-where is my husband? What did your thing do to my husband?"

Skrang immediately came too, snapping into focus when he realized that his Tallest and their heir were no where to be seen, a whine bubbling up in the back of his throat when Red turned in his direction and blinked away his hot, now irate tears, choking back a furiously untamed bark and keeping his voice surprisingly level. "What did it do to my _daughter_?!" He growled, following the scientist back against the wall as advisors hopped up and reached out with terrified hands as Red fumbled with his gauntlet and threatened to tug free his blaster, warming it dangerously under his fingers and holding it up to bare his teeth.

"I-I…no! There's no way it should have worked this early in the development! The sheer stress of transporting two biological bodies probably shorted out the stabilizers and threw the whole project offline!" Skrang wailed in terror, flying up to shield his face against the threatening glow of hot plasma aiming between his eyes. "I-It wasn't supposed to be this functional yet, sir, I promise I didn't know this was going to happen!"

"Sir, please, he's the only one here who knows how to fix it!" Rarl Kove shouted from behind, jumping up on his toes to grab for the crook of Red's arm and pull his aim away. "We have to set to work restoring the connection to bring Tallest Purple and Lady Zil back from…well…wherever they are."

Red held firm, brushing off the desperate advances of his advisor to yank him down. "Shut up! All of you!" He barked over the mounting commotion, shakily forcing his hungry weapon back down into his technology before turning and stooping down, pulling Gor forcefully to his feet and plopping him down on his firm heels. "Purple will be smart enough to send out a distress signal. Scramble the fleet and search every planet in the star system for the ping until you find them. If you don't, move on to the next while we work to restore function here. I'm prepared to expend every resource the Empire has to find my husband and my smeet and I don't care how many empires we have to destroy or wars we have to wage, I want them back as soon as possible so get out there and find them before I have to take a ship and do it myself!"

"Yes, my Tallest!" Gor nodded wildly, opening up his own gauntlet and shouting rigid, fanatical orders into his communicator as he took off and threw open the door to the corridor, his words immediately sounding a blaring, antennae-piercing alarm throughout the whole of the ship.

"And you!" Red tried to keep himself from losing his temper as his blood pressure spiked to a dangerous high through his worry, knowing he needed his rationality in the wake of another devastating catastrophe at the hands of the same scientist that had hatched the first.

Skrang straightened his spine and flew into a brazen, overdone salute to try and save face, terrified for his life as Red moved to loom over him, a shadow of pure, unbridled hatred rolled together with the desperate need to find his family tinged with anguish. "Y-Yes, sir?" He whimpered, holding his breath and waiting for his end.

Red ran a hand up the side of his paling face, rubbing his long fingers together when he realized they were quaking. "You _will_ get this thing back online and you _will_ bring my husband and my daughter back to me. I don't care how long it takes, if they're not here in one piece, I'll personally see to it that you end up in _thousands_."

* * *

**145.5 trillion lightyears from the current flightpath of the Massive**

Purple yelped in shock and stumbled back when he felt solid ground connect with his boots, falling to his side and crying out when the bizarre wormhole spat his flailing daughter into the atmosphere. She collided hard with his stomach, knocking the wind from his ribcage as they struggled to shake the swimming, bouncing feeling of balance loss from their skulls. Zil was the first to push herself up and take a lungful of the reeking concoction swirling around them, shying away from the greasy dumpster the two had landed behind and whimpering as she reached down to pat Purple firmly on the breastplate. He blinked in the strange lighting, flicking his antennae forward and immediately scooping Zil into his arms before running his concerned hands over her cheeks and scrutinizing her furiously for any damage. He ran his eyes over every finger, every claw, every segment in her trembling antennae before finally exhaling in powerful, mind-numbing relief, bringing her to his chest and squeezing her tight when he finally concluded that no harm had come to her delicate form. She was whole, even if she was a bit shaken up, and she didn't have to wander through this awful place herself.

Whatever this place was.

"Thank Irk, you're alright, Zilly." He breathed in relief, drawing her in closer and feeling her do the same. "Daddy's got you, it's ok."

She burst into tears against his skin, scrambling against the smooth metal of his armor for purchase as he stood and shushed her, cupping a protective palm against the back of her neck before pressing his PAK into the side of a massive, foreign building splitting what little he could see of the disturbing skyline. He tasted the air, immediately becoming repulsed by the disgusting mixture of hydrogen and oxygen, feeling his PAK's internal mechanisms hum to life and begin to filter it into something breathable. This wasn't the Massive, and this definitely wasn't Irk. Purple swallowed and moved to clamp a hand tenderly over Zil's mouth as she wailed, rapidly taking stock of his surroundings from the shadows and letting his deepest, innate predisposition as a soldier take back over after nearly a hundred cycles of being away from the toils of horrendous warfare. He readjusted is grip on his flailing daughter, expertly flipping open his gauntlet and extending a PAK leg to punch in a hidden command he hadn't had to use in an incredibly long while, watching as his equipment dinged out its speedy compliance. He held his clenched fist above his head and backed further into the shadows, dialing down the intense glow in his ocular lenses and bracing himself as a commanding boom resounded from over his wrist, sending out a tiny, robotic drone to scout out the landscape and rapidly collect data on any potential lifeforms in the area that could prove to be hostile. He watched it slingshot into the bright blue sky and zip off to perform its task, turning back instead to the horrified smeet melting down in his grip.

"Sweetheart, look at me. Look at Daddy." He whispered with false excitement under his breath, trying to be her soothing anchor in the chaos despite feeling his own rationality fade. "We're going on an adventure and it's gonna be a lot of fun. Like a vacation."

Zil didn't listen, flapping her tiny hands incessantly as her sensitive nerves were ruthlessly bombarded and dreadfully overloaded by exotic scents and deafening noises from alien equipment and words resounding from just around the corner, something Purple wasn't ready to face without a proper disguise. She couldn't handle it, looking in every direction she could before resorting to burying her face back in the crook of his neck to try and hide herself away from what she didn't understand. Purple himself didn't really understand either, peeking around the corner of the filthy dumpster they had been spat out next to and immediately holding back a gasp when a tall, pink creature lumbered by as it talked hastily into some kind of communicator held to the flappy appendage against its ugly face. It was freezing here, the surface beneath his feet caked in a strange chilly ice he didn't recognize, refraining from trying to touch it out of fear that it could potentially be toxic. The atmosphere stunk of a mixture of waste and smog billowing from the tops of towering skyscrapers laced with something that smelled mildly edible and incredibly unhealthy. Purple could feel his own fingers begin to twitch on impulse, clenching his free hand in an attempt to stim himself to some semblance of calm.

"Zilly, I need you to listen very carefully." He said slowly as he scanned the sky and waited, biting back the waver in his own voice. "Dad is going to come and find us and bring us home. I've been stranded with your Dad before, and he doesn't give up easily, you know that right?" He wasn't sure if he was reassuring her or himself, images of his powerful mate obliterating entire planets somewhere out in the vast, empty reaches of the cosmos flashing in succession through his psyche. "Dad won't let anything happen to us just like I won't let anything happen to you, but right now, we're going to play a game but we have to be very quiet until my drone gets back."

Zil sniffed, squeezing her wide eyes shut and clamping her waving fingers over her antennae as she panted and continued to sob. "N-No! I don't wanna play a game, Daddy! I-I wanna go home!" She shuddered in his arms in the cold and scrunched herself into an overly tense ball. "Too much sound! T-Too much color, Daddy, I don't like it!"

Purple lit up when he noticed the drone return, quickly descending down into the frozen alleyway and flittering back to the empty port in his gauntlet to instantaneously flood his PAK and ocular lenses with vast amounts of information. "I know, Zilly, I don't like it either, but we're just gonna have to work through this ourselves. Let's see where we are." He swallowed, reading over zipping information and downloading code in streams, eyes darting over an invisible screen as he scrunched up his face in confusion and observed the laughing faces of disgusting beings eating cooked foods, rolling primitive cities made of grey stone and flimsy glass, and pitiful vehicles without the capability of flight meandering about the ground like great insects. He felt his jaw tighten when his mind wandered back to the myriad of cheesy horror movies Red enjoyed, noticing the similarities in the horrific alien race portrayed in most and comparing them to the seemingly benevolent group his scout had managed to examine.

"Urth. Why did it have to be Urth?" He mumbled in disgusted irritation when his gaze landed on the image of some form of transportation map outside in the boulevard and immediately peaked his disturbed interest. "Zil, do you remember when Dad and I told you that one day you would be able to see new planets and races, and that you would learn to command them all?"

Zil jutted out her bottom lip and fell silent, finding a bit of comfort in the muffled dip of her palms stamped firmly over her antennae. She nodded faintly in the cold and Purple hesitated as his spooch was set in uncomfortable knots, scrolling through the main screen of his gauntlet before landing on another program he had hoped he would never have to use out of nauseated annoyance of having to give up his own beautifully cultivated image.

"Well, today we're going to learn about some aliens." He explained carefully, scrolling through repulsive images of fur coated humans as he searched for something suitable to mask his highly distinguishable height and attire with, settling on wiry blonde man with thick rimmed glasses and a smart looking sweater and coat. Demeaning. It would have to do. "I want you to understand that we have to be very careful here. I'm going to give us disguises until we can figure out how to send Dad a call, ok?"

Zil sniffed thickly and pulled back, wiping her eyes on the back of one of her hands as she shivered. She glanced down to the glowing screen over her father's wrist and began to panic again, shaking her head wildly and covering her eyes instead as she let out a high pitched whine of a squeak at the terror boiling up in her tiny chest. "No! No, no, _no_!" She screeched, halting Purple's actions as he scrambled frantically to keep her quiet. "No hoomans! No! I don't have my hooman-melty-beam with me and they're gonna eat me! T-They…they eat smeets!"

Purple was ready to implode in upon himself and rip his antennae out, impulse clicking the hologram and closing his eyes to the strange sensation of static prickling over his skin and sending a shudder up his spine, wanting to gag when he opened his eyes and realized that his perfect minty skin tone had been replaced by the insipid pale pink of the enemy. His PAK had been concealed completely by a black woolen coat reaching to the back of his knee and a strange mop of sandy blonde fur threatened to fall in his eyes with every breeze. He reached over his crying daughter's shoulder and tenderly prodded at his face, feeling a strange, unnerving proboscis protruding from between his now small almond shaped eyes. He felt sickening with his heavy glasses slipping down his odd face appendage, the humiliation that an esteemed Almighty Tallest had to stoop so low drawing a sneer from his now thin, pale lips. He waited for the texture mapping to settle and the fabric shrouding his body to come together in a fictitious weave before smoothing back over Zil's antennae with the five stout digits of his petite hands. She looked up and took a deep inhale to let loose a piercing scream, trying to vault violently out of his grip to rid herself of the terrifying, blunt-toothed monster trying with all his might to get through to her.

"Zilly, Zilly, hey!" He hissed through the shadowy alleyway, glancing tentatively around the dumpster to ensure they hadn't been heard and yelping when Zil smacked him hard on the side of the face with a fervent war cry.

"No! Spit my Daddy out!" She screamed madly with mounting ferocity, landing another blow to her father's cheek as she tried to overcome the demon she was absolutely positive had destroyed her father. "If you don't spit my Daddy out right now I'm gonna call my Dad and he's gonna come beat you up! He's gonna get you and make you hurt and then he's gonna get your planet because you're bad! Y-You're mean and I don't like you and…a-and I want my Daddy back!"

"Zil, stop!" Purple snapped, grabbing her wrist as she thrashed and fought, watching as his voice finally registered in her antennae when she cocked her head and squinted down at the faint trace of deep violet eye color glittering back from behind his oversized glasses. "It's me. See?"

A look of understanding finally overtook Zil's horrified, tear-streaked face as she let her jaw fall slack, poking at the spongy elasticity of the near perfect hologram shrouding her father. "Daddy? Why do you look like a scary hooman? Are you gonna go hide in my closet?" She mumbled, forgetting her qualms and instead becoming unbearably inquisitive with his hair, reaching up to tug and pull at the unfamiliar substance between her cautious fingers and trying to reach up far enough in his arms to shove it in her mouth.

Purple reclined down and let her suck on the unfeeling ends of his choppy style, returning to his technology and looking for something equally normal for her to wear before they ventured out into the street to try and find technology strong enough to hail the Massive and finally reunite their family. Red would be worried sick and Purple could practically see him on the bridge, heading a terrifying path through the current star system they had been drifting through to viciously tear apart and uproot every culture he passed, destroying entire worlds and annihilating whole peoples for the sake of his own blistering anxieties and overpowering terror at having lost the only two beings he loved more than anything. Red talked a big game, and truly was a formidable opponent, but was so soft and nervous at his core. It came out in waves when he didn't get his way or when Purple was called off somewhere for a conference more than a lightcycle away. This…this was a whole new level of uncomfortable and unknown Red's fragile temperament wouldn't be able to adequately handle, Purple swallowing when he finally selected the image of a sweet, chubby, brown headed human girl and starting the texturization process as he reassured his unconfident smeet on a repeated, tender loop that everything would be alright. He and Red hadn't been truly separated for over 150 consistent cycles; They went to war together, ate together, slept together, showered together, and watched television together at the end of the day. It wasn't like Red couldn't handle the Empire on his own, Purple knew he was more than capable with his phenomenal strength and steely resolve to get things done, but he knew his husband wouldn't want to be alone for long. He needed Purple by his side to function.

"It's like playing dress up." Purple comforted Zil once more when she tried to brush away the feeling of static clinging to her sensitive body. "Do you remember dressup from home?"

"Uh huh."

"This is gonna be like a big dress up party. No one here will know where we come from, so we can't talk about Irk, or Dad, or the Massive. Understand?"

"Why?"

"Because…because we're pretty far from home. We're going to pretend and play hide and seek in plain sight. You're the best at hide and seek, and I know you'll be great at this too." Purple clicked a button on the side of his gauntlet, activating the steady ping of an infrared distress signal and feeling it flood up over his antennae and shoot out towards the stars he could no longer see, hoping with every fiber of his being that his other half would be close enough to hear his cry for help. He needed him. He needed Red now more than he ever had, but he also needed to protect his smeet. "In the meantime, we're going to try and find some technology we can use to call your Dad just in case he doesn't hear what I've just sent."

"Technology?" Zil thought a moment and wriggled uncomfortably when the fabric of her thick winter dress wrapped its way around her now fleshy legs. "Hey! I remember something super cool! This is the place where King Zim comes from before you told me not to see him anymore! He has lots of nice things and I think he could call Dad for us!"

Purple blinked and smoothed back his choppy hair, irritated when he could no longer feel his antennae under his fingers. Ask _Zim_ for help?! He tried not to gag on the name alone, shuddering in repulsed, sickened disbelief that he was potentially stuck on this Irk-forsaken planet with only Zim to rescue him. He returned to his tiny screen, pulling up a topographic map of the surrounding landscape and searching for any other possible alternatives to the horrendous menace he would do anything to keep away from, knowing if he was brave enough to ask Zim for help, he would never let him or Red hear the end of it. From then on the nonstop calls would return and the difficult demands would pick up, and then it was a short hop and skip away from returning to Judgementia for another trial for something idiotic the food service drone had managed to dream up.

No. Zim would be a last resort.

"I don't think that's a good idea, sweetie." He tried to sound enthusiastic, fighting off a horrendous meltdown bubbling in the back of his skull as he scanned the city for anything relatively close to Irken technology capable of carrying a signal to the south quadrant of the universe, growing twitchier by the second when he realized the destructive, pyrotechnic menace may be the only individual in the whole of a fifty mile radius that could help.

Irk, please, no. There had to be another way.

"Look at that, Daddy! A thingy like at King Zim's! See? It's right there in that place!" Zil exclaimed, jabbing a concealed claw down at a miniscule pinprick dotting the map on the outskirts of the gargantuan metropolis, radiating outwards from down the street of Zim's own improvised homestead. "Can that call Dad to come find us?"

Purple readjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose when they threatened to slip, awed and equally confused that there was a second telltale ping emanating outwards like a beacon of shining hope only two miles away. Yes. Yes! This was it! This was their chance! Whatever it was and whatever potential alien horrors awaited them out there in the cold, they had to find that blip and take it in the name of the Empire. Purple wouldn't keep his venerable, innocent daughter frozen in a sordidly vile interplanetary winter where the atmosphere could be tinged with pollutants and the inhabitants could be violent beasts capable of swallowing him whole. He had to get her out of here and he would do whatever it took to keep her safe.

As Zil blinked and examined her new body, tugging lightly at her long, fluffy eyelashes and flailing her short fingers about in fascination, Purple stamped the final piece of his disguise over his technology, turning it to a high tech watch before taking a deep breath and letting his eyes flutter shut. He clicked his teeth a few times, relishing in the soothing sound rebounding though his skull as he placed both hands firmly on his daughter and took a cautious, apprehensive step into the light, squinting up at the pale radiance of the single Urth sun shining back against him and illuminating his fogging breath combining with the stinking air of the city. He felt his low human shoes click against the slick concrete, striding forward as he stared stiffly at the ground and mingled into the flood of alien monsters dotting the sidewalks and threatening his very existence at every corner. Zil nearly went catatonic, folding into the scratchy lapel of his fitted coat as he tried not to look conspicuous, stepping around thawing puddles of unknown liquid and papery trash as human vehicles whizzed by on screeching wheels and honked agitatedly at one another when traffic came to a standstill. There was too much noise, Purple freezing in the middle of the crosswalk as strangers flooded around him and bumped his shoulders at irregular intervals, sending an awful flood of stiff, stifling emotion down his spine with every brush. He jolted when an irritated human in a stout yellow transport vehicle pounded down on his horn, rolling down his window and spouting a slew of angry curses as Purple turned in a daze and stared in curious disarray at the bizarre beast flashing back at him.

"Get outta the street, asshole!"

Zil tugged at his collar, urging him on as another tear rolled down her cheek. "T-That's a bad word, Daddy." She whimpered, grabbing for the folds of his coat and hiding her face away when an elderly woman flashed her a warm, happy smile from below. "I-It's scary here….I don't have my hooman-melty-beam. I-I want Dad to come and get us so we can go home and be safe again."

"Shhh. It's going to be ok." Purple growled, feeling his instinct to fight overtake his senses only to be tugged away as Zil slung her arms up around his neck in a desperate attempt to get closer. "They don't look that threatening."

The human slammed his horn once again, shoving his face out of the open window and spitting ominously to the street to try and intimidate Purple on. "What, you got cotton in your ears? Move or I'm gonna run over ya! I'm on a schedule, here!"

"Do you know who you're talking to? I'm one of the most powerful beings in our known universe and you think you can talk to me like that?!" Purple straightened up to the full extent of his height and bristled, narrowing his eyes hotly in his enemy's direction when he felt the itch to engage in grisly combat. "If my husband found out about this he'd blow your planet to a crisp and I'd laugh at every single one of your disgusting worm faces burning in our plasma fire."

"God, what are you? Some kind of method actor or something?" The human rolled his eyes and waved his wrist in agitation. "Really, guy, get outta the street!"

Purple snorted and rolled his eyes. "Fine, but you've just earned your planet a black mark in my book." He hissed, rolling his shoulders back and sticking his nose in the air as a final attempt to display his dominance.

He refused to break eye contact with the driver, frowning and stepping to the side as the machine streaked past and splashed a mixture of tar and gravel up into his face, forcing him to stick out his tongue in disgust and wipe at his improvised skin with the back of his sleeve. This filthy rock didn't deserve to go on living; nothing about this place was remotely pleasant in the slightest. They continued their trek and Purple noticed the continuous feeling of warm tears hitting his neck and keeping him tethered to reality as he pushed himself on, quickly acclimating to the stench of alien perfume and pheromones pouring off of the sweat-laden crowd and adjusting to the sound of screeching sales deals yelled out for an event called Christmas he had no interest in. He managed to match the gait of other males wandering the streets, casually observing their footwork from afar as he hummed and attempted to show Zil how safe she was in his arms as they followed the ping. Towers glinted in the light and stretched in endless waves of primitive, lackadaisical engineering as fluttering creatures flew on ethereal wings and cooed out songs to one another, exotic spices raged and twirled through Purple's disguise and flooded his antennae from warm food stands, and languages of all natures shimmied and bleated against one another in a rapid chain of bewildering, intolerable tones. Nothing was clean, nothing was rational, everything was fast. Humans talked fast, walked fast, ate fast; it was as if no one had slept in cycles, moving about in a perpetual rush through swooshing doors and calling out for taxis on street corners, whatever that was. Was Urth supposed to be a planet bitten by the callous fingers of frost? Purple couldn't remember, struggling to maintain his hazy bearings and glancing down at his watch intermittently as they trudged along and he vaulted awkwardly around strangers threatening to brush the hem of his coat or pass him free samples of street food that was wholly nauseating and equally bizarre to look at.

"Man, these creatures are so tall." Purple pointed out with a bit of genuine fascination at how idiotic they still appeared to be despite their impressive height, feeling his own nerves for the unknown die down when he realized no one was actively staring him down. "And the stink of human meat is awful…Irk, your Dad better not be messing around out there. We have to get off of this stupid planet before I go crazy."

* * *

**The Massive in the midst of Red's fanatical rampage**

"What do you mean you can't fix it?!" Red demanded vehemently as Skrang shook in his boots at the edge of the bridge, staring up at his Tallest and seeing right through his concealed nerves to the center of his troubled anguish.

"I-I…there's no way we can fix it, sir. Not in the condition it's in in the time you've allotted me! It could take weeks, months even, to re-stabilize the dark matter to safe enough levels to bring them back through the way they came." Skrang tried to lightly defend himself, wincing when Red growled out his frustrations and turned back to the wide viewing port of the ship, feverishly surveying the drifting Armada returning from their fast paced sweep of the immediate starsystem.

There had been no news of his partner's whereabouts and Red was beginning to worry himself down to the bone, wringing his hands in anxious expectation and popping antacids like candy as he struggled to keep himself unruffled before his subjects. Purple was a tough, hardened warrior who'd seen action beyond the wildest expectations of any cadet under their command to date, but Zil…she was innocent. She was so young, so sweet, so untainted by the mind-numbing terrors of warfare and battle and Red knew deep down that his mate had been right in reminding him before that they needed to preserve that childlike wonder for as long as they could. What was she seeing? Was she forced to watch her father fight? Was _she_ fighting? Were they even together out there or were they drifting alone and confused on separate, desolate worlds?

Red shook the terrifying visions from his mind and slung his nervous hands behind his back after unclasping his collar and shucking it to the side for more air. He couldn't let this get to him. This was a minor setback, yeah, just a minor setback was all. He turned and glanced over his shoulder, looking past Skrang who clutched at a set of engineering tools and catching sight of his communications team scanning transmission channels and eddying frequencies throughout the void of space, antennae pressed to static ridden headsets as eyes narrowed and closed to listen for any sign of where their displaced Tallest could have ended up.

Purple.

Zil.

He was going mad without them here, chewing his claws to nothing as the drone of formless static drew him further into the dark pit of hopelessness. No, they were out there somewhere. Purple took her hand when she touched the wormhole; he was brave enough to sacrifice himself to the unknown so their daughter wouldn't have to be alone and scared. Red shoved another sizzling medication tablet in his mouth and scrunched up his face at the bitter taste, finishing them off completely and crumpling up the wrapper before tossing it carelessly to the side. They were together….they had to be.

"Sir, I have news that you'll want to hear!"

Red spun a bit too quickly, almost tripping over his own feet and wiping the sweat beading on his brow as he cleared his throat and straightened back up. General Gor strode urgently forward across the bridge, his polished heels clinking against the metal as he shook his head and talked furiously with a few young pilots on a hushed chatter before dismissing them completely and struggling his way to the main viewing platform with a strained huff.

"My Tallest! My men have triangulated the location of Almighty Tallest Purple and Lady Zil. They-"

Red yelled out his excitement, flying down and hoisting Gor up from his feet with a victory shout of pure, untamed bliss and spinning him around as the rest of the bridge looked on in unnerved horror as their superior flailed in their leader's ecstatic arms.

"Yes! _Yes_! Irk, I knew they were close!" Red laughed wildly, dropping Gor back to his feet and not caring when he stumbled, turning instead to the viewing port with a renewed fire behind his ocular lenses and a need to see his partner and his daughter returning from his improvised rescue mission to be shrouded in his powerful embrace. "Where are they? When will they be back? What planet did they end up on?"

Skrang urged Gor on with a hasty, frantic nod, hoping with all his might that no harm had come to his Tallest or their smeet for the sake of his own pathetic life hanging precariously in the balance.

Gor blinked and hesitated, adjusting the bar of wartime ribbons over his chest before speaking back up. "Sir, they're farther than we expected." He began timidly as Red's wide, cheesy beam slowly faded. "One of the officers aboard my Ring Cutter picked up on a faint transmission while we fell into orbit around Lanantis. I had her run scans on the signal and, as we expected, it is coming from the personal gauntlet of Tallest Purple."

"And?" Red commanded sharply, wanting him to get to the point.

Gor sighed to himself and finally spilled the uncomfortable truth. "And, sir, we've traced his location to a place in quadrant one that we are unfortunately all too familiar with…um…_Urth_, my Tallest."

Almost immediately, a flip switched inside Red's mind and his expression darkened, moving away from Gor and his dastardly news to shoot icy, soul-piercing daggers through Skrang's wide magenta eyes. He said nothing for a long while, simultaneously burning and freezing the drone under his famous gaze and sealing his fate with his eyes before finally peeling his horrendously callous, homicidal look away and barking orders across the bridge.

"Navigation! Set coordinates to Urth!" He wailed, taking a deep breath and settling himself back into the game unfolding before him like an extensive chessboard. "I want all warp thrusters at their fullest potential! Communications, lock onto Tallest Purple's signal. We need to know how many Irken life signatures are on the planet because I'm hoping," he paused when a pang of alarm hit him that he quickly brushed off, "I'm hoping that my daughter is with him."

"Yes, my Tallest!"

Red snapped ruthlessly, refusing to budge as Skrang got the point and moved forward to linger with petrified expectation at his side. "You. This is the second time your technology has caused my husband and I life-threatening problems." He glanced down in disgust at the tears building up at the corners of Skrang's vision. "This time, it's put the life of my beautiful daughter on the line. Do you understand how protective I am of my smeet, science drone?"

Skrang couldn't speak, instead nodding out through his fear when Red waited with horrendous patience for him to respond.

"She's my light, Skrang, and far too good for this kind of treatment." Red snarled. "I will not be funding your project and you can kiss your engineering lab back on Irk goodbye, because I'll be putting it under new management that can handle something as simple as a line of code. You will be transported to Judgementia for trial and I'm personally going to request that you be reencoded as something terrible. I haven't picked what would be worse yet; a janitorial drone on Planet Dirt, or a table headed service drone for my personal staff?"

Skrang gasped in panic when General Gor nodded for two guards to move forward, each grabbing him by the shoulders and hastily taking him away and out of Red's sight as he cried and pleaded for forgiveness against purposefully deaf antennae. Red took a deep inhale, watching the color and bouncing hues flood by outside as the Massive was thrown into powerful warp towards the one planet he loathed more than any other.

"Sir? Are you alright?" Gor fell in next to him and watched alongside his leader, secretly running his careful gaze over every stress line in Red's furrowed brow and the steadily growing murkiness clouding behind his lenses. "Tallest Purple, I've fought alongside him in battle as a cadet before you ascended to your ranks. He's strong, and he can take care of himself."

"I know." Red mumbled despondently, letting his favorite advisor see a tiny spark of his true disquiet shining through or a few quick, rare seconds. "I love him, Gor, and he's my everything. I love them both more than you could ever know and I won't ever risk losing my family."

"I know, my Tallest. We'll find them. I promise."

* * *

**Urth; The outskirts of the city**

Finally, the two had managed to break free of the main hustle and bustle of the metropolis, scaling the distance at a faster pace now that Purple didn't have to bob and weave his way around elderly humans and children screaming for parents to buy them toys they didn't need. He could breathe again, running through number sequences over and over in his head as he counted and willed himself back down to calm. They were close, passing by dozens of cardboard box looking homes as Purple kept an expert eye trained on the little marker flashing over his watch screen. Zil had pulled herself together as well, venturing tiny peeks when her profound curiosity became too vast to ignore, eventually blinking away what was left of her salty tears and brushing back the annoying pigtails fluttering into her face with the wind. She became utterly fascinated with everything around her, pointing wordlessly at things Purple paid no mind to as they wandered closer and closer to their unknown destination. Every sticklike bush was a marvel, every slick sheet of ice was enticing, and other tiny children at her age equivalent began to catch her wary gaze as they played tag.

"Mr.! Hey, Mr.! Over here!" A ginger girl splotched with freckles called from across the street, waving wildly for Purple's attention as he bit back a domineering hiss and quickly hid his gauntlet out of carefully tamed distain.

The girl looked both ways before bounding excitedly across the blacktop, following at Purple's heels when he refused to speak and staring up at where Zil watched curiously over the crisp shoulder pad of his coat. "I'm Katelynn! Katelynn Lasserie!" She proclaimed proudly, snorting a glob of something viscous back up into her nose. "Are you new in the neighborhood? Can she come play? I'm the only girl here and all the boys wanna ride bikes together and never let me join!" Katelynn crossed her arms as she stomped along, wearing down Purple's frayed nerves. "Please? I've got lots of new dolls and Christmas is almost here so I'm gonna be getting another Barbie! Do you like Barbie?"

Zil blinked and cocked her head, her PAK quickly translating her accented Irken to English. "What's Barbie?" She asked slowly, trying to sling herself further over her father's shoulder for a better look at the strange red-headed creature following along. "I have a doll at home named Baby but she's a space princess! And I have a Kalopiac named Mama Kitty with lots of leggies who eats the crumbs off our floor!"

Katelynn stopped in her tracks, thinking a moment before flashing a braces stuffed smile up at her new friend. "I dunno what that thing is but you should bring Baby to come play with Barbie! She just broke up with her boyfriend and she needs a makeover to feel better."

Zil grinned back, accidentally showing off her two rows of sharp teeth. "Daddy! Daddy! Can I go play too? Barbie lost her boyfriend and Baby is a Tallest so she can make her feel better!" She bounced in his hold and tried to wiggle free, forcing a pang of dread to rocket through his chest at the accidental mention of his title.

Katelynn's green eyes lit up in the sunlight. "What's a Tallest?"

Purple spun on his heel and loomed over the intrusive nuisance, letting a low, defensive growl escape from his lips as he rumbled and continued to lower himself down over the incredibly confused human worm-thing. "Get out of here, human smeet, or I'm going to have to steal every single one of your organs in alphabetical order!"

Katelynn didn't hesitate, slipping and sliding on the ice as she threw her mittens in the air and screeched wildly, racing all the way back home as Purple rolled his eyes in annoyance that his ridiculous false threat had actually worked. He continued on, feeling his pulse escalate as they rounded the block and neared the home stretch to the place that would finally, hopefully, reunite him with the touch of his husband.

"Aw, Daddy, but that hooman was a…nice one." Zil's strange realization came a bit too late as she rested her chin on Purple's shoulder and mulled over every passerby she had seen so far. "Why aren't they stealing our brains?"

"Because we're disguised as them."

"But can't they smell us?"

"No, they're too stupid and primitive for that."

"Where are their ships? How will they invade Irk without ships?"

"I…huh. I don't think they have any."

Zil grew increasingly perplexed as she ran through every detail she had supposedly known of humanity from Red's horror films, blinking and staring down at the ground when her father veered away from the concrete and followed the signal through someone's yard, crunching on ice covered grass as he went and stopping short at a well worn, wooden fence obscuring his path. He squinted, leaning forward on his toes and attempting to see through the slats between the timber and catch a glimpse at whatever technology was calling out to him through his own. He couldn't see much; the side of a dark home, a well manicured lawn covered in frigid ice and dotted with a couple of underused patio chairs, and a…huh. He didn't know what to call it, flicking his ocular lenses on and scanning the holding chamber evading his understanding.

_Shed_.

The English rang true in his mind as he craned to look at his daughter, watching as she ran her fingertips down every groove in the pattern dotting the wood, bringing a finger to his lips to usher her to keep quiet before glancing leisurely about and tentatively withdrawing his PAK legs. He hooked his extensions under the seam of the plank, prying it off and gingerly setting it aside as a gaggle of human mothers walked by with fluffy, energetic beasts with waving tails attached to canvas strings. He swallowed, prying his daughter from his clothing and silently thrusting her through the hole he had opened, following quickly behind and laboring to squeeze his feeble human form through with great effort. Finally, after a rib crushing battle with a few nails getting caught in his jacket, he was able to force himself free and land gracelessly on the lawn. He hastily pushed himself up when he realized the back of the home had a glass sliding door, clambering boorishly for his daughter when she skipped innocently through the ice and giggled, stomping it under her goulashes as her mirth picked up in intensity.

"This place isn't so scary, Daddy!" She laughed, grabbing a handful of icy grass and ripping it free from the ground, squeaking in surprise and dropping it when the frozen water stung at her skin. "Owwie! That part is still scary! Don't touch the cold stuff it makes your hand hurt!"

Purple was about to lose his mind, snapping his gaze up when he noticed a light click off on the second floor followed by the rhythmic thump of someone traversing a set of stairs. His pulse lurched and he launched himself forward on skilled PAK legs, sweeping his smeet off the ground when she went for the grass once more to satisfy her need to explore before rocketing them both towards the shed. He didn't waste any time, listening intently to the muffled voices of two creatures lightly arguing from within the home as he warmed his PAK lasers, slicing expertly through the flimsy lock and pushing the rickety door open before slamming it shut behind them.

Almost immediately, he felt his antennae quiver from within his disguise and his spooch flip, dropping Zil to the dusty floor amidst boxes of old photographs and worn out technology as his bewildered eyes caught sight of something completely Irk-shattering and entirely unexpected. It was a ship. An _Irken_ ship.

How?

Zil picked herself up with another excited giggle, slinging herself forward to pat at the rusted, mangled hull as Purple's throughs reeled at what connotation his shocking discovery held. He kept his PAK legs alert, ready to pounce should anything go wrong as he reached out and ran his fingertips over the dented metal of the old, outdated Spittle Runner, letting his attention fall to rest on the emblem painted messily over the rear thrusters. This belonged to a rebel pilot once from an all women's group based on the symbology alone but it had been badly destroyed in what looked like a meteor shower or other heavy cosmic anomaly of some kind. He reached out and hooked his fingers under the lip of the windshield, popping it free and shrinking back at the stench of human clinging to the frayed leather seats and lingering horrendously through the dusty cockpit. He cursed to himself under his breath the more he evaluated the appalling extent of the damage whoever had stolen the ship had unfortunately caused; wires sparked inconsistently from beneath the dash, the front plasma canons had been stripped and gutted, and the cooling units had been razed completely by intergalactic fire. He leaned further into the ship as Zil dug through boxes and threw power tools aimlessly about, opening up his gauntlet and retrieving a mini electric poker before squinting and administering a tiny, but powerful electric shock to the mainframe.

Nothing.

He tried again, digging his ungloved hands into the tangled mess of cords and obliterated wires and choosing to focus solely on the communicator as he pried off the cover and pressed his tool against the motherboard. "Zil? Come here and hold this." He whispered through the low light. "Zil?"

Purple turned and froze as the door slowly creaked open, petrifying in a mix of shock and stunned surprise as a set of thin rimmed, wired glasses glinted in the light and revealed two curious brown eyes staring back up at him from below.

No.

No.

Irk, they were so close! They were so close!

The human stood dumbfounded for a few seconds, jaw slack in equal dismay as the two stared each other down and fought for silent dominance. He didn't look like much, his long black coat swallowing his petite body and his dark, disheveled hair fluttering in the breeze as he struggled to come to grips with what he had caught.

"Hey!" He finally spoke up with a bit more aggression than Purple had been expecting. "Who are you and why are you trespassing in my shed? That's mine!"

Purple hunted for the right words, his PAK working furiously to formulate some kind of rational English and failing drastically, pumping his shorting brain full of another Urthenoid language he didn't recognize spilling from his mouth before he could stop it. "Hallo! Wie…eh…wie gehts dir?" (Hello! How are you?)

The Urth child scrunched up his face in perplexed confusion. "Are you German? Wait, are you a spy sent by the government to steal my ship?! This is the second time this week and I don't care if they think I'm not old enough to handle alien technology! I found it and it's mine!"

Purple tried again, swallowing down the overly accented German changing his voice to something foreign he hated before clearing his throat and trying to save face. "Ah! Hello," he waited for his PAK translator to catch up, "fellow human friend! My name is…Steven? Yeah, Steven, and I'm with the…Bureau of Alien Technological…um…Researches? And they have sent me to your beautiful shed to look at this amazing ship and add it to the…the…alien ship census of the United States?" He wanted to smack himself in the face for how overly robotic he sounded, holding his breath for a moment and relaxing a bit when the child narrowed his eyes and decided to humor him, buying him precious time to sneakily dig his poker into the casing of the ship's communicator to try and restore its long lost life.

"Bureau of Alien Technological Researches, eh?" The Urthenoid gingerly set the box of spare metallic parts he had been carrying at his feet, moving forward as Purple flashed him a cheesy grin and hoped his daughter stayed well hidden like she had been. "How come I've never heard of them?"

"Yes, well, we keep to ourselves!" Purple blurted out through his teeth, watching through the corner of his eye as a brief flash of color illuminated his target machinery. Just a little more and he could call Red.

The kid rolled his eyes with a sneer, taking another step and staring Purple down when he stiffened on impulse and prepared for a fight. "And what exactly do you do at this fictitious bureau?"

Purple fumbled with a few of the words, blinking a few times and chewing on his bottom lip as he worked. "Ah. We document all crashed alien ships in the United States of Alabama to-"

"Wait did you just say the United States of _Alabama_?"

"No. I said the United States of Arizona."

"That's still not right. Hang on…are you…" The child moved his scrutinizing, overly intelligent gape to Purple's watch, eyeing the screen before his eyes lit up in alarm when he recognized the technology and tried to turn on his heel to call for someone to help. "Aliens! I should have known! Gaz! Dad! They're-"

Purple slammed the electronic poker into the communicator, bringing it back online as he sprung from his mechanical perch and grabbed for the noisy nuisance, clipping his collar and dragging him down as they both landed with a collective shout on the cold floor. The kid put up a fight, raking the heel of his sneaker down the side of Purple's face before going for his wrist and attempting to pry his cloaking technology away.

"Hey! Stop it!" Purple growled, grabbing the child around the waist and flinging him back as Zil popped up in bewildered confusion from around the hull of the ship with a piercing cry of fear, throwing herself behind her father's pantleg as the human quickly collected himself and grabbed for an old baseball bat, turning on his heel to face his opponent when Purple braced himself and threw his fists up in front of his face.

"I'll show you and Zim to mess with-" The kid trailed off, bat still raised above his head as his chest heaved from the strenuous struggle. He wavered a moment, blinking dust from his eyes when he noticed the tear streaked face of the tiny, hyperventilating smeet clutching in agonizing terror at her father's clothes.

Purple noticed, clenching his jaw as his body buzzed with potential energy and the undying need to protect his daughter. He refused to move, watching in uncanny discomfort as the human had some kind of internal struggle with himself, listening uncomfortably to Zil's tiny fear-filled sobs and thick sniffs before she cowered down to the ground and covered her face to let out another shriek.

"Is that one of your," The boy mulled about what to call her, "alien space babies?"

Purple said nothing, slowly retracting his threatening stance and bending, letting his fake glasses slip from his face before scooping up his terrified smeet as she wailed letting her curl back into his chest.

"Well, is it?" The kid asked again, his voice wavering dangerously with an emotion that Purple couldn't comprehend. "Why is it here?"

"_She_ is my daughter, not an _it_." Purple finally managed to growl out, still refusing to let his overstimulated guard down and glancing back to the ship when it dinged out its sudden compliance. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shoot you between the eyes."

The boy followed Purple's gaze and blinked behind his glasses when he realized the communicator was back online, ignoring his threat out of his own innate inquisitiveness. "Why do you want my ship? Who are you hailing, some kind of military force?!" He renewed his grip on his metal bat when Purple unleashed his PAK legs, training for hot lasers in his enemy's direction and creeping closer to another harrowing confrontation. "You're Irken! I knew it!"

"Wait no!" Zil cried out, flailing her arms in front of her and locking eyes with the monster liquifying her rational judgement. "D-Don't hurt Daddy!" She sniffed before wiping her eyes messily on her false coat. "Scary hooman don't hurt my Daddy! I…I scared a hooman away from my closet with my hooman-melty-beam and I'm sorry if I made you mad but I wanna go home! I-I won't ever kick you outta my closet again! Y-You can come and live in there if you wanna but you havta be nice and you can't hurt my Daddy because I love him!"

Zil's slurred words echoed about the tiny shed through the fat tears rolling down her pink cheeks, her fear permeating every crevice and glinting off of every surface to bombard the two standing locked in a vicious stalemate between one another.

The human faltered once more, swallowing thickly and thinking long and hard before he asked his next question. "How old is she?" He mumbled suddenly, catching Purple off guard. "In Earth years."

Purple rubbed soothing circles into his daughter's shuddering back and urged her to look away to preserve her own innocence. "Six." He kept his answers short, trying to intimidate the stupid creature to move on so he wouldn't have to kill in front of his smeet. She wasn't ready to witness death yet, and he was determined to keep it that way.

"What about you? Again, in Earth years."

"…Thirty-five."

"Is she yours?"

"Yes."

"You're tall. Why?"

"…"

"I asked you why. I know more about your species than you know, and I know that Irkens aren't supposed to be tall unless you're high ranking, so, are you?"

Purple rolled his eyes and merely shook his head, holding true to his own rules he had told Zil in the beginning of their accidental landing on this filthy world. "My height and rank are none of your business."

The boy wasn't buying it but lowered his bat, letting it slip from his hand as he continued to pummel Purple with a barrage of invasive questioning. "Are you one of the Tallest?" He asked curtly, examining Purple's eyecolor from afar and lighting up with a sudden, uncharacteristic excitement as he brought his hands together and took a sharp inhale. "You are! You are one of the Tallest! Do you remember me?! I called you from Zim's base a few years ago and asked you a bunch of questions you never answered!"

Purple didn't have any recollection of ever sharing a transmission with someone so absolutely annoying, weighing his options and reluctantly choosing to play along. "No. No I don't. And would you stop that? The thing with Zim? We're not actually on the same side, you know."

"You're the purple one! I-It's me, Dib! Remember, I asked for the coordinates to your planet and how many organs you have and-"

"Dib?" Zil blinked, hiding her face behind her father's lapel as he withdrew his PAK legs and finally determined they weren't in any legitimate danger. The kid was a tiny speck, nothing he couldn't handle. "Hooman Dib?"

Purple kept a firm hold on her as he eyed the odd, bizarrely giddy beast, shrinking back with a blind yelp when Dib dug a camera out from within his coat and began furiously snapping picture after picture of his newfound experiment's face as he tried to capture his unnatural eye color. "Man, are you here on an intelligence gathering mission? Tough luck because my ship doesn't fly anymore after the Florpus. You're gonna be stuck with me until I turn you in to the FBI and…hey! Give it back!"

Purple snatched at his camera and held it above his head tauntingly as he jumped and attempted to grab it back with flailing palms. "Look, Urthenoid, you're not doing anything! You're not turning is into this F of BI, you're not taking pictures, and you're not keeping this ship. As soon as my husband gets here I'm sending out coordinates to commandeer it."

"Husband? You mean the red one? You two are _married_?" Dib tried again, flailing up for his precious camera and grumbling hotly under his breath when Purple shoved it back into his concealed PAK. "I didn't know gay aliens exist. Not that there's anything wrong with that but…never mind."

"I don't know what that word means. It's not in my database." Purple strode hotly past, reaching into the cockpit of Dib's hijacked ship once more and running his fingers over the communicator, pulling up a floating screen and indifferently punching in his partner's personal extension he'd memorized cycles ago when they were still dating.

"Gay? It's when-"

"I don't care."

"I have two dads because I'm special." Zil held up her fingers with a hesitant smile from where she watched over Purple's shoulder as he worked. "I have Daddy and Dad."

"How does that work?"

"What work?"

"Like, how were you born…created…built? Don't you need a mom?"

"I came from an egg! Daddy told me so."

"Huh. Neat!"

"Do hoomans eat smeets like me?"

Dib hoisted himself up on his workbench and thought a moment, mulling over the word and blinking when it finally clicked. "Oh, you mean babies? Why would we eat you? I don't even know where your planet is," he paused, leaning forward and trying to get Purple to turn, "but I'd _like_ to in exchange for you laying your gross hands all over my ship!"

Zil didn't understand, toying with the soft curls of Purple's hair as he desperately tried to find a way to contact Red. "Don't eat smeets? But the movies said so."

Dib shrugged flippantly, more intrigued by how well his retrieved ship was responding to Purple's touch in a few minutes of hasty work than it had responded to his own in months of careful engineering and planning. "Geez, you make us sound like we're monsters or something! Not to say that our society isn't terrible, but no, we don't _eat_ babies." He snorted, aching to get his hands on the tiny electrical poker Zil's father continued to toy with. "What about you? Aren't you supposed to come down here and lay eggs in our eyeballs or something and eat our brains?"

Zil stuck out her tongue in over animated disgust and wildly shook her head at the disgusting image dancing precariously through her mind. "Ew! No! I eat waffles for breakfast and sometimes Dad lets me have a pizza for lunch if I'm good and don't draw on the papers on his desk." She giggled vibrantly, stretching down to try and touch Dib's hair. "Why do you look like that? You have flappy thingies on your head."

"What's up with your race and ears?" He tried to mask a chuckle of his own at the unforeseen, surprisingly compassionate naivety striking him through the chest. "So…you don't want to take over the Earth? I've never really had the chance to ask you that before."

This time it was Purple who threw in his harsh opinion, wanting nothing more than to smack the intrusive child upside the jaw and leave but holding back for the good of his daughter and her valuable purity. "I wouldn't say that. This place is weird and it stinks and I don't like it, so I'm not sure if you really deserve to go on existing." His threat was light and ill-placed, his usually sharp mind distracted by his own dissatisfactions and horrific enervation.

"Does this mean I get to ask as many questions as I want for my research? Can I see what you look like under your disguise?"

"No."

"Come on, what kind of cloaking technology is that?"

"Kid, you're really wearing me down here. Go play with your human toys and leave the Spittle Runner to the adults, ok?"

"But I just want-"

"Look, Urthenoid, consider my kindness an act of mercy. What you're getting is to live but I can easily change my mind if you keep distracting me from reaching my husband!" Purple readjusted his slipping grip as he grew exasperated with the flippant, nonsensical conversation his smeet had opened up with the daft, snooping boy behind them. "Can you not make friends with that thing, please? He's nasty and I don't want him following us home like your pet." He groaned ardently in vehement Irken, flashing her a look of blistering disapproval and mumbling to himself when the ship finally sent out a signal. "I'm trying to call your Dad and I don't want to be covered in the stink of human when he picks us up."

"Hey, what are you saying?" Dib piped up again, trying to look around Purple's side when the strange alien language of clicks and chirps invaded his senses. "Switch back to English! Um, I guess Spanish is fine too, but anyway, I have more questions!"

Zil let her hesitant smile turn into a friendly grin. "Questions? Hoomans have questions too?" She peeped, resting her chin in her palm. "My Dad says there's never a bad question and if I have one I should always ask."

"So, about your Dad and your…Daddy, was it?" Dib began tentatively, listening as Purple opted to ignore him completely and smacked at the communicator, grumbling something in his frustrated native tongue when it threatened to die. He reached into his other coat pocket and inconspicuously clicked on a tiny tape recorder he carried, beaming up when Zil's compliance continued to grow. "How long have they been the leaders of the Irken Empire?"

Zil popped a thumb in her mouth, immediately pulling it free when she realized she couldn't run her sharp claw over her teeth. "Mm. I dunno. A billion cycles!" Her eyes went wide for emphasis as an untamed laugh escaped her lips. "I'm gonna be Tallest too when I get big. The first thing I wanna do when I rule the Universe is give mommies and daddies to the smeets born with a robot so they can have nice parents too like mine."

"Hey…you…you're actually kinda nice. Nothing like Zim and his failed plots to take over the planet."

"I like being nice. If you're nice to strangers they become your friends. Are we friends now?"

"Eh…I dunno. Maybe if you tell me the exact coordinates to your Dad's ship."

"None of your business! If you keep asking stupid questions I _will_ make you hurt so keep your prying face appendage away from my smeet and get out so I can work!" Purple turned and eyed him dangerously before blinking in sudden astonishment and returning to his project when the ship sputtered and managed to latch on to the distant network systems of the Massive looming through the glittering stars.

The traces of a broken voice crackled through the white noise, forcing Purple's pulse up into his throat as he gasped and nearly dropped Zil into the seat of the cockpit when he struggled to get closer, tugging the mouthpiece down from the center console and frantically yelling back when the glorious, beautiful sound of his husband's distant sound called back from where he had forced his way to behind the communications desk.

"Purple?! Is that really you?! Finally!"

Purple felt tears prick in his bright lavender eyes as he yelled out a victory cry and wanted nothing more than to sling his arms up around Red's neck and hold him close, itching to feel every scar dotting his back beneath his fingertips and the comforting warmth of his familiar cheek pressed to his.

"Honey? H-Honey, it's me! It's me, Red!" He laughed, letting his adrenaline take over as Dib reeled behind him from the abrupt change in pitch. "Irk, you have no idea how happy I am to hear your stupid voice! I'm on the Urth planet come so you better hurry up and get me before these awful humans drive me crazy!"

Red audibly sighed in overwhelming relief with a shaky laugh as he choked on his own emotion followed by the sound of him knocking aside readers and papers as he hunted for something specific, the resonance of his heels clicking hastily across the bridge reverberating with every step. "Is she there?! Our team tried to hone in on your life signature but we could only see yours! Please tell me you have Zil!"

Purple blinked away his happy tears and took a deep, uneven breath as he nodded, forgetting his partner couldn't see him. "Zil's here! Don't worry, I've got her!" He wavered a moment when he thought his mate was going to break down at the incredible news of their daughter safe and sound, staying on the line and allowing his antennae to twitch under his disguise into the muffled, frantic voice of Red signaling a transport pod to descend. "Red? Where are you?"

"Hey, what's a Zil? They said that twice." Dib asked, waving for Zil's attention as she craned down to listen to the calming, magnificent sound of her father's cherished voice echoing back. "Would one of you just listen to me?!"

"Shut. Up." Purple growled menacingly, refusing to give him the time of day before returning to his desperate conversation. "Hello? Baby, can you hear me?"

"I'm sending down a pod. Meet me outside."

Purple lit up, flying back to his feet and yelping when Zil hopped down from his arms to curiously eye Dib from below, extending up a nervous hand when he too tried to follow. "I used to be really scared of hoomans but I kinda like you. You're soft and squishy and you have funny face flappies and a cool coat and I'm happy you didn't hurt Daddy." She squeaked out anxiously, holding firm and puffing out her cheeks as she hunted for the right words. "I heard someone say a bad word but the other hoomans are nice ones, too! One of them has a Barbie and you have funny goggles so I think we're friends. I wanna come back someday when I'm bigger so we can play dolls together."

Purple didn't give Dib a chance to respond when he blinked and went to take his daughter's hand, grabbing Zil around the waist and slinging her over his shoulder as he took off into the yard, leaving him behind in the shed in stunned silence as he grinned up at the light blue of the expansive sky and listened to the telltale grind and hum of powerful thrusters descending from the gargantuan flagship above. Red had brought the Massive into orbit, ringing the planet with the formidable, omnipotent force of their infinitely powerful Armada to neutralize any threat as people of all ages scrambled and screeched wildly out of fear in the streets around them. Purple didn't bother with his disguise anymore, catching sight of the pale sun glinting gorgeously off of the deep marron metal of their personal transport pod jetting out into the stratosphere and locking onto his location as he fumbled to turn off his cloaking technology, glancing back over his shoulder in revulsion as Dib skidded to an abrupt halt at the vision of daunting, authoritarian grace standing tall and resolute in his yard. Zil giggled in excitement and poked childishly at Purple's quickly vanishing human form, tugging at his antennae when they reappeared and reaching up to twirl her own between her fingers.

"Hey, alien!" Dib called courageously over the shockwave of the strange ship descending in plain sight behind his once peaceful home. "G-Get outta here and never come back! I don't wanna see your kind on my planet again or I'll…I'll…do something!"

Purple ignored him as Zil waved him on like an old friend, her bright crimson eyes glittering softly in the magenta glow as the landing gear to the pod quickly ascended and latched onto the spongy ground, the main hatch popping prematurely to reveal a slew of frantic advisors trying with all their might to hold back the despairing, panicky sprint of their leader tripping down the steps. Purple didn't have time to react before Red's body collided hard with his own, smashing him into a spine-crushing embrace before pulling back immediately when Zil began to complain, pushing against her father's cheek as he looked her head to toe and moved on to his partner, spinning him around against his protest and noting every tiny nick and scrape in the almost pristine metal of his opulent uniform.

"You're alright." He breathed in near dumbfounded silence, his gaze snapping back up when his palm landed on the side of Zil's round cheek with a faint, airy smile. "You're both alright."

"Dad! Dad! You came to find us!" Zil chirped loudly, grabbing for his breastplate in a trance as she bounced and growing a bit irritated when he refused to peel his firm, deep gaze away from his husband's, instantly igniting the same spark of eager longing that had splayed between them from the moment they had met in the Academy.

Purple rolled his eyes playfully and met his terrified husband halfway, feeling a protective arm sling around his waist to usher him back into the safe, familiar hands of the Empire as their lips connected with unstable smirks and adrenaline-giddy laughs.

"What, you doubted my skill, Red?" Purple pulled away with a tease and laughed when Red continued to assault him with his mouth, fighting against the loving affection he had craved more than anything in the past two hours as his shaken up partner scaled the stairs and extended a palm down to help his family up. "I can handle one alien planet myself. I took down three with my wit and a plasma pistol, remember? And that was back when I was just a cadet."

Red nodded, refusing to let go and pushing Rarl Kove back when he accidentally got in the way. "I remember but…" He flicked his antenna forward to graze his partner's feeling him shudder at the beautiful, intimate contact. "You're gonna think I'm soft but…well…I missed you. Both of you and…dammit."

Purple reached up between them when Zil slung herself into Red's arms and wrapped her excited touch up around his neck, drinking in the uplifting, recognizable scent of his spiced cologne that had captivated her since her hatching. He pressed a tender, still trembling finger to his partner's lips to silence him from saying anything awkward as he stuttered and wrangled with the profound, mind-numbing feelings of fear finally releasing themselves in hazy waves to the heavens, lingering against his balmy skin a moment before sliding leisurely to the side and grazing him with another needed, exorcising kiss that tore down what was left of Red's panic-stricken, horrifying unease.

"Don't ever leave me again." Red mumbled against him, grinning when Zil leaned in and tried to include herself in on the affection, stamping an open mouthed, sharp-toothed smooch to his chin. "I mean it, Pur, I was a mess up there."

"You? A mess? _Never_." Purple mocked slyly with a featherlight chuckle, listening closely as the gentle hum of the hatch closing buzzed up over his senses followed by the rise and fall of Red's rapidly calming breathing against his chest. He closed his eyes with a sigh and folded forward into the defending, sheltering hold surrounding him with reassuring warmth and welcoming love, not caring in the slightest when he realized they probably appeared incredibly weak in front of their subordinates. "This might be weird, but you smell _so_ good right now."

Red pulled his own antennae back and craned away from the stench clinging to his tiny daughter's milky skin. "And you both smell like an intergalactic zoo." He was only half joking, faking an overdone gag and drawing another genuine, warm laugh from his partner as they swayed gently against the shudder of the ship preparing for takeoff. "First thing I'm gonna do after I hang that idiot Skrang is douse you with perfume until you smell less…revolting."

"Oh, so I'm revolting now, huh?" Purple reached up and patted him lightly on the cheek, purposefully running his fingers and claws over every inch of exposed skin he could find in an effort to smear the nauseating, foreign stench over his uniform and level the playing field. "I'll let you pick whatever you'd like."

Red ignored the tug of General Gor's hands at the back of his robes as he purred and nuzzled further into his partner's neck, hiding away his emotions to try and keep from shattering his logical, rational persona. "Mm…vanilla. It always warms well on your skin."

"Good choice. I should have known you'd go for something delicious."

"What? I like it when you smell sweet…offsets your stupid attitude."

"Shut up, you love my fire and everyone knows it. Who else is strong enough to keep you in check?"

"Ok, ok, you're right…so, what're we gonna do about that thing?" Red jabbed a thumb out the pristine glass of the windshield as the pod moved to a hover, watching as Dib vehemently waved and pounded on the outside hull in a final attempt to restore his obliterated dominance before they rocketed off away from the surface and left him in their dusty wake. "He saw what we looked like and I don't like his face. He looks like the kind of kid to talk and I don't want our credibility in this quadrant destroyed by someone with a head that big."

Purple entwined his fingers with his mate's free hand and led him through the amassed gaggle of frantic advisors and cadets squabbling over his condition and frantically checking him over for bruises. A medical drone with a handheld scanner hopped up onto his toes and ran his screen over Zil's tiny body as she squeaked and tried to bat him away, checking for any internal damage or radiation damage and, thankfully, finding none before moving on to Purple.

"Let's blow it. This place doesn't deserve a chance after the-"

"No! You can't blow it up!" Zil cut him off with a tone laced with genuine worry, staring up from Red's lap when he tentitively lowered himself down into one of the plush back seats and shot a confused glance up at his partner when he did the same. "What about Katelynn and the Barbie! A-And the bad word man who yelled in his big yellow monster thing! Or the Dib! The Dib was nice and let us use his ship to call Dad!" She protested vehemently, throwing her hands out in front of her and staring out at the windshield when the pod finally reconnected with the Massive. "I won't be able to come back and play dolls if you blow it up!"

"Sweetheart, we're not coming back here." Purple tried to soothe her as best as he could, but his tender voice didn't help, only riling Zil up more. "Why do you want to save this place anyway? They're the enemy."

Zil shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "No, they're not. They're hoomans and hoomans are friends. We can't blow everyone up because you don't like them Daddy, it's not nice." She complained fervently, holding her ground and flattening her quivering antennae to her skull when Purple ran his unnerved gaze over the look of absolute determination flashing behind her ocular lenses.

He saw it.

It was only a glimmer at first, ricocheting back and scorching his better judgement when the same unwavering, dominating inferno he had seen thousands of times flooding behind his partner's own steely crimson gaze on the battlefield now radiated out from their young daughter. She meant what she said, Purple holding up a hand when Red went to argue, silencing him in his tracks as Zil leaned forward over his knee and hammered in her final proclamation with a thoughtful, steadfast tone that sent a proud chill down his spine.

"We're not blowing them up. That's an order."

She sounded like every Tallest before her, the voice of the original Tallest Zil and powerful Miyuki ringing clear in her benevolent eyes as Purple allowed a tiny smile to peak on his weary face. "Is this what you want? Are you really sure you want to spare this place after everything they've done to you?" He asked slowly and methodically, wanting his smeet to really think about her actions as Red finally understood what he was getting at.

They could blow up the planet at any given moment they pleased and could always come back in the event that it's inhabitants got too overly rowdy or stepped out of line beyond their liking, Purple shooting Red a knowing look and smiling when he nodded back in approval.

"Yes, Daddy. I wanna spare the hoomans." Zil concluded after a few moments, leaning back in Red's grip with a beam when he allowed her to have her way for once.

"Fine. Dad and I won't destroy this place. But," Purple paused for dramatic effect, relinquishing control of the strange society of stinking beings to Zil's claws, "this will be your first planet to control. You'll have to take care of it, maintain it's defenses, and deal with the consequences of your actions if something happens to it under your watch. Do you understand?" Of course, he wouldn't let her make any major decisions by herself or call land strikes without his consent, leaving her rule to the purely hypothetical to teach her a valuable lesson about responsibility and political awareness.

Strange.

Why did she suddenly care for the humans so much?

Didn't she fear them not even a week ago?

Zil glanced up at Red for approval, staring up at his stern but loving gaze before giggling and nodding in compliance. "I'll take good care of it, Daddy! I promise!"

Purple leaned in and rested his head against Red's shoulder, happy when he slung his arm up around his and drew him in close to watch the ship shoot away from the menacing, repulsive rock they he had been forcibly stranded upon for two grueling hours with his boisterous daughter. She would make an excellent Tallest someday…hopefully by that time she would let go of her obsessions and blast the humans into the cosmos where they belonged. Yeah, that would be the day. But, for now, they were home.

They were all home, all together, all safe, and that's what mattered.

* * *

This was a long chapter, and I hope you enjoyed! I tried to get it done before Christmas, but the real life Zil, my tiny daughter, wanted to go a few places as part of her present. Merry late Christmas, and happy Hanukah to all! Thanks lovelies, and we'll have a new chapter coming soon in which Zil tries to get a boyfriend!


	15. Mine Forever

**Chapter Requested By:** invader . catgon

**Comment Request:** (I couldn't find the exact request in words but;) Zil sees other children at the Academy with boyfriends and wants a cute kindergarten boyfriend of her own.

**Genre:** Comedy/Romance

**Rating:** T for very, very light language and Red and Purple being racist. I do NOT condone racism, and neither should you; the Irken Empire is just obviously very racist and it's a problem I like to explore.

**Author Comment(s):** I thought this was the cutest idea ever! I absolutely adore the idea of Zil vying after a confused, Pre-Academy boy who had no idea what to do or what's happening, so that's what I've written! Also, everyone go search up our lovely requester on Instagram! They are absolutely amazing, their art is INCREDIBLE, and they deserve the follows! Thank you lovely, for your super fun request, and thank you to all of our returning viewers and readers! I love each and every one of you, seriously, and thank you for making this possible!

Also welcome **Jekyll-hyde 1888** to the follow family and thank you for favoriting this story as well! I really appreciate you lovely!

* * *

No, this would not do.

Zil hadn't been paying attention to her instructor for over an hour, her wide, crimson eyes glued to the overly distracting pane of the classroom window as she stared out across the barren, lifeless surface of Irk's underdeveloped moon. She was so bored, picking at the edge of her desk with her nails and feeling the cheap particle board come off in pieces in her tiny hands as she narrowed her eyes to the strange, peculiar sight she was witnessing from afar. The Academy proper had taken their older students out onto the craggily surface to teach them how to correctly and safely use their bubble helmets in the event that they found themselves without breathable atmosphere beyond what their PAKs were able to filter, running drills in preparation to be shipped off to Devastis to officially train for the dominating, vicious Elite. Zil would end up there one day, her parents assuring her every time she brought up her future occupation as Tallest that she must undergo the rigorous, muscle-straining education before they would allow her to ascend to her rank. It was more Red's idea, Purple wanting to keep Zil soft and sheltered away from the dastardly sounds of booming plasma half-deafening her antennae and the lumbering, mechanical legs of massive Spider Tanks raking over alien terrain when she would eventually be deployed to whatever horrific front she ended up on. Red wanted her to work for her title, to earn her delicious opulence, and to prove herself without a shadow of a doubt to the whole of the Empire and the critical eye of the public that she would be a woman not to be trifled with and, in a way, he was right. If she could face death and grisly destruction, she could face whatever the office would have to throw her way and be far more competent to lead billions than if she just lounged around and had her luxurious life handed to her on a silver platter. But, still, that wasn't what Zil was worried about as she watched the older student's fumble about with strange new technology or trip over rocks to bounce without the artificial gravity of the school to keep them tethered. No, what bothered her so deeply was the beautiful, short girl with perfectly curled antennae holding the hand of one of the most popular boys in her class along the sidelines as they waited patiently for their turn to run hurdles and try not to fog their helmets with their panting breath.

That girl…had a _boyfriend_.

Zil blinked and returned her attention to the glittering electronic display at the front of the room as her jovial instructor went on and on about biological creatures living on Irk she had no real interest in, flashing simplified color images with smiling faces on the screen as the rest of the class giggled and relayed little facts about them here and there. She sunk down in her chair with a pout, kicking at the support bar of her desk with her polished shoes before reaching down and scrunching up the fabric of the deep, beautifully rich orange dress Red had stitched together for her hatching day nearly a cycle ago and toying with one of Purple's wartime medals he converted into a necklace for her when she incessantly bothered him about how pretty she thought it was. If that girl had a boyfriend…wasn't _she_ supposed to have one too? Zil grumbled to herself as she thought, neglecting to notice when her kind instructor clapped and released everyone for their daily free time to draw and play with the various colorful toys in the other room, every student strutting out in single file with excited peeps and chattering shouts as they skipped and twirled gracelessly in tiny boots and flats.

"Zil? Sweetheart, it's free time. Do you want to go color?"

Zil shook her head with a whine and crossed her arms hotly over her chest when her instructor came over and kneeled beside her desk, flicking her delicately curled antennae forward with a soft smile.

"Is it too loud in here again?" Her teacher asked gently when Zil squirmed uncomfortably in her seat and tried to shy away as her thoughts wafted about with images of finding her life mate and getting married to live the most romantic, picturesque life imaginable. "I can go ask them to quiet down if you'd like."

"Mrs. Jeni, how do I make a boy like me?" Zil asked suddenly, looking up and catching her teacher off guard as she stood. She pointed out the window, satisfied when Mrs. Jeni followed her jab to where the two lovestruck students stood, now locked in a tight embrace. "That girl is pretty, but so am I, right? That means I need a boyfriend like her!"

Jeni turned back, taking a deep breath and renewing her composure to the conversation she'd had with students hundreds of times over. "Oh, you sweet little thing. You don't have to rush that. You've got your whole childhood to look forward to." She explained, reaching down and taking Zil by the hand to tenderly tug her up and lead her on to the playroom where her friends laughed and tossed plastic toys about without a care. "Believe me, Zil, you should keep your independence for as long as you can and focus on the things you like to do before you decide to share them with someone else."

They made their way to the door, locking it behind them before stepping out into the short corridor of the Pre-Academy wing dotted with sloppily done crayon drawings of smiling parents and skittering home pets. Jeni led her on, passing a few classrooms packed to the brim with young students taking their scheduled nap times and slumbering away on woven mats and clutching at plush stuffed animals for comfort as they snoozed.

Zil wasn't satisfied with that answer, tightening her hold on her instructor's fingers before trying to halfway tug her down into her grip as she was led on to the boisterous, chaotic playroom. "But…but…I wanna boyfriend! I have to have one because I'm pretty and I need someone who wants to go to war for me!" She whined, still not understanding the concept of what it meant to love romantically. "He's gotta be nice and sweet and make me lots of homemade candy! And he has to like Mama Kitty, because she's one of my best friends like Flar, and I have to be able to snuggle him on the couch like Dad and Daddy and have a flower making hug to have fourteen smeets!"

Jeni merely laughed, ushering Zil on towards her friends and ignoring her when she stomped lightly on the ground and kicked at a pile of unloved dolls no one seemed to ever want to dress up. How dare her teacher not give her any concrete information as to how to forcibly catch the man of her dreams in her slowly weaving spiderweb of love? She was the most intelligent, attractive Irken in her class, was she not? Was she not the daughter of the Tallest and the most coveted smeet in the media? She stood rigid a few moments as she scowled, reaching back up and bringing Purple's silver medal to her mouth to chew lightly on the dull edge and run her tongue over the acquainted metallic taste, letting it fall back against her chest when she caught sight of someone sitting alone in the back corner. She froze as her instinct to hunt exploded within her chest, feeling a small, eager smile peak on her innocent face when she ran her determined, overbearing gaze across the two petite, underdeveloped horns poking from the top of the new student's forehead. He had only been on Irk for a month and was the first Vortian to be admitted into such a prestigious academy because of his parents job as ambassadors to the now completely enslaved planet of Vort, claiming his mother and father had paid large amounts of money and had begged he receive an education up to par with that of the best smeets in the galaxy. He didn't fit in well and was already the target of fervent, constant bullying for his pale pink skintone, keeping to himself and choosing to scan his deep violet gaze over picture books while the others played boisterously and fought with one another over the last cookie at the snack table. He already knew Irken, having grown up with the fluttering language as he crawled through embassies and became acquainted with hundreds of Irken officers threatening his planet's defenses. He didn't know any better and stayed out of the way, trying his best to go unnoticed so no one poked at his steadily curling nubs of horns or snickered at his seemingly strange, catlike legs.

Perfect, easy…and really cute.

He would do nicely.

Zil threw her hands on her hips with an excited giggle, watching as he looked up nervously and caught her gaze from afar with an anxious swallow, adjusting his thick glasses over his face before moving to sling his cardboard storybook in front of his face to hide his discomfort from her all-authoritative, piercing stare. She didn't notice, bounding over and plopping down in front of where he had nestled himself safely into the corner atop a fluffy blanket, laughing when he stifled a whine of steadily mounting fear at her sudden intrusion to his coveted peace.

"Hey, Yon Pil!" Zil squeaked out excitedly, snatching away his book and refusing to acknowledge his sudden terror when he smoothed his hands up over his eyes and clamped his mouth shut, his sharp, serrated teeth clicking in horror when she tossed the book aside and forcefully wiggled her way up into his improvised perch. "Why are you alone all the time?"

Yon didn't say anything, refusing to speak and going near catatonic without a peep when Zil beamed and continued the ridiculous, overdone rant she shoved down his throat against his will. "Guess what? I'm gonna be Tallest when I get big and I saw a girl outside with a boyfriend! When I'm Tallest I'm gonna need a husband like Dad and Daddy have and I wanted to say that I choose you!"

Yon's gaze snapped up when a mortified, deep blue color flooded up over his cheeks at the strange, unexpected confession Zil had decided was love over in the past thirty seconds, scrambling back and sticking out his tongue in disgust before shrieking out his displeasure. "Ew! No! Mom says Irken girls are gross!" He cried in alarm, grabbing for the blanket under him and tossing it back in Zil's direction as she flew down for his hand. "Zil, no! I-I'm not allowed to be Tallest and I don't wanna! I don't wanna! I-I wanna be a scientist!"

Zil didn't let up, following close behind when he tried to make his escape and reaching for his hand again, this time latching firmly onto his fingers and holding tight with a giddy smile at the damming fate she had sealed for him until her fascination moved elsewhere. "You can be a Tallest too! We're gonna grow big and tall, and we're gonna have fourteen smeets to take care of and my pet is already a Vortian Kalopiac so you'll really like her! Her name is Mama Kitty! Oh! I have Baby too who is a space princess with really pretty horns and we can give each other a kiss!"

Yon screamed and tried to run, backing into the wall as Zil pecked a simple, fast kiss to his cheek before he faked a gag and tried fervently to wipe away the sensation with trembling palms. "Ewie! Irken mites!" He accused loudly, letting loose another strangled cry when Zil wrapped her arms around him and refused to let go.

"I have long eyelashes, see? That means I'm pretty! You have a pretty girlfriend now!"

"No! You're not my girlfriend and you're gross!"

"I'm not gross, I'm the most beautiful lady you've ever seen and we're gonna get married."

"No!"

"Yes."

"N-No!"

"Yes!"

Yon finally managed to squirm free but didn't make it far, Zil tackling him to the floor with a war cry and sitting on his back as he thrashed and threatened to burst into tears to the commitment he was sure would seal a lifetime of girl cooties and playing with dolls he had absolutely no interest in. "But I don't like you Zil! W-We're not even friends!"

Zil ignored him completely, giggling on a nonstop, obnoxious loop as she forced their cheeks together and went limp over his back to capture him with her bodyweight. "Yes we are we're boyfriend and girlfriend and you're gonna take care of me and go to war for me and we're gonna have lots of smeets together!" She pulled back slightly when Yon whimpered and sniffed, trying not to burst out in tears as she spoke. "We can have a house, wait no, a whole castle and I'm gonna paint it pink with purple spots! That way you can come rescue me from my big tower like a pretty princess and we can ride away to the magic city in my dream and eat icecream all day."

"I-I'm allergic to icecream." Yon muttered from where his face had been pressed firmly into the carpet, coughing on a piece of dusty fluff that invaded his mouth when Zil knocked the air from his lungs unintentionally with her elbow. "M-Mama doesn't let me have sugar!"

"That's ok. Now ask me out and tell me I'm pretty!"

"I-I don't want to. Y-You're really scary and-"

"Ask me out!"

Yon cowered down at the command and nodded against the floor. "You're my girlfriend now! D-Don't hurt me!"

Zil lit up with a squeal of innocent delight, hopping up and throwing back her head to scream out the exciting, Irk-shattering news. "Yon Pil is my boyfriend and no one else can have him because he's _mine_!" No one seemed to care or pay attention, but Zil didn't mind, grinning with a few tiny peeps of astounding hilarity as Yon labored to push himself up with a cough. "I love you, Yon! Do you love me?"

Yon pushed his glasses back into place and stared at the floor, mentally exhausted and wanting to return to his cardboard book as he refused to speak, cowering back when Zil hopped forward and stood on her toes to match his height by an inch. He panicked, his stutter coming back out in full force as her unnerving stare and eye color broke away what little resolve he actually had. "Y-Yeah…I-I love you!"

"No, you haveta say I love you, _honey_! My Daddy calls my Dad that and it make him really happy and you haveta take care of me now and make me happy too."

"…"

"Please?"

"Um…t-that's a girly thing to say, though."

"Please?!"

"A-Ah! I-I love you, honey!"

Zil nodded in smug approval. "Good. You're a good husband. Now I haveta take you home to meet my Dad and my Daddy so we can get married tomorrow and I can wear a pretty dress. I want it to be pink and purple and really sparkly so you'll have to buy me one." She paused and stuck out her tongue as she thought. "You get to wear nice pants and a flower shirt like Daddy wears to on vacation. I think that would be really pretty. Then, we will dance under the moon and you can give me a kiss and-"

Yon cut her off when he tried to shakily tug away, blinking when the school bell rang and everyone immediately threw down their toys and left behind destroyed crayons, rushing to where their backpacks dangled collectively from their cubby hooks before taking off with shouts of exhilaration that the day was finally over and the weekend had arrived. Students exchanged drawings and glittery pens, teachers tried with all their might to wrangle them into some semblance of organized mayhem as they clamored into the hallway, and parents waited at the front to cart everyone off home to begin dinner preparations. Zim frowned in disapproval, turning to where Yon had started trying to stuff his tattered puffy coat into his meager zippered backpack as it put up a bit of a struggle, giving up and instead dragging it along the floor behind him. He had dug out a transmitter to call for his mother who quickly picked up and told him she would be late to pick him up again, instructing him sweetly to wait on the front stoop of the school until she or his father was able to come and eventually retrieve him. Zil thought a moment, hatching an idea and bounding over on light toes as she slung her own backpack over her shoulders to stare down at the screen over his.

"Mrs. Yon Pil's mom! Hi! It's me Zil!" She laughed sweetly, not noticing the blink of bewildered perplexity thrown back in her face as Yon tried to hide away his transmitter out of humiliation. "Can Yon come over to play and have dinner with me and my Daddy and my Dad? He's my boyfriend now and I wanna make him a Tallest!"

Yon nearly imploded, frowning and pushing her lightly in the chest as he took off with a screech. "She's not my girlfriend! Mama, she wants to make me eat icecream and I have Irken cooties now because she kissed my face!" He made it halfway out into the hallway before his mother lit up at the idea and ignored his tremendous plight.

"Yon Pil, sweetie, this is a wonderful opportunity for your father and I to meet the Tallest when we pick you up later from the Massive! We've been desperately trying to move a physical embassy to Irk, so please, go with her and butter them up for us. I'll be by to get you in two hours."

Yon didn't understand the political haughtiness to his mother's tone, cocking his head in misunderstanding. "Butter? But mama, she's not my girlfriend I don't wanna…" he trailed off when his mother hung up, jutting out his bottom lip when Zil bristled with overwhelming excitement and grabbed him by the sleeve, forcibly tugging him down the short corridor to where General Gor stood waiting to take her things and fly her back to the Massive where she would be shrouded in the safety of the formidable Armada.

Zil threw Yon's hand in the air before dropping it heavily to his side. "Mr. Gor! This is my _boyfriend_!" She exclaimed proudly, puffing out her chest when Gor turned and froze in dread at the sight of the little Vortian kicking despondently at nothing as he refused to make eye contact and glowered. "His mom said he can come have dinner with Dad and Daddy and me and we're gonna get married!"

Gor swallowed and brought his hands together, stooping to help her take off her backpack like he always did before reaching down to hold her tiny hand in his battle scarred fingers as Yon trailed forlornly behind.

"Um…Lady Zil, are you sure your parents will be alright with someone so…exotic staying with you?"

"Uh huh! See Yon? You're _exotic_! That means you're pretty."

"Lady Zil, I really don't think this is a good idea. Your fathers have fought Vortians."

"Oh! That's ok. That was a _long_ time ago and we're all friends now!"

"We're still at war but…if you say so."

* * *

Purple cursed under his breath when his fingers slipped once more, moving away his magnifier from the project he had been tirelessly working on since his return from the disgusting Urth homeworld. It was nearly Zil's twentieth hatching day and he and Red had agreed that she would be ready for her first wrist gauntlet to be used in the checking and communication with officers that were to be sent to Urth as scouts for her first ever takeover of a hostile, reeking world. He had been trying to retrofit the technology for a few weeks now, removing and adding functions, filing down any harsh edges that could harm sensitive skin, and removing the internal locking mechanism to make the wrist latch smaller to fit her petite size. He'd developed a slight tremor in his hands many cycles back when after having been exposed to foreign chemicals during a gas attack on his base during his invader days, leaving him with a few dead nerve endings in his extremities, but nothing he ultimately couldn't deal with. Still, it frustrated him when he tried to remain precise enough to paint with his acrylics, something he hadn't done in a long while due to his incredibly busy work schedule, or when he had to dig his hands into incredibly detailed technology. It didn't help that everything on the market was becoming smaller and more compact by the cycle, leaving his shaky touch with meager options. Every tiny screw was a slur waiting to fly off his lips, but he had remained adamant to finish his gift for his daughter as Red used his secret embroidering skills to hand stitch gorgeous, traditional Irken designs on a plain white dress he had covertly purchased at the bazaar back on Devastis.

The two had taken their leave from the bridge to spend time with one another for the next month, planning to take Zil on vacation for her hatching day as a family to get away from the overpowering politics bearing down on them all and spiking blood pressures to unnecessary levels. It had been nice waking up late into the morning as Red drooled disgustingly into his pillow next to him, before lounging about after Zil was whisked away to the Academy, leaving them intimate time they had both been craving for a while. Every time Red kissed him he felt young again, Purple smiling and snapping the main compartment of the tiny gauntlet shut before shrouding it back in the drawer of his nightstand and glancing across the bed to where Red had reached an impasse with his own work. He had pricked himself nearly a hundred times with his curved needle, squinting down through his prescription goggles as he overlapped tiny, colorful florals in a variety of soft threads, stopping when he stabbed himself again with a short, pained hiss. His eyesight had become progressively worse in the past forty cycles and Purple had unremittingly hounded him to wear his goggles in public only to be met with force at how horrendously embarrassed Red would be to let their subordinates know that he struggled to read the fine print of dockets or had to squint at readers to make out battle plans. Red despised them, but every night when he would read his many thick crime novels or skim the Irken database for news clippings by lamp, Purple couldn't help but let is pulse flutter. He was adorable and deep down, Purple knew his stoic, overly logical partner liked the attention.

"You're becoming a literal pincushion over there." Purple teased when his partner brought his thumb to his mouth to smooth away the tiny bead of bright pink blood forming under his claw, standing with a stretch and popping his spine when he noticed how stiff he had become. "Hold it up, I wanna see how far you've made it."

Red sighed and reached up to shuck his lenses, tossing them carelessly onto his pillow before flopping back and holding the cotton dress in the air to show off the half-finished, but gorgeously done threadwork depicting a stunning scene of the first Tallest, the original Zil, standing in her pink moonflower garden in the middle of the expansive natural forests that used to dot the Irken countryside before technology took over.

"I dunno," he began, passing the cloth off when Purple strode around the edge of their mattress box to take it from his hands, "I haven't done any detail work like this in a while and I don't know how I feel about it. It's not too cheesy, is it?"

Purple lowered himself back down and traced every individual stitch with his scrutinizing touch before grinning in glistening, enthused approbation at the absolutely beautiful handiwork his husband had managed to sling together so far. "Red, this is fantastic, and there's nothing even remotely cheesy about it." He reassured, letting himself fall back with him to stare up at the deep maroon ceiling spanning above them. "You're worrying way too much. She'll love anything you make her because it came from you."

Red swallowed, letting a low purr roll up in his chest when Purple reached over to lovingly scratch under his chin and pacify his ludicrous, unfounded worries. "I know she will. I just…mm…I dunno." He finally let his nerves die, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that Zil would adore anything either one of them gave her as a gift. It was how she was; curious, strong, but profoundly compassionate beyond her cycles towards everyone she met.

She was an angel.

Their angel.

"I'm almost done with her gauntlet. I'm going to try and finish it after she goes to bed tonight." Purple yawned leisurely, reaching out and patting Red on the chest with his free hand. "Give me your hands, honey. And don't tell me no, because I know they hurt and I can see it on your face."

Red didn't protest, relinquishing his digits to his mate and letting his purr slip into an audible rumble when he felt Purple dig his thumbs into his palms and crack every rigid joint his loving touch grazed over, rolling them under his own skilled touch and massaging away the dull ache in waves as they sat in silence. Every tendon, every bone and exhausted nerve got special attention as Purple watched with half lidded, compassionate eyes from above, observing every reaction and tiny mumble pouring off Red's lips to help him focus on the places that needed him most. Several minutes passed, Purple taking delicate care of his partner's scarred skin and laughing under his breath when he dozed to the comforting treatment, lolling off to the side as he half-heartedly tried to stay awake to the gorgeously relaxing warmth spreading up his arms and threatening beautifully to put him down in one of his famous snoring fits he and Zil fervently snickered at when her father fell asleep on the couch to the news. After a while, Red's affectionate purr had leaked away to be swallowed whole by his slow, rhythmic breathing, Purple shattering the peace when he gingerly lowered his arms to the bed and leaned down at a snail's pace to press a slow, lingering kiss to his lips before flying back with a loud yelp of alarm when Red shot up on instinct and cracked their foreheads together.

"Ow! What the hell, Red?!" Purple whined through the sting between his eyes, rubbing furiously at the deep color that was sure to develop. "Are you trying to kill me?! All I wanted was a little attention, geez!"

Red willed his rapid fire relaxes to calm, taking a deep breath and bringing a hand to the headache now throbbing through his skull. "It's not my fault, idiot! You know not to do stuff like that!" He pulled his fingers away and stood, wavering a moment before stooping and peppering a few apology kisses to his husband's cheek when he turned away with a scowl. "Come on, Pur…don't wake me up like that, alright? I'm serious, baby, I don't want my weird war reflexes to kick in or anything. Besides, Zil will be home soon and I don't want her walking in on anything that she doesn't need to see."

"All I wanted was a kiss."

"Pur, you never want _just_ a kiss."

"Ugh, why do you have to always go there? You make me sound like a starved freak or something."

"Starved? Yes. Freak…eh."

"Eh?! What does 'eh' mean?!"

"It means you're only half a freak. One half is freakish and annoying and the other half is cute and…still annoying. So, no, I guess you really are a total freak then. I still love you though."

Purple frowned and opted to let the mischievous spat die before it escalated into another brawl full of teasingly affectionate adoration and swinging claws, following close behind when he heard the hatch to their quarters open and sling shut, glancing up at the time on the wall and smiling faintly to himself when he noticed that Gor had dropped her off just in time to maintain her carefully planned schedule. He opened his mouth to call out for her, freezing in his tracks when he caught sight of her bouncing with soaring anticipation next to a short, awkward, unforeseen visitor. She had taken him austerely by the fingers, clutching them in her brawny grip as he tried to maintain as much distance between them as possible through his own blistering anxiety, glancing up and locking eyes with Red who stared him down in a mix of utter bewilderment and repulsion, stuttering out a few unintelligible syllables as he tried to rationalize what he was seeing.

"Daddy! Dad! This is my boyfriend Yon Pil! He's gonna be my Tallest and we're gonna share toys and snacks, and no one else can have him!" Zil practically screamed, throwing her bag to the floor before taking off down the corridor to drag her newfound plaything along as he whined and squirmed. "This is where I live and I wanna show you my room!"

Red snapped out of his fugue, swallowing thickly and calling out with his stern, overly protective voice when Purple found himself hung up on the disturbing fact that their innocent daughter had singled out a Vortian to force her affections onto instead of an Irken.

A Vortian.

A _Vortian_.

As if Zil didn't already openly defy hundreds of social laws and treaties on her own childish accord and now she had brought the enemy into their quarters claiming that he was her boyfriend?

"Hey! Get back here, young lady!" Red demanded, dialing back his tone when Zil blinked and visibly shuddered at the tenor she knew meant trouble. "Who is this and why is he here? You do realize that this is the Massive, an Irken only ship and symbol of our great Empire, and you brought a Vortian here?"

Zil shuffled her feet and looked to Yon for help, only further sinking down into herself when he remained unmoving and blank to the world. "He's my boyfriend." She mumbled under her breath, wincing when Purple joined in on the hatching argument.

"Ah. That's sweet, isn't it Red?" He forced out between his teeth, trying to remain sensitive to the fake relationship he knew would be over the next day she returned to her Pre-Academy at the close of the weekend and bringing Red's growing annoyance back down to a simmer when he swiped his hand inconspicuously over his. He turned to Yon who continued to stare off into space, wishing desperately for his mother to come and pick him up before startling when Purple cleared his throat. "So, you're my daughter's…boyfriend?"

Yon finally looked up through his embarrassment with a glint of genuine curiosity in his eyes as he adjusted his large glasses over his face when they threatened to fall once more. "No! I'm not her boyfriend! My mama said I have to come here to give you butter, but I don't have any." He muttered through his shame, only further perplexing Zil's parents who were still trying to piece together the whole of the strange story. "You need the butter to make my mama's em…embersay."

Red thought a moment, feeling his already declining expression sour when he recognized the hideous surname, Pil, from the recent news. The weird little nuisance was the son of Yana Pil and Kret Pil, two Vortian activists causing a whole heap of political uproars on their overthrown planet at the time and sparking waves of revolutionary thought that Red had tried hard to stomp out with the confiscation of Vortian literature and the obliteration of their constitution after the Organic Sweep of their planet. They had moved to Irk from Vort to convene with the Irken Aristocracy for funding to bridge the social gap between their two peoples, suggesting that a Vortian run embassy should be built in the Irken capitol of Veloria to show off the dedication and brotherhood they were trying to restore. Thousands of lengthy agreements had flooded Red and Purple's personal transmitters, each asking for a single electronic signature of approval to begin with the excavation and building process, but Red had blatantly refused after Purple had pointed out that a Vortian embassy would allow a potential safe haven for any rebels living in the area to come together and plot the demise of the Empire. Neither one had signed, and they never would, sending out extradition orders to remove the family from the planetary surface and throw them back into the thick of their own ridiculous little planet to serve the Empire in the way they should; through hard labor.

And now…their daughter had thought it a good idea to bring the offspring of the two into the sanctity of their home and violate everything with his foreign hands.

Purple held up a finger to silence his partner when he went to yell out another hot retort, instead stooping to the strange creature's level and gingerly prying his daughter's iron grip from his now numb hand to officially free him from the relationship he wanted to bawl his eyes out over. He looked him head to toe as Zil protested, chewing on his tongue and swallowing his own pride when a devious, utterly entertaining idea popped like a callous bubble in his overactive imagination.

Hopefully, if they went along with her sickening decisions, she would grow out of them and finally come around to the designated hierarchy set in place that kept their glorious society running without a hitch.

"Oh, silly Zilly, I can't believe you've already found your life mate." He gave a fake laugh, watching as Yon shot straight with alarm and glanced between the three in terror at the fabricated observation. "I guess that means your Dad and I will get to retire. Right, honey?"

Red caught on to his game, sneering but deciding not to snap back. "Yeah, whatever. If you want to have a boyfriend I guess you're ready to be Tallest and take over the whole of the Empire."

Zil paused, freezing in her tracks before turning back from where she had been petting at Mama Kitty under the edge of their sofa, staring up in awe at her parents before letting her face turn to something of twisted dismay and mind-altering shock. "But…I don't _wanna_ be Tallest yet! I don't wanna do icky adult stuff!" She stuttered, terrified beyond belief at her parent's coy game and taking it for fact. "I'm prettiest in my class so I have to have a boyfriend to prove it!"

Purple shrugged with an overexaggerated sigh, moving to the kitchen and slinging open the pantry to begin taking down dry goods as he carefully formulated a plan to get their daughter to dump her fictitious boyfriend. "Well, I guess Dad and I are going to move out then so you two can have your privacy. You won't be needing any of this stuff since you've got a job now, so you can buy your own food and snacks. Oh! And you'll have to pay the electrician to come out and inspect the core of the Massive once a month or else it'll overheat and you'll be stranded out here." He held back a laugh as Zil tried to keep track of what was unfolding, letting her jaw go slack when Purple scooped up an armful of dried foods and pastas and made his way to the front hatch. "Are you coming, Red?"

Red let his anger fade completely when Zil threw her hands out in front of her in repulsed bewilderment, growing flustered and utterly exasperated as her rational judgement left her in a fog. He followed after his partner and swallowed down a laugh as he opened the hatch, grinning back to where Zil had shot a hot, furious stare in Yon's direction. "Ok, have a good life, Zil! Congrats on the partnership and if you need anything you can call us and-"

"Ew, _no_!" Zil cried out in sudden disgust, wildly shaking her head and grabbing for Yon to walk him over to the door as he tried to cry out in panic. "I only wanted a boyfriend because all the pretty girls had one but if I haveta do all of this boring Daddy and Dad stuff I don't want one!" She flicked her antennae forward and gave Yon a final haughty glance over. "I'm breaking up with you! Don't call me!" She said simply, repeating a phrase she had heard from one of Purple's sit coms before turning on her heel and taking her leave back to the kitchen. "Daddy, come back! I want a snack, please!"

With that, Purple grinned and reveled in his victory, following her and leaving Red with the strange little creature staring blankly back up at him and reeling from what had just happened in the past hour and a half to bring him to such a disturbing point in his young life.

Red glared back, glancing to the side when Yon didn't move, stuck firm at their door as he gingerly shut it and blinked to himself before shrugging and following after his partner and daughter.

* * *

**Two hours later**

"My Tallest, please we would just like one word of your time!

"Yes, sirs, if we could just discuss the societal ramifications of peace that we are proposing to you, we'll gladly be on our leave!"

"Mama, can't we just go home?"

Purple shoved another forkful of creamy, delicious pasta in his mouth as he eyed the locked hatch with leisure interest, listening to the pathetic family of three pound on the cool metal as Red tenderly wiped away a string of sauce threatening to cascade down Zil's chin as she munched. He sighed and returned to his meal, crossing his legs where he sat before taking another bite and talking with his mouth full.

"Did you call security?" He asked plainly, swallowing and looking up when Red gave him a tiny, uninterested nod.

"Yeah, they'll be here any minute." He turned back to Zil who had started clinking her fork against the porcelain of her plate with a giggle. "Good news for you, kid. We're sending your little boyfriend back to Vort with his parents so you won't ever have to deal with him again." He shifted arrogantly in his seat, incredibly pleased with his decision and grinning to himself at the thought of sweet, sweet success.

Zil shrugged and stabbed at another noodle, laughing when it slipped away and landed on the once pristine table. "That's ok. I'm _so_ over boys." She blinked and decided to correct herself, reaching out and patting Purple on the back of the hand before doing the same to Red. "But don't worry, you're still good boys."

Purple tried to hold back a smile but couldn't, breaking the mood and tucking a napkin in the front of Zil's shirt to prevent staining it further from her appalling eating habits. "You think so?"

"Yup. You and Dad are my favorite boys in the whole universe!"

"You're my favorite smeet in the universe."

"Aw, Daddy, that's really nice! I love you!"

"Love you too, freak."

* * *

This one was fun to write. Zil is a menace and I love her! Have a good night, guys!


	16. Secrets of Urth

**Chapter requested by:** Larrimeme  
**Comment request:** "If you're still taking requests on this fic, I have a suggestion. Zil goes to General Gor for v serious advice on how to govern her new planet, Urth. If you choose to accept this, you can work on it whenever you feel ready. I know you're busy, so if you don't get to this, I understand. Thank you."  
**Genre:** Angst/Family  
**Rating:** K+  
**Author comment(s):** Hello! I'm back and going to be actively working on this fic again! I am still taking requests for this piece, and am really excited to post this chapter. This will look a little more at the intricacies of the Irken Empire and some things hiding behind closed doors that our lovely family will have to deal with! Thank you so much for your lovely patience (because I know I was gone a while oof) and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Focus and keep moving. Make sure your arms stay in motion. Don't focus on stress of artificial gravity weighing on your bones; just keep moving and everything will go smoothly like a well-oiled, slick machine.

You're a machine.

A powerful, formidable, dangerous machine.

Purple took a deep inhale and blinked the stinging sweat from his eyes as he kept up the fast-paced, habitual need to sprint he'd let himself fall into in the past few weeks since everyone was beginning to come out of their natural hibernation cycle and awaken from the long, drawn out frigidness hidden under the cloudy atmosphere of their home planet. Even here, in the vast vacuum of limitless stars and churning gasses not yet solidified as they raced at hyper-speed through the cosmos, he and his crew still felt the tug and pull of instinct as lazy yawns ran rampant through the bridge and cups of coffee were downed in rapid succession to fight off the entrenched impulse for rest they all craved like dripping, gooey sugar. Purple had felt the droning need for cozy nesting himself, he and Red slowing down and only reminded of the delicious summer heat upon their docking to Devastis several months prior, and finding themselves caught up in the artificial ether of Irk's largest species containment unit for a project their dubiously curious smeet needed to complete. Still, despite all the atmospheric precautions and careful temperature regulations pounding through the vents of the Massive, they could not feign the inevitable lackluster venerability that threw their collective motivation out the airlock. He would miss the lazy mornings curled into a tight ball around his partner's arm and the comfort food of the winter warming him to his core, but now was the time for action in light of a few precautionary measures regarding their intergalactic safety. He needed to be fit enough to protect his staff and his family, Purple had decided, and there was no way he could do that if he was rolling about in a tangle of sheets while his stoic husband read silently next to him in the low light of their ring lamp. Red had found ways to combat his own neurological downtime with periodic runs through the corridors of their sprawling flagship coupled with weightlifting at the docks he always grumbled destroyed what was left of any pleasant sensation in his back, but he continued on regardless, not that Purple was complaining. He liked seeing Red succeed, even if he rubbed it in the faces of all those around him and had noticed the muscle that had dissolved with age slowly returning under his curious hands. The only thing he _wanted _ to complain about was how Red constantly prodded him to come with him as he sifted through his PAK for motivational music, irritated when Purple was more apt to lounge around on their loveseat or sleep in with their daughter than keep up his physical health for the latter half of the cycle.

Purple rolled his eyes and glanced up when he noticed three tiny fingers trailing down the side of his face, smirking under his racing breath when Zil screeched and grabbed at his antennae for leverage to pretend and steer him around like a ship from where she'd perched herself atop his shoulders. He let himself go to the movement, careful to keep from rounding corners too quickly to help Zil keep her balance over his glistening PAK blowing off steam from his pounding pulse as he had tiny exchanges in his head to keep himself distracted from the aching burn in his calves.

_Oh, look at me, I'm Red and I have a power complex and my muscles are gonna be so huge and sexy and you won't be able to resist me any longer!_

_ Shut up, Pur._

Or what about…

_Woah, Pur, you look fantastic! You wanna be my personal bodyguard since I always get myself into stupid situations with my big dumb mouth?  
Duh! It's my job to protect you, Red!_

Oh yes. That was more like it.

It wasn't like he was severely out of shape; Purple's metabolism had always been one of impressive, ravenous ability to shred anything extra he had managed to put on in the span of weeks, keeping him enviously trim, lean, and ready for camera action should the press come by and uphold their famous materialistic questions over his physical state until his antennae went numb. It was a deliciously welcome boost to his confidence, but the pressure for him to keep up his image was great and highly expected from the rest of their society. Not that it was hard or a problem; Purple just had good genes and he rubbed it in the face of everyone he met.

The problem was, warfare didn't quench its voracious thirst for neon pink blood just for the rest of Irken society to take their beauty sleep, and that was beginning to make Purple nervous, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

He could feel the temperate, windy spring cracking through the icecaps and whispering through the expansive cities back on Irk, every bone in his body groaning under the innate necessity to pull him up from his daydreaming and spring back into the action he'd missed. Well…sort of. The action had still been there with the threat of the Guarven-Irken Conflict looming at their swift ankles and, when he and Zil had been stranded and completely venerable to attack on a foreign planet, Purple decided he needed to renew his overwhelming fortitude to what it had been in his prime at the peak of his Elite career, vowing to build back whatever lean muscle he'd pushed to the wayside after he'd brought a smeet into existence.

Ugh. Now _that_ was part of the problem; he'd brought a smeet into existence.

Zil screamed in fervent excitement and ducked as Purple rounded another corner and yelped, dodging a service drone balancing readers and papers alike as their office spring cleaning commenced and months of ridiculous paperwork and accumulated snack wrappers were tugged free from drawers and shot out into the vacuum of space.

"Morning, sir!"

Purple tried to say something back, swallowing against the dryness in his throat when he found himself too winded to speak and deciding it was finally time to take a much-needed break at the corner of the main passageway to the bridge. He reached up and gripped at the steel piping, balancing himself upright as he caught his heaving breath and groaned when he was hit all at once with the telltale, throbbing sting of physical activity in his back. Damn. His body wasn't as tough as it had been before he went through the gruelingly rewarding smeeting process, and carrying a life for so many months had taken it's toll on his biological makeup. He felt slower, not necessarily in a bad way, but in a way that made him want to sit down and eat an entire bowl of sugary cereal while he watched shitty comedy shows all night…or maybe two.

"Don't stop, Daddy! Go! _Go_! He's gonna get us if you don't go!" Zil commanded, smacking Purple on the side of the face like a broken Spittle Runner in hopes that he'd gain a second wind and take off faster than before, scrunching up her face when Purple took her gently by the wrist to keep her from bopping him again. "No! He's coming, Daddy! He's coming!" She glanced behind them and squinted to where General Gor had been pursuing them for the past few minutes much to Purple's neglectfulness.

Purple took a deep breath and willed his racing pulse to slow, letting his PAK take over and regulate his shuddering internal organs as he straightened back up and felt a tiny jolt of electricity shock him back into a normal rhythm before turning in misunderstanding to where the scuttling patter of boots raced to nearly slam into his side as Gor stuttered something on an erratic, repeated loop. Purple watched him a moment with rising interest, scanning over his crushingly uneasy mannerisms as he fumbled through a stack of foreign writing, attempting to translate on the fly and mumbling the nauseating Guarven language under his breath. Guarven? Why was his General holding a stack of Guarven nonsense at this hour?

Purple snapped for his external hardware to silence the music he'd turned to up to a booming decibel over his nervous system and antennae, blinking at the ring that followed as his senses readjusted to allow in the sound of petrified squeaking and unintelligible speech beating back against his sensitive stalks from below as his husband's frantic advisor scurried about like he was covered head to toe in burning plasma.

"W-What? What's wrong with you?" Purple huffed in annoyance, pushing off the wall as the General remembered to show his respect, saluting and accidentally dropping his stack to the floor in a fit of humiliated frevor as Zil squirmed uncomfortably at the shift in atmosphere when two blaring sirens went off and resounded through the whole of the Massive, activating Purple's swift instincts. He turned on his heel and made for the bridge in a professional but hasty maner, activating his hoverbelt when his knees turned to jelly beneath him and transferring Zil to the crook of his arm when she covered her antennae and hummed incessantly to drown out the piercing whine.

"My Tallest, at 09:17 we were breached by a Guarven Tellimastis warship carrying a Colonel and five advisors sent directly from the Guarven front to negotiate what they're claiming to be a treaty with our esteemed Control Brains." Gor explained hastily, following at Purple's ankles as he waved for the hatch leading to the bridge to faze open. "Has Tallest Red returned from the front? Pardon my questions, Sir, but he was already negotiating on the surface, was he not?"

Purple stopped when he met the gaze of a tall, wiry insectlike creature with sagging jowls and a scowl to insight fear into anyone in his icy vicinity, looking him head to toe when the supposed colonel did the same and straightened his black jacket with a gruff grumble under his breath. "Yes, he was." He sneered, reluctantly passing Zil down to Gor in exchange for his papers as he smoothly skimmed over the threats of immediate action should he not comply with whatever it was they came for. "Take Zil to the war room and stay there until further notice, General."

"Almighty Tallest Purple! How good to finally meet you in your…fleshy form." The Colonel struggled to maintain his broken Irken, striding forward on hairy, pencil thin legs to extend a greasy, mottled feeler with a forced grin. "I am Colonel Xerxes of the Guarven Empire. Your husband-"

"My husband is talking to your idiot Prime Minister as we speak about a potential trade deal and you had the nerve to show up here when my Empire already agreed to talk to you? Going against your Prime Minister means you're going against my co-Tallest and my Empire. You and your men had no right to dock here unless you were under duress, but you all look completely fine." Purple bristled, refusing to extend a hand and shake his slimy enemy's hand as he stared down at his sickly, multifaced eyes and tried not to gag when they watered with a viscous, foul smelling goop. "And to my knowledge, we didn't receive a distress signal or pick up any threat surrounding your ship. General?"

Gor struggled to keep a precarious hold on Zil when she whined and squirmed in his stout arms, trying to break free as he ran over what little information he had on the perceived threat. "Ah! No, Sir, the bridge received no such signal." He responded curtly, reaching into his pocket and laboring to unwrap a convenience store cookie to keep Zil calm amid the uncanny, tall behemoths prickling in response and glowering back at her insolence. "In fact, we didn't pick up _any_ craft until the dock was alerted to a manual hanger breach. By that time, the Colonel and his men had already arrived, illegally, in our bay."

"Interesting. So you decided to use cloaking technology? How outdated can you get?" Purple smoothed his antennae back and snapped for his guard to come forward before ignoring a heated retort in slick Guarven, irritated that he was covered in sweat slicked day clothes instead of the formidable, power inducing grace of his uniform. "Come with me and let's have a little chat, Colonel, about why you decided to bypass my husband's peace talks and invade Irken territory."

"Tallest Red has no authority on my planet." The Colonel snorted with more derision than was needed, twiddling his feelers when an underlying glint of barely perceivable nervousness sparked in his retinas. "You handle domestic affairs regarding Irk and the Irken people so we came together as a collective and thought that you would be of much more worth in talks regarding territory allocations than your militaristic co-Tallest. He is wasting the time of my people all for a pathetic deal that will grant us a mere fourth of the territory on a tiny outlying moon while we watch the rest of our planet fall to your…your _kind_." He explained stiffly, tightening his drooping jaw when Purple laughed and nudged an uneasy navigator in the shoulder who decided it was in his best interest to chuckle along. "Is something funny? Do you think the death and destruction of the innocent, of our guarvmites barely old enough to open their eyes, is subject enough to laugh at?"

"Yes. Yes I do. Everything about this is hilarious! First you defect from your own people to come and talk to me yourself, and now you're giving me some stupid story about how you think I'd be better at negotiating with just because I can allocate precious territory I'm definitely not going to give you? Geez, you don't understand politics at all, do you Colonel…whatever your name was. I think you're too afraid of what my husband is gonna do, so you came to me thinking I'd be softer on your cause after you fed me a sob story I don't care about." He cackled genuinely, waving Gor on when Zil reached out for his hands and tried to hoist herself up to cling to his leg, screeching when he merely patted her between the antennae to calm her before waving Gor on once more. "Don't worry Zilly, Daddy will take care of it and we'll get you something to eat after you and Gor play together in the warroom, alright?" He reassured warmly, turning back to Colonel Xerxes as the color drained from his enemy's face. "If you were smart, you would have stayed and dealt with Red. Now, let's get this over with so I can go eat with my smeet."

"If it was _your_ smeet in jeopardy, would you want to heal your broken world? Please, Sir, I only ask for enough territory to house the guarvmites that are displaced and starving. If you don't provide that, I will be forced to convene with the Intergalactic Board of Empires to-"

"My daughter is perfectly safe."

"Even so, I will contact the IBE to begin talks about how to handle the mounting aggression of the Irken Empi-"

"No you wont."

"Please, I-"

"Save your voice for the conference, Colonel. Now, Zilly, be good and I'll come get you for lunch in a little while ok? Daddy has some business he has to take care of."

Zil nodded and leaned forward, resting her head against the scratchy material of General Gor's pristine uniform in defeat as she toyed lightly with his ribbon bar, running a claw over each and soothing groove of his woven medals as her father calmly turned and disappeared into a crowd of heavily armed guards guiding them on to a formal conference room. The rest of the bridge looked on in awe, craning forward as the hatch fazed closed behind them before erupting into a feverish, squabbling mess of rumors and excited bets on who their Tallest was going to shoot into space first, alerting Gor to move away and commence his orders before Zil heard more than she needed to in her young age. He turned and followed in Purple's footsteps, bouncing her lightly in his arms as he too left the bridge and turned the opposite length of the corridor towards the dimly lit war room they would find peace in for the next half hour as the carnage undoubtedly ensued across the ship. Hopefully not; hopefully their Tallest was more apt to engage in mature talking than…well…the alternative.

And hopefully he finished soon so he wouldn't have to be stuck with a smeet who he didn't know how to interact with.

* * *

"Gar-ven bastards!" Zil mumbled, pressing her cheek angrily into Gor's collarbone as he tried to peel her away once they reached the reinforced steel of the warroom, uncomfortable when she latched herself around his stocky waist and refused to let go. "I was playing with Daddy and they come and take him away! He's _my_ Daddy, not their Daddy! _Mine_!" She stated in a matter of fact tone, finally unhooking her claws and throwing her hands on her hips when Gor strode forward and gingerly placed her on the floor to fiddle with the gargantuan lockpad to the side of the door and seal them behind the safety of fortified metal. "Why can't I go with Daddy? I don't wanna be with stinky you!"

"Ma'am, please, I was given orders to keep you here until Tallest Purple comes to retrieve you." He took a deep breath and squinted against the lack of light, clapping for it to faze on and reveal the wide expanse of perpetually lit, buzzing monitors showcasing the hotspots of physical warfare across their immediate star system; the Guarven Homeworld, Callnowia, Vort. All of them were rebelling, yellow flashing pings Red's watchful gaze was usually glued to these days. It would be a minor setback his crimson leader would deal with when he returned, Gor groaning internally when he realized Red would undoubtedly send him off to perform another mass viral sweep to calm the disrupted masses. "We'll stay here for the time being and…um…hm. We can…we can go over your history notes from your Academy." He tried to think of something more interesting but couldn't, tugging at his collar when he felt the air turn stagnant as Zil flopped backwards with a sigh and smacked impassively at the floor.

She had Purple on her mind, and he wasn't leaving any time soon.

"I wish those Gar-vens would let me have Daddy already. It's been forty bagillion cycles!" She wildly exaggerated, throwing her arms in the air when Gor came over and peered down from above, swallowing hard when she rolled onto her stomach and tugged at her antennae when flippant distress overtook her form. "Dad is talking to Gar-vens, Daddy is talking to Gar-vens, but I'm all alone with Mr. Gor and boring history things. I don't wanna learn history again, I want Daddy!"

"M-Maybe we could play a game? We could test your memory and see how many of these places you know on the map up here."

"No! I want Daddy!"

"U-Um…he'll be back soon. Like I said, ma'am, I have orders from Tallest Purple to keep you safe and away from the political stress the ship is undergoing for your own wellbeing. You may not understand that now, but you'll come to appreciate the gesture in the future, I assure you."

Zil stared back in anxious confusion, hung up on the notion that she would still have to wait to fall back into her father's arms and not liking the idea that she would have to be patient for once. She didn't _want_ to be patient. Sure, he told her they would go to lunch soon and get something nice to eat, but she didn't want to wait, feeling her mind bloom into a mixture of childlike boredom and frantic need for comfort from warm familiar hands.

"Then I want Dad!" She decided upon, jutting out her bottom lip when Gor crossed the room and began to fiddle with the staticky monitors crackling under his gloved fingertips. "Dad said he would be back soon so if I can't have Daddy, I want Dad. That way we can go eat and be happy again."

The General turned, opting to undo the stiffness of his starched collar when he realized he wouldn't be caught under the stoic glare of Red ordering him about, sighing in relief and rubbing at the chafe in his skin as he turned back to his work. "Are you not happy now? I had an idea and I think you'll enjoy it if you give me a moment to bring it up. Your father usually inputs his own access code, and I'm not as young as I once was, so I'm having a bit of trouble remembering what mine is. Something with a…two? Two, eight…seven…maybe?" He glanced over, flashing Zil as warm a smile as he could muster before she crossed her arms over her chest and began to sway where she sat. "You'll enjoy it, I promise."

Zil shook her head with a whine, quickly alerting Gor to the mounting, tumultuous tears bubbling over in her one track mind, another smile apprehensively hitching over his wrinkled features to attempt a gentle truce.

Unfortunately, Zil was not having it. No, she wouldn't be kept prisoner in this place! She wouldn't let the Gar-ven Empire take her family from her and keep her from having the lunch she so desperately wanted! It was supposed to be yummy! It was supposed to be cheesy! It was supposed to be full of Dad knee bounces and funny Daddy jokes like normal but this wasn't normal! All this was…was sad. She was sad…and…and…a-and…!

Gor panicked when Zil burst into sudden rolling tears without so much as a sniffle for warning, slamming onto her side and kicking against the floor as she opened up the tantrum he was hoping to avoid to little avail. He'd always been awful with smeets and had little experience with how to care for one beyond what he'd seen his Tallest figure out and perform themselves, his admiration for his overlords only growing when Purple instinctively knew what their smeet wanted to eat seconds before she opened her mouth while balancing stacks of paperwork or how tender Red could be when Zil was upset despite his ruthlessly domineering reputation for violence. Maybe it was just instinct, an ingrained parental knowledge he knew he would never have in his old age and ripe, droning cycles, not that he necessarily wanted it. Smeets were meant to be bred underground and raised to aid the Empire, not to be cuddled and hugged into soft submission. Ah, well. That was his Tallest's decision, not his own, even if he still didn't understand their reasoning for wanting something so small clinging at their ankles. Were they even capable of love? Gor knew they loved each other, and that was already pushing it within Empire regulations, but having a smeet…they _seemed_ to love her more than their jobs, images of Red's distress over losing his family to the surface of Urth bouncing back to the forefront of Gor's perpetually anxious mind. He'd known Red since he commanded him in the Elite, watching him grow and surpass everyone in height and rank at a rapid pace and, honestly, making the General quite jealous himself in the beginning. Red was a powerhouse; an angry, formidable, terrifying force of violence and fanaticism to be reckoned with and, when he and the equally merciless Purple were together, they created a whirlwind of horrifying prowess that no unfortunate lifeform could ever hope to escape from should they rub them the wrong way. They had paved the way for Universal Conquest, a new philosophy of Irken greatness that was taking their starstystem and intergalactic quadrant by storm as they raked through the vast emptiness of space and claimed any and everything that moved in the name of their own glistening, dramatic colors, becoming the most popular Tallest since Miyuki.

What happened to them?

Gor moved over and wavered above Zil's distressed weeping, rocking slowly in his boots as he tried to remember what to do and wishing his compassionate wife was here with him to give him what little guidance she could on how to be sympathetic. Everything changed when Purple began smeeting and became pregnant. Red's own inner infertility prevented him from taking on the responsibility, or so the circulated rumors said, so the duty fell on Purple who nobly and happily took on the challenge after becoming highly invested in the controversies of the natural smeet movement. No one noticed at first, the crew too petrified to ask if he was gaining weight when he would stride down the bridge and resume his duties like normal alongside his husband, keeping up his dastardly, but incredibly suave, reputation for the drama hungry press until it became much too noticeable for him to hide under his robes. He and Red had stood upon the bridge over intergalactic transmission to broadcast their intent, and the Empire had always been divided on the issue, if that was even the appropriate way to label it, and wondered why two high profile leaders were following the example of lesser beings who naturally reproduced. A majority of the planet stood alongside their overlords and applauded their bravery for undergoing such progressive measures to have a biological smeet of their own, but a diehard faction of staunch traditionalists condemned not only their marriage under the point that they were both men, but their entire family and existence. Gor himself secretly opposed it for a while, turning away to continue his advisory duties when Red demanded something delicious to drink when his partner's cravings overtook him, pampering Purple in their makeshift nest and keeping him warm with his body heat when he began sleeping more throughout the day, the tenderness of the whole situation quite off-putting to say the least. Irkens were cloned for war and efficiency, not for the compassion of familial values. But, when he met Zil, there was something oddly charming about her, even if he didn't fully understand why she was the way she was in her bizarrely bubbly ways. Maybe it was his own internalized instinct to protect the venerable young of his species that put the throb of duty back in his spooch, but he decided not to question it further. She was here, and she wasn't going anywhere…and someday she would be his Tallest.

Such a small, needy creature as a Tallest?

No. That would never happen. Not if Gor could carry out the plot he and his alliance were drafting behind closed doors as Red and Purple slumbered and held each other close at night in their plush beds while the rest of them were forced to sleep at their desks and work their hands to the bone for the Empire. It had been cycles in the making, things complicating upon Zil's unexpected existence and throwing a moral wrench into Gor's ploy. He didn't want a smeet to become involved with the murky shadows dancing at the sidelines, but it unfortunately couldn't be helped…could it? She was so innocent and small, his instinct to protect her hitting him square in the spooch as he internally fought with his own morally ambiguous motives.

Gor would just have to bide time and see where the months took them.

He blinked when he realized he'd become lost in his own thoughts once more, his nerves spiking when he had effectively drowned out Zil's piercing voice. His antennae shot up when he fully came around, flying down and gingerly taking her up in the crook of his arm to spin her towards the monitor. Think. He needed to think fast if he was to salvage Zil's affections and keep her from ratting him out to her parents when they came back, moving swiftly back to where he'd begun to select a simulated program for them to run. It was primitive technology at the finest but it would do, Gor glancing down and wiping fervently at Zil's cheeks before shrinking back when she pushed him away.

"You told me a few days ago that you had questions about your planet, right?" He mused, letting his spindly fingers dance over the touch screen as he squinted against the blinding light. "I was wondering if you'd like to go back to Urth and learn a few things for yourself."

Zil didn't respond, hiding her face behind her wiry, quivering antennae as she squirmed and practically begged to be put down, shimmying away when the General complied and rested her on her knees before taking a deep breath.

"Please, ma'am, you…you had questions for me?" He tried to peak her angry interest once more, clicking the simulation and bringing his uneasy gloves together before listening to the squeak of leather hitching at every joint. "I…I know I'm not your father," He paused with a sigh when Zil looked up and flashed him a gooey, teary eyed look, "I mean your…_Daddy_, but I am the one designated to…well…to take you if anything happens to your parents." He thrust his hands before him in alarm when Zil gasped in terrified shock, quickly reeling her back in and watching her settle as he explained. "N-Not that they're going anywhere! D-Definitly not! I-I'm just…I'm your caregiver too in a sense and I don't know how to take care of you yet."

"M-Me? Don't know how?" Zil peeped from the floor, reaching for a dust bunny hidden at the leg of the sprawling war table and meticulously picking it apart as she thought. "Are you my other Daddy? But I already have a Dad and I want him, not you!"

Gor nearly choked at the repulsive idea of mixing DNA with his handsome, lavender eyed Tallest, turning away and smoothing a palm over his face to remind himself that the utterly humiliating statement was merely innocence at it's finest. "Ah. No. You have your parents and I'm your Dad's advisor, as you know, so I help him out with a lot of," he tried to keep his speech simple, "battle plans. Your Dad and your Daddy both trust me to take care of you when they're away, and that's why I've been taking you to your Academy and watching you when they're busy. W-Well…me and my wife. You're very important to them, and I'm just here if they need any extra help."

Zil paused, blinking when one of the monitors hummed awake with a ding of approval and gave a single flicker of a flash, cascading code and virtual material out into the atmosphere as it began to construct one of the millions of faux battlefields Red liked to stroll through to evaluate the climate and potential obstacles of his targets. Gor swallowed with a great heave of relief when Zil pushed herself up with a petite squeak on wobbly feet, taking a few steps forward and throwing her arms out with a sudden, distracted smile of authentic awe when the whole of the room began to dissolve into nothing more than flippant background noise, overtaken by lush green undergrowth and a reassuring breeze as yellow, temperate sunlight peaked through tall plants with crusty bark and Urthenoid figures ran together in the distance. Fuzzy creatures of all colors and sizes bounded and leapt over shaggy pelts before letting loose a wide array of warbling calls and barks, chasing after cheaply manufactured toys their tall counterparts threw as families walked with hairless pink smeets nearby.

Gor clicked his heels together, pausing the glittering simulation completely and freezing the wind in its fluid tracks as he seemingly bent the entire world to his mellow will, urging Zil on as he flicked a wrist and rewound everything like a bizarre machine. Everything sped backwards; grass wavered choppily beneath the rubber soles of the General's boots, hairy mammals skittered backwards, and urthenoids chattered in seemingly bizarre ways until the frame was restored to the beginning. Gor extended a gnarled hand down and waited for Zil to take his finger, chuckling when her jaw went slack to the humongous place she was to call her own, her wide crimson eyes staring on through the perfectly blue sky as they traipsed along the cobbled path of the park they decided to visit.

"This world was known as Terra, a vernacular that would later become part of a select few Urthenoid languages, but the general consensus is that it is now called Urth. If I remember correctly, it was formed about 10 billion cycles in the past and was an experimental colony for the Inquisitorian society in our very star system to understand the intricacies of life." Gor explained as he stepped around a loose stick and led Zil's shiny boots over a crack in the virtual pavement by hoisting her up with a grin and spinning her around as she giggled. "The first lifeforms on this planet were a team of Inquisitorian scientists implanting the natural chemicals of this planet with a primordial mix of bacteria cultures that grew and developed into the semi-advanced society you see now." He threw a hand to the clear sky to keep a touch of drama to his careful explanation. "Everything you see from the native plants to the evolved inhabitants belong to you. Do you understand?"

Zil stuck out her tongue and thought a moment, breaking free from the General's hold and racing through the tall grass tickling at the hem of her orange dress with a gleeful cackle as she flung herself down a shallow hill and rolled into the leafy embankment after a tiny white dog, frowning in confusion when she landed headfirst against its flank and fazed through its electronic form completely. She reached up and tried to pet between its droopy ears, grumbling and pushing herself up when she realized she wasn't back on the Barbie home world but instead in another one of her Dad's fictitious simulations. Still, this place was neat and even if it wasn't perfect; she could still feel the grass! She ducked back down, hiding herself in the thin undergrowth and clamping her hands over her mouth when Gor panicked and called out for her, her twitching antennae flattening to her skull as he drew near and her retinas expanded with the need to hunt her prey, shouting out a feral screech and pouncing over his boots when he stepped too close. Gor shrieked in fright and stumbled back, attempting to catch himself on a virtual tree trunk and failing when he remembered it wasn't tangible, tumbling back and landing hard on his PAK in the wavering softness of the grass as Zil chittered excitedly around him. She slung herself up over his chest and plunged back with roaring laughter as he struggled to hoist himself up and snatch her in his arms once more, embarrassed but determined to continue their educational trek through the foreign world he was sure would die in her precarious care.

"Ehem, now that you've gotten your silliness out of your system, why don't we learn a bit more about Terra, ah, I mean _Urth_?" He prompted, wiping a smudge from her cheek as she stared up at the fantastically blue sky spanning above them for miles. "You'll need to know so much more before you're ready to rule-"

"Blue! Like Aunt Miyuki!" She exclaimed, throwing up a tiny palm and trying to grab for the plush blanket of color. "Why is it blue? The sky is supposed to be pink like home! Blue is pretty but it's wrong."

Gor blinked and examined the clouds hanging high in the stratosphere, wondering what this bizarre place would smell like. "Hm. Let me see." He stiffened a minute and sifted through his PAK data, twitching when he landed on the correct factoid and finding fascination in it himself. "Fascinating! It appears blue because blue light is the easiest to refract and holds the shortest wavelength, making it reflect back against the Urthenoid's eyes. It would seem that they have less color comprehension than you and I, as their eyes are quite small, and can't appreciate the true beauty of color like we can on Irk."

"So they can't see all colors?" Zil repeated, slinging her arms around Gor's neck and sighing into his uniform when she grew drowsy. "What else?"

"Ma'am? What else?"

"Mhm. What else they can't do?"

Gor thought a moment striding slowly past an Urhtenoid subject they'd been fortunate enough to observe for long enough with an Irken drone hanging out of sight in the atmosphere. She was dark skinned with pearly white teeth and a grin to rival all others; a fine specimen for learning. "They thrive on oxygen and would find our atmosphere toxic to their underdeveloped organs." He began, circling the human woman with keen interest as Zil poked at her virtual sundress with a lazy finger. "They live in a social society that desires praise from one another for survival, and they feed off of the diverse population of creatures around them for sustenance. Our drones have observed them eating creatures large and small, though they typically do not consume their companion drones like this one, here." He gestured to the shaggy dog once more. "Our guess is that these beings provide some kind of service, such as information collection or storage like the standard SIR units provided to our invader class."

"No, they're like Mama Kitty." Zil pointed out innocently, giggling when Gor cocked his head in confusion. "My Mama Kitty makes me happy with her little leggies and the other bigger Mama Kitties like that fluffy one make the Urthenoids happy too."

"That's silly." Gor chuckled warmly, moving on when Zil stuck out her lip to pout when he refused to listen to her ideas. "It would be absurd for full grown beings to have need for comfort like a smeet. Either way, let's see…" He pondered a few moments longer, reaching the edge of the short hologram and squinting at the fantastical metropolis in the distance they could never reach. "Urthenoids construct cityscapes much like we do on Irk, but lack the technology to disaster-proof them from invasion and illness. If I remember correctly, the whole planet is suffering from an invasive virus at the moment due to their technological lack of medical hardware. They use no PAK technology, or any artificial hardware that we've observed, to translate language, breathe toxic atmosphere, or cleanse their blood of pollutants. It's a wonder they're still alive."

"I like them. They're beautiful." Zil hummed, bringing her fingers to her mouth to chew at her claws out of habit. "If they're all pink and soft, that means I get to protect them from all the bad things in the universe that wanna eat them like snacks! They'll all be my friends and pets and we'll go get snacks together on the weekend when I don't have to go to school!"

"About that…" Gor rubbed at the back of his neck with his free hand when Zil grinned up at him with a glittering, imaginative smile that could blind entire star systems. "You can't let them know you exist. The Urthenoids are a feral bunch of unevolved heathens who would not react well to knowing that life exists outside of their own world. They don't have the brain capacity to take on such knowledge yet, and it's up to you, according to your fathers, to keep the peace by ensuring that they never find out that the Irken Empire is watching them. Understand?"

"Like…um…a secret?" Zil mumbled slowly, growing disheartened when images of the Dib and the red-headed girl from the street. "Why? Why can't I let them know Daddy and Dad and me wanna be friends?"

Gor hesitated, kneeling to set Zil down on the pavement and placing his hands on her shoulders as he tried to process weather or not she was mature enough to take on the harrowing illegality of the knowledge he was about to reveal. No, that was for another time. She was a smeet and needed to grow as a child without burden if she was to retain the gorgeous purity she had somehow been endowed with. He swallowed against the thick lump caught in the back of his sagging throat, glancing in the general direction of the hatch as he gripped at her scapula through her dress, easing back when he realized he was clutching her too hard.

"Zil, I want you to know something very important." He began, his tone shifting to something very serious and capturing her flighty attention when she picked up on the palpable deepening to the air swirling around them. "I work with a lot of very nice people to keep worlds safe and preserve them from people who want to harm them. You like Urth, right?"

Zil chewed on her tongue before silently nodding, a frown overcoming her face as Gor nodded slowly along with her.

"Good girl. You've got a good head on your shoulders and I hope you keep it. But I need you to do something for me." He dropped his voice to a whisper when he remembered the war room was monitored, continuing in a hushed murmur. "If you like Urth and want to keep it beautiful and blue like this," he gestured to the sky with a nervous smile, "then you can't tell anyone on Urth that Irk exists. You have to keep our existence a secret."

"But the Dib knows about Daddy and me!" She pointed out, reaching up to try and force Gor to smile again with her hands. "He's nice and he likes Irk."

"N-No, sweetheart, that's not what I meant." He tried to explain himself as best he could without giving away his true motives or slandering big names that shouldn't be mentioned prematurely before his plan could be enacted. "Don't talk to this Dib anymore. I can't tell you why yet, but it could bode dangerous for them if they find out Irken secrets or make it onto the Irken target list-"

"What's a _bode_?" Zil giggled, taking the gravity from the critical situation and spinning when the hatch behind them swung open and distorted the hologram, drawing it to a close as Gor's pulse lurched in his chest and threatened to burst. "Daddy! Daddy, you're back! I missed you so much and I earned a lot about Urth and I have to keep it a secret so the Urthenoids don't hurt us!"

Purple clutched at the doorway a minute, wavering behind with his personal guard before warmly stooping and scooping up his tiny smeet when she pawed at his activewear from below. He drew her up and held her tight with a genuine laugh when she went to tug back on his antennae to pick up the game of steering they'd been playing before the Guarven catastrophe.

"Wow! You learned a lot about Urth with the General? You'll have to tell me all about the cool stuff you know when we eat, Zilly." He purred with pride, turning to Gor who stood rigid and fearful, amused when he scrambled to throw up a haphazard salute. "Thank you, General. Your devotion to my daughter won't go unnoticed and I'll have my husband write you some vacation days as a reward when he gets back. Now, silly Zilly, let's go get some food! I'm starving!"

Zil gave a screech of a laugh when Purple turned and snapped for his entourage to follow, leaving Gor to wonder what happened to the unfortunate group of Guarven officer's he'd so foolishly help sneak in to engage in frantic peace talks with the more benevolent Purple. He sighed and tugged off his gloves to admire the scarred brand burned into his palm from long ago that sealed his allegiance to his cause, hoping that even an inkling of an idea had sunk into Zil's innocent mind to become something warmhearted and great.

Ah well.

Maybe she would prove him wrong and turn out different.

* * *

Hope you all enjoyed! It means a lot to me when you all comment and give your opinions, and I am still taking requests which I will fill as they come! Thank you so much and have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening!


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